Title: If I Jump In This Fountain?
Author: the quiet 1/quietliban
Disclaimer: The Harry Potter Universe and associated characters belong to JK Rowling and her publishers. No copyright infrigement is intended.
Summary: Theodore Nott is faced with a choice. (Theodore/Millicent, Theodore/Ginny)
If I Jump In This Fountain?
May 1998
"Why are you here?"
Theo simply stares at the man sitting across from him in the grim kitchen. He wasn't introduced when Bill Weasley pushed him through the door into this kitchen. It's a rich kitchen and it reminds Theo of his own, except this kitchen gathers dankness and darkness in a way his never did, and it doesn't have two bustling house elves eager to serve him sweets even after his father forbade it. The man who asked the question looks vaguely familiar to Theo. He is sure that he should know the grey haired man from somewhere, but it has all together slipped from his mind when and where that somewhere is.
"Snape thought it best," his answer is short and concise, and his tone might easily be called bored if the situation weren't so grave. The man sighs as if that was exactly the sort of answer he expected. Theo continues to stare at him.
"Perhaps I should have phrased the question better?" The man murmurs. He glances away from Theo looking at the middle aged woman who is hovering beside the table. Grey streaks her red hair which is tied up in an efficient bun. The woman looks out of place in the kitchen; she doesn't belong in this place full of shadows and dark timber furnishings. She looks as if she belongs in a place full of sunshine and light.
The woman puts down a large china teapot on the kitchen table. Three teacups hover in the air. She guides two of them to sit in front of him and the man, the third comes to rest on the table in front of an empty chair.
"Why did you turn to Professor Snape Theodore?" the man asks.
"He was the only person I could trust." Theo's answer is honest is nothing else.
The woman murmurs a charm, which stops the darkly marbled teapot in its tracks of pouring tea. The man mutters his thanks to the woman as he takes a sip, but Theo remains silent. She takes a seat in the empty chair and looks between the pair of them expectantly.
"I know that your father was sent to Azkaban after the Department of Mysteries," the man comments returning his cup to the table. Theo is unsurprised at this fact. Everybody knows. That is part of why he is here.
The woman studies Theo quietly monitoring his reaction. She sighs as she takes a sip of her tea, and looks at the man. "The boy's had a tough day Remus," she defends his silence. This stuns Theo. Nobody defends him, or buys him time. They all just want him to choose.
The man sighs in response to this and sips his tea. His brown eyes stare into Theo's, who looks down at his hands. They're plain hands, his hands. They're not delicately expressive like Malfoy's nor are they fat and muscly like Goyle's fist. They can't even do anything interesting like Millicent's, whose round fingers can play a thousand stories on the organ. His hands are plain and boring. They are hands that usually pass notice. If anything, his hands epitomise him, except the he isn't passing notice now. Not now that it's time for him to choose.
Bill Weasley walks into the room. His long red hair is tied up in a ponytail, and a fang dangles from one of his ears. Bill is the one who brought him here.
"Is Ginny's old room alright?" Bill asks the woman. He doesn't greet the other man, or pay any attention to Theo.
"Yes," the woman gets up, "it's fine. She can stay in another room when she gets here." She goes out of the kitchen and returns minutes later with a bundle of material. Silence between the three males echoes through the kitchen while she is gone.
"Here," she puts the pile of blankets on the table in front of Theo. He reaches out to touch them. The blankets are soft against his finger tips. "Follow Bill, he'll show you your room."
Theo slides out of his chair, and doesn't bid the man good night, but turns to the woman. "Thank you," he tells her solemnly as he follows her son. He doesn't look back behind him, and he misses the look of confusion of the red-haired woman's face.
They reach the end of a hallway, and Bill opens one half of a double door. "I hope this is alright," Bill tells him. Theo looks into the room.
"Its fine," he answers curtly. Bill's face falls out of its easy-going smile. Theo can tell that he doesn't know what to make of the boy he was summoned to bring here from Hogwarts.
"Okay then," Bill says as he begins to leave. "Good night Theodore." The door closes behind him and Theo goes over to the bed and drops the bundle of blankets and clothes on the bed.
Everybody in this house has called him Theodore. Theo is unnerved by that. They pronounce his name almost like it is a punishment. Theodore. Three syllables of a hardy proper name. It's formal sounding name. It's the name his father called him no matter the occasion. 'Theodore,' his father would call up the stairs, his name sounding light and jovial. Theo used to hurry down the stairs on these occasions, dressed smartly in his best clothes. His father holding his small plain hand in his large palm as they headed off to Diagon Alley, where they maybe his father would let him stop at Fortescue's.
