Much Ado About Yuffie love
Ok this is my new story to mess with the lives of FF7 characters. At the moment it has no title but its made up of dreams I've had, things that have happened to me, my friends, random people somewhere I'm sure, things I've seen, heard or just came out of my odd and strange imagination. Thank you I'm your author the amazing super you think that I own final fantasy 7, then where the hell is my money?!?! Until I get it, so it's not mine! Enjoy or not.
This is a write of this fic, the original came out about 6 year ago. I hoping it reads better now, with less grammar and spelling errors. Hoping you enjoy the humor, as much as I enjoyed rereading and writing it.
Another day has dawn over the beautiful beach paradise of Costa del sol. The bright sun rays filter though the gap in the blinds on to the face of a certain hero. Cloud rolled over trying in vain to block out the morning sun.
Uhh, another dawn of a another day he thinks. Blinking his eyes open, he gazed over to the sleeping form of Tifa next to him. Smiling he climbs out of bed to venture out in search of breakfast. Being careful not to wake his wife, he wandered into the hallway of their villa Cloud was greeted by the normal morning noise of his housemates.
"What the hell do you need all the bread for?" A voice sounding like imitation voice of John Wayne calls out, ahh the love able pilot of the highwind, my friend and yours, Cid!
"I wanna toast it then make a house of cards out of it! BEEP!" A mechanical (and since the life Scottish) voice of the toy cat bellowed out 5 times any normal volume by Cait (no Sith, Cait had to return him to the wild.)
"Now, now boys don't fight. I'm sure every one can share" Aeris, ever the voice of reason, the flower girl of hope and full time zombie. Cloud watches as one of her fingers falls into her milk.
Cloud walks into the kitchen to the scene unfolding of Cait and Cid pulling on both ends of the loaf of bread. With Aeris in between martyring.
"Look guys stop fighting some one is going to get hurt" Cloud using his I'm serous, if you're not careful, you damn kid voice.
"Fine! BEEP!" Bellowed the toy cat letting go of the bread. This caught Cid by surprised whose arm wipes back and hits Aeris in the face with the bread. Inflicting ten-hp damage to her.
"Oh poops!" Where she promptly crumples up and dies again. Absent minded Cloud throws down a phoenix down, with out a second thought to it.
"Look what you did! What would you of done if that hit someone important like Tifa or Vincent." Cloud rolls his eyes and tuts at them. "Hmmm, ask your selves that before you
do some thing stupid" With one lecture all ready done for the day Cloud decides to go out for breakfast before any thing else could happen. As soon as Clouds leaves.
"Hey! BEEP! You wanna shave Red XIII?!?!?!?" Cait held up a razor and waved it under Cid's nose.
"Hell yeah!" Cid rushes out with Cait. Aeris at last awakens, looks around looking for the others. "Why does every one leave me?" Catching her reflection in the windowpane. "Oh yeah I'm a zombie. Now where can I get some brains this time of day?" Off in search off sweet, sweet brains Aeris shuffles out of the kitchen.
Another room, another sleeper awaking from a sweet dream. Stretching out her limbs she smiles to herself. The sun is rising fast high in the sky. She'd over slept but, Oh well maybe this is the day! She thought to her self. Her mind slipping back to the dream. Maybe today would be the day she and Vincent finally would go out. With these happy thoughts in her mind she jumps out of bed to get ready for the day ahead and what a day it will be! Strolling out of her room, down the corridor to the bathroom. Suddenly she is pounced on by Aeris who was hiding in the shadows waiting for pray.
"Brains, Brains! I need brains" Aeris taps on the side of Yuffies. "Oh, no brains" and starts to shuffle away.
"Hey Aeris wait!" Yuffie calls out to flower girl of the damned.
"Yes" Also followed by a little moan (wow that sounds kinda rude).
"I need advice? How did you get Cloud to go out with you on that date at the golden saucer?" A blush creeped onto the young ninjas face.
"I forced him of course" She smiled sweetly. "Now if you excuse me I looking for lunch." She shuffles off once again. Yuffie prances off to the bathroom with a new plan starting to form in her mind.
Mean while at Shinra HQ or WRO who knows when this is set not me anymore
Reeve studies the person in front of his control desk. From the mans sweeping long hair, to his black clad leather body.
"Right Sephiroth? You do under stand every thing I told you?" Reeve asks a little unsure. Was this the best he could do? Well it was him or Cid and he didn't want to come back to find the place a huge mess and smelling like cigarettes. "Sephy understands!" Sephiroth replied in tone that he really didn't give a damn if he didn't. "Ok then I'll see ya in two weeks" Where Reeve promptly rips off his suit revelling short and a colourful flower shirt. Slipping some shades on. "Vacation time!" And walks out the room. Sephiroth glances round the room to make sure no one is around. A huge grin appears on his face.
