Talking to the Moon
Disclaimer: I own none of the characters or locations
Chapter 1: Lone wolf
Wolves who travel in packs have a higher chance of survival, compared to the lone wolf. Remus had a pack once. Not a pack of wolves but a pack of brothers. The marauders, they called themselves. Yes they were pretty full of themselves. When James died everything fell apart. Sirius went to jail, Peter was presumed dead. And Remus, he did what every other lone wolf does, He ran.
Remus always wondered if things would be different if he stayed. No use dwelling on the past. Voldemort is back. Sirius is dead. Peter is a traitor. But Remus, he was still running.
Some people would say they understood. Remus was a man who had encountered many loses in his life. It would be understandable if he lost a bit of his humanity when he was attacked by a werewolf as a child. Then to lose his mothers in his early teens. Although truthfully speaking he lost his parents the day he was attacked by Fernir Greyback. Neither one of them treated him the same way they had before. Halloween 1981 not only did he lose his three best friends but he also lost his trust in people. His father passed not long afterwards and it left him completely alone. Well maybe not completely. Remus pulled a picture out of his wallet. In the picture a pink haired beauty was winking up at him.. Remus had been alone for so many years now he didn't know what to do now that he had someone else he could lean on, someone else he could love.
He had tried to fight it, but Tonks was a very persuasive woman. He shouldn't have given in to her. He was a weak man. A stronger man would've walked away. He should have done it ages ago. He had plenty opportunity to just walk away from humanity and leave it all behind.
Remus stowed the picture away in his pocket. He couldn't stay here. He shouldn't stay here. He was a curse. People who cared about him often found themselves hurt. He should not have married her.
Tonks was so bright, so beautiful. She could do way better than a jobless werewolf. Remus told her all of this, but she didn't listen. She was hardheaded; and now she's pregnant.
Remus ran his hand over his face. He couldn't believe it.
His whole childhood Remus was scared of infecting someone else. He wanted no one to go through what he had been through. The kid, his kid would be just like him. werewolves didn't procreate for a reason.
Remus paced back in forth outside of his old family home. He knew he shouldn't have been here. It was common knowledge that he was a member of the Order of the Phoenix,. Death Eaters could arrive at any moment. It wouldn't be safe here. No where is safe any more.
Remus looked out of the window. Waxing Gibbons. The full moon would be coming and just a few short days. In the Lupin family home there is a padlocked basement with chains. It's where Remus used to go during the full moon as a child. He never thought he'd have to use these again. But he didn't want to infect anyone else. Fenir Greyback was already infecting everyone in sight.
Just a few more days. A few more days, and the what? What would he Remus John Lupin do? He couldn't return home and put his wife and the unborn child in further danger.
Harry was right, he was a coward.
"I'd be pretty ashamed of him" were Harry' s exact words. Remus was plenty ashamed of himself. He should have ended his own life a long time ago. The thought had crossed his mind on occasion. It was the coward's way out. Remus had tried and tried not to be a coward.
The Gryffindor in him was begging him to return to his wife. To protect what was his. To raise his unborn child in an unsafe world and keep him or her safe.
What kind of man abandons his only son? Yes, his parents abandoned him emotionally but they were still there physically.
Remus imagined his father's steel grey eyes and his constant scorning look. Could he do that to his own child? Would he do that?
It was times like these that Remus wished he could go back in time. He wished he never went outside that night Fenir Greyback decided to pay the Lupins a visit. If things were different. Would he be the man he always wanted to be? The man she thinks he is?
Remus couldn't help it, he took the picture out of his pocket again. Tonks was sitting at the dining room table at Number Twelve, her wand behind her ear, her hair was pink and spikey the way it normally was.. She waved and winked up at him.
The picture was taken at Easter. The last picture Sirius Black would ever take. At the time Remus didn't know why Sirius had given him the picture.
Remus smiled a little. He'd like to think Sirius would be okay with his and Tonks' relationship. Of course he suspected something. He'd be totally pissed off if he found out that he abandoned her. Sirius would do more than yell like Harry did, he'd probably punch Remus in the face. And he would've deserved it too.
A howl from far away set Remus' skin on edge. He nearly dropped the photo. He took a deep breath. It was a normal wolf, not a werewolf. Or at least that is what he told himself. It was just a random wolf.
He had to stop doing this to himself. He should go back. He knew that. Just not now. Not three days away from the full moon. Maybe afterwards.
Remus stored the picture away and went down to the kitchens.
This was the life that was set out for him. He could take off every month to protect his wife and kid. There were others who were less fortunate. Sirius never did get married. His youth ruined by prison and and untimely death.
Remus is alive isn't he? And while he's alive he should live his life to the fullest. With that thought in mind he headed into the house, away from the taunting moon. It was time for him to stop letting his fears ruin him.