Rainy's perspective
He is just so beautiful. It still astounds me that Dan chose me, because, let's be realistic, he could have any girl he wants, but he chose me, and I still cannot fathom why.
He looks up at me from his computer and smiles, his dimple becoming ever more prominent. I sigh lightly to myself as my stomach fills with butterflies. Dan winks at me before turning his attention back to his computer, his head bobbing slightly to the sound of Muse playing loudly in his ears. I internally cry, throwing my head back on the couch and trying not to let out a squeal. I have been dating Dan for almost six months now and he still manages to know exactly how to drive me wild.
I turn my attention back to my book, not noticing Dan get up from the couch. Before I know it, he's on top of me, cuddling me with a cute attack and giving me eskimo kisses. I can't help but break out into streams of giggles as Dan's fingers begin to tickle me.
"Dan stop it," I manage to say in between the childish laughter emanating from my mouth. Dan stops and sits up, pouting at me.
"Please?" He manages to look at me in the most devastatingly cute way and I just melt. I lean forward and rub noses with him before jumping off the couch and running down the hallway.
"No time for it now, bub! We have a movie to go see!" I slam my door and slide down it, biting my lip and internally fangirling. Dan is just so adorable, I can't stand it. After a couple of minutes of silent floundering like a mad person, I get up and get changed, ready to go on another date with Dan; my boyfriend. Holy shit I'm still not used to calling him that.
I smile continuously as I get dressed. Nothing could ruin this day.
Dan's perspective
I smile to myself as Rainy disappears into her room; I have to be the luckiest guy on this planet. I cuddle Totoro tightly as I sit there, reminiscing about the last six months with Rainy; the little walks near the London Eye, the laughter shared between us when we did silly things, the in-jokes other people wouldn't understand, the crazy fireworks that went off in my brain every time I held her. I have never felt like this before about any human being; and to be totally honest, it feels fucking great!
Phil saunters into the room and makes his usual Frosted Wheaties cereal; ever since he 'created' it in our 'Day in the Life of Dan and Phil' vlog, he can't stop eating it. He pushes my legs off the couch playfully, crossing his legs on the couch, bowl sitting in the space between his legs, his blueberry and watermelon mismatched socks contrasting vibrantly with the black leather of the couch.
"Hey!" I exclaim.
"Save it lover boy," Phil says, smiling to himself. "You're leaving soon anyway and I deserve to be comfortable whilst you pine." I roll my eyes as Phil chuckles lightly.
"You're an idiot,"I state, now just sitting watching Deathnote with Phil, waiting for Rainy to get ready.
"You excited?" Phil manages to ask through his mouthful of cereal.
"For fuck's sake Phil, it's 4 o'clock, why are you eating cereal?"
"Stop evading the question." Phil turns to me and winks suggestively.
"You're an idiot," I reiterate. "I'm really excited. I'm not sure if she actually remembers it's our six month anniversary." Phil nods.
"Yeah, I don't know; she doesn't seem to be acting like it, does she? Oh well, you driving it or bussing it?" Phil doesn't move his eyes off the screen.
"Driving, it's too much of a special occasion to take the shitty London public transport. Might as well make it special…" I hesitate for a moment, wondering whether or not to ask my next question. Phil pauses Deathnote and stares at me for a while, noticing my obvious trail-off.
"What are you thinking Dan?" Phil places his hand comfortingly on my knee.
"If you're nervous, there's no need to be. She loves you, you know that." I blush and look down as he says she loves me. Of course I know she does, but hearing people say it still makes me feel giddy.
"It's not that," I shake my head softly as I speak. "I was going to ask her tonight if she wanted to make a video with me or do my next liveshow with me. I feel like I haven't introduced her to my subscribers properly, and that's not fair on her, or them." Phil nods his head and shrugs.
"What's the dilemma?"
"I don't want her to get hate. I mean, I have awesome fans, but some of the Danosaurs can be over protective." I crease my brows as I think of all the mean things some of my fans might say to her. "I don't want to put her through that." Phil smiles at me.
"You're so cute when you're confused," He states sarcastically. I stick my tongue out at him.