"Buttons, buttons, buttons. Who's got the buttons?" A even bigger grin appears on his face as he looks down at the huge console covered in buttons, which control all of Shinra or maybe WROs workings "Sephiroth has the buttons!" He stares at a big blue button, his finger hovering inches away. "PRESS!"
In room 64 B level 67. The Turks are having a meeting. "All in favour say I?" Tseng says while razing his hand. All apart from Reno "I!" "All apposed" Tseng asks this time. "me?" In a meek little voice comes issuing from Reno. "The motion is passed members of the Turks can no longer where puffy pink shirts to work." There was a general agreement from Turks. Of course apart from Reno who was muttering about how life was so unfair. When a red light appeared out of the ceiling flashing, followed by a voice that announced that there were intruders in the room. "What the hell we're the only one in here" shouted Tseng angrily. "I'll try over riding the system" Elena rushed over to the computer, putting in their pass codes to this area. The computer informed her that she and the others were unauthorised users and the room would be exposed to gas in ten seconds. With a quick look to each other they knew what the procedure was.
"EVERY MAN FOR YOUR SELVES!" Shouts Rude. There was a rush of movement and shouts of panicked Turks trying to fit though the door. Elena slammed the door behind her just in time as the gas starts flooding the room. Tseng did a mental check of his Turks. Blondie check, baldie check, boozie noooo.
"Where the hells Reno?" He shouted scanning the area for the red headed, drinker.
Back in the room.
"Oh shit, Oh shit" Remembering he had goggles. They would save him! He thought defiantly, while sliding them on. The gas ever filling the room more. Outside. The other Turks were listening outside the door. "Do you think he's alright?" Asked a worried Elena. If he died it meant more work for her. A shout issued from the other side of the door. "THE GOGGLES THEY DO NOTHING!" He screamed in pain. "He's fine" A grinning Tseng answered, that'll teach him for stealing my pink puffy shirts!.
Back to the villa.
It was near lunch and Vincent was woken from shouts from the room next to his. A mixture of swearing, screaming, a buzz of a shaver, beeping and the roar of RedXIII. Well it was Reds room. Vincent proceeded to hammer on the wall. "Some of us are contemplating self-damnation here!" What jerks, he never got any peace round here. How was he supposed to brood? Oh well he might as well get up. He walked over to his windows and pulled the curtains open, light pours in. "Arr it burns" He raises his hands to his eyes. Aeris at this point shuffles in.
"Hey I'm the only undead freak allowed round here bud" Shaking her decomposing finger at him. "Sorry Aeris. Any way time for feedings" He was really hungry and maybe Yuffie would be there. "Yeah I so hungry, I still haven't eaten yet." So Vincent walked while Aeris shuffled for to the kitchen for lunch.
Everyone in the Costa del sol household had assembled for lunch. Tifa was cooking at the stove, while the others were round the table discussing what they were going to do today. RedXIII was covered in bald spots and sulking. Barret was starting work as a lumberjack today, so was dressed head to toe in flannel and a bobble hat. Aeris was decomposing happily bits of her were falling on to the floor. Cloud was graceful inserting cutlery into his hair. He waved a spoon in front of his face.
"Drum roll please" Calls out Cloud as the spoon enters the hair. Joining 2 forks, a butter knife and several hair combs all ready there. Cheers of joy from Vincent can be heard "Do the toast rack! The toast rack!" Getting really work up Cloud inserts the toast rack. Being quite large he gave it a shove. There was a loud crack and a yelp from Cloud.
"I think I've broke something!" he cries out in alarm. Where one of his huge spikes proceeds to drop off into his hands. "Oh my Sephiroth! Has anyone got any glue?" Cloud proceeds to run round the kitchen clutching the spike like a baby, trying to find the glue.
Yuffie is about to start to eat a muffin, she had just got from the basket on the table. "Hey you can't eat that!" Cid shouts at her. "Why not?" She sticks her tongue out at him.
"Because it's the last chocolate chip and I claimed it!" Insists the ever over bearing Cid. "Oh you really want it, fine" She elegantly licks the muffins and carefully smushs it into Cid's face. "Fine you can have it!" Grinning wide, she pulls back her hand and muffin. Of which only crumbs remain. "Why you little SOB. I kill you with muffins !" Cid grabs as many muffins as he can from the basket and starts to try to smush then into Yuffies face. Screaming in out rage Yuffie jumps up and starts to throw her own load of muffins, from the safe position behind Barret. Soon there is a muffin free for all. The air is thick with muffins of all types and sizes.
