Taking Chances

A/N: I know I should be working on family but I'm stuck and am currently not getting too much inspiration. This popped into my head randomly and it just came out of me. I rather like it and I hope you will too. Review!

Disclaimer: I can't say that I own it.

It was late November and we were finishing up work at the office.

"yes I know. I am excited too!" she smiled. "I will be there to pick you up bright and early. I..." she glanced over at me but I looked back at my computer screen pretending like I wasn't listening but really, my ears were on fire. "I love you too." and she hung up.

She had a broad smile on her face and my heart broke. She loved another man. One she had only met a few monthes ago and seen all of twice.

"was that the Mystery Miami Man?" I asked nonchallantly. I knew damn well who it was before she even picked up because she smiled at the caller I.D. and sneaked a peak at me.

"yes." she said as she gathered up her things from her desk. "he is flying in tomorrow morning."

"oh, well that's nice." was all I could think of to say. She gave me one of her slightly narrowed eye stares but I just smiled what I hoped looked like a genuine one.

I wanted to meet the guy but then again I didn't. I wanted to, to make sure he was a good guy and good for her. But that scared me. What if he was better for her than me? What if... No! Stop! If she's happy, I'm happy. And I really did want her to be happy, but...not with another man. But we could never be because of rule 12. But the only person I could picture getting married to or having kids with was her. And it killed me inside to imagine her doing any of that with someone else.

"we are all going to that new pizza place on 4th street tomorrow night so he can meet everyone. You may come if you like." she said. But her expression puzzled me. It was like she wanted me to go but then again she didn't and she thought it would be akward. It probably would be considering what happened with her last boyfriend but he was using her. Different circumstances. But really I knew that I would've done everything I did even if he hadn't been using her and it was all part of her sick father's plan.

"uhm, I..have a date actually." I lied. I hadn't had a date since before the whole Rivkin thing happened. Sure I had some little flings but they weren't 'i'm looking for a committed relationship' dates.

"oh, that is good yes?" she smiled. It didn't look right.

"oh," I squirmed slightly uncomfortable and tried to look happy but I think I just looked akward. "yeah, it's uh..been a little while." I finally said.

"well good for you." she said. "way to get back on the mule."

"horse." I actually really smiled. I actually loved how she screwed up her idioms. I wondered if she knew that the reason I fell off of the horse wad her 'dying'. Well really it was before that but that really just pushed me down further.

"same thing." she smiled back and this time it looked real. She took her bag and slung it over her shoulder. She turned out her light and left.

I was the only one left in the bullpen. It was pushing 10:00. My lone, little light was the only one on in the big room. Today's case was difficult. It started at the beginning of the week but today was the day that we had to inform the wife of the sailor that he had tried to smuggle stolen money aboard a ship and that he had murdered 3 people. She had no idea. It made me wonder how you could be so close to someone and think you know everything but really know nothing.

It made me think of Ziva. I knew a lot about her yet, when I thought about, I barely knew her. I knew her tendancies, her humor, her weak spots, her 'unspeakable' topics, but that was it. Just something you know about a coworker but maybe a little more. Most was guesswork by the way people reacted to her. Like her father. Obviously, they weren't on very good terms. She had said it maybe once but only that his opinion didn't matter to her and they obviously haven't really talked since we brought her back.

What puzzled me though was one of the very first things she told me. I barely knew her yet she spilled one of her darkest memories and secrets to me. Her sister Tali. She was killed in a bombing. They were close. She loved her very much and her life was taken at 16. That was all. But she hasn't told anyone else to my knowledge. It made me wonder if she told Miami guy. I didn't even know his name. All I new was that it started with an R. She had a Roy. Maybe a Robert, or a Randy. Maybe Remmy, or Ryan. I didn't know but none sounded very good with Ziva.

Why was I even this interested? I didn't know but my gut told me I was lying to myself. Why kid myself? We could never be together. We fight all the time. I still don't think she completely trusts me. Why would she ever want to be with someone like me?

I pushed the thoughts from my head. No use fretting now if the guy wasn't even here yet. I packed up my things and got into the elevator.

I walked to my car and got in but I didn't start the engine. I sighed and leaned my head back on the headrest. This was crazy. Why couldn't I just stop thinking about all of this?

I went by the store and grabbed beer and frozen pizza. It was sad that my Friday nights had come to this. I used to have dates or, when Gibbs retired, movie nights with Ziva. It was good. I was happy.

I went home and tried to find a movie in my massive collection. I picked 'the sound of Music'. Her favorite. I ate the pizza and drank a couple of beers. I couldn't pay attention to the movie. All I could think about was her. I felt a sense of uncertainty but I didn't really know about what. I mean, what didn't I know about Ziva? Except maybe...my feelings. I had never really felt this way about someone. It was more than Jeanne. I would take a bullet for her. Heck! I went halfway around the world to save her from a terrorist even though there was a really good chance that she was dead.

But what did Ziva really mean to me? That last question swirled through my head as I slowly drifted into an restless sleep.

"mmmhh." I groaned as I rolled over on my bed only to find a warm body next to me. She then groaned and rolled in closer to me. She put 1 hand on my cheek and the other on my chest. I tangled a hand in her hair and put my other hand on the small of her back, pulling her in closer.

"Good morning my little hairy butt." she smiled as she rose up a little and leaned in. Our faces were almost touching.

"Good morning, Sweetcheeks." I smiled back. Her warm breathe on my skin sent warmthe throughout my whole body.

