A/N: So this is the flip side of Time Could Cease to Exist from Edward's POV. I originally had it part of the same story but I think that people found it a little tiresome to re-read the same stuff over again. I think that this makes it a little bit easier to read. Edward is a bit wordier than Bella but you also get some of the hidden nuances of the story because of the whole mind reader thing. I am going to try to post these chapters around the same time that I post Bella's POV until we catch up to the new content. I hope you like it.

Here we go...

I wasn't sure exactly where I was. Somewhere in South America I thought. I couldn't remember how long I had been here. I did know that I was in a jungle of some kind. I heard the screech of tropical birds and the sounds of large predators moving through the bush, seeking their prey. Somewhere to my right I could hear the clacking sounds of a colony of ants moving up and over a dead tree that had fallen about twenty feet away. The lush canopy of trees above me blocked out most of the light and it was dark and cool where I was sitting, leaning back against a tree with my arms wrapped around my knees. The smell of rich earth and vegetation assaulted my senses and I was inundated by all the sounds of life around me.

Here I could let my mind wander, to try to decipher all of them. It was the reason I had come here, to find a way to distract myself from the misery I was in. To try to occupy my mind so that I could not think about her. I knew though, that it would only be a fleeting comfort. There was nothing that could truly distract me from the emptiness that was my life now. That is what I was, empty. There was nothing left in me, no joy, no happiness, no meaning, no purpose. The only thing I felt now was pain. Despair seemed to be my constant state now. It was inescapable.

The only comfort that I had was knowing that Bella was safe. That she had the chance to live a full life, a life without the horror of what I was. I was a monster and being involved with me only brought Bella closer and closer to danger. I could not bear to see her hurt by my world. Seeing her broken in the ballet studio and then so pale and fragile in the hospital in Phoenix-I shuddered at the memories. All the pain she had suffered was because of me. Because of what I was-inhuman, a fiend. She was too good, too pure to have to endure that pain. She deserved to live her life without being in constant jeopardy. She should have a full life, a happy life. It was the only thing that kept me from going back. She should be happy, no matter what it cost me.

The longer I was away from her though, the harder it was to convince myself of the reasons I was staying away. I wanted her to be safe and happy but when was Bella ever safe? She drew danger to her like a lodestone. The only thing I could protect her from now was myself, from the monster that I was. But what about all the other dangers that there were for her out there? There was no way to keep her safe from them from so far away.

I growled in frustration. It was becoming harder and harder to stay away. I wanted to know that she was alright. I missed her, needed her. But I also needed her to be safe. The two needs were almost impossible to reconcile. There was so much out there that could hurt her, so many terrible things that could happen to her. But being with me, around my kind was dangerous too. Her birthday was proof of that. Not just because of Jasper either. The scent of her blood had almost overwhelmed me too. I had wanted so badly at that moment to drink her blood that it would have consumed me too if I did not love her so much. I had to stay away, for her sake. What I wanted didn't matter. If she was safe and happy I could survive. But only just.

Maybe I could check on her? She wouldn't know I was there. Just to see if she was happy. The thought filled me with hope but I smothered it immediately. No, no, no. I had to stay away. It was the best thing for her. I had made this decision and I had to see it through, for her. What was my pain anyway? Nothing compared to her happiness. I could take any agony in the world but not Bella being unhappy.

I had to stop this train of thought, think of anything else before I went insane, though it felt like I already was sometimes. My twin desires battled within me-being with Bella versus Bella's wellbeing-and my mind was becoming a casualty of war.

I tried to distract myself by thinking about my family, about what they were doing now. They were more than likely still in Denali with Tanya's family. I hadn't wanted them to have to leave everything behind when I left Forks but Carlisle had been firm.

"Edward, we are a family and families support each other." He had said. "If one of us has a problem then we all work together to fix it. If leaving is what you need then we will go with you." I could hear in his thoughts that he did not agree with the decision I had made. Carlisle wanted me to be happy and he knew that being with Bella was the first time I truly had been in over ninety years.

Are you sure this is what you want, Edward? He had thought. Is this truly the best solution? I know that her safety is your utmost concern, but is this the only way? She loves you Edward and I know you love her. I can only see this causing pain for the both of you. I hadn't had anything to say to that. I knew how much pain leaving would cause me.

