PREFACE

HOW CAN YOU SAY I ONLY NEED ONE SIDE OF MY HEART?

When I need it all. Even though the two sides repel, I try to squeeze them together, I don't want either side to give out.

But how can I stop the inevitable fight between the two sides of me? If one won… will I accept it?

If it was all that could happen could I live on? Could I? Would I?

What's the greatest part of love…Compromises?

What's the worst part of love…Consequences?

Ilina

New Beginnings

I RACED THROUGH THE TREES, MY PANICED EYES

Searching, peering through the bushes and undergrowth frantically. The blurs of green and black tore past me as I danced around, entangled tree trunks and outstretched branches. I leapt into the air and twirled effortlessly. Adrenalin rushed through my veins, heat radiated from my skin, I was almost alight. I caught a scent, a faint sweet scent, and I knew without a doubt it was Vampire.

Instantaneously I took a sharp left, and desperately tore through the trees. I heard the sound of their feet in the slight distance. Panic rattled through me, I trembled with fear. The Vampire was gaining up on me. Unquestionably I had a desirable enough aroma to want to...drink from. I looked back my hair flailed against my face, a dark blur moved swiftly in the trees.

"Stop running." spoke a sleek low voice." I won't hurt you...I promise," I endeavoured to speed up but my legs were helpless.

"Slow down," Another voice whispered, this voice was softer and a females. I was terrified. How many was after me? Would I be ripped to shreds? Is that how I was going to die? I started to calculate my chances.

First, I wasn't as strong as them or as fast as them and secondly I'm just one person when there could be loads of them following me. Thirdly they probably know this area well…

It's inevitable, I'm sure to die…

"Jasper," said the first one, his voice low and menacing. A wave of fatigue wiped over me. My body felt heavy and lethargic and considerably my legs gave in. And just as the blackness caved me in I wondered... whether I was going to heaven…

I felt like I had fallen into a pit of darkness, but it felt effortless, time felt as if it passed freely. Everywhere I could hear voices, ominous voices all around me, I wanted to break free but the light was so far above me. All of a sudden the light enveloped me and I was staring at the wide white room lighted by a shimmering chandelier, it blinded me momentarily.

A pale white hand reached down; quickly I took hold of the hand. The pale beautiful face staring back at me eyes wide, eyes green. Why was I drawn to them? Why…? My head was spinning

"Hello?"

"Hello?" The angelic yet, familiar voice spoke again. My consciousness had caught up with me, as my eyes peeled open and blinded me with the stunning light. Once they focused, I was upright in a defensive crouched position. I took in the unusual scenery, shocked that the house looked so...human.

The walls were white and crisply painted; the lighting softened the room making it look inviting. The whole room echoed simplicity, almost as if it were a house on show for sale or a holiday villa. It astonished you that much, the room was that beautiful.

While taking in the scenery, I had noticed the nine Vampires. Their eyes fixed on me at the same time, which my eyes fixed on them, holding their glare expectantly I sized them up, they ranged in body sizes.

One girl was fairly small and looked like a pixy from a Disney film her face screwed up as she leaned on the blond haired man who had a guarded body language, he held her protectively in his arms, and they stood on the stairway and the couple stared at me.

There was a woman she was slender as well but she looked older around her twenties?

Her light brown hair flowed down to her shoulders; she held the hand of a blond man who looked at me with a face that wavered between emotions.

The next girl different from the rest although she had blond hair it waved all the way down her back, her tall body so slender and model-like. On the other hand the man she stood next to was as tall as her, however he was muscular and well built he looked undecided while the woman looked defensive. They were followed by the tall slim boyish guy whom the menacing voice belonged to.

He now stood near a white Baby Grand Piano, standing by a brown haired girl, who was sitting on the stool playing with her fingers, her face to the ground. The last couple was the one that stood out the most. A Vampire and an odd-smelling human.

I reviewed my options, I hadn't had much time.

I had no chance against them of course but I wasn't going to stand there like an offered lunch. I wondered who'd attack first. Well...I guessed that human must mean something to them, if I could snap-

"Relax... Seriously -we won't hurt you,"

I scrutinized them each, one of them particularly held my interest. I gasped as realization hit me.

Why weren't her eyes like the rest of them? Hers were clear, wide, brown, and human-like. Just like mine as if she was like me- a half of what should be impossible, of what shouldn't exist…

We were two of the same kind?

" is… like you…" The slim auburn haired one, said as he glided a few steps from his position next to the woman.

