Disclaimer: All characters belong to Charlaine Harris.

a.n: This is a re-post of chapter 1. I realized after I posted it the first time that there was no visible break between time frames. I apologize for the alerts that you got for nothing :(

'I am never going to be the same again.'

"I'm so sorry, Sooks." My brother Jason sobbed as he pulled me into a hug shaking me loose from my reverie. I backed away enough to look into his eyes. I could see the ache, the ache he felt for my loss and for his own. Not 2 minutes before Eric Northman had been lowered 6 feet into the ground. He was Jason's best friend and my husband of 2 years.

"What am I going to do without him, Jase?" I shook my head in an attempt to coerce an answer out of my brother that would make me feel better, make me feel whole again.

"I don't know, Sookie. I just don't know." Jason pulled me tight once again as we cried together.

2 years later...

"Okay, who gets the burger basket with extra pickles?" I smiled at the table of men in front of me.

Jason rolled his eyes and reached for the basket. I laughed and handed out the rest of the food to Jason's motley crew.

"Why do you do that every time, Sook? You know it's mine" He shook his head as he emptied about half of the bottle of ketchup onto his fries.

"Habit, I guess. Or, I just like annoying you." I winked at Hoyt Fortenberry, Jason's friend and subordinate at the Renard Parish road crew. My wink had the desired effect as Hoyt blushed a bright shade of tomato red. I know I shouldn't tease but Hoyt makes it too easy. Plus, he knows it doesn't mean anything. Flirting with Hoyt is just good clean fun. It's safe and I don't have to worry about him thinking there is anything more to it. Anyone else may take it as an invitation to something more. But I don't give out invitations, I don't date at all.

This coming Sunday will mark the two year anniversary of Eric's death. He'd been attacked on his way home from work. No one knew why or who had done it. There wasn't enough money in the local budget to do the type of investigation that I thought Eric deserved. So after a year of zero leads the case was put on a shelf. That day had almost been as bad as the night I lost him. I felt like I was the only one that cared and I was helpless to do anything. All I knew about the crime that essentially ended my life as well as Eric's was that it was the most brutal crime Bon Temps had seen in years. Andy Bellefleur, the main sheriff on the case, talked me out of needing to know the more gruesome details. But apparently, he had no problem talking to the town gossips and some of the information had filtered its way down to me and Jason. What I knew, or at least what was said was that Eric had extensive damage to his neck and jugular and that he bled to death. There were also signs of a struggle so he was pretty battered and bruised over most of his body. He even had some broken bones. That told me that he tried to stay with me. He did everything he could to fight off his attacker but it wasn't enough. But he didn't want to go, he wanted to live and I felt a sense of peace knowing that.

"Yeah, you've always had a knack for annoying me little sister." Jason smiled and turned his attention to his ketchup with fries. He is so disgusting.

I feel guilty about not being there for Jason when he needed me. Granted, Eric was the love of my life and I wasn't in any shape to be able to comfort anyone but Jason sure had needed someone. I wish I'd reached out. Instead Jason turned all of his hurt and emotions in on himself and changed. He was still his fun jovial self but he started acting reckless, drinking and sleeping with any woman that would have him. On the outside it looks like he is living the high life but I know Jason. He's hurting. He's spent a night or ten the local jail sleeping off his nights of heavy drinking. And I've seen the bottles of antibiotics that liter his medicine cabinet. I haven't come out and asked him but I know that he caught some sort of sex cooties from that damn Maudette Pickens. And a couple of months ago he had to take Amy Burly to the free clinic to 'fix' a growing problem in her womb.

I love Jason with all of my heart, but I just don't know how to help him. Sometimes I think he always had a tendency to live his life like this but Eric was able to keep Jason from the brink. Eric was the best friend that Jason ever had and no one, even sweet Hoyt, has what it would take to pull Jason out of his new lifestyle. I think the worst part about the change in Jason is that as much living as he is doing he lost his spark. I did too. People used to say that the Stackhouse children had the liveliest blue eyes in all of Renard Parish and that one look from either of us could make even mean old Caroline Bellefluer smile. That's not the case anymore. In fact, most people avoid our gaze altogether. I guess they can't stand to see the spark missing or maybe we just make them sad to think of what we lost. And what we lost was the best import from Sweden since IKEA and ABBA put together, by far.

