A counselling session with various characters from literature (and yes, I do realise the word anonymous was derived from Greek meaning unnamed)
To whom it may concern,
I just don't understand it. When I was younger and oh so worried about the opinions of others, I tried to change. I really did. I'd play superlative dumb, then extra intelligent, but did it ever please anyone? No. I played those parts perfectly. So really, I do not see why I must participate in this pointless exercise; I have no anger to express. No one hates me. Well... many do in fact, but that is not my problem, that is theirs. They just can't handle that I'm beautiful and intelligent, so instead of probing me, why not get them to do this letter writing. Actually, I think I do have a problem.
I DO NOT HAVE TO PUT UP WITH ABUSE FOR BEING ME!
Like I said, it's not my fault I'm perfect!!
Yours sincerely
Mary Sue
To the do gooder person who just won't understand anyway,
Yes, I am angry. Why? Well if YOU had a piece of work that you were proud of, so proud of in fact, that you decided to publish it to the rest of the world, then sign it off LIKE ANY OTHER WRITER; don't you have the right to be acknowledged? Well whenever I do that, people think that I wish remain unidentified. Why? Well, you see, it's because my name is Anonymous, and a group of silly plagiarists came and took my name, thinking well, isn't this a catchy way to sign off when we want to be unrecognised? WHO THEN WENT AHEAD AND MADE IT INTO A BLOODY TREND, WHICH IS NOW RECOGNISED AS AN ACTUAL FORMAT THING WHATEVER
Plagiarism. It's not good.
From your irate client
Anonymous
Dear counsellor,
Personally, I think this is a great idea for venting anger. I have lots of anger to vent. Everyone thinks I'm so boring. They think I'm so plain. That might be true, but do they have to be so mean about it? They've turned my name into an international code for an unnamed victim? HELLO? DO I LOOK DEAD TO YOU? Why did they choose my name above all others to name unknown dead people? Seriously dude, I'm already emo enough as it is.
Please help me,
Jane Doe