Mistake

Summary: Even if she doesn't believe him, even if he never see's her again, even if no one cares about him anymore, it will never change the fact that he knows he's made the biggest mistake of his life.

"It's be five years."

It's the reason for a lot of things. Why don't you just try to go back to college? Why not try to talk to your father? What about Courtney?

Five years.

"What happened to you, Duncan?"

Five years, that's what.

{~}

I always told myself I was gonna be better than my father. He was nothing. He was a meaningless drunk who died. He died in a chair. After a hangover. And no one even gave a shit. I always said I would never be my father. No matter what I did, at least I was a better man than him.

I'm not sure anymore.

No matter what I do, I can't help but feel unconvinced.

{~}

I have dreams about her.

I'm always deep inside of her, I can feel her pulsing around me, just like the first time, can hear her scream my name,

"Duncan, oh, Duncan…"

She grabs my hair and I slide in her, easy like, the way it always was, how she would fit around me and I would fit inside her. The way we moved and swayed and how every spot we touched would chill and go numb and then burn like fire.

Those are the times when I remember everything just as clearly as day one. She sweats and I grunt and push and pull and it all makes sense that I made mistakes.

I've made big mistakes.

{~}

"Are you sure?"

"You love me, right?"

"More than you'll ever know."

"I'm sure."

{~}

Because people trust you with things, you see. They give you something really fragile, and all I've ever done before is burn things, toss things, smash them. So you get something really fragile and you don't know how to handle it. I held her heart in my hands. And I burned it and tossed it and smashed it and hurt it.

And I broke it. I mother fucking broke it.

"You're a fucking liar!"

She choked out a sob, biting her lip. She stared at me and waited for me to say something. But I was quiet. I couldn't look at her. And I couldn't bring myself to make a noise as she walked away.

And that was one of the biggest mistakes of many.

{~}

The first time I saw her, I wanted her. I got her, too. I made her do things she'd never thought of doing, made her want me in ways neither of us wanted anything.

I would bite her lip so hard it would bleed. She would scratch her nails in my back until I woke up the next morning with scars. I would leave bruises on her thighs. She would make hand prints on my chests, a red that stained my skin.

And we loved it.

I loved the feeling of her skin on mine. We would hurt each other, more and more and more, and something would start to fill up in the pit of my stomach, and I'd have so much love inside me I felt like a different person. Like a different soul completely. She made me that way.

Left me feeling like this. Like I'm nobody. Not any one. Not anymore.

{~}

She cried when she heard about it. Her tears. I said things I didn't mean.

And we both died. I died. I saw her leave and now I'm dead. I can't feel anything. Every moment feels like I'm just waking up from a nightmare, like my body is still stiff from sleep, all I want to do is sleep and just sleep, but I can't. Because if I do, I'm gonna dream, and that's worse than being tired. That's the worst it can get.

I drag my hand over my face and wonder if things can eat away at you forever. What if it never stopped, if you keep disappearing bit by bit, until nothing's left?

Until you're just… gone?

{~}

Five years. It's been five years.

"I love you."

What happened to her? Is she still out there, still thinking of me? Or is she over me, never thinking of me, not caring anymore?

Would she even care if I was gone?

Would anyone?

"I don't love you. Not anymore."

I broke her heart. And I'm not sure she'll ever forgive me. I'm not sure if I'll forgive me.

Five years. It's been five years.

Even if I never see her again, it will never change the fact that it's still the biggest mistake of my life.

A/N: *cries* Duncan, you F*CKING asshole! How could you? How COULD you? You ripped her heart out and fed it to the wolves, and you don't even care! Who are you? What happened to the guy who saved bunny, huh?

…Said the crazed Duncney fan. :(

Yeah, well, I wrote it when I still believed that Duncan was the source of all evil. (Wait a minute… when did I ever say he wasn't?)

Thanks for reading! :D