8888888

Eric Johan Northman stormed into our lives when Jase was 10 and I was 7. One that wonderful day I was playing with Barbie on the front porch making her do all kinds of kissy face with Ken when Jase came home with a very tall and very skinny boy trudging behind him.

"Hey Sook, this is Eric, he's my new best friend."

Jason was grinning like a fool and Eric just bobbed his head at me as he followed my dork of a brother into our house. That was the first time I saw Eric and I kid you not I saw him everyday without fail after that. Him and Jason were stuck like glue and as I grew up a bit I stuck myself right to him too.

At first I felt the same about Eric as I did about Jason. He was fun to hang around but at times he drove me crazy mad. I was used to Jason picking on me but once Eric entered the picture I endured countless acts of humiliation at the hands of the two of them. I lost so many Barbie dolls that first year. I had no idea there were so many ways to destroy a plastic doll but the two of them became masters. Over the years Jason stayed just as annoying as he ever was but somehow Eric became less so. I don't know when it happened but one day I was irritated by him and the next day I wanted him to kiss me like my Ken doll kissed my Malibu Barbie.

I secretly crushed on Eric for years. I was convinced that I should never tell him, so I didn't. I mean he was 3 years older than me and so freaking cute. And it was just weird. It was Eric: the destroyer of Barbie's, the slinger of snowballs, and flicker of boogers. And even though those acts of torture had ceased years before I was positive he just saw me as Jason's annoying little sister. I know Jason felt that way about me and he and Eric all but shared a brain. So I suffered my crush in silence as my friends fawned over Eric and sought out my help in garnering his attention. I did so a few times out of fear that my refusal would set off alarms. Needless to say I helped Tara Thornton score a date with Eric to his Jr. prom. That was the night that Eric lost his virginity. Knowing that I helped facilitate that resulted in my last set-up of Eric with any of my friends. And even though Tara had no idea of how I felt about Eric it resulted in the eventual end of our friendship too. I just couldn't handle hearing about her new boyfriend. So I just kind of started to avoid her, not that she probably noticed since she spent most of her time with Eric anyways. She would even come over to the house with him sometimes to hang out with Jason. Those few months were definitely not the highlight of my teenage years.

After Eric and Jason graduated from Bon Temps High School my life got a little easier. Jase got a job with the road crew since he didn't do so well grade-wise. Eric left for Baton Rouge go to Louisiana State for school and as much as I missed him it was so much easier to live day to day without having to see him. Of course, he came home for every break and holiday and would spend the majority of his time with us at the house. He was one of the Stackhouse's as far as my mom and dad were concerned. They loved him so much and he loved them too. It's not like he didn't love his own family but they weren't as close as the Stackhouse clan was. I think Eric just liked feeling like a part of a family that didn't shy away from showing their love.

That's why he left LSU right in the middle of his semester to be with Jason and me when our parents were killed in a flash flood. They were driving home from one of their weekly dinner and a movie dates when the bridge they were on collapsed. Jason and I were torn up with grief. And I know Eric was too. But he was there for us as a rock to lean on. He actually helped Jason and I plan the funeral and sort out all of the business that no one wants to deal with during that time. It was sometime during the weeks after the death of my parents that I realized I was desperately in love with Eric. We were sitting in the living room watching 'The Jerk'. Eric insisted that I needed to laugh and that was the movie to do it. He was right, I laughed and it felt good. During one particular bout of laughter I looked over to Eric to see him looking back at me. He wasn't laughing. He looked like he was holding back tears.

'I don't know what I would do if I ever lost you, Sookie.'

I was shocked into silence. What did he mean? Did he really care that much about me? Was I not just the annoying little sister of his best friend? It was too much for me to comprehend at the moment so I just turned back to the movie and laughed some more.

Our parents' house went to Jason and since I was only 17 at the time I stayed there with him while I finished high school. Eric headed back to LSU but something was different with him. He wasn't as playful with me anymore and I was so confused. He would hardly even speak to me unless Jason was in the room. I felt awful, I knew that I had lost him somehow. I was a wreck my senior year but I managed to graduate despite the depression I was in due to the loss of my parents. And if I was being honest with myself I was depressed over the loss of the old Eric as well.