Theo sighs, and sinks into the bed's mattress. That was when he had been a child. That was before his father would bellow his name through the house and dissect his behaviour.
Theodore.
It's the name Professor Snape calls him, and as the potion master says each syllable Theo can feel his skin crawl and the hair on his arms stands on end. It's plain to Theo, and to any other child who has seen their parents skulk around propriety, that Snape is a Death Eater.
Theo changes out of his school robes, and into the pyjamas that were folded in amongst the blankets Bill's mother had given him. They are soft and worn, and they smelt faintly of apple blossoms. Theo crawls into his bed. The revelation that Snape is in league with Dumbledore has shocked him. Theo doesn't know who to trust anymore.
September 1991
"Theodore?" a girl laughs. The room is new and foreign. Green and silver drapes hang from the low windows. "What kind of a name is that?" The girl has short silky dark hair, and a slightly upturned nose. She is a small girl, with the boyish frame of an eleven year-old.
"It's a good name," Theodore defends himself, "a solid name."
The girl laughs again, this time another girl joins in. This girl is different from the first. Her thick brown hair is braided in pigtails that make her broad features look even broader. She's not a small girl like the other one, and some might even call her brutish. Small breasts burst against the shapeless school blouse that doesn't expect eleven year old girls to even have the beginning of a woman's figure.
"It's a toy's name," this girl says, and she laughs again, mischief sparkling in her intelligent eyes. "It can be shortened to Teddy, like teddy bear."
Theodore frowns at this. He can tell by this new girl's tone she thinks she's superior. He's never thought that his name could be shortened to anything. The other boys on the train had called him 'Theo' when he had introduced himself and he thought that was strange enough. His father has only ever called him Theodore. He doesn't like this new name of 'Teddy,' he doesn't like it at all.
"No it can't," he tells the girls sulkily."
The girls laugh at this, and Theodore looks to the other boys in the room for support, but the blonde boy is busy whispering to the bulky figures of two others, and the fifth boy, the brown-haired one, has disappeared.
"Don't you like the name Teddy?" asks the broad girl. Laughter is still in her tone of voice.
"No!" he almost cries. He's embarrassed that anyone would dub him with such a weak name.
"Aw, poor Teddy," the girl snickers, "he doesn't like his name." She laughs again.
Theodore sees that no body will come to his aid, not the other boys or any of the older students. He turns and hurries away from the foreign room, and hurries down the stairs to where his dorm is.
May 1998
The grim kitchen is empty. The dishes are neatly piled in the drainage rack and Theo takes a glass from it. He hears footsteps behind him. He turns quickly dropping the glass as if he's done something wrong. The glass shatters and Theo stares at the girl who is staring at him suspiciously.
"Who are you?" she asks. She has long red hair, and a long face. Over all, Theo thinks her quite pretty.
"Theo Nott," he answers. Her eyes widen, and Theo wonders she's heard about him.
"Oh," she gasps and turns quickly out of the kitchen.
Theo stares after her.
June 1996
'Teddy?' the girl is older now, and her voice is full of concern. The school blouses have finally decided it is okay for girls to have breasts, and the broadness of her figure is not so pronounced anymore.
Theodore doesn't turn to face her. He stays hunched over leaning against the tree trunk. His shoulders are quivering, and his hands cover his eyes. 'Teddy?' the girl calls again, she's closer to Theodore now. Her tall figure stands over him, still he doesn't look up.
The girl crouches next to Theodore's hunched up figure, and a hand reaches out to touch his shoulder, and Theodore shrugs it off. 'Teddy?" she tries again to reach him. There is no response, except for a whimper.
'Tedd-Theo-' the girl switches names, 'I know. I know what happened.' The girl's voice has a quiet finality to it amongst the concern.
Theodore turns to look at her, his hands are furiously wiping tears from his eyes. He doesn't say anything, and the girl reaches out again. This time Theodore falls in to the broad girl's arms. The girl shifts so she sits on her legs, and she holds Theodore in her arms as he cries.
May 1998
The red-haired girl knocks on Theo's open door in the late afternoon. She pokes her head around the corner, and meets Theo's eyes.
"I'm sorry about this morning," she tells Theo, who puts aside his book. She comes closer to where he is, and sits down next to him on the bed. "Mum told me why you were here."
She takes Theo's hand with her own, and looks down to where their palms touch. "It must be hard."
