This is an amateur, non-commercial story which is not produced, approved of, or in any way sponsored by the holders of the trademarks/copyrights from which this work is derived, nor is it intended to infringe on the rights of these holders. And so it goes.
(date redacted)
To The Warehouse Regents:
This is in regard to your requested evaluation of Agent-in-Charge Arthur Nielsen.
As you are well aware, Agent Nielsen has been the sole agent of the Warehouse since (date redacted). Between the tragic 'noodle incident' of that year and the budget cuts of the past four administrations, the Warehouse has been operating without any additional staff. This has put a tremendous amount of stress upon Agent Nielsen, and it has taken a toll on his physical and mental health.
Over the past two years several incidents involving Agent Nielsen have taken place:
On (date redacted), Agent Nielsen was seen urinating against the southwest wall of the Warehouse. When confronted, he replied that he was "marking his territory".
On (date redacted), Agent Nielsen was found in his office wearing a white tube sock on each hand. The sock on the left hand had been marked with red lipstick. Agent Nielsen introduced them as "Agent Nick" and "Agent Nora", adding that the latter "was a lying tramp, so don't believe anything she says about last night."
A computer audit of Agent Nielsen's Internet usage revealed several visits to a government conspiracy message board. Subsequent investigation revealed that he had used Benarr Macfadden's "composograph" to provide conclusive photographic evidence that Elvis Presley was present on the grassy knoll in Dallas during the Kennedy Assassination.
On (date redacted) Agent Nielsen was caught using Alexander Graham Bell's telephone, prank-calling individuals with the last name of "Watson" worldwide.
On several occasions Agent Nielsen has requested replacing the Warehouse zipline system with George Reeves' original "Superman" suit, noting that the change would improve both speed and maneuverability in navigating the Warehouse.
On (date redacted), Agent Nielsen was found dressed in Judy Garland's "Dorothy" costume (including the ruby slippers) dancing down an yellow aisle and singing 'Off to See The Wizard'.
On (date redacted), Agent Nielsen was found working in the warehouse completely naked. When questioned as to why, he replied "Laundry day" and gave no further explanation.
Given these incidents, it is our belief that providing Agent Nielsen with additional agents would restrict his more eccentric impulses and hopefully reduce the amount of time spent alone inside the Warehouse—where 'idle hands' might make more mischief.
We hope you will give this suggestion all due consideration.
Irene Frederic
Mrs. Frederic cleared her throat to announce her arrival. Artie looked up from jamming various tools and papers into his battered satchel and regarded her with a raised eyebrow. "So?"
She smiled ever so slightly. "Congratulations. The Regents have agreed to fund two additional agents to the Warehouse. I've a list of candidates to review for immediate placement."
"Great. Okay," Artie sealed up his satchel and slung it over his shoulder. "I'm off to Washington to grab the Aztec bloodstone. We can talk when I get back. So…how much of it did they believe?"
"Enough to get you your agents," Mrs. Frederic replied. "How much of it was true?"
Artie turned around; his left hand was covered by a tube sock with button eyes and lipstick around its mouth. "Enough to keep 'em guessing."