I would never cast you off
"Ob-Wan," greeted Qui-Gon his Padawan lightly. He was still a little pale, but the two days of bacta treatment had done wonders on him. The long lightsaber cut on his chest had broken three of his ribs and would undoubtedly leave a scar, but that wasn't really important. Then there was the matter of his left hand…. But it could have been much worse. The Sith had been an extremely dangerous enemy.
"Master," replied Obi-Wan, as sat on a chair next to Qui-Gon's bed. "How do you feel? The healers said you're recovering nicely."
"I am," smiled Qui-Gon. "I feel much better today. The healer who examined me promised that they would let me out of bed the day after tomorrow."
"That's good news!" exclaimed Obi-Wan happily. Then he looked at Qui-Gon's covers and his heart clenched. "Your hand…"
"I will get myself a prosthetic once we reach a better equipped planet. Naboo may be technologically advanced, but they are very peaceful and prosthetics are rare here." He saw Obi-Wan's crestfallen expression. "Don't be so sad, my Padawan. It was the will of Force. I might have grown attached to my hand, but we have saved the planet and that's what really matters."
Qui-Gon's joke didn't make Obi-Wan feel better. "It is my fault, Master," he said quietly. "If I had been quicker…." When Qui-Gon said nothing, Obi-Wan just concluded: "It's my fault. I'm sorry…"
Qui-Gon watched him for a while. "Why do you think this is your fault, Obi-Wan?"
"I should have been there sooner. I shouldn't have let him kick me from the catwalk."
Qui-Gon stared.
"I could have been there sooner," insisted Obi-Wan stubbornly. "I should have been able to do something…"
"That is the most absurd thing I have heard in a very long time," said Qui-Gon firmly. "You, my Padawan, are most definitely not at fault here. In that fight, you have surpassed everyone's expectations, including mine. You fought well, kept your focus and defeated an opponent that would have overcome many more experienced Jedi Knights. You managed to control your fear. You led the Sith away from my body. You saved my life there." Obi-Wan still looked away.
"Look at me, Obi-Wan," ordered Qui-Gon gently. When the Padawan did, Qui-Gon took his hand in his own and touched his chest at the place of his injury. "This is not your fault. Neither is this," he laid Obi-Wan's shaking hand at the place where Qui-Gon's left forearm suddenly ended. "You must stop blaming yourself right now. You didn't cut off my hand, and you got there sooner than I would have thought possible. You could not have changed this. Do you understand?"
"I will meditate on it, Master," said Obi-Wan hesitantly.
Qui-Gon smiled. "Do it. Now, when is the Council coming?" he asked briskly, changing the topic.
"They said they'll be here tomorrow."
"I don't think they will find any real leads here, but then I could be mistaken," mused Qui-Gon. "Where is Anakin, by the way?"
"He wanted to wait for you to be awake, but then he fell asleep. I've left him in the room they gave us. He already interrogated me about our fight with the Sith… though I think he's a bit shy around me. Did you know it was him who blew up the Trade Federation Control ship?" asked Obi-Wan curiously.
"Yes, they told me that almost right after I woke up. Interesting, isn't it?"
"Yes, it is. It really seems that the Force led him in this," said Obi-Wan hesitantly.
Qui-Gon turned serious. "The Force is strong with Anakin. I am sure he is the Chosen one, despite what the Council might say. And maybe they will change their opinion now that the Sith are definitely back." He sighed. "Anakin needs to be trained, that's clear to me. To not do so would be a mistake."
"The Council might not change their mind," warned Obi-Wan.
"I know. I am not blind, Obi-Wan," said Qui-Gon forcefully. "I know it would be difficult to train Anakin. He has a lot of things to overcome and unlearn, and yes, he may pose a danger if he doesn't learn to control his emotions – just like any other Jedi. But I will not make the mistake I have almost made with you and leave him because of that."
"What do you mean, Master?" frowned Obi-Wan questioningly.
"I mean our beginning, Bandomeer," said Qui-Gon gently. "I was so afraid to train you, of betrayal, of being hurt again, that I refused to give you a chance. And you had to almost die to make me realize my folly. I saw the mistakes in you and not in myself." He paused. "I can never thank the Force enough for bringing us together and making me see my errors. You've been a good apprentice and I'll be sorry to lose you."
Obi-Wan stirred but didn't answer.
"Something's bothering you," stated Qui-Gon.
Obi-Wan stared at his own hands. At last, he spoke heavily. "In front of the Jedi Council, you said that I was ready, that you wanted to take Anakin as your Padawan. And then, I saw only my own pain at your rejection. I resented Anakin for it. And you. I felt that you abandoned me and my feelings then were unworthy of a Jedi. Yet today I know that you never did." His eyes went up. "I should have trusted you, Master."
"I could have handled it better myself," admitted Qui-Gon. He sighed. "I won't lie to you, my Padawan. The boy needs to be trained, but the Council is afraid of him. I felt that if I suggested taking him myself, they wouldn't be able to dismiss him so easily. I also feel a very strong calling towards him, almost as strong as the one I feel to you. Tomorrow when the Council comes, I hope they'll agree with me and Knight you, for you have been ready months ago and this mission only confirmed it. If they don't Knight you…" Qui-Gon paused.