Theo doesn't say anything, he's looking down to where the hands are entwined. He nods slowly, and looks back up. The girl is studying him, her brown eyes curious. They both lean in, and their lips brush gently. The girl draws back with a jump, confusion quickly replacing the curiosity in her eyes. Her hand quickly leaves Theo's, and he is left alone.
December 1996
The girl fits snugly in his arms, and Theodore is surprised by this. Even more surprised than when she commanded him to dance with her.
"Teddy?" she whispers, her voice is so soft and Theodore can barely hear her above the music. They are older now, and he is acutely aware of the way her broad body feels against his.
"Yes, Mill?" he replies. The girl's eyes sparkle in the fairies' lights, and she is wearing a shy secretive smile.
"Do you remember in third year," she begins to ask, "when me, Daph, Pansy and the other boys were playing spin the bottle," a blush rises in the girl's cheeks, " and you refused to play, because you thought it was disgusting?"
Theodore is confused by the question. "Yeah, and Malfoy called me a pansy, which caused Pansy to hex him with something…I can't remember what." He is aware that he is rambling, and that he should probably stop. The girl giggles, and Theodore is not sure why.
"Well," the girl regains her composure, "I wished you had have played."
"Why?" Theodore asks immediately and he can see the girl's expression fall.
The girl pulls out of his arms, not roughly, but deftly. Theodore just stares at her. She doesn't walk away, but looks up at him with a curious expression in her eyes.
"Because then you would have been my first kiss, not Goyle and then I wouldn't have him running around after me, and I wouldn't have him as my date," the girl's words are spoken quietly, swiftly and furiously.
Theodore watches as the girl stalks off. He's not entirely sure what just happened, but decides to follow her anyway.
The girl is sitting with her arms crossed on the bench outside. It's cool out here away from everyone even with the heating charms.
"Millicent?" Theodore calls, and he can see her purposely ignore him. "Mill."
The girl turns away from him her burgundy dress swishing as she does so. Theodore walks over to her, and sits down. The girl moves away from him. "Mill, just tell me what I did wrong?"
The girl doesn't turn around. "It wasn't you," she says softly, and Theodore reaches out to touch her arm. The skin is soft and cool, and Theodore quickly pulls back.
The girl faces him now, and he can see that she's been crying. It's never obvious when she cries; her eyes don't puff up red like the other girls'. Instead all you can see is residue of tears beneath her eyes and her wet lashes. He reaches across to wipe away her tears, running his thumb across her cheek.
"Millicent?" he asks as he leans in closer.
The girl leans in too, and they both hesitate before they kiss. It's a short kiss, brief but barely chaste.
"Teddy?" the girl whispers, her eyes are searching his. Theodore takes her hand and leans in once more.
A hand grips his shoulder as he leans in, and the girl glances up behind him.
"Oh, piss off Goyle," she hisses at the burly boy who has Theodore by the shoulder.
"Is everything alright Millie?" the other boy grunts at her, but it is more of a threat directed at Theodore.
"It was just fine until you turned up," the girl mutters as she tries and peels the boy's monstrous hand of Theodore's shoulder.
The burly boy pulls Theodore off the bench and stands him up.
"Bloody hell Goyle," Theodore says, "why can't you get it through you thick skull that Millicent doesn't like you?"
The boy's eyes narrow and Theodore can see his fist curl up. "Oh yeah?" the other boy draws up his arm to swing at Theodore. The skinnier boy ducks and moves to the side.
"Goyle," the girl tries to divert his attention, but the larger boy is having none of it. "Goyle it didn't mean anything."
The larger boy takes another swing, and this time his fist connects with the side of Theodore's face.
"Teddy?" the girl calls out nervously.
Theodore clutches his face, glancing over to where the girl is standing. He stands up straight to face the larger boy before running headlong into him with his fist flailing. He feels his fist hit the larger boy's flesh, but he can also feel the larger boy's fists hitting him.
"Teddy," the girl shouts, "Teddy!"
Theodore is lying on his back and the larger boy is standing over him. He's vaguely aware of a crowd around him. The girl is next to him, her hand is clutching his. Another bulky boy and the blonde boy are holding the larger boy's arms, pulling him away from Theodore.
A darkly cloaked figure is standing amidst them, and Theodore can feel the disappointment emanating off him. "Theodore, Gregory. I expected better from my own house. Millicent, take Theodore to the hospital wing. I will deal with this later."
May 1998
Theo walks into the main sitting room of the house. The girl is sitting on the couch; a cup of tea is steaming on the table next to her.