"I'm hit" Cries out Vincent. A blue berry muffin, has hit him dead in the face. "Nooooooooooooo Vincent!" Yuffie rushes to his side. "It'll be alright. Stay with me!" There's a cough from Vincent, his eyes roll into his head and he feels limp. "NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" 5 minutes later the group was out of muffins and breath. Yuffie is still crying over her fallen love. And now that the battle is over Vincent sits up and knocks her off his lap, saying. "We all done? I'm hungry" With shouts of yes and yay and hell yeah. They have lunch. Now with that over.
"I'm off to work. Hi HOOOOOE!" Calls out Barret as he goes off to his new job. (He's a lumberjack you know!)
Vincent glances at Yuffie but still can't muster the courage to ask her out. At the same time Yuffie is giving her self pep talk. "Come on Yuffie do it. Do it. Be forceful! Hey he just looked at me! No pay attention! Do it, do it! Now, now, now, now, now!" She stammers a little "Ur Vincent would you come outside?" "Why? You're not going to rob me?" Vincent confused, paranoid and self consensus as always. "No, I want to talk with you" Talking Vincent could handle. "Ok" The two walk out of the kitchen. In no doubt that some one would try to follow them.
Meanwhile back at Shinra H.Q or maybe WRO
"Sephy, Sephy, Sephy. Who has the buttons? Sephy that's who!" Sephy, I mean Sephiroth, is doing a little jig around the console. Then stops in front of the buttons. "Oh so many colours! Sephy knows not which to choose! Sephy knows!" A idea of great inspiration hitting him. "Iip, dip, dog shit! Sephys finger press it!" His finger is over a huge green button. "Sephy PRESS!"
Back in the kitchen.
"BEEP, BEEP REAL BAD BEEP! THIS IS BAD BEEP! IT HURTS!" To which Cait explodes. Parts of him cogs and all, fly all over the room.
"Wow, I didn't think it could happen but.." Cid holds up a packet. "Hojo has his own breakfast cereal! Hojo O's for growing mutant, experiment, lab freaks! Just right for you Cloud" Throws the cereal at Cloud, Which breaks off another of his spikes. "Nooo! When will this horror end!" "Why are we eating cereal after lunch?" Inquired by Tifa. "Oh well munch, munch"
Bored of this set of morons lets see what's going on outside.
"So, What did you want to talk about Yuffie?" Yuffie was trying to take great interest in her shoes, cute purple baseball bots if you want to unlike herself she come over all shy. When she Vincent asks this question. "I was wondering. Um if you want to of course. If you'd like to. Um you don't have to of course!" Oh how did Aeris do this its so hard! She thought, I'm getting this all wrong! "What is it Yuffie? You seem all worried and self consensus. Oh! And sweaty and clammy handed too!" He couldn't help but point out. What's up with her. Oh I hope, I can help her.
"Willyougooutwithmetonight?" It came shooting out in huge stream of words. Oh god i sound like such a dork. I bet he thinks i more of a freak none! A few second past as Vincent try to decode. Did she really just ask me? But of course the answer is. "Yes?" Vincent said, just as confused, paranoid and self conscious as ever, Yuffie jumps in the air doing a little dance as soon as she lands and singing. "I'm queen of thieves! I'm queen of thieves! Look at me dance! Look at me dance! Happy dance! Happy, happy dance!"
"Sorry to interrupt you. But where do you want to go?" A blush spreading on his face. Stopping in mid dance, a huge smile on her face. "Surprise me. I'm off to make my self beauty-fi! See ya at 7!" Skipping off to the hair dressers. Oh god! Vincent mumbles to himself What the hell shall i wear. She won't to be seen out with a brooding sad sack dressed like a vamp! I need help. He rushes back in to the house to find the one person who can help him. But unknown to him the main reason Yuffie likes him, is because he's the hot, breading, dark soul kinda guy! (Which i so agree with)
"CLOUD!" Breaking the ear drums in the process of trying to get his attention. Vincent tries again when he is ignored. "I NEED HELP" Cloud glances up at him with the look of eternal displease. He was trying to read big sword monthly, for guys who need to compensate. Sephiroth subscribed too. "Why should I help you?" Vincent thinks for a moment. "Because other then Tifa and Yuffie. I'm the only other person you like." Cloud shakes his head. "Umm I'll polish your sword for 2 weeks (wow this also sounds rude I never noticed till now)" Cloud shakes his head again. "I will give you a years supply of hair gel?" No again from the spiked head warrior. "I know! I'll give you my mint condition copy of sailor moon N.1." Cloud jumps up and sticks out his hand. "Done. Now what do you want help with?"
"I haven't told you yet. But I've got a date tonight and.." Cloud starts skipping around like a ten year old. "Ahhh. Our little Vinnie got a date. How cute! Vinnie's got a date! Vinnie's got a date! Who with a girl? Is she pretty? Vinnie likes girls!" Cloud sang in the voice of a little girl, Vincent sticks out his arm catching Cloud in a close line. Cloud slumps to the floor. "Stop! Look I just need a few tips on what to wear and do! I haven't been on a date in 30 years and the last one didn't turn out so well!" Cringing with bad memories of the last time he went out with a member of the opposite sex, damn them all! "Hmm this maybe challenging but lets start!" Cloud grasps Vincent by the hair and pulls him in to the bathroom, the echo of screaming can be heard all over Costa del sol.
