That Stormy Night.

Speedy, Guido and Polly were in a car, Speedy was driving, Polly took the other front seat and Guido was in the back. It was a dark and stormy night, the rain smacking hard against the wind screen, the wind blowing against the car. They were driving down a one way road in the middle of no where.

GUIDO: (Looking out the window) Well, judging by the weather, I think this story is gonna be a horror.

POLLY: Yeah and by the looks of it, we're gonna run out of petrol.

SPEEDY: What are you talking about?

Suddenly the car splutters and then comes to a sudden halt.

POLLY: See, I told you.

GUIDO: Speedy, did you forget to fill the car up?

SPEEDY: Uh...looks like it.

GUIDO: You dummy, Speedy, why do you always forget to fill the car up when we go for a ride in the middle of no where?

SPEEDY: Sorry, it's a habit!

POLLY: (Sighs) Well, what are we going to do now, guys?

GUIDO: I know what we could do...but it'll only last five minutes!

POLLY: Don't even think about it, pervert!

SPEEDY: Well, there's only one thing we can do...

POLLY: What's that?

AN HOUR LATER.

SPEEDY: I spy with my little eye, something beginning with T.

GUIDO: I know... a tree!

SPEEDY: Yeah! Okay, here's one...I spy with my little eye something beginning with R.

GUIDO: Uh...the road?

SPEEDY: That's it!

POLLY: (Whispering) I swear to God, I'm gonna go crazy!

GUIDO: What's that, Polly?

POLLY: All this time just sitting here, we could've gone and find a place that might have a phone.

SPEEDY: Don't be silly, Polly, that's what the readers would expect.

POLLY: Then how are we going to make a plot just sitting here?

SPEEDY: Good point!

Speedy and Polly get out of the car but Guido stays inside.

SPEEDY: What are you waiting for, Guido?

GUIDO: I'm not coming out, it's scary outside!

SPEEDY: Oh come on, Guido, we'll-

GUIDO: (Gets out the car) Okay, I'm coming.

SPEEDY: But you didn't let me finish!

GUIDO: I said...I'll come!

SPEEDY: Okay, fine!

POLLY: If we walk up this road, we're bound to find a house or something.

GUIDO: Well let's go then!

TWENTY MINUTES LATER.

They were all tired and it was not help by the awful weather. They then saw a house, it was old and looked wrecked, no lights were on, it practically looked empty and the atmosphere was eerie and creepy by the leafless creaking trees.

GUIDO: I love the sound effects they use for the creaking trees, makes it scary.

SPEEDY: (Hiding behind Polly) Y-y-you s-s-s-said it!

POLLY: (Pushes Speedy) Get off me! (Looks at the house) See, I told you we'd find a house, come on, maybe they've got a phone!

GUIDO: (Grabs Polly) Wait a minute, Polly, what about that house?

They turned their heads and saw another house. The weather was beautiful as the sun shined brightly. There was a white cottage and there was a rainbow behind it and the house had a lovely peaceful garden.

POLLY: Nah, that house gives me the creeps; let's go to the dark, murderous house.

GUIDO: That's cool with me!

SPEEDY: As if I get an opinion on the matter...

POLLY: Oh come on. (Grabs Speedy and puts him on her shoulders) Wimp!

They all walked to the house. The house was huge; in fact it was more like a mansion. Polly puts Speedy down, who was shaking in his boots.

GUIDO: Wow...it's more like a mansion!

POLLY: The writer just wrote that!

SPEEDY: I don't know about this guys...it looks creepy...

GUIDO: Well duh!

The old wooden does had a rusty iron door knocker; it was a head of a gargoyle. Polly was about to use this but then the door knocker came alive, hissing at Polly.

DOOR KNOCKER: GO! GET AWAY FROM HERE! YOU'RE DOOMED!

POLLY: What are you talking about?

DOOR KNOCKER: ANYONE WHO ENTERS NEVER COMES OUT ALIVE!

POLLY: How many people have entered?

DOOR KNOCKER: Uh...well, actually, you're the first...BUT YOU'LL NEVER SEE DAYLIGHT AGAIN!

GUIDO: That reminds me; Speedy I've still got your Dark City DVD. I'll give it back to you later.

DOOR KNOCKER: Have you been listening to what I'm saying? YOU ARE GOING TO DIE! HAHAHAHAHAHA!

POLLY: (Grabs the door knocker handle and yanks it) Listen, rusty, we've had no food, no water, we're wet, we're cold, we're tired and all we want is some shelter...IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?

DOOR KNOCKER: (Scared) N-n-n-n-n-no, not at all...j-just turn the door handle.

POLLY: Thank you.

