I can't sleep lately. Every time I close my eyes, Netto's face haunts my
dreams. My homework lies untouched on my computer, but I just can't make
myself work on it, even with finals coming up. Heavy, my body feels. I lift
a hand up to my forehead. There's nothing wrong with me. Just feeling that
I'm spinning away from my sanity, and I'm going to crash and burn at any
moment.
Shaking my head, I brush my hair behind my ears and breathe deeply. I'm not going to be weighed down like this. I need to be strong, to keep working at it.
But I just want to give up.
It's always so easy to picture the end, where everything works out and everyone's content, but it's never easy to tread the path to it.
I need someone to talk to. Someone who will understand me, understand what I'm feeling at this moment. Yet. out of all my friends, who would actually be able to comprehend this misery?
*beep*
Roll-chan pops up onto the screen. "Meiru-chan, you have mail from Dekao. Should I delete it?"
I sigh. Yet another daily e-mail from Dekao. But maybe. "Actually, please open it this time."
Roll-chan hesitates. "You do realize he's asking you on a date again?"
"I know. That's why I want to open it."
Roll-chan still hasn't moved. In a surprised voice, she asks, "What happened to Netto?"
My voice starts to strain. "Please just read it."
"Heya, Meiru-chan. Would you like to go to the arcade with me tomorrow? Bye! Love, Dekao"
Roll-chan finishes, and asks, "What kind of reply should I make?"
"Answer yes, and ask at what time."
I don't want to feel this pain anymore. There has to be an answer out there. Something that would make this all go away, make it all better.
Something that could give me the courage to do something with this heart I've created.
My hands find their way to a pencil, and I begin to sketch Netto's face absently as I wait for a reply. It could be so perfect, our love.
Always together, playing around. Supporting one another, creating a bond that would go on forever.
His face would sport a grin as he bantered with me, and joy would enter both of our souls.
It could be so perfect.
These daydreams elevate me beyond measures, even as they tear into me with razor sharp claws.
And the wounds that I bear are my tears of blood.
The computer beeps again, as Roll-chan opens the e-mail.
"Dekao replies: All right!! Meet me at 2:30 at the arcade tomorrow! Love, Dekao."
I wipe my eyes clear, but a few make their way to splash onto my sketch of Netto.
Somehow, my hand floats down to touch his hair, and trails down until it reaches his chin. I feel obsessed, so very obsessed with something that is out of my reach.
I sigh and close my eyes, leaning back against my chair. I'm losing it.
Roll-chan gives a small sigh as well, and whispers, "Meiru-chan." I can hear the sadness and pity in her voice.
I get up from my chair and climb the ladder up to my bed. My homework lies on the computer, still untouched.
"Good night, Roll-chan."
She sighs again, softly. My heart cracks into pieces, even as I make up my mind. I'm moving on. I have to get my own strength. Maybe Dekao can be the key.
Shaking my head, I brush my hair behind my ears and breathe deeply. I'm not going to be weighed down like this. I need to be strong, to keep working at it.
But I just want to give up.
It's always so easy to picture the end, where everything works out and everyone's content, but it's never easy to tread the path to it.
I need someone to talk to. Someone who will understand me, understand what I'm feeling at this moment. Yet. out of all my friends, who would actually be able to comprehend this misery?
*beep*
Roll-chan pops up onto the screen. "Meiru-chan, you have mail from Dekao. Should I delete it?"
I sigh. Yet another daily e-mail from Dekao. But maybe. "Actually, please open it this time."
Roll-chan hesitates. "You do realize he's asking you on a date again?"
"I know. That's why I want to open it."
Roll-chan still hasn't moved. In a surprised voice, she asks, "What happened to Netto?"
My voice starts to strain. "Please just read it."
"Heya, Meiru-chan. Would you like to go to the arcade with me tomorrow? Bye! Love, Dekao"
Roll-chan finishes, and asks, "What kind of reply should I make?"
"Answer yes, and ask at what time."
I don't want to feel this pain anymore. There has to be an answer out there. Something that would make this all go away, make it all better.
Something that could give me the courage to do something with this heart I've created.
My hands find their way to a pencil, and I begin to sketch Netto's face absently as I wait for a reply. It could be so perfect, our love.
Always together, playing around. Supporting one another, creating a bond that would go on forever.
His face would sport a grin as he bantered with me, and joy would enter both of our souls.
It could be so perfect.
These daydreams elevate me beyond measures, even as they tear into me with razor sharp claws.
And the wounds that I bear are my tears of blood.
The computer beeps again, as Roll-chan opens the e-mail.
"Dekao replies: All right!! Meet me at 2:30 at the arcade tomorrow! Love, Dekao."
I wipe my eyes clear, but a few make their way to splash onto my sketch of Netto.
Somehow, my hand floats down to touch his hair, and trails down until it reaches his chin. I feel obsessed, so very obsessed with something that is out of my reach.
I sigh and close my eyes, leaning back against my chair. I'm losing it.
Roll-chan gives a small sigh as well, and whispers, "Meiru-chan." I can hear the sadness and pity in her voice.
I get up from my chair and climb the ladder up to my bed. My homework lies on the computer, still untouched.
"Good night, Roll-chan."
She sighs again, softly. My heart cracks into pieces, even as I make up my mind. I'm moving on. I have to get my own strength. Maybe Dekao can be the key.