Seven O'clock
Yuffie is waiting for Vincent. She gone all out dressed in a light green cut off dress and her hair in a cute bun. She tapped her foot impatiently on the wall. Where was he? Maybe he changed his mind? Oh god he hates me! Her thoughts running wild at reasons for him being late. The sound of the front door of the villa opening startled her from her thoughts. She glanced at the person. she couldn't believe her eyes. "Vincent?" In front of her the normal sexy, dark and brooding ex Turk had been transformed into ......
"Do you like it Yuffie? I did it just for you?" A very scary Cloud look a like! Some how they had managed to gel his hair into 2ft tall spikes, his red bandanna gone. He was wearing PURPLE! Purple trousers with a purple polo neck top, which has had the selves cut off. It was a truly horrifying site. One Cloud is bad enough. "Why? Dear Sephiroth why?" Yuffie was devastated. this was just wrong almost as wrong as the time Cid dress up as a girl and ran around singing "I'm a pretty little girl, give me hugs and kisses" "I thought i needed a new look?" He was cress fallen. He was so sure she would like it.
"But why, that look? You look like Cloud! You look like a freak!" She was freaking out here ,finely they were going out and he decides to become Cloud. "Hey! Cloud happens to be my hero! I thought his great fashion advice would be good!" No matter how much I love her, there's no way she can talk bad about my hero like that. "Ha Cloud and fashion sense don't mix in the same sentence. He thinks that making your air stick up like a hedgehog with a major growth problem stuck on top your head is cool! What's your point?" God why were men so frustrating. "Look can you just change please?"
"Fine if that's what you want. But I'm keeping the underwear. It's so roomy!" Rushing back into the house to get changed. After about 15 minutes he's back to his old self. (YAY!) "Yayness! That's what i was looking forward to, lets go" Yuffie remarked on Vincent's return. "So where are we going?" She asked. Hoping up and down in excitement. Yes hoping, that's what all the cool kids do yo. "Well i thought we could go to the movies, then who knows" Starting to lead the way to the Costa del sol megaplex. "Oh double yayness! I love the movies."
Back again at Shinra HQ or WRO.
"So who do you thinks cuter?" Rufus holds up two photos. "Cloud or Vincent?" "Oh! Oh! Cloud I love blonds!" Shouts out Scarlet from her seat in front of him. "Really I like Vincent he's got that whole tall, dark and brooding air!" He pulls out another two photos "Ok what about Sephiroth or Tseng?" "Don't make me choose! Oh they're both so cute!" Scarlet squealed, she just can't choose!
Meanwhile else where in the Shinra HQ.
Sephiroth has constructed a mini throne from waste paper bins, jenova limbs and chilli bean tins. Sitting on top he surveys his kingdom of buttons. "Sephy is god. You are all his tiny slaves!" He proclaimed, pointing at the buttons with his new pointing stick (aka broom handle). "Live, live, live, live" his pointy stick moves from button to button. Until it's over a flashing yellow one. "Sephy say die! PRESS!"
Upstairs again!
"Yes I have to say Reno is much cuter then Rude." Scarlet points to the picture of Reno. "Can I keep that?" Scarlet asked, the picture is a little racy if you get my drift. Reno + house plant - clothing = goodness. "Sure I have tons" Rufus hands her the photo, suddenly and without warning an alarm begins to flash red. "WARNING! WARNING!" The computer's voice boomed over the P.A. "HOJO HAS BEEN RELEASED FROM HIS CAGE! LOCK ALL DOORS AND WINDOWS! TURN OFF YOUR ENGINE! THE TURKS SHALL BE HERE IN A MOMENT! DO NOT PANIC! HE IS ONLY MILDLY DANGEROUS! DO NOT GET HIM ON YOUR SKIN! DO NOT LET HIM MATE YOU WITH SOME OTHER CREATURE" "Who the fuck let him out!" Rufus yelled running to the containment area with Scarlet wheezing and lagging behind. "huff I'm outta huff shape!" Rufus rushes into an elevator, Scarlet speeds up. "Wait! wheeze! For! hack coff Me!" But Rufus just closes the doors and disappears from sight, Scarlet stands there alone when suddenly the lights on that level went out, there was a scuttling sound in the air vents.
"Eep!"
The end for now.
Will Yuffie and Vincent ever get on their date. Will Rufus ever get though this Hojo disaster! Will Sephy destroy the whole of Shinra or the WRO! Who knows wait till the next chapter of Much ado Yuffie love!