"I'm sorry about yesterday," Theo begins. The girl turns immediately towards him, her wand out.
Theo puts his hands up. He didn't mean to surprise her so suddenly.
"Did you mean it?" the girl asks. He brown eyes are narrowed, and Theo glances towards the floor, suddenly very much interested in the wooden floorboards.
"No," he replies, realising that this sounds heartless, and is likely to make the girl angry. "I mean, it was just a comfort thing."
The girl laughs, it's a bitter disbelieving laughs. Theo bites in the inside of his cheek, and masks the confusion that he is feeling. "Do you always kiss people for comfort?" the girl asks sceptically.
Theo thinks of Millicent, and he knows that if it had of been her that he would never had kissed her. He misses Millicent, but he knows that she doesn't understand, and would never offer comfort, at least, not now and not about this.
"No," Theo replies honestly.
The girl looks unimpressed. "So why was I so special?"
Theo has a feeling that she's just doing this for revenge now. He doesn't blame her. He would be angry too if someone kissed him for no apparent reason. "Because you were there," he answers.
"God forbid, what would have happened if Lupin had have been 'there.'"
Theo wrinkles his face in disgust at what the girl has implied, but he shrugs. "It'll never happen again."
"Good," the girl tells him, and goes back to her reading.
May 1998
"I'm going to go to Snape," Theodore tells the girl. She looks up from her books and parchment. Shock is clear on her broad features and she glances around their common room.
"You can't," she hisses back at him. Her expression is serious, and so is her concern. "If you tell him you won't have a choice."
Theodore looks at her, and he can see her point. They both know what Snape is. He taps his quill on the parchment. Blobs of ink form. It's a nervous habit, and he knows that the girl hates it. Predictably she reaches across the table and slams his hand and quill down. A group of third year students in the common room glance over at them at the noise. The girl smiles daintily like a predator and they go back to their games.
"Mill," Theodore says behind a smirk.
"Going to Snape is like going up to You-Know-Who Himself and waving your forearm around," the girl hisses back at him once she is sure that the younger students' attentions are properly diverted. She ducks her head back in to her schoolwork. Theodore rolls his eyes at the top of her head.
"So what should I do Millicent?" Theodore asks. "Go to Dumbledore and beg his clemency?"
The girl looks up and sighs heavily. "Really Teddy," she tells him, "it's obvious. Stay neutral."
Theodore glares at her nickname for him, but he's used to it now. After all she's been calling him that since first year. "Do you really think I can do that? Father sent an owl.'"
The girl's eyes widen at the youth's news. "He sent an owl?" They both know what that means.
"Well," Theodore hesitates. He knows that she won't take this news as seriously as he has to, "one of his associates did on his behalf."
The girl sighs in relief and pulls down her quill. "They're hardly going to do anything."
Theodore doesn't agree. The girl has never met any of his father's associates, as they are politely termed. Theodore has met them on multiple occasions, and knows what kind of man his father is. Theodore knows what they expect from him, and knows what they will force his answer to be.
"You can say that can't you Millicent?" Theodore begins. "After all the Bulstrodes have always been neutral, never displaying their hand." He can see her eyes glaze over at this, and Theodore doesn't know how to make her understand. She's building a wall against him. He doesn't know how he can explain that he has to choose a side, not for any other reason than because his father did. Her father chose to stay neutral, while his father chose to wear his loyalty on his sleeve, even if he had to wear that sleeve to Azkaban.
Theodore gets up from the table and leaves his books behind. He needs to think about this some more. He doesn't hear the girl's farewell as he leaves
May 2002
Theo is in a different house now. He knows that Millicent was right, and that by going to Snape he effectively chose. Plans and notes lie across his desk, and he's sick of all the strategy that's been given to him.
He knows that it's the only way he's useful, and that Dumbledore doesn't suffer anyone who isn't useful, although it's a wonder why he allows Seamus Finnegan to wander around.
Theo gets up from his chair and turns down the hall to the kitchen. Ron Weasley is shouting something at Terry Boot, and he knows that it's time for their daily argument. Theo ignores them as he goes to the cupboard and takes out a couple of biscuits and searches for the teapot.
Kingsley Shacklebolt rolls his eyes in the direction of the shouting young men, and Theo hides a smirk.
"Would you pair shut it?" Theo cuts through their argument. "You fight with Boot almost as badly as you fight with Granger. Anyone would think he was your ex-wife, Weasley."
Ron Weasley stares at him, his eyes horrified, and Theo laughs. He made the right choice, he thinks, by going to Snape all those years ago.