"I'm serious; Phil, what am I meant to do?"Phil sighs, places his cereal on the table in front of him and turns his body fully to me.
"Dan, you're overthinking it. People might not even react that way, and if they do you can always cross that bridge when you come to it. Or, you could say that you're not going to introduce her unless people are nice and hope they listen to you. Otherwise, you can just ask Rain if she's okay with it." I nod at Phil's suggestions. He's right, I am overthinking this. I couldn't help how people were going to react, I would just have to reassure Rainy that no matter what happens, no matter what people say, I'll still love her, and I can also triple check she's okay with being introduced fully to my Danosaurs.
"Yeah, I guess you're right. I mean, Charlie and Bryarly didn't get hate, did they?" Phil shakes his head.
"Exactly. And he waited a lot longer than you to come out about it." I nod to myself, happier now. This is going to make Rainy so happy, I hope it also helps her realise how much she means to me, because she means everything.
Rainy's perspective
I look over lovingly at Dan, driving us to the movies. He was such a cutie in his black studded jumper and skinny jeans. For once, his skinny jeans actually covered his butt, being held up by the Adventure Time belt he got from two of his fans at Playlist Live. I place my hand on his upper thigh and he laughs.
"Rainy, stop it. You know I can't concentrate when you do things like that!" He exclaims; trying to keep focussed on the road in front of him. He smiles cutely to himself and I take my hand off his leg. I look at him endearingly.
"Like I can resist." He laughs, and the sound is so beautiful, it makes me want to weep. He turns his head to stare at me; his chocolate brown eyes have love swimming deeply in them. The way he looks at me makes me feel like I'm the most important and perfect person in the world. The way he looks at me makes me feel loved more than I ever felt I deserved.
Dan's perspective
She is just a jumble of beauty and outstanding perfection. The way her hair perfectly frames her face, the way she looks down and away when she smiles; the way she looks at me the same way I look at her. Every detail about her is perfect; she is perfect.
I reach my hand over to brush her hair tenderly off her face as lights stream from behind her, creating a somewhat heavenly backdrop. For a moment my mind sees nothing but total beauty, the light was framing her perfectly. This is before I realise what is causing the immense light.
I turn my attention quickly back to road and try to drive away, try to avoid the truck that was heading right for us, but my reflexes are not fast enough. The last thing before the impact I remember is Rainy looking at me, confused, before she turned her head and screamed as the truck made impact. A loud crunching sound followed and then there was nothing but darkness.
Stranger's perspective
As the truck hits the car, people surrounding us scream in shock. Many people become frozen in fear and others just plainly don't know how to react. The car completely crumbles under the force of the truck and gets pushed down the road sideways almost fifty metres. The pavement is splattered a deep red colour.
Without thinking, I run frantically over to the car, calling the ambulance on my phone. As I stare into the car, I become speechless and end up dropping my phone. It makes a loud crash as it splits when it comes into contact with the asphalt. The car was now on its side, and a man was semi-suspended, his hair falling softly in front of his face, sticky with his own blood. The whole front of the car and windshield had remnants of blood, drips slowly making their way to the windows. I caught a glimpse of some long hair, which obviously belonged to a female, and ran around to the other side of the car.
She is in a worse shape than he is. Blood is dripping in what seems to be a stream off of her nose, and a large gash is evident on the side of her head. I scream at the people surrounding me.
"Someone help!" Tears flood my eyes as some people run to my aid, others just stand there, appearing numb or in shock. The driver of the truck stumbles out of his door, clutching his bleeding arm. His hand flies to his head in agony as he sees the blood spattered across the road and pavement, making a facial expression that was filled with nothing but pure anguish.
As the ambulance arrived, the man began to move his head slightly. I run over to him, kneel down and whisper softly.
"Hi buddy, you've been in an accident, don't move, the ambulance is here now." As I speak, he turns his head to face the young woman.
"Rainy?" He manages to croak. He goes to reach over to touch her face, but stops and groans in pain.
