Disclaimer: I don't own Fire Emblem

A crackfic, because I can.

You're Paying, Right?

"It's true! You are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen!" Inigo declared, a hand over his heart and a smile on his face. To any regular girl, the line might have worked.

"Do you tell your mother that?" Severa snapped.

Inigo immediately blushed and tried to find a suitable comeback, "I—er, you can't say that!"

Needless to say, he failed.

Severa huffed, her red hair moving with her as she turned her head away from Inigo, "Maybe I wouldn't if you stopped flirting with me every minute of every day! Gawds, would it kill you to stop?"

Inigo turned his head down and sighed, "…Fine." The silver haired man turned his tail and began to walk away.

Severa stared at his retreating form with an expression of absolute surprise, "You're…just giving up?"

"Yeah," mumbled Inigo. He left Severa and walked through the campsite full of melancholy.

Who could blame him for being sad? Rejection. It's what he always got. Whether it was Severa, or Morgan, or some village girl, it all ended with him being rejected.

Would it kill them to give him a chance?

Well, Severa had. But that was very long ago, and in a different timeline. He deserved another chance for this timeline, didn't he?

And Morgan…well, Inigo secretly preferred his partner in crime and him remaining as they were. Morgan never rejected him meanly, but Inigo could tell she wasn't interested in him. That didn't stop him from flirting with her. At least she humored him.

Kjelle made her stance very clear. After being chased away with a lance no less than five times, Inigo called it quits.

Inigo's progress with Noire seemed to be going well, but then…well, Inigo resolved to never to flirt with her while she held a bow. He didn't want to end up as target practice again.

Nah was…a dragon. That one time he flirted with her hadn't gone well. And Inigo's hair hadn't recovered from that fire for a long time.

Why did every woman he knew have to be so violent?

"So violent, so attractive…" Inigo muttered to himself as he walked to nowhere.

"What'cha doing?" a cheerful voice said from behind him.

"AHHH!" Inigo cried out, jumping in fright.

Morgan burst out laughing, "Oh Inigo, you should have seen your face!"

Inigo sighed, but tried to muster a smile, "Was it really that funny?"

Morgan nodded, "You bet! But more importantly…" Morgan got close up to Inigo, hands on her hips and stared into his face, "Are you okay?"

"Me? I'm just peachy!" Inigo declared, his voice lacking his usual swagger.

"What happened?" Morgan got straight to the point.

"Severa rejected me. Again," Inigo said, his attempt at a smile vanishing completely.

"Let's find somewhere to sit," Morgan said thoughtfully, finding them a place to sit under a tree next to the campground.

"So what exactly happened?" Morgan pried.

"I told her she was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen. She rejected me," Inigo mumbled, not wanting to go into detail.

"That doesn't sound like much of a conversation," Morgan observed, scratching her chin.

"With Severa, I never make it very far. But I usually make it a few sentences in, or she humors me and I get to asking her out to dinner. But no matter how far I make it, it's always a no," Inigo sighed, resting his head in his hands.

"You should go see Anna," Morgan suggested. "Apparently, she helped my father out when he was trying to woo Lissa."

"Really?" Inigo perked up.

"You'd probably have to pay her," Morgan shrugged.

"There's always a catch, isn't there?" Inigo chuckled.

"Especially with Anna. Have you met her?" Morgan asked.

Inigo shook his head, "Not outside of battle."

Morgan nodded, understanding. She stood up and gave Inigo a smile, "Seek her out. You may have to pay her, but my father thought it was worth it."

Inigo nodded and let her walk away. Only five minutes later did he realize that he had no idea where Anna's tent was.

"Crap," he mumbled.

After a long hour of searching, Inigo found Anna's tent. Or rather, her shop since apparently, they were the same thing.

"Hello?" Inigo said, stepping into the well-lit shop.

"Eh?" came a woman's voice as she sat up in a chair in the middle of her shop. When she registered that Inigo was standing there, she jumped up. "I'm Anna, the Secret Seller!" she announced. "You're Inigo, right? Are you here to shop?"

"I…kinda, I guess. I was told to come here—"

"No need to explain!" Anna waved away his attempt at starting to speak. "I must take you on a tour of my humble shop. Business has been so slow today, I've been bored out of my wits!"

Inigo let himself get dragged by Anna as she rambled about her shop's wares. Inigo allowed her to do what she wished mainly because she was a beautiful woman, he needed her help, she was quite cute and maybe she had a love potion for sale. And she was attractive, but he mentioned that, hadn't he?

"Um, Anna?" Inigo spoke up.

Anna immediately stopped her train of thought and asked politely, "Yes?

"I...actually didn't come here to shop," Inigo said.

The dancer winced as he saw Anna's face immediately lose its cheerfulness. She looked at him with a hard expression and said, "That what are you here for?"

"I came to ask your help," Inigo pleaded.

"With?" Anna raised an eyebrow.

"Women," Inigo explained. "My friend Morgan told me her father had help from you with wooing his wife. I was hoping you'd be able to help me."

Anna examined him carefully. Inigo blushed as he was scrutinized by the woman.

"It'll cost you," Anna finally said, snapping Inigo out of his thought (Or rather fantasies).

"That's fine," Inigo said eagerly. "What's the plan?"

"You and I are going into to town tonight. Call it a practice date," Anna said. "I'll teach you all there is to know in one night."

Inigo's eyes widened, "Alright! When do we leave?"

Anna looked him over briefly, "When you take a bath and look nice. I like my men in a uniform, but not after they've been living in it for several days."

Inigo blushed, "I'll be right back."