Polly let's go of the door knocker and turned the handle. She opened the door and it creaked as it moved. The cat stared inside and saw a huge hall, and a flight of well patterned carpet stairs leading to the next floor. Everything was all dusty and dim.

SPEEDY: You go in first, Polly!

POLLY: Fine!

Polly entered first, with Guido following next and Speedy coming in last, they all lined up, looking at the beautiful sight of the hall. Just then the door slammed shut by itself. The loud noise made Speedy jump in fright.

GUIDO: I was kinda expecting that!

POLLY: Always happens...

Just then a man appears from no where and once again Speedy jumps in fright. He is wearing old clothes and he looks evil.

MAN: Oh that bloody door...I've been meaning to get that fixed!

POLLY: Who are you?

MAN: I'm the owner of this house...my names Van Guinness.

POLLY: (Laughing) You sound like a drink!

GUINNESS: Grrr...(Calm) What are your names?

GUIDO: I'm Guido, the star of the show...

POLLY: Like hell you are...I'm Polly Esther!

GUINNESS: (Mocking) HAHA you sound like a material!

POLLY: Grrrrrr!

GUIDO: And this scaredy cat is Speedy!

SPEEDY: I'm not scared!

The thunder erupts, causing a loud noise around the house and Speedy jumped in fright.

POLLY: Look, we're just wondering if-

GUINNESS: Let me guess...your car broke down and came to this house to get shelter and use the phone?

POLLY: Yeah.

GUINNESS: Go right ahead...the phone is down the hall, turn left, then right, right again, then second door to the left, through the back door and then turn right and then it's straight in front of you...or you could use the phone through that door down there.

POLLY: Thanks.

Polly goes to find the phone.

GUINNESS: Now, let me show you two to your rooms.

He pulls out a candle stand from no where and lights up the three candle sticks and walks up the stairs.

SPEEDY: Guido, I have a bad feeling about this!

GUIDO: Calm down, Speedy, it's okay...he's a nice chap.

ANOTHER HALLWAY.

They reached the fifth floor; both the cats were whacked out. Guinness walks up to a door.

GUINNESS: (To Guido) This is your room.

He opens the door and shows what looks like a normal bedroom, with no glitches.

GUIDO: Nice.

GUINNESS: I treat my victims fairly...

SPEEDY: What did you say?

GUINNESS: What?

SPEEDY: You called Guido "Victim"

GUINNESS: No I didn't, I said guest!

SPEEDY: I could've swore you said...oh never mind...

GUINNESS: (To Guido) I hope you have a nice stay...

GUIDO: Wait...when I go to sleep, is the bed gonna go through some sort of secret passage? Because I really hate it when that happens, I never get to sleep that way.

GUINNESS: Oh, in that case go to the bedroom next door.

GUIDO: Thanks.

Guido goes next door, while Guinness shows Speedy to his bedroom.

GUINNESS: Here you go.

SPEEDY: Uh...thanks.

GUINNESS: Now before you make your self at home...tell me what your fears are...

SPEEDY: Oh...uh...okay. I'm scared of spiders, and rats...

GUINNESS: (Writing a list) Uh-huh...yeah...

SPEEDY: Polo's, flying...uh...singing hamsters...Green Day...oh yeah and elf's!

GUINNESS: Good, that's all I need, thank you. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

SPEEDY: Why are you laughing?

GUINNESS: I was laughing?

SPEEDY: Yeah.

GUINNESS: Oh. (Walks off) That's strange...

Speedy watched the weird man walk off and just shrugged and got ready for bed.

MEANWHILE.

Downstairs Polly was on the phone to the AA.

POLLY: Yeah, we're at this really cool house...yeah, next to the creepy white sunshine house, that's right...and our car is just down the road from there...yep...okay...so, when will you guys get down here?...(Suddenly the line is cut off)...hello? Hello? (Puts the phone down) That's funny...(Looks under the table and see's the line was cut) What the...?

GUINNESS: Did you make that phone call, Polly?

POLLY: Yeah until I was cut off!

GUINNESS: Must've been the storm, knocking out all the phone lines.

POLLY: No, the line was cut, look!

GUINNESS: Oh God...I wonder how-

Just then some sheers fell out of his coat; he gasped and quickly tucked it back in his coat.

POLLY: Were they sheers?

GUINNESS: Maybe...

POLLY: What are you doing with sheers?

GUINNESS: Doing the...uh...gardening...

POLLY: At this time? In this weather?

GUINNESS: ...yep.

POLLY: But-

GUINNESS: Let me show you to your room, you must be tired.

POLLY: Well, I-

GUINNESS: Come then, you need some rest.

