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When Castiel was nothing more than a fledgling angel, he was taught about love. Angels held love in the highest honor. Being in love was the greatest hope any angel could have. To find your soul mate, to be together for eternity, was something more than a simple belief. It was a way of life.
Castiel wondered when he would find his soul mate. What they would be like, look like, what would their habits be, what would their voice sound like. He asked Anna when he would know.
"You just do," Anna said, "When I met Adam… it was natural. It was like I was missing something, and he filled it."
"Will my soul mate be a human too?" Castiel asked. He wasn't sure if he could fall in love with a human. He'd never even seen one!
"You will fall in love with whoever your soul mate is," Anna said gently, "Aziraphale fell for a demon, I fell for a human, Michael fell for another angel."
"You mean I have to fall?" Castiel looked up at Anna with fear, "I don't wanna fall."
"It's much easier than you think," Anna gave a soft smile.
Castiel didn't believe that for a minute. He was an angel. Falling, in any sense of the word, meant he had done something wrong. It meant giving up, it meant losing control. It meant trusting someone he didn't know yet. He still wanted to meet his soul mate, all angels did, but he wasn't sure if it was going to be as good as he imagined. Not if he has to fall to find his soul mate. It wasn't worth it.
As Castiel grew older, he saw his fellow angels find their soul mates. Find the person they had been waiting for. His best friend, Balthazar, chased after some French woman. Uriel managed to find a demon that matched him perfectly. Rachael left Heaven and brought back a fallen angel.
Still, Castiel was alone.
He was growing impatient.
"What's got you down?" Gabriel plopped next to him on the bench.
Castiel hoped that being in the garden would provide him with a semblance of privacy. Clearly the archangel did not agree.
"I don't have a soul mate," Castiel sighed, "I'm cursed to an eternity alone."
"No, you're not," Gabriel shoved Castiel playfully, "There's one for you. You just haven't gotten there yet."
"How long do I have to wait?" Castiel asked, "All my friends have found their soul mates, where is mine?"
"Let me tell you something," Gabriel said seriously, leaning down, "I don't have my soul mate yet."
"What?" Castiel's eyes flew wide open, "You don't?"
"Nope," Gabriel stood up and stretched his wings out, "I've been around the block a few thousand years more than you, and I haven't gotten my soul mate yet."
"What does that mean?" Castiel asked, standing up as well. If Gabriel didn't have his soul mate, then certainly there was no soul mate for Castiel!
"It means my soul mate hasn't been born yet," Gabriel smiled, "Which means that when we finally meet, we've got thousands of years to make up for."
Gabriel winked and walked away, leaving Castiel in the garden. The younger angel looked down at his hands. Gabriel was probably right. Castiel was being impatient. That was it. It had to be it. His soul mate would come soon enough.
Castiel almost spent all his time in the garden. It was the most peaceful place of heaven and he could spend his time thinking and wondering, speculating on his still absent soul mate. Most angels were spending time with their loved ones, or on Earth giving little miracles. No one was in the garden anymore. No one but Castiel.
Until Michael stormed in. He was growling under his breath and his normally serene blue eyes were flashing with anger.
"Michael?" Castiel said timidly.
The archangel turned, his face twisted with fury. When he saw Castiel his face softened and his shoulders relaxed.
"Castiel," Michael said, brushing blond hair from his eyes, "What are you doing here?"
"I'm always here," Castiel said, "What's wrong?"
"Something Lucifer said," Michael groaned.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Castiel asked, "I'm not doing anything else."
"Yeah, I think so," Michael said, leaning against a nearby tree, sighing before he spoke, "I know that Lucifer and I are soul mates. We knew that since we were born. I just didn't know how hard it would be."
Castiel sat attentively, listening closely. Everything about soul mate intrigued him.
"You haven't found your soul mate, have you?" Michael guessed.
Castiel shook his head.
"Well, between soul mates there's a bond," Michael explained, "It's a grace-to-grace connection. Or a grace-to-soul. It's something that can't be broken and it has no distance. No matter how far you run, the bond remains. A bond is more than just a connection, it allows you to feel each others emotions, going so far as to knowing what the other is thinking."
