MP: I HATE LANA LANG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AUGH!!!!! JUST WHEN I THINK SHE WAS GONE FOR GOOD THEY DRAG HER BACK!!!! AUGHK! LANA DRAMA GERRR! IT ALMOST STOPPED WATCHING SMALLVILLE BECAUSE OF THAT!
So here's an idea I came up with before they dangled the chance they'd finally decided to get rid of Lana Lang for good in front of me.
ONE SHOT- Extreme Lana Bashing. Do not read if you are a Clana fan or actually like the character of Lana Lang. You have been warned. Written during 'Power'. I really hate Lana now.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Smallville or any of the Superman characters.
The Council of Fate Vs. Lana Lang
Lana Lang, the ever so perfect, perky, pretty, and smart could not understand it. She was about to go on her merry way worming her way back into Clark's heart while simultaneously stomping on Lois Lane whenever a bright light surrounded her and she suddenly appeared in the middle of a dark room with the only light being around her. There was also a floating spinning circle around her too.
"Lana Lang! You have been dragged before the Council of Fate. Do you know why you have been brought here?" asked a woman's voice. Lana turned to see another pillar of light and in it was a diminutive figure wearing a cloak.
"No, what is all this? Is this Lex trying to kidnap me to get at Clark?" Lana asked.
"Puh-lease! Like you're the only creature in the universe someone like Lex Luthor would use to get at Kal-El AKA Clark Kent someday AKA Superman, which Lois Lane will coin upon finally seeing a picture of Clark, someday, in a tight blue spandex costume complete with a symbol of his birth family's house and a red cape." said the woman, well girl, Lana thought taking in the diminutive form, sarcastically. "Guess again, Wannabe-Barbie."
"Why me? I'm not guilty of any thing!" said Lana.
"Guess again, cupcake!" said the girl. "There's this little thing in your universe called a 'continuity.' It doesn't exist in my world because my world is constantly in motion. Yours however is guided by guidelines set forth by the continuity. Now take a wild guess as to why you're here."
"WHAT DO YOU WANT!" said Lana.
"You, Miss Lang are guilty of polluting the Continuity of the Superman Sub-Universe of Smallville with your over reaching drama, extended and rather taxing presence, and the flouting of the romance between Lois and Clark." said the girl.
"The what?" asked Lana.
"Role film!" yelled the girl.
She saw several different shots of Clark(?) in tights saving the day and Lois Lane. And she saw Lois and Clark getting married twice, and other acts that made her raise her eyebrows in confusion. Even a Lex with hair proposing to Lois Lane.
"What you saw were shots from the collective Universe of Superman. Clark Kent, will always fall in love with Lois Lane. Your pollution might throw that all to the winds." said the girl in the cloak. "Plus you annoy me to no end."
"That's not a crime." said Lana.
"Well tanking Smallville's ratings with your never ending drama, and the fact after a point you became the exact definition of a Mary Sue are both crimes. Mary Sue gets along with everyone, even bad guys fall in love with Mary Sue. You are a Cannon Sue which is worse meaning the well paid writers of the show created you and use you to torture us, the general public." said the girl. "Then they had to go and give you super powers!"
"Members of the Council of Fate How do you rule on the Cannon Sue, the sub-species of the equally heinous Mary Sue, Lana Lang? On the charges of being a Mary Sue, and wrecking the Continuity?" asked the girl.
"Guilty!"
"Guilty!"
"Guilty!"
"Guilty!"
"And my vote of Guilty!" said the girl. "You will be banished to the Mary Sue rehabilitation clinic and hopefully we'll never see you again!" A glass pane shaped like pentagram flew in and it had many other perfect and pretty girls in it pounding on the glass, many of them wearing blue spandex. It hit Lana and she vanished.
"Oops." said the girl.
"What is it MP?" asked an ominous voice.
"Err, Hi Jor-El, thanks for letting us use this chamber but we accidentally sent another Mary Sue to the Phantom Zone. Sorry." she said rubbing a sleeve covered arm across the back of her hood covered head. She heard a sigh, then a slight chuckle.
"It looks like Zod will be getting more company."
THE END
MP: This is a vent fic and it is an attempt at comedy. If it's more vent than comedy then oh well. Flames are for marshmallows, constructive criticism is always welcome but this is a one shot bash fic and I may or may not fix it.
MP: I saw some typos and fixed those up, in the rage I was in when I wrote this I forgot to edit this, so enjoy the typo free version.