"Then what, Master?"
"I don't know," said Qui-Gon simply. "It depends on what the Council will say about Anakin. If they don't knight you, I will finish your training; that I promise you. If by that time Anakin isn't an Initiate or another's Padawan… "
Qui-Gon didn't finish the sentence. Instead, he stared at something far away, something Obi-Wan couldn't see. Soon the silence started to feel oppressive.
"What will you do if the Council doesn't accept Anakin by then, Master?" asked Obi-Wan finally, worried about the answer.
"I have thought about it since we left Corruscant," said Qui-Gon slowly. "If he isn't accepted by that time, I'm ready to leave the Order and train Anakin myself."
"You – you'd leave?" stuttered Obi-Wan in disbelief.
"I'd ask Anakin if he wanted me to train him. If he accepted, then yes, I would leave."
'I would leave.' The simple admission cleared many things to Obi-Wan. First, it showed how much Qui-Gon believed in Anakin Skywalker being the Chosen One. He also realized that for Qui-Gon, not to train the boy meant to oppose the will of Force. His Master had often found the Force's will above the wishes of the Jedi Council and a few times even above the Jedi Code. That was the cause of what had happened in the Temple between Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan. It didn't mean than Qui-Gon cared any less. He liked Anakin and he liked Obi-Wan, but that had nothing to do with his decision. The truth was that Qui-Gon had just put his duty in front of his personal feelings.
Obi-Wan also saw that despite his Master's strong, calm words, he was deeply distressed and even a bit terrified at the prospect of leaving the Temple forever. However, if he believed that it was right, he would do it.
But most of all, Qui-Gon's words showed Obi-Wan how much his Master trusted him. To leave to train a boy despite the express forbiddance would surely anger the Council and could mean heavy retributions for him, even as far as making Qui-Gon a "rogue Jedi", one that was hunted and feared. When Qui-Gon had admitted that he had considered this course of action, he had put his life in Obi-Wan's hands. Today, after years of secret uncertainty, Obi-Wan pushed away his insecurities and admitted to himself that Qui-Gon trusted him – and cared about him – a lot.
He also wanted to plead with Qui-Gon to stay, but knew it would be to no avail. His master had always been stubborn about what he had thought was right.
Instead, Obi-Wan asked calmly: "Where would you go?"
"We would find some nice, quiet planet, possibly in the Middle Rim. I would admit Anakin to a school and find myself a job, maybe as a bodyguard or a security specialist. We would train in the afternoons and on weekends. If possible, we would free his mother."
"That sounds like a plan," said Obi-Wan neutrally.
"Yes," said Qui-Gon tiredly.
Obi-Wan paused. "I hope you won't have to do it, Master," he said at last. "I understand, but I hope it won't be necessary."
"I do as well," conceded Qui-Gon.
"I would miss you very much," said Obi-Wan quietly.
"So would I, my Padawan."
Silence.
"The Force has given me a great gift when you became my Padawan. At first I was afraid that I would fail you, like I thought I failed Xanatos. Now I know that it was one of the best decisions in my life."
"I… I think I have built an attachment to you, Master," said Obi-Wan reluctantly.
Qui-Gon laughed, and it was a strong, happy laugh than Obi-Wan had never experienced with his master before. Qui-Gon started to say something, but then he burst in laughter again.
"I know, Obi-Wan," he finally said, still smiling and looking a bit surprised by his unusual outburst. "And I like you too."
'Good,' wanted to say Obi-Wan. Instead he just smiled back.
Suddenly his comlink beeped. He checked on it. "It seems Anakin has woken. He'll be there in a minute."
"All right." Qui-Gon hesitated. "And Obi-Wan? I have never been prouder of you than I am today."
Obi-Wan was speechless.
Suddenly the door opened. "Hi, Master Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan," exclaimed Anakin and run to Qui-Gon's bed. "How are you, sir? How's your hand? Sorry, dumb question," winced Anakin.
"Hello Anakin," said Qui-Gon.
Obi-Wan raised his eyebrows.
"I'll get a prosthetic once we leave Naboo," said Qui-Gon.
"Protestic – what's that, sir?"
"Prosthetic, an artificial hand," explained Obi-Wan. "It's usually made of metal components. It poses as you real limb. With the best ones, you can do all the things as with your real hand."
"That's good," said Anakin. "I'm sorry about your hand, Qui-Gon sir. Does it - hurt?" he whispered a question.
"It did. It's mostly fine now. But thank you for your caring."
"Okay," said Anakin timidly. "You know, I'm real good at building things. Err, could I, maybe, look at it, when it's done? To help fix it, I mean. Or modify." He looked eagerly from Qui-Gon to Obi-Wan and back.
Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon looked at each other and then burst laughing.
"I think that would be fine," said Qui-Gon at last.
Obi-Wan looked at the boy and his Master. The future was uncertain, the Sith were on the move, and the Council was coming the next day. But for once, he found himself deeply immersed in the Living Force. He enjoyed the moment and put his hand on Anakin's shoulder.
'Yes, things would be fine.'
THE END
Author's note: Big thanks for this story goes to Rainsaber, who beta-read this whole thing and had many good suggestions.