"That doesn't sound too bad," Castiel mused. How nice it would be to just project what he is feeling without having to muddle about with words. It would be so convenient to have that extra push-and-pull, that connection to each other's very being.
"It's not," Michael said, "Not unless you use it against each other. I was on Earth, helping around here and there. Well I felt a tug on my grace and found a small happy couple, just moving into their first house. I can't begin to explain why I felt such a connection to that family, but I did. I visited them often. As expected, Lucifer was jealous. He used my emotions against me."
"What family is it?" Castiel asked.
"Winchester," Michael answered, "Maybe I'm their guardian angel, I don't know. But I feel… connected to them."
"Why don't you tell Lucifer this?" Castiel asked, "Wouldn't he understand?"
"Heh, I'm sure he already knows," Michael laughed, "The bond."
Castiel didn't move even after Michael left. He didn't know about the bond soul mates share. He couldn't imagine that. The extra communication would be nice, that much Castiel could admit. But having your soul offered up to someone else, no secrets, Castiel couldn't do that. He couldn't give up his everything to anyone. Soul mate or not.
Joshua got sick of Castiel hanging around the garden he sent him to Earth. He didn't give him a job or anything, just tried to get him out of the garden. Castiel had never been to Earth. It would be a good experience for him, even if it was like being put into a time-out. He didn't know what to do or where to go. He only knew of one set of humans. The Winchesters.
Good as a place as any to start.
Castiel flew down to Lawrence, Kansas. He spotted a few of his angelic siblings in the streets, along with a very rare demon. He was certain he saw Aziraphale drag Crowley into a bookstore, but couldn't know for sure. He walked up to the little Winchester house, took a deep breath, and knocked.
The man who opened the door was gorgeous. Castiel had never seen a human in the flesh, but even he knew this man was beautiful, by any standards. His light brown hair, lightly freckled skin, and green eyes were almost too much to take in.
"Do I know you?" the man asked, eyes guarded.
"My name is Castiel," the angel was breathless, "My brother was here, years and years ago. He said something about… guardian angels."
"You mean Michael," the man said, his body relaxing slightly, "Yeah. He's been our guardian angel since Mom and Dad moved here. You know him?"
"He told me of you," Castiel said, "May I come in?"
"Yeah, of course," the man backed up and let Castiel come in, "I'm Dean by the way."
"Thank you, Dean."
Castiel didn't move when Dean shut the door. Their bodies were close. Castiel could feel the heat from Dean's body. He was mesmerized by those green eyes. His heart was pounding and he could feel sweat start to gather in the palms of his hands.
"Well, come on then," Dean cleared his throat, "Might was well introduce you to the family."
Castiel followed Dean through the house, keeping his wings tucked close into his body. Castiel's heart was still thundering and the blood was rushing through his veins. His hands were shaking with nerves. This must be the emotions humans felt all the time. It was a wonder they didn't spontaneously combust.
Dean led him to the living room where four people were situated. John and Mary Winchester were sitting on the loveseat. Across them were two others, sitting close together on the sofa.
"Hey guys," Dean said, "This is Castiel. He said he knows Michael and popped down for a visit. Castiel, this is my mom and dad. And that's my little brother Sam and his fiance, Jessica."
"It's nice to meet you," Castiel said, "I apologize. This is my first time on Earth. I am unsure of… human customs."
"First time?" Sam grinned, "What gave you the idea to drop in on us?"
"You're the only humans I know," Castiel admitted.
"Well, first time on Earth means something special," Dean declared, "How about me and Sammy take you around and show you what's what? Jess can come too. We can go to the-"
"Do you know Anna?" Jessica asked, stopping Dean mid-sentence, sitting up straighter, "She's bonded with my cousin, Adam."
"She's my sister," Castiel said, "The first angel I know personally who met her soul mate."
"Well this is all well and good, but we've got all of humanity to show this angel," Dean interrupted, "Let's get started!"
"Actually, I don't think we can come," Jessica said, elbowing Sam in the ribs, "Very important wedding stuff to plan after all."
"Oh, right, yeah," Sam nodded, "Sorry Dean, maybe next time?"
"Sure," Dean said, a smile at the corner of his lips, "Come on Cas, lots of things to see."