No! I thought. This can't be true! My hardened glare faltered and I stared at her aghast.

I had thought that I was the only one of my kind; the only blaspheme to this extent. My eyes flickered to the man approaching me; he looked no older than the half breed. His auburn hair and pale skin collided, I hadn't understood why their eyes were black, were they really Vampires at all…or something worse?

"Calm down I'll explain everything." He reassured. Fear darted through me, it shook my frame violently.

"There's no need to feel scared." He replied a reassuring smile lightly planted itself on his face.

"I'm Edward," he gestured to himself. He held the smile, and then gestured in turn to the names. "This is Bella," (the shy girl sitting on the stool) she looked up when her name was spoken, astonished. "And this is Rosalie," (She, the model like girl whom resembled a goddess statue.) Her face hardened slightly.

"This is Esmē," (the slender older woman) she kindly smiled my way. "Emmet," (The well built guy); he nodded slightly in my direction. "Jasper," (the protective blond guy) a small crease on his face appears –apparently it's as smile. "Alice," (the pixie like girl) she waved enthusiastically, grinning widely at me. "Carlisle," (the one with the indecisive emotions), he seemed to be the leader of the group. The head of the family, he smiled lightly at me. "And… Jacob," (The darker skinned human, who had black long hair and a lightly rugged face) he glared blankly at me. "And this is Renesemē." 'The brown eyed girl' she smiled and waved to me. I noticed the humans' protective posture with 'Renesemē'.

I glared confused at them as I bent down further into a defensive stance.

"What is your name?" She spoke. Her voice rung in my head, it echoed like a soprano bell. My defensive expression died on my face, again. I looked around anxiously; I was completely confused about these Vampires/humans. What were their relationships? Why did they need to know so much?

"I don't have a name," I answered slowly and steadily I tried to show them I wasn't afraid and I was prepared to fight. Renesemē whimpered at my answer, she looked toward Edward something was in her eyes- it was like pleading, almost.

"I don't know, it's up to her I guess," Edward murmured. I was confused by his answer to no question.

"Wh…where is your family?" Renesemē asks some unknown passion burnt at me, I could see it, as it boiled just under the surface, and there was more than she could hide.

I couldn't have taken it any longer- all the questions- all small talk, it only prolonged what was yet to come.

"Stop it!!" I boomed. "Just stop," Tears fell from my eyes, as I realized I had just sealed my own fate. "Why does any of it matter? If you are going to kill me, then just get it over with!!" The tears flowed faster, every tear represented a different good time I'd had with some of those humans.

Renesemē stepped forward and the human reached and cautioned her, she held up a hand and warned him. This was so wrong. She began walking with exaggerated slowness towards me. She kneeled in front of me, my body cowered away. I stared around the room desperately at Edward, who was now sitting on a couch with Bella. My eyes darted towards Carlisle and Esmē, maybe they'd help but they only stared on like bystanders. I squeezed my eyes shut. Weirdly something warm brushed against my cheek.

"Don't cry little one, I'll always protect you… we aren't here to hurt you, none of us are." My widened eyes stared at her, her smooth peach coloured face stared back it warmed me iced over heart, she gazed so lovingly… where did I remember such a look?

"We all just want to protect you, we want to be you're family…and I want to be you're mum…"

The word mum circled inside my head; I remembered…I remembered that tragically, wonderful day.

I remembered being so contented in there, the womb, my real home. I could always hear mum; she sung so joyfully, a song she'd made up herself, just for me. She said it'd guide me when I was lost, she told me never to forget it, ever.

'"You hear it bunny? Of course you do. I'll sing it again… let the wings of your heart fly high, way up, way up into the deep blue sky, let the fins of your heart swim free, diving so deep and dark that you won't see me, you'll be soaring and diving and learning and driving and jumping and climbing………. but one day, one day…finally….you'll come home…to me." Then she'd cry and tell me that it was the happiest day of her life. Until that day.

I could hear dad's voice, he soothed my mum she sounded like she was in pain, and I didn't understand that at the time. I felt the pressure increase in the womb and all I could remember was not being able to breathe and that's all I could think about. I kicked about fearful of my life; I didn't realize that I wasn't the only one whose life was under threat.

"Get her out! She's struggling! Can't you see she can't breathe? Save her! Please, please Damien please save her…" Mum begged, I remembered how she begged. Dad refused profusely, it got darker then and their voices became more slurred. A deafening scream and light…

All of a sudden I was placed in mums arms. Her face was so clear and it glowed. I could see the undying love, I could see the time she could have had, how young and bright her face was.