Anna laughed a beautiful laugh, "Inigo, let this be your first lesson. First impressions are crucial. Now get going, time is money!"

Inigo scampered out to obey the woman's advice.

One Hour Later…

Inigo's clothes were clean and neat and the dancer was freshly bathed. He'd had to cash in a favor with Laurent so the man would help him dry his clothes faster.

Inigo met Anna by her tent. She looked the same as when he'd seen her before, except for the borderline scandalous crimson dress. Or was that it? Her hair looked...nicer. And was that makeup?

In hindsight, Anna really looked nothing like how she had earlier. Except still attractive.

"Good. You're here sooner than I thought," Anna said, approvingly. "It's an absolute no to be late for a date. The woman will never give you a chance then."

"I…learned that the hard way," Inigo admitted.

"Tell me a story, Inigo," Anna said as they began walking down to the town. "Preferably an amusing one. I always like a funny story. Or gold. Gold is usually better."

Inigo chuckled and launched into an account of one of his funnier failed dates. It started with a young noblewoman and ended with Inigo running from guards with a bucket on his head. The end had Anna laughing uncontrollably.

That's when Inigo decided to try and put his arm around Anna.

She didn't shrug it off.

Inigo's mood immediately increased. Who cared if it was just a practice date? It was nice to not get shrugged off like most women did.

After a short time, they arrived at the town. Either Anna had connections, or Inigo had excellent timing, because there was a festival happening in the town.

"This place is certainly hopping, isn't it?" Anna observed.

"Quite," Inigo said, watching the numerous men and women walk past them. "Where to next?"

"There," Anna pointed at the fountain in the middle of the town square. "There's dancing. It's a perfect area to test out your dancing ability."

"Alright, but I'll warn you, I'm no slouch at dancing," Inigo winked.

"I'll be the judge of that," Anna declared.

Inigo laughed and led the way to the fountain and the dancing. The townsfolk that crowded around the town square let them pass into the dancing area with smiles.

Inigo and Anna arrived just in time for the next song. It began just as they stepped into the square. Inigo reacted faster than Anna had expected and immediately began dancing with her. All of Anna's doubts of Inigo's dancing ability vanished in an instant.

Because damn…he was good.

"Where did you learn to dance like this?" Anna asked, surprised as Inigo lead her through various complex dancing maneuvers. Anna didn't even know most of them, and she considered herself an accomplished dancer. Thankfully Inigo was able to guide her through them with his expertise.

"My mother Olivia, she's a dancer," Inigo explained as he twirled Anna.

"You're Olivia's son?" Anna said, surprised. He certainly didn't strike her as the shy Olivia's son.

"Yep, and she taught me all she knew," Inigo said with a playful smirk. "Though some of it was clearly meant for a woman to perform, not a man." He winked at Anna as the merchant blushed.

The two laughed and danced the night away. Though they could only dance so much, and eventually sat down at one of the tables for two.

"Shall I get you something to drink?" Inigo offered.

"Thanks," Anna smiled.

"Any preference?" Inigo said, standing up.

Anna shook her head and Inigo began to walk away.

Anna watched his retreating form thoughtfully. Thank Naga he was more capable at this than Robin had been. That was a man that had been hopeless until Anna's intervention.

But Inigo…

Well, he was different. Anna couldn't put her finger on it. The man was a bit clueless, only doing what he should have done automatically after Anna prompted him. Though, to his credit he did a very good job when he was prompted.

Anna found it endearing. Maybe she'd finally found the right guy for her.

Inigo returned to their table, a glass of wine in each hand. Anna sipped it, and mentally applauded the man's good choice. Or maybe there was only one option.

Think positive, Anna.

Slowly the festival winded down. Anna was about ready for the end of her night when the last slow song began to play. Before she knew it, Inigo was extending her a hand. Anna smiled and took it, allowing him to pull her up and begin leading.

With Robin, I had to lead.

"So I was thinking," Anna breathed, her head on Inigo's shoulder, next to his ear.

"Yeah?" Inigo said just as quietly.

"About how you'll pay me," Anna said.

The merchant could feel some of the confidence in the man vanish. Like he had managed to forget this was only a practice date.

Anna had to be honest with herself, she had forgotten as well.

"I've got money," Inigo said, his voice sounding defeated.

"I was thinking of an…alternative way," Anna said smoothly. "Care to do this again?"

"What? Like another practice date?" Inigo said, his face growing puzzled.

"I was think more along the lines of a real date," Anna smirked as she felt Inigo's surprised reaction. "I had fun tonight, Inigo. And I think you did too."

"I did," Inigo said. Anna could hear the happiness in his voice. It seemed like his luck was changing. But that was to be expected, Anna was a lucky person.

"Perhaps sometime you could show me those dance moves that your mother showed you," Anna leaned back so Inigo could see her wink.

"I think those would best be done in private," Inigo blushed.

Anna laughed. Gods, she couldn't remember the last time she'd laughed this much.

"My sister is in a nearby town. According to her, there's a lovely restaurant there. Care to join me?" Anna asked sweetly.

"I'd love to," Inigo smiled.

"But you'll be paying, right?" Anna asked.

Inigo laughed, "Of course!" The silver haired man swooped down and took Anna's hand, preparing to kiss it.

Anna tugged her hand away, "Thanks, but I'm more of a modern girl." Anna grabbed Inigo and pulled him into a kiss.

Author Note: That went better than I expected. I saw the image I used as the cover photo today, and I had an impulse to write this. I think I'll add onto this with a few more chapters. That way you guys have something to read from me between the end of my current fic and while I start up the next one, because it'll probably take a while!