Castiel's heart stopped at the nickname. No one has ever given him a nickname. From what he knew of nicknames, he knew that you had to be very important to get one. That a special bond came from nicknames. It was a show of affection.
In the front of the house was a sleek black car. Dean's face lit up when he saw the car and he ran his hand lovingly over the frame.
"Hey baby," Dean said, "We're gonna show an angel around town, how does that sound?"
"Does your car respond?" Castiel asked, coming up next to Dean.
"Not in words," Dean grinned, "Get in."
Castiel slid into the passenger seat of the car. It was an awkward fit with his wings, but he managed. Dean started the car and the rumble of the engine filled the entire car. Castiel could feel it beneath him.
"This is a '67 Chevy Impala," Dean informed, pulling away from the house, "One of the greatest cars to have ever been made. This car is immortal."
"Where are you taking me?" Castiel asked.
"I figured we start somewhere normal," Dean said, "And it's lunch time. Do you eat food in heaven?"
"Not really," Castiel shrugged, "Food has always been a human need. Angels who have bonded with humans say that eating is a pleasurable experience."
"They got that right," Dean grinned.
Castiel turned to Dean and felt his heart flutter again.
Castiel spent more time on Earth with Dean. They went to fast food joints for burgers, movie theaters for action films, various diners for the best pie. Dean taught Castiel about cars and classic rock. In return, Castiel told Dean about heaven and angels. Dean had his own apartment across down from his parents and most nights Castiel would stay there, watching movies while Dean slept.
He didn't know when one day turned into three months or when he considered the Winchesters just as much his family as his siblings in heaven, but soon Jess was pushing a wedding invitation into his hand.
"For Anna," she said, "Her and Adam. You're more than welcome to come, but I didn't think you needed an invitation."
"I will make sure they get it," Castiel said fervently.
"You're the best, Cas," Jess grinned and threw her arms around him for a hug.
The wedding was in a month in a little chapel in Lawrence. Castiel delivered the invitation to Anna (she squealed and flew down to Adam) and came back to Earth. Dean worked as a local mechanic with his dad and family friend Bobby Singer. He and his wife, Ellen, had a daughter, Jo, who also worked there and had a thing for Dean. Cas couldn't explain why it made his skin crawl to watch her stare at him.
Castiel landed in a puff of dust and easily found Dean, head under the hood of a mustang. The angel crept forward and put a hand on Dean's shoulder. Dean shouted and jumped, slamming his head against the hood.
"Dammit Cas, don't do that!" Dean exclaimed, "I'm going to have to get you a bell or something if you keep sneaking up on me like that."
"My apologizes," Castiel said, "I merely wished to see how you were doing?"
Dean gave a brilliant smile and wiped his hands on a rag. Castiel had gotten better at containing his heartbeat and flushing face in Dean's presence, but seeing Dean smile, all walls down, completely open, made Castiel flutter with embarrassment and something more. He spared a glance at Jo who was staring gobsmacked at the two. Something in his chest roared triumphantly.
"Doing fine," Dean said, "Hey, my shift's almost done, wanna grab some lunch?"
"I would love to," Castiel grinned.
"You can help me with my best man speech," Dean said, "For the wedding."
"If you so desire."
Dean laughed and pulled Castiel through the workshop, promises of pizza and pie and Star Wars.
Anna and Adam were already on Earth for the wedding. Castiel was pacing in the garden once more. He couldn't explain why he was so nervous for this moment, but he was. Weddings were important. This was Dean's brother's wedding too. Castiel didn't want to screw it up.
"Don't think too hard," Gabriel said, "You're gonna break something."
"I'm scared," Castiel said, "I'm nervous. I don't know why! It's not my wedding, nor is it Dean's. I have no reason to feel this nervous."
"You're in love," Gabriel sighed.
"I'm what?" Castiel stopped his pacing.
"You. Are. In. Love.
"But… I'm not," Castiel said, "Dean is my friend-"
"Try again, bro," Gabriel cut him off, "Just… trust me. Go to the wedding. Everything is gonna be fine. You're in love."
Castiel took a few reassuring gulps of air and flew down to the wedding.
He wasn't in love with Dean Winchester. No. Anna said he would fall in love. Castiel didn't fall anywhere. He was still standing as strong as tall as the day he was born. He was still an angel, filled with grace. He hasn't fallen. Michael said there would be a bond. Castiel didn't want a bond, didn't want to share everything with one person.