"Look after her Damien… my bunny…" her voice faded, there was someone crying in the background. Mums arms weakened until they couldn't hold my weight. Dad took me in his arms. I watched and I watched as her eyes closed slowly but surely.

I waited and I waited for them to open again.

But they didn't…'

"But… I killed my last… mum," I told Renesemē as reality captured me again.

"I know… I almost killed my mother too."

Everyone in the room stiffened. "But as long as she loved you and you loved her, nothing else matters. I want to be the kind of mother who dies for her child- for you."

"I don't want to be a monster!" I said at last, as nine whole seconds passed.

"I won't let you, ever. I'll never let you." She smiled her white straight teeth dazzled me. A smile appeared on Esmē's face. I looked at Renesemē's face, I really looked into it, and I found what I looked for. My mother's smile was there. The way it lit up her whole face, it was there.

"You can be my mum. I want you to be my mum." I whispered to her, I closed the little distance away, I'd had from her. She embraced me too. Sighs of relief sounded through the house.

I released her and she held my shoulders, her tears rolled down her peachy cheeks.

"Dad, Mum, you're grandparents!" She said excitement echoed through her voice. "And Jacob you're…a-"

"Don't say it," He interrupted. Renesemē stiffened for a moment; Edward shook his head at Jacob.

"Well, can I meet my great grand-daughter?" Carlisle said to redirect the conversation. He approached me, not quite as slow as Renesemē had. I shuffled closer to Renesemē and hide my face. Renesemē stroked my head.

"Maybe she's a bit tired and confused, maybe its best she goes to bed now." She picked me up; I lay limply on her chest. Lack of sleep had indeed caught up with me. Everyone seemed to agree when they nodded their heads.

"I think its best she stays here, changing house now will throw her." Renesemē sighed happily. "Jacob are you going to help, put ourchild to bed now?" she said her tone had changed.

He looked so torn his eyebrows creased his forehead. But his posture told us he'd already given in. Renesemē started walking without a look behind her. He sighed deeply and winked at Edward and rolled his eyes. Renesemē hummed a lullaby to me. Her voice got every note right. But still it wasn't the lullaby I longed to hear. But I knew that mum would have wanted this for me. My eyelids continued to get heavier and heavier. She laid me on the bed gently and after that she lay down next to me, and lulled me to sleep.

"Sleep tight loved one."

NEW BLOOD TIES

Morning came so quickly, I barely had enough time to forget yesterday's happenings, I barely enough time to think, this must be all some kind of wonderful yet impossible dream. My body felt heavy and sluggish still enveloped in sleep.

My eyes unlocked my sight and allowed me to fully appreciate the room I was in. The walls were white, soft, striped with seeped light from the curtains. It was almost dream-like funnily enough. Beside the bed was a chest of draws, with a frame and no picture, and across from me, a walk in dressing room, and the room door; slightly open. It almost taunted me with its darkness.

I yawned if I had not already exposed the fact I was awake, that would defiantly had confirmed it.

"You're awake?" Renesemē's eager voice floated through the slightly opened door. Her face peered around the corner of the door. She looked as refreshed from sleep as I probably did. Her long brown wavy hair flowed down the doors frame.

"Yes…" I yawned again. This time I stretched my limbs out, I felt like I had been running the longest marathon in history. My stomach grumbled which wavered her as she begun to speak.

"Are you thirsty?" She asked, while she settled on the bed beside me. I laughed at her weird question.

"Thirsty??" I questioned her. "No, not thirsty I'm hungry" I corrected her, I grinned widely at her comment. She smiled back, she obviously still thought I had not yet understood.

"I meant would you like some blood to-"I didn't let her finish before I pushed away from her aghast.

"Blood? Blood?? You drink blood?" I couldn't hide the fear out of my voice. "You said you wouldn't hurt me…You promised!" I pushed further away she looked shocked and unable to voice her thoughts. Edward and Bella entered the room.

"Nessie it seems that she doesn't drink blood, she eats human food." Edward then turns to me.

"Would you like to eat some eggs?" Edward suggested. "I know this certain girl who knows how to make the most delicious eggs" he grins, exposing a full set of dagger sharp teeth, as he gestured to Bella.

"Me??" Bella rebuked "but I… I haven't…I mean…it's-"

"Well you are the most recent human Bella," a smile creased his face as he looked directly into Bella's face. He towers over her, tracing her jaw line with his nose. "And you yourself was saying how you missed cooking," Bella looked entranced, and barely could make her sounds into words. Her eyes looked feverish, spellbound.