"Just don't move, okay? The ambulance is here to take care of you; everything's going to be okay." Tears starting rolling down the man's face mixing with his blood. He looks not only in extreme physical pain, but in excruciating emotional pain as the ambulance men push me aside to assist him. My heart sinks as he tells them to help her first.
Dan's perspective
It's been almost half a month, and nothing. She hasn't moved, apart from her steady breathing and occasional R.E.M. I hope the eye movements mean she's dreaming and it's not a nightmare she's viewing behind her closed eyes. I have been sitting in her hospital every day, making sure I am here as much as I am allowed to be just in case she wakes up. I haven't been able to make a new video, I just keep uploading bloopers from previous videos I've done with Phil; I am in absolutely no mental state to be making entertaining videos for my subscribers.
The doctors keep telling me she'll wake up, but with each passing day, I'm beginning to believe them even less. Phil joins me in here sometimes and reads Rainy her favourite books. I talk to her often, tell her my thoughts. She has always been easy to talk to and there's something oddly refreshing about venting to someone who can do nothing but listen. But all I want is for her to wake up.
I stare at her face now, her lifeless face, the only hint that she's still with me the soft rise and fall of her chest. A large scar runs almost the entire length of her face, but she appears none-the-less beautiful to me. I feel so responsible for how she is. If I had of just been in a different spot, if I hadn't stopped to admire her beauty…
Stop it Dan. This isn't your fault. I hear her voice tell me those words and I smile slightly. I would give anything to hear her soft voice again.
I walk over to her tenderly, brushing her hair off her face like I always do. I sigh.
"You're so beautiful, even now."
Don't lie to me.
"Sweetie, I'm not lying; you're the most beautiful woman I have ever laid my eyes on and I am the fucking luckiest man on this earth to even have you in my life." I kiss her gently on the forehead. I can see her smiling in my mind; the perfectly crooked shape brings a smile upon my own face.
I sit in silence, stroking her hair like I used to when she needed to be calmed down or comforted.
"Hi Dan." Phil's voice startles me, and I jump in my chair. "I didn't mean to sneak up on you,"He apologises as he hands me a cup of coffee.
"Thanks," I say sullenly, turning my attention back to Rainy as I take a sip of the Starbucks.
"How is she?" I wince because I know my answer isn't one I want to be giving.
"She hasn't changed, and the doctors can't seem to find anything wrong with her that would be keeping her unconscious." I pause. "What if she doesn't want to wake up? What if she never wakes up?" I turn now to Phil, my eyes pleading with him as they fill with tears.
"Oh, Dan." Phil places his coffee to the side and comes over to me, engulfing me in a hug. I bury my head into his shoulder as he pats my back gently.
"She will wake up; I promise," Phil reassures me, trying to soothe me. I squeeze him tighter.
"Don't promise things you can't ensure."
"I will, because it's true." Phil kisses the top of my head softly and doesn't let go of me until I stop crying.
Suddenly, Rainy's hand moves in my grasp and I almost throw Phil off me, turning all my attention to her. Phil moves to the side but stares at her eagerly. Rainy's eyes begin to flutter open and she turns towards me, and looks confused. I breathe a sigh of relief and smile so widely at her.
I begin to tear up; she's awake.
Rainy's perspective
As my eyes open, I flinch slightly at the harsh white that is facing down on me. I turn to face the people around me. The one sitting next to me smiles at me and I smile back out of courtesy. I frown and look at the other one, standing in the corner of the room, with dark ebony hair and a purple shirt on; skinny jeans like the one sitting down.
"Hey Rainy," The one that is sitting down whispers softly. I frown at him again.
"How do you know my name?" I question, my voice cracking as I ask. I try to remember why I'm in a hospital, but I can't remember anything.
The boy sitting down frowns at me, before placing his hand over his mouth and making a hurt noise. His eyes fill with tears of pain.
"You don't remember me?" I mentally sort through my memory, trying to find any remnants of this person in my memory bank, and I come up short. I shake my head slowly.
The taller one, the one standing up, walks over to the sitting down one and wraps his arms around him.
"I'm sorry Dan," He whispers. Dan. I crinkle my face up as I try and squeeze memories out