But giving everything to Dean didn't sound that bad.
After the wedding Dean gave his best man speech.
"My little brother deserves this," Dean said, "That boy needs a woman like Jess to keep him straight-" laughter "-and I know she's the one. You can tell in the way he looks at her. He looks at Jess like she's his entire world. That, everyone, is real, honest to god, love. It's something everyone in this room should have someday. So let's hear it for Sam and Jess."
Castiel applauded with the rest and gave Dean a warm smile as he sat back down.
"Very nice," Castiel leaned over with a smile.
"Couldn't have done it without you," Dean grinned, placing his hand on Castiel's and giving a soft squeeze.
The rest of the wedding went by wonderfully. Sam and Jess shoved cake into each others faces, smiling the entire time. They were radiant as they posed for pictures and greeted their guests. The music started and the dance floor opened. The newlyweds eagerly danced across the floor. Sam was stunning in his tuxedo and Jessica looked gorgeous in her white, flowery gown. Adam and Anna joined the dance, as did John and Mary. Dean came up next to Castiel, nudging him on the arm.
"They look nice," Castiel mentioned, "Are you not going to dance?"
"I never learned how," Dean said honestly, "Always seemed like a waste of time."
"I could teach you," Castiel said, glancing sideways, "If you don't mind, of course."
"Not at all," Dean looked surprised, "Um, shall we?"
Castiel smiled wide, his wings fluttering with joy, as he took Dean's hand and led him to the dance floor. Castiel put his hand on Dean's shoulder, moved Dean's hand to his back, and slowly led him in a waltz.
"Feel the beat," Castiel instructed, "1 2 3. 1 2 3. Connect with your dance partner. Make eye contact, direct me with your hands."
Dean locked his eyes on Castiel and the waltz slowly fell away until they were standing still, staring at each other with their hands still in position. Castiel's face grew warm at the scrutiny of Dean's gaze, but he couldn't break it off.
"Come with me," Dean said. He pulled away, keeping a tight hold of Castiel's hand, and led him out into the dark garden behind the church.
A bench sat innocently amongst the flowers and trees. One that was similar to the one Castiel spent many years at in heaven. They sat down, hands still intertwined. Castiel's heart beat faster and suddenly it was too hot.
"Look Cas," Dean turned to face the angel, "I just… I need to tell you this now, brother's wedding or not."
"Tell me what, Dean?"
"When you first came down, you mentioned soul mates," Dean started, "Well, I thought I'd look into it and see what it was. I actually had Michael come down and tell me about it."
"And what did he tell you?" Castiel's heart was pounding and he could feel his breath growing shorter.
"He told me that Sam and Jess were soul mates," Dean offered, "That everyone has one. Angels and demons. And that you'll just… know when you find yours."
"Is that all?"
"I asked if you had one," Dean said softly.
Castiel's heart jumped into his throat at that and it was hard to breath, hard to swallow. Blood was rushing through his head, his face heating up and his mind spinning. His hands started shaking and his stomach was twisting in knots. Cold sweat dripped down the back of his neck.
"What did he tell you?" Castiel whispered.
"He said, 'Not yet'," Dean reached out with his other hand, taking both of Castiel's.
"I- I- I don't understand," Castiel's voice broke with realization, "How is it that I fell in love, when I was never made to fall? Why is it that when I see you, I'm not scared to fall, because I know you'll be there to catch me."
"Cas-"
"I have waited, so long for you," Castiel said breathlessly, tears pricking at his eyes as he locked his gaze with Dean's, "I've waited for you, I've loved you. I love you, Dean."
"Cas," Dean own eyes were shining with tears.
"I knew I would find you," the tears were spilling over and fell down Castiel's cheeks, "I knew I would."
Dean rubbed the tears from Castiel's cheek.
"I'll love you forever," Dean said, "I love you too, Cas."
And then Dean was pressing up into Castiel's space, lips meeting lips in a wet kiss. Tears kept falling and hands were grabbing for a better grip.
"I love you," Castiel whispered on Dean's lips, "I have always loved you."
"Me too, Cas," Dean whispered back, "I will always love you."