It's a dark and stormy night when I arrive. The wind is howling and the rain was flying in my face as I made my way past the stone knights that guard Hogwarts. I start to walk a forested path with all the other students, when I feel a sudden urge to go to the bathroom.
At that moment I know that there is no question, I'm about to shit my pants because I ate too much god damn ramen. Dashing towards the bushes I escape the crowd able to finally release my bowels. After finishing up and wiping with leaves that magically cooled my tight butthole, but also caused it to tickle in a most pleasant way, I noticed that everybody had entered the castle.
As I make my way one can't help to think of how I traveled here; it was on a bullet train from Nagasaki filled with other Japanese ninja. We were all apprehensive, as this would be the beginning of an exchange program with the English, in which we are to learn western "magic", while some of their students travel to Japan to learn how to master their chakras.
I was excited both Sasuke and Sakura came along, present on the train with me, as it meant that I wouldn't be alone in this adventure.
As we cozy in, Sakura says to me, "Naruto, what do you think we're gonna learn? I hear they just wave around sticks and use extremely powerful chakra spells."
"As if we weren't powerful enough already," Sasuke deadpans, while eating what looks like chocolate in the shape of a frog.
We've heard tales of the powerful western ninjas, whom they call witches and wizards, being able to do incredible, purely through the use of their chakra. The conversation switched to the dorms and how they might divide into rooming selection, the answer to which none of us had the slightest clue.
After I make my way into this grand hallway I see an extremely well lit and crowded room so I quickly make my way towards the entrance and hope that is where everybody is so I don't feel like a dope. I enter what appears to be the dining hall and quickly find Sasuke.
As I sit down next to Sasuke and Sakura I notice that there is a hearty amount of food on the table in front of us, so I quickly help myself to make sure that I tried all of the new foods in front of me. As I eat I notice that a wizard is staring at me quizzically, but I can't help feeling incredibly turned on. I start to feel my dick stiffening and panic saying to myself that this can't be happening, I don't like men, I'm not gay, I mean I've always been into women…..
...well except that one time Sasuke and I accidentally kissed and I got turned on. To distract myself from these thoughts in the hopes of getting my little pecker to stay down, I started a mindless conversation with Sakura.
"So now that we're all in here what do you think is going to happen next?" I ask her nibbling on a sausage, which for some reason only makes me hornier.
"Oh I don't know, I think they do something called the sorting hat which places you into your dorming house."
"Hope we all get into the same one because we already know each other," I reply.
After the mindless chatter and noticing Sasuke's hand occasionally brushing my thigh, I only feel harder than before, and the only reason I was talking to her the whole time was so my boner could go down. As the dessert trays start to disappear, the candles dim, leaving only the large chair with a tattered black hat, illuminated.
What the fuck is going on; I can only imagine why they might be showing this hat so much honor that it becomes silly.
Suddenly, a woman appears and says, "Hello my name in headmistress Mcgonnagall and this is the ceremony of the sorting hat. Now if all of you first years could line up along the wall and wait until I call your name. Go on. Chop! Chop children!"
We all scramble to the walls not wanting to disappoint, well, that is to say, we Japanese ran, while the English kids take their time. Once we get to the wall the headmistress starts to read off a list, and one by one, we start to get sorted into four different houses: Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin.
Until I hear my name "Naruto Uzumaki" I feel perplexed because it seems as if they are calling the names according to alphabetical order. They must not know how Japanese names work and reversed all of our names.
It is my turn to be sorted into a house, so Mcgonnagall drops the hat onto my head.
"Hmmm this is a queer one."
I panic wondering who said that. Then all of a sudden: "Calm Down! It's just me, the sorting hat."
"Ok, What do you want?"
"To sort you into the right house, but that seems difficult, very difficult indeed. You see, there are qualities that make you great for Gryffindor, like bravery, but there are also qualities, like your goofiness which make you great for Hufflepuff..."
"HOLD ON!" I shout.
The hat asks what the problem is and I explain that hufflepuff is stupid so I don't want to go there.
The hat says "Oh I'm not done, you'd be great for all the houses, but no, I shall make you the first person to start a new house, because I'm sick of all you poofs that really make it awkward for everybody else."
I protest and the hat just retorts that he has no pity for me.
"Dickinass," the hat shouts for everybody to hear and the crowd suddenly murmurs.
"That isn't a house," says Mcgonaggall.
To which the damned hat replies, "It is now."
Sitting at my new house table, it starts to fill with others, all of which had a certain annoying quality about them, but I was glad to see Sasuke was in my house after all. As we all meet each other, we get told that we have to select prefects and heads for the house.
After discussing it at the table, we as a house decide to put the selections off until the morning when we can have a formal vote.