UPSTAIRS.

The man showed Polly to her room, he opened the door and inside was a pink clean room, with a double bed and an on sweet bathroom. It was a room for royalty.

POLLY: Wow...it's beautiful...

GUINNESS: Yes...it is...(Creepy voice)... but I must warn you that beautiful young virgins have died in this room...

POLLY: Well thank God I'm not a virgin.

GUINNESS: You're...not a virgin?

POLLY: Nope.

GUINNESS: Damn!

POLLY: Pardon?

GUINNESS: Lamb! Would you like lamb tomorrow?

POLLY: Oh yes please.

GUINNESS: Good and I'll make some for your friends too.

POLLY: I think I'll try out the shower.

GUINNESS: Yes...you do that...goodnight, my dear!

The man leaves as Polly headed for the shower. The man goes in the next room, he is laughing evilly and goes to a painting, the painting was a hole...that's it, he takes this painting off the wall and behind it was a hole...he looked through and it was a good view of the bathroom. He see's Polly entering the bathroom and turns on the shower, she has her back to him, as she takes off her uniform, revealing just a pink bar and thong...the creepy man giggle quietly, hoping her to turn around but she stays having her back to him, she then takes off her bra slowly, the hot steam was filling the room, the creepy man was getting excited, she dropped her bra and then proceed to take off her thong...she did, very seductively and then walked into the shower, making the man lose his view of her.

GUINNESS: Crap...I did leave my hairspray in that bathroom, I'll get it when she finishes.

He puts the painting back to where it was and just walks off.

SPEEDY'S ROOM

Speedy was fast asleep, even with the thunder storm outside causing loud noises, Speedy didn't budge. Just then, the door creaked open and a dark figure walked into the room and sneaked up to Speedy, the dark figure was over Speedy, his face now seen as Guinness, he smiles evilly and opens his mouth and his teeth grow, vampire fangs looking really sharp. He goes to Speedy's neck and BITES IT. But all Speedy did was giggle.

SPEEDY: (In his sleep) Polly, that tickles...do it again...

Guinness just shrugs and bites Speedy on the neck, this time sucking the blood. He didn't drain all of it as he wanted Speedy to be what he was. He then started to head out of the room and laughed.

GUINNESS: That's victim one...now just two to go!

GUIDO: Oh yeah!

Guinness turns around and see's Guido, holding a bottle of liquid.

GUINNESS: (Scared) Is that...holy water?

GUIDO: Nope!

Without hesitation he chucks the liquid all over Guinness and the vampire screams in pain as he started to dissolve, the steam coming out of his body and his skin rotting away.

GUIDO: It's acid, actually! I never go without it!

In no time Guinness was gone and all that was left was the coat and bubbling rotten skin.

GUIDO: Right...now I can get some sleep.

A FEW HOURS LATER.

Speedy was still asleep but the bite marks had disappeared, his eyes suddenly opened sharply and he got up, he looked around and then felt strange, his mouth had grown long fangs, longer than the ones he use to have, he felt it with his tongue and then got a better feel with his fingers, he then went over to the mirror to get a better look. He opened his mouth and saw long fangs...he looked in horror.

SPEEDY: Oh no...I'm a vampire...again!

AN HOUR LATER.

Guido still couldn't get to sleep, so he went down stairs to get a glass of water and then walked back to his room. He then passed Speedy's room and noticed that his door was open, he looked inside and saw that Speedy was no where to be found.

GUIDO: Uh...Speedy...?

Just then Speedy jumped in front of Guido and kicked him in the face. Guido fell over and Speedy climbed on top of him.

GUIDO: What do you think your doing, Speedy?

SPEEDY: Blood! I need your blood, Guido!

GUIDO: Why?

SPEEDY: Why? What do you mean why? Isn't it obvious?

GUIDO: Uh...you're a werewolf?

SPEEDY: (A little annoyed) No, I'm a vampire!

GUIDO: Oh...cool!

SPEEDY: Yes and I'm about to bite your neck and suck your blood!

GUIDO: That's gross...

SPEEDY: Actually, blood tastes like water with colour dye.

GUIDO: Sounds...good...

SPEEDY: It is.

GUIDO: Uh... do you mind if I just go to the toilet?

SPEEDY: Erm...yeah, sure.

GUIDO: Thanks.

Speedy helps up Guido and Guido walks away with a nervous look.

SPEEDY: Hey, the toilets are down the other way! (At that point Guido runs off) Huh? (Realizes) Damn it, he tricked me!

Guido runs to Polly's door and starts banging on it franticly.