I told Jason that I didn't want to walk at graduation but he insisted. I'm glad he did because when I looked out to the crowd I saw Eric sitting next to Jase and the look of pride on both of their faces made my whole senior year worth it. It was the best I felt since my parents passed. I may have lost mom and dad but I still had family and by the looks on their faces they both loved me with all of their hearts. I felt a tear sting my eye when I said a silent prayer that maybe someday Eric would love me the same way I loved him. But looking at him as he cheered for me I knew I would take him however I could get him. He would always be my family.

After the ceremony I walked over to see Jase and Eric in a heated argument. I had to think back but I was pretty sure it was the first time I had ever seen the two of them fight.

'What the fuck, Eric. She's 17. And she's my sister.'

Whatever they were fighting about it was obvious it had something to do with me. I froze in place, hoping that they hadn't seen me and that they would continue whatever they had been discussing. I didn't get a chance to eavesdrop because Tara took that opportunity to run over to Eric and plant a big kiss right on his lips. I instantly felt murderous. Had they gotten back together? Why hadn't anyone told me? Oh, God! Was Eric there for Tara and not me?

'Tara, I didn't expect to see you here.' Eric looked pretty uncomfortable so I felt immediately better.

'What, you didn't think I would graduate?' Tara pouted her lip out in a stupid attempt at looking hurt. God, I hated her.

'No, I uh, just kind of forgot you were in Sookie's class, that's all.'

I had to hold back from dancing a jig and doing a fist pump as Tara stormed off in a huff. I can't say that I blame her for being upset. I'd feel pretty awful if Eric told me that he'd forgotten me too.

Eric stayed with his parents in Bon Temps that summer as he always did. I was pretty happy to have him around and played it cool when he would come and hang out with Jase and me. Since I had graduated I'd been thinking about what I wanted to do with my life. I had done pretty well on my SAT's but money was tight. I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to even go to college. If I had my way I would have gone to LSU with Eric. He had mentioned how it would be nice to have someone there he felt close to. Of course when he said it I swooned. But he was just being nice and I knew his idea of close and my idea of close were as different as Dr. Seuss and Playboy.

The summer flew by as most summers do but the fact that I was due to turn 18 in a week and I still hadn't decided what I wanted to do about school in the fall had me on edge. Jason and Eric thought that I should turn 18 in style with a party and everything. They were both 21 and had even told me they would make sure I got good and drunk if I wanted to but I just wasn't feeling it. Jason was pretty disappointed when I told him that I just wanted to go to a movie in Monroe with him and Eric but he relented. He did insist that we go get some pizza before the movie. As long as he didn't want to go somewhere fancy I was okay with that plan.

The day of my 18th birthday came and I woke up feeling even more anxious about the future than ever. I didn't want to give up on the idea of school but I really didn't think that I could swing it. I was feeling pretty down when Jason called me from work.

'Don't kill me, Sook but I have to work tonight.' He sounded genuinely sincere so I didn't give him a hard time.

'Don't' sweat it, big brother. I'll just hang out here.'

There was a long pause before Jason spoke.

'Nah, I told Eric and he sorta still wants to take you. You okay with that? Cause you don't have to go still you know.'

He was being weird but I figured he was feeling bad about having to back out of my birthday celebration. I have to admit though I was kind of, okay very, excited about going out with Eric by myself.

'No, Jase that's fine. You sure he wants to though?' I don't know why but I held my breath waiting for Jason's answer. Did Eric really want to go to a movie with just me?

'Unfortunately.' Was all Jase said as he kind of coughed or harrumphed before he hung up.

I didn't give it too much thought because I needed to get around for the day but in the back of my mind I knew that Jason was upset by something else, not just missing my birthday.

I dressed in jeans and a white fitted button up shirt with red flowers scattered in a random pattern. I left a few buttons undone but wore a red cami underneath so I didn't show off too much of the girls. I knew in my heart this wasn't a date but I still wanted to look nice.

Eric knocked on the door around 6 which is weird because he usually just lets himself in. I opened to door and there was Eric with 18 roses in his big outstretched arms. I will never forget that moment for the rest of my life. He looked so wonderful, I am sure he was wearing something that looked killer on him but all I could see was his face. He smiled at me and it was so genuine it melted me. And his eyes, his beautiful blue eyes were taking me in from my toes up to the top of my head. I felt myself blush. Eric had never looked at me like that before. My heart started to thump erratically so before I passed out I managed to invite Eric in and I put the flowers in water. He had followed me into the kitchen and when I turned around he was right behind me. I froze and looked up in his eyes again. I must have looked scared because Eric smirked and told me to relax. I bet we stood in that spot for 10 minutes before he put his hands on my shoulders and spoke to me.

