Meredith lay in the middle of her bed in a dark room. For once the house was empty and completely silent. Izzie and Alex had both scrubbed in on a surgery, so wouldn't be home until late and Derek was at the hospital checking on his post op patients.

Meredith was totally content with just laying there; the last six weeks had been some what of a whirlwind, since her Mothers death and everything. Izzie and George were barely speaking, George still choosing not to tell Callie about what happened between them. Christina and Burke deciding to put a hold on the engagement and Derek, who has been kind of quiet and strange for a while now.

All of a sudden her tranquillity was disturbed by the sound of the front door slamming shut; she heard the sound of foot steps in the hall travelling through to the kitchen. Dereks footsteps, she could tell by the noise his shoes made on the wooden floor. She could hear him slowly climbing the stairs and walking towards her room. He pushed the door open and turned the light eye. Meredith flinched when the beams of light hit her eyes.

Derek looked at Meredith with a tired distant expression on his face he watched her for a moment before finally speaking, 'hey.'

'Hey yourself' Meredith moved over to her side of the bed making room for him to lie down.

Derek made his was over to Meredith and climbed onto the bed next to her, without so much as even removing his shoes. She cuddled up to him, resting her head on his chest. The room was silent again until Meredith let out a sigh. 'You o kay, you've been kind of quite lately?' She muttered hoping her would choose to open up to her.

'Yes, everything is fine, its nothing to do with us, its just me.' He spoke quietly then leant down and placed a kiss on the top of her head.

'What about you though, you have not been right since my Mother died.' She said pleading for him to say something in reply.

He ran his fingers up and down her back for a couple of minutes before speaking again. 'Christina said you weren't feeling so good today, are you o kay?'

'I'm fine just really tired and achy, I felt nauseous all day but its passing now, I think I just need a good nights sleep, anyway stop changing the subject, we were talking about you.' Meredith tilted her head to look into his eyes so that he wouldn't be ale to avoid her.

'What about me, so I have been a bit quiet, unless you forget you almost died a few weeks ago and I know you seem totally fine with it and everything but its just a lot for me to process.' Derek spoke straight to her, raising his voice to begin with but ending on a mellower note.

Meredith just stared at him she had no clue what to say, it was up to Derek to break the silence. 'I almost lost you, do you have any idea how hard that was, there was nothing I could do to help you and we never even talked about it, I don't even know what happened to you, how did you end up in the water in the first place? Why didn't you swim?' He looked at her with a pleading look in his eyes.

Meredith thought for a second, unsure if he could take the truth, so she thought maybe she could tell him, just leave change it a little, creative licence, so she took a deep breath sat up and began. 'I was helping a guy and he was in pain and struggling and I just lost my balance and fell in, I tied to swim but it was just to cold and I couldn't I wanted to but, I don't know I guess in that moment I couldn't do it, it was to hard everything was just to hard.' She paused her eyes filling to the brim. This was the first time she had really talked about it and it was hard, seeing the look on Dereks face. He looked lost.

'So you wanted to drown, is that what you are trying to tell me?'

Meredith jumped in quickly 'No, I don't know, maybe in that moment, but not anymore I promise, I just…..got a bit lost for a while, but okay now, were okay right?' A single tear ran down her cheek, followed by another which Derek quickly intercepted with his chin. He never wanted to upset her that's why he hadn't brought it up himself. He leant forward and kissed her on the forehead.

'We are okay, everything is going to be okay.' Derek looked into her eyes tracing her jaw line with his thumb as he spoke. He was unable to hide the look of hurt on his face, he had desperately wanted to think that she had swam as hard as she could, but he knew in the back of his mind that this was not the case, that why he had been so unsettled recently.

'I m sorry, it had nothing to do with you, I was just a mess and I guess I was scared, everything with us just moved so fast, one minute you have a wife the next we practically live to together, I was just looking for trouble, my Mother messed with my head.' She spoke tearfully and honestly desperately wanting to ease the pain that she could see in his eyes.

'Do you want to slow things down?' This was the last thing Derek wanted but he had to ask.

'No, I was just scared I love you, I just needed a reminder.' She intercepted quickly

'Are you sure, its not what I want, but I want you t be happy, that's what will make me feel better, you happy.'

'Yes I am sure and you make me really happy, okay.' Meredith spoke softly and then leaned in and kissed him just once, before pulling a way and looking into his eyes, before he reciprocated. Pushing her gently down onto the bed while she pulled his sweater over his head.

This is my very first fanfic so please be nice!!!!!!!!!!!

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