Alice had been harder to convince. She loved Bella too and did not want to leave her any more than I did.

Edward, I don't understand. I know you love her, how can you leave her?

"I have to Alice. It's the only way I know she will be safe from what I am."

Jasper feels so horrible about what happened. This is going to make it worse. He is going to think that you are leaving because of him.

"He knows that I don't blame him for what happened. I know, probably more than anyone except you, what a struggle it is for him. It just brought into focus all the dangers that Bella is in from being around our kind. From the first moment I realized I loved her, Alice, I knew I would have to leave her one day, for her own safety. It has only been my selfishness that has kept me here this long."

You are the most unselfish person I know Edward, what are you talking about?

"I have been selfish, Alice. I have stayed with her this long because I could not bear the thought of leaving her. It's very painful to do it now. But Bella's wellbeing is my most important concern. I can't let what I want put her in danger again. I can't allow her to be hurt again by exposure to our world."

What about what Bella wants? We can all tell how very much in love with you she is. What about the pain it will cause her when you leave?

My cold, dead heart had twisted at that. I knew it would cause her pain when I left and I could not stand the thought. But I knew it was dangerous for her to exist in my world. Heartache would heal but death was permanent.

"It's what has to be done, Alice, for her sake. I want you to promise me that you will not bother her. She doesn't need reminders of me after I leave, it will only make it harder for her. Promise me."

I promise that I will not do anything that will upset her. There, satisfied?

She had gotten up and left then, off to find Jasper. I knew that was the only promise that I would get from her.

We had left the next day, after I had spoken to Bella in the forest. I would not allow myself to remember that right now; the pain was still too fresh, even though it had been over four months ago. Perhaps in a decade I might be able to look at that moment objectively, though I doubted it. Perhaps in a century, or in a millennia.

I had not been able to stay very long in Denali with my family. Rosalie and Emmett were off on another honeymoon and it was only Carlisle, Esme, Alice and Jasper who had traveled with me. But being around them was difficult. Hearing how careful they were when they spoke or thought to me, how they acted as if I would shatter at any moment was wretched. More so because I did feel like I would shatter.

Tanya's family had been kind. They were upset about how depressed I was and had tried to find ways to cheer me up, but their attempts had only made me feel worse. There was nothing that would cheer me up and it had upset me to see them so dismayed. I'd had to get away. At first I simply ran. I came back every few weeks, to check in and let them know I was okay but being there, seeing how happy they were to see me and how terrible they felt at how much I was still suffering had been more than I could stand. After a few months I stopped coming back at all. I checked in by phone but kept the conversations short. I knew that I was hurting everyone, Esme especially, but it hurt too much to be around them.

I could see the sky darken through the thick branches overhead and I knew that it would soon be nighttime in the jungle. I got up and made my way back to the small cottage that I was staying in, just on the outskirts of the city. Rio, I remembered now. My phone vibrated suddenly in my pocket. I pulled it out and sighed when I saw who was calling.

"Hello Alice." My voice was lifeless.

"Edward, how are you?" she trilled.

The question did not justify an answer. She knew how I was. Miserable.

"What do you want, Alice?" I asked wearily.

"So I see that you are still in Rio." It wasn't a question.

"Yes."

"When are you going to get tired of this, Edward?" I knew she meant my resolve to stay away from Bella. It made me angry. I would not break my promise.

"You're the psychic," I said rudely. "You tell me."

She ignored that. "Well, I don't see you coming home for a while, but I miss you Edward." Her voice was sad.

"I miss you too, Alice. But coming home now won't do any good, not for me or for anyone else. I'm…well I'm not fit to be around right now." I spent most days curled up in a ball trying not to think, not to feel. It didn't make me the best company.

"Well, I'll see when you change your mind I guess. Just take care of yourself, please? For me?" Her voice was pleading now. It hurt me to know how much pain I was causing her. Alice and I had always been close and we had always looked out for each other.

"I will, Alice. I promise. I'm glad you called. It is nice to hear your voice again."

"You too, Edward. Bye, I love you."

"I love you too. Bye." I closed the phone.

I sank down on the bed and closed my eyes, wishing for the oblivion of sleep. I did not move for a long time.