"Did you have a nice nap?"

"not until about 45 seconds ago when I found you next to me. Zee-Vah.

" I smirked.

"did you have a nice nap?" she said again.

It was like I hadn't spoken.

Suddenly Ziva's voice changed. It was deeper and oddly familiar. Then I felt a stinging sensation on the back of my head. I was in the bullpen, at my desk. I jolted up.

"Rule 12 DiNozzo." Gibbs said with a stone stare. "and if I find you asleep again then your head won't be the only thing hurting." with that he walked back up to MTAC.

McGee was staring at me sadly.

"what are you looking at McEavesdropper?" I said. I was embarresed.

"You should tell her Tony." McGee just said.

"tell her what?" I laughed and tried to pretend that whatever he was thing was wrong.

"that you love her."

"who?"

"Ziva."

"psshh..yeah right! Me love Ziva! Leave Mr. Gemcity at home tomorrow McFiction." I said with a fake smile and went back to checking my email.

"I'm serious Tony. It's like everyone can see it but you two. I mean, Come on! Even Gibbs sees it!" McGee throwing out a hand for emphasis.

I didn't know what to say. I think I really did. It felt good to admit it to myself but...what now? She wad with Miami man now. She seems really happy. I can't destroy that for her like I did with Rivkin. That was a ticking time bomb anyway but still...

He just gave me a sort of sympathetic look. "you need to tell her Tony."

"I...no! I mean there's no way she would feel the same way. If," I caught myself. "I was in love with her."

"which you are and she's in love with you." he said.

"alright." I said getting up. We only had to come in on a Saturday because we had some paperwork that needed to be finished. "I'm going for a run."

"I'm serious Tony. Just think about it. Go over everything that's happened to you guys. There's no way you would even talk to eachother or one of you even be alive if there wasn't something really there." he stressed the really part which I guess had the desired effect because i think there is something really there.

I decided to do something a little crazy.

"hey Ziva." I said nervously.

"Tony?" she said.

"uh yeah I just wanted to see if that invitation was still open for later."

"of course." she said.

"ok then I'll see you there." I said. She was about to hang up.

"and Ziva?" I caught her.

"yes Tony?"

"I..nevermind. See you tonight."

I sighed and hung up. I was so close to telling her that we needed to talk but I just couldn't.

I went home and changed clothes. Thoughts of what could happen if I did tell Ziva swirled through my head.

I started my iPod and started running. I just needed noise because if I had too much silence in my head right now, I would way overthink everything. Except I probably would anyway.

I started to really think about what McGee said. I remembered when we first met, we already had the sexual tension. We were definitely attracted to eachother, but then it was only physcal. We got to know eachother and we were freinds. When Gibbs left for a summer, it was heading towards something more but we were taking it very, very slow. Then Gibbs came back and I went undercover. She was worried about me. I should've seen how much she really cared. Jeanne distracted me. She tried to help me the whole way through it but I kept turning away. Then when I got my heart broken, she tried to help me again but I wouldn't let her. It was stupid of me. Then we were ok, we were working friends but nothing more. Then, Jenny died. It was a weight we both carried which offered a little comfort to me. Then she was gone. Vance broke up the team. I did a lot of thinking as agent afloat. I think at one point I did realize that there was more to our relationship, or rather there could be. But then Rivkin. I was almost obsessed. I had to know that she was ok and I knew Rivkin was bad. When she stayed behind in Israel, she was right. She had been betrayed but not by me. I still think I was helping her, even if I hurt her in the process. I could barely function when she left. I drank a little too much. After she didn't contact anyone, I became obsessed with finding her. Then when she 'died' I wanted to die too.

I sort of went crazy. Those few monthes were by far the longest I had ever experienced but it seemed to go by fast as well. But mostly just becaused it was tw same thing everyday. There was nothing memorable about. At least in a good way. Wake up, go for a run, go to work, come home, order takeout, and go to bed. That was it. It's all I could do. I thought about her constantly. What I had done to her. I blamed myself for her death.

Then I needed revenge. That blood lust consumed me. I had to kill the bastard that killed her. I didn't care if I died in the process. Then when we found her alive. I could barely breathe. My life had revolved around her for almost the last 6 monthes and there she was. Then when I told her 'I couldn't live without you, I guess.' I realized my feelings for her again but they were soon put on the back burner when we were just getting used to eachother again. When we went to Paris, we slept in the same bed and we finally talked a little more about Somalia. I held her as she tried to fight off the nightmares which seemed to work. Then when we were almost back to normal, of course, she finds a new guy.

I don't know how long I was running for but I was exhausted. I sat down on a bench in the park I found myself next to. I looked over the man-made lake just letting the sun's rays wash over me as I caught my breathe. Then I saw them. Ziva and Mr. Miami Heat. They were walking hand in hand on the sidewalk around the lake. They were smiling and laughing. He wasn't a bad looking guy. He had medium brown hair and a nice smile. He was tall, with broad shoulders. His skin was fair. He looked slightly familiar but I pushed that fact out of my head. I didn't trust myself not to haul off and slug the guy so I got back up and kept running. I glanced back and she was looking at me. She smiled and waved. I don't know why but I didn't know what to do so I turned away and kept running.

I walked aimlessly around town before returning home.

I walked into my bedroom and almost jumped out of my skin. I couldve sworn I saw Ziva standing by my bathroom door. I was losing it as I was losing her.

A/N: review! 1 chapter more! Then maybe an epilogue.