"Ok…you two always forget, I don't want to know how I was conceived! So stop giving me hints!

But mum will you?" Renesemē asked. Her eyes somehow became more appealing, a deep, and fresh, earthly brown, and so rich, it sort of pulled you further in.

"Hey! Not fair! How can I say no now? With Edward," She seemed to get some sort of satisfaction, out of saying that. "And Renesemē's pulling powers?" Bella aimed at Edward mainly giving him a look that he should know better. Emmet thrust through the door a fresh outdoorsy smell accompanying him.

"Hey, I taught her that!" Emmet announced

"Works like a charm," Renesemē laughed it sounded like bells clanging together, musically.

"Thanks a lot Emmet, you know, for teaching her the important things in life!" Bella sulked, sarcasm reeked in her words.

"Would you like me to teach you that too?" Emmet asked, picking me up in his mountainous hands.

"Yeah!" enthusiasm took me over; every new experience took me on a high I'd never forget.

"It drives grandma crazy! Look isn't it funny?" I nodded my head in excitement with Emmett.

"Look what you started!" Bella complained to Edward. He chuckled lightly staring deeply into her face.

"Don't worry mum will help me make breakfast, so grandma doesn't have to!" I grinned from ear to ear. Renesemē snapped out of her trance and leapt up towards me and Emmet.

"Did you just say…mum?" she asks. I beamed at her; she shovelled me up from Emmet's hands and hugged me tightly. Alice and Jasper walked into the room; Alice with a slightly pained expression and Jasper looking considerably poker faced kind of like Edwards, but less advanced. You see, you don't see any expression Edward doesn't want you to.

"You know Nessie; you still haven't named the child." Alice pointed out her pixie like face lightened up.

"You should name her after me; it fits her better than any name I can think of." Rosalie spoke keenly characteristically; she entered the room boldly, yet still elegantly.

"Yeah of course it is Rose! That's the only name you could fit in your brain" Jacob uttered to her chuckling he tapped his head which he used to accompany his joke there was a rough, harsh tone to his voice. Rosalie growled dangerously, Emmet held onto her but little smiles escaped - his bad attempt to hold back his laughter.

"You'll see! It's such a beautiful name!" Alice exclaimed. Jasper smiled at Edward who nodded his head in agreement with something.

"Hmm, "she looked at me her face indecisive. " I know what I'll name you…Welcome to the family …Ilina."

"I... have a name mum?" My anxious eyes yearned for her answer.

"Yes, you do Ilina," she hoisted me up on her hips. Her smile reflected mine as radiant as a hint of sun' smile in summer.

"Well…then mum?" I cocked my head to face her.

"Yes?" She enquired, Edward chuckled lightly.

"Can I eat something now?" I growled playfully.

Eruptions of laughter were dispersed echoing through the jingling chandeliers.

This was when I first established my family.

MY FOG

IT'D BEEN A WHILE SINCE THEN I'D EVENTUALLY found out the abilities of those special Vampires.

According to Carlisle's calculations I was the physical age of an 8-9 year old with the mental capacity of much older, he said it wouldn't be long before I refrained from growth and my heart took its last beat and I became frozen, like a monument of time, like

... A true Vampire.

In the current state I'm in now, I can't get pregnant but when I turn 14 (physically) I'll have 2 years -if I choose- to have a child which I definitely won't, children are so tiring...I know weird coming from a 8 year old but remember it's only physically, mentally I'm the age of a 16 year old weird huh?

It was easy for me to excel my knowledge, as when I was at those temporary households, I decided to read their books to pass some time... I didn't always come at bed time. Of course I didn't let them really figure out I was really reading that stuff. I mean I wasn't even supposed to know how to read! Those days were hard...some of them were trying for kids and then miraculously they found me, it hurt most leaving humans in that sort of situation. I felt cruel and heartless, but it was better they did not now what kind of monster I really was. I always destroyed the evidence, making sure there was no evidence I ever existed. I didn't want to leave a path behind me. But for that couple, I left the dish I'd eaten in, dirty. But that was my past, things were better now.

I lived in this small house near mum and dad, my house has 7 rooms' typical rooms a human might have, bathroom, toilet and kitchen.

Mum was always so scared I'd be lonely, so she always visits, routinely. I've grown to love my family, we're going to play baseball today apparently there is something special about baseball with the Cullen's.

Depending on whether anyone wants me to continue i will, please leave a message if you do. :)