'You look so beautiful tonight. I hope I don't scare you but I have something I have been waiting to say to the birthday girl.'

I gulped audibly and Eric smiled at me. He squeezed my shoulders a bit before he continued.

'Jason told me not to do this, but I have to. I love you Sookie, I have been in love with you for so long I don't remember not loving you. I know that you only see me as Jason's friend but I would like it very much if you would consider this our first date.'

I'd like to say that I jumped into his arms and that we had our first kiss but it wasn't like that. I think I was in shock because all I did was gulp again, and then for good measure I did it again. Eric looked away and lifted his hands off of my shoulders when I stopped him. I placed my hands on top of his successfully keeping them in place on my body. I didn't want to lose the feeling of his hold on me. It felt so right.

'I'd like that Eric, I'd like that very much.'

I moved to Baton Rouge with Eric that fall semester and began attending LSU with him. I know that some would think that we rushed into things but we knew better. Our relationship was strong and deep. I was able to afford school by working part time in the school library. Plus Eric insisted that I live in his apartment rent-free. He would have done anything to keep me by his side.

We got married on Christmas Eve, just 7 months after Eric made his declaration in my kitchen. Eric's parents were surprisingly all for our union. Eventually Jason was too. Even though I am sure it was weird for him to see his little sister marry his best friend. He even admitted that he had seen us fall in love with each other years before but didn't say anything. I think he felt bad about that but I think things happened the way they did for a reason. Who knows if we would have lasted if we had become a couple before we did so Jason's revelation didn't upset me a bit.

Eric and I were happier than anyone I knew. I felt a bit bad for other couples because everyone seemed to fight over the silliest things but not us. We were simply perfect. Maybe that's why he was taken from me so soon. Nothing is supposed to be so perfect.

Eric graduated with a degree in business and started working towards his MBA while I continued on with my undergraduate studies. I was studying business as well. We had so many ideas of what we were going to do with our future. We knew we wanted to work together and probably open some sort of bar or restaurant back in Bon Temps. I know that some people would think it is a crazy idea to go into business with your spouse but I knew we would make as perfect partners in business as we did in life.

We were coming up on our 2 year wedding anniversary and visiting family in Bon Temps for the Christmas break when everything crashed down around me. It was funny how everyone would argue over who would get to house 'Mr. and Mrs. Northman' whenever we came back home. Jason would insist that we stay with him while my in-laws would urge us to stay with them. Truthfully, Eric and I both preferred staying with Jason. Even if the sleeping arrangements made Jason uncomfortable, he just didn't understand why I refused to sleep in my old room and make Eric sleep on the couch. But even Jason's annoyance at our displays of affection were better than my mother-in-law asking me about her future grandchildren at every turn.

Not that we hadn't discussed starting a family. We knew we wanted to have kids but it wasn't the right time. We were going to wait until after I had my undergraduate degree. I wish I had known that we wouldn't get that chance. I would give anything to have a living reminder of my love for Eric. It would be hard to raise a child alone but it would have been worth it to have some of Eric's perfect DNA still in the world.

A few night before our anniversary Eric and Jason went to Merlotte's for some 'man time' When neither one of them had turned up by midnight I started to get scared. I called Eric's phone and instead of ringing it went straight to voice mail. I got really frightened at that point. I called Jason again expecting to get his answering machine again too but instead he answered. He was more than a bit annoyed.

'Jesus, Sooks what do you want?' I heard a female giggling in the background. What the hell?

"Jason Stackhouse, hand the phone over to Eric, I need to speak to him right now."

I wasn't going to be mad until I had a reason. I trusted Eric, but I really didn't like the sound of that giggling.

'He ain't here Sooks, he left early and I got a ride from Dawn.'

The last thing I heard before the knock at the door was more giggling from Dawn. I knew as soon as I answered the door to Andy Bellefleur that my life was over. My love was gone. I collapsed in a heap at Andy's feet and the last thing I heard was Andy telling Jason to come over to the house.

Two years later and I knew one thing about my future that was certain. I would never love again.