Pairing: Shunshui/Juushiro friendship or slash. It's up to you, I guess.
POW: Juushiro, obviously.
Disclaimer: Let me tell you that I do not own Bleach.
A/N: Yay, finally something new! And it's in English, which is a real achievement for me. And sure I have some grammar errors going wild here but hopefully not too much. I have recently been reading Bleach and loads of fanfiction and felt like I could actually write something. Actually I should be preparing for my matriculation exams but who cares.
So this is one of those Shun/Juu drabbles you can find anywhere. I wrote this because I felt like it, not because I thought it would be very special or unique. Also because it's really easy to write this kind of stuff compared to more complicated plots and drama and I wanted to start with something relatively easy. I've never written Bleach fanfiction before so maybe you understand. (If you don't, then I don't see why you are wasting your time reading this.)
Anyway, go ahead and read it. And please please please review.
XXX
"You know that I can't keep this up forever," I tell him as I tell him always when this topic comes up. We are sitting together at my house and I'm still feeling a bit weary after last few days of constant coughing and fever.
"Well that's not any reason to stop fighting against it!" is his next line in our scene of this never ending play. I don't need to look at him to know that he is wearing that certain expression of concern, determination and the slightest bit of anger directed rather towards my willingness to accept my faith than myself.
His argument has long ago become so familiar for me that I have an answer ready for him: "I know that and I am trying and will try to fight the illness but I must also face the fact that some day this will be over. It may be next week or next year, even next hundred year, but I will die because of this and you know it as well as I do."
"...I don't want to lose you."
The words immediately catch my attention; they come out with reluctance, slow and silent, almost shy. I can hear that this is something close to a matter which is both important and really bothering him. This is also definitely something very unlike him and this all makes me wonder just how long he has been willing to say those words and what else lies underneath that tone and those words. He doesn't look at me but I can see his face nevertheless because his hat is resting beside him on the floor. I can't recognize his expression but I swear he means it to be casual and is failing badly.
I don't say anything, just patiently wait for him to continue. After a while my friend moves to face me directly and sights in a way I can describe only as so very sad, tired and lonely it nearly frightens me. He looks into my eyes and I'm once again startled by how intense his gaze is despite he is trying to mask his feelings. I keep my own gaze steady and try to encourage him to speak with my eyes. Eventually he lets his gaze fall down to the floor as if the next words were something he should hide from me.
"I don't want to be left alone", he confesses. Oh. For a moment I don't know what to do, what to say, what to think. Suddenly I understand why he has always been so persistent about fighting, not giving up, not accepting the inevitable. I feel such an amount of compassion and shame it makes me sick. Had I ever sacrificed a thought to how will he cope when my time comes?
"Oh, Shun," I whisper and pull him in my arms. He doesn't say anything but buries his face into my hair. I hold him tightly and try to come up with reassuring words or at least something gentle and understanding. But I can't figure out any words which could offer him the comfort he deserves and finally I have to admit it – both to myself and Shunshui.
"I'm sorry, I had never thought... I should have understood. Please forgive me for being so selfish." Somehow my words seem to ease him at least a bit. I can sense it from the way his body relaxes in my embrace and the way his strong arms encircle me gently. He chuckles softly and in that sound I can hear his smile.
"I should have guessed that you'd find a way to blame yourself", he says and my lips curve involuntarily. He has always been able to make me smile no matter what the situation is. Even now I feel instantly better. However I don't let the actual matter slip from my mind.
"Thats only because this time I deserve it. I have been so very selfish and blind," I tell him. "Can you forgive me?" I ask him quietly.
"Of course I can." His arms tighten around me and pull me closer. I relax and let his presence flood over me. I still feel guilty but if this is enough for him I'm not going to push the matter anymore.
For a while we sit just like that, alone in my silent estate. Moments go by while I casually wonder if this is how small children feel in their mothers arms. It's comfortable and warm here and I feel content and relaxed. The heat of Shunshuis body is slowly lulling me to sleep, letting the tension flow away from my muscles. Finally when I'm on the edge of sleep he moves. He pulls away slightly so he can see my face.
"Juushiro, could you promise me something?" he asks me. I smile a bit, he has never managed to fool me after certain happenstance at Academy.
"Maybe?" I smile at him and make him chuckle. But despite that his face is serious and his voice doesn't hold that mischievous tone which always means a new attempt to avoid working or chasing after some poor female souls.
"Promise me that you will live through this day."