GUIDO: POLLY, WAKE UP! SPEEDY'S GONE NUTS, HE THINKS HE'S A VAMPIRE AND HE'S GONNA SUCK MY BLOOD!

SPEEDY: (Walking slowly to Guido) There's no where to run, Guido!

GUIDO: POLLY, PLEASE WAKE UP! HELP ME! LET ME IN!

SPEEDY: Your mine now!

GUIDO: OH GOD!

SPEEDY: God can't save you now!

Just then Polly opened the door and Guido fell through.

POLLY: (Rubbing her eyes) Guido, what's with all the shouting?

Guido runs in and slams the door shut and then locking it.

POLLY: Guido, will you-

GUIDO: Polly, Speedy's a vampire, I know it sounds crazy but-

Just then the door starts banging, it gets louder and louder. Speedy was trying to get in.

SPEEDY: YOU THINK YOUR SAFE! THIS DOOR WON'T KEEP ME OUT FOR LONG!

POLLY: What did you say Speedy is?

GUIDO: A vampire!

POLLY: A vampire...oh not again!

Just then an axe came through the door; it was then pulled out and smashed against the door again.

GUIDO: He's got an axe!

POLLY: I've got an idea, hold him off!

GUIDO: What? Why me?

POLLY: Well your suppose to be the hard case, so hold him off!

GUIDO: BUT- BUT-

Polly ran over to the bed and lifted it up and breaking one of the wooden legs, so it was a stabbing steak weapon.

GUIDO: What are you going to do, whack him?

POLLY: No, stab him in the heart, stupid!

GUIDO: (Pause) So, what are you going to do, whack him?

The axe caused a big hole in the door, enough for a face to fit through it. Speedy then stuck his face in the hole.

SPEEDY: HHHHEEEEEERRRRRREEEEEESSSSS SPEEDY!

GUIDO: Speedy, if you're a vampire, then why couldn't you change into a bat and fly through the window?

SPEEDY: I can't do that, I'm still a rookie!

Speedy then knocked the door down and chucked away the axe, his eyes were blood red and was ready to do some serious biting.

SPEEDY: Which one to suck first? Hmm...

POLLY: Hey, take me, TAKE ME!

GUIDO: Yeah, yeah take her, take her...

POLLY: (Rolls her eyes) My hero...

SPEEDY: Yes, I think I'll have a taste of nice female fresh flesh. Yum-Yum!

Speedy walked towards Polly and she backed away.

POLLY: NOW, GUIDO!

GUIDO: Now what?

POLLY: YOU IDIOT! GRAB HIM!

GUIDO: You grab him!

POLLY: JUST DO IT OR I SWEAR TO GOD I'LL HAVE YOUR BALLS FOR BREAKFAST!!

Guido hesitated and then grabbed Speedy's hands and got him in a lock, Polly got the wooden stick and placed it at Speedy's heart.

SPEEDY: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

POLLY: Stand still and I'll show you!

SPEEDY: Okay.

Polly then pushed the steak through Speedy's body and impaled him, he screamed as loud as he could and black blood dripped out of him.

POLLY: There see, simple.

SPEEDY: AAAGGGGHHHHHRRRRRRR! YOU BITCH! YOU DIDN'T GET MY HEART!

Polly gritted her teeth and clenched her fists from hearing that offensive word and pulled the steak out and stabbed Speedy again in a different position, this time getting his heart. Speedy screamed again before just making gagging noises and then he gave the thumbs up to Polly, then a cloud of smoke surrounded him and he disappeared.

GUIDO: Well, once again my plan worked!

POLLY: YOU'RE PLAN?

The sun was about to come out as soon as Speedy died, the rain had stop and so did the wind.

GUIDO: Okay, let's just say we BOTH came up with the plan, now come on...the rain has died down and the sun is up, let's get out of this place and go back to the car and picks our things up, yeah?

POLLY: Fine, okay!

Guido and Polly left the old house.

CAR.

It was another twenty minute walk to the car, which was still here.

GUIDO: Well, at least it wasn't stolen.

POLLY: I guess and the AA didn't come.

Guido went over to the trunk and open it and was surprised to what he saw.

GUIDO: Uh...Polly...

POLLY: What?

GUIDO: Look... (Lifts up a petrol can) It's full!

POLLY: WHAT? ALL THIS TIME...WE COULD'VE JUST OPENED THE TRUNK AND FILLED THE CAR??

GUIDO: Yep...you've gotta laugh though, there's a gag in this somewhere!

POLLY: (Shouting to the sky) SPEEDY, YOU BAST-

NARRATOR: And so...with Polly's lovely choice of words, the two cats went home in very good moods, it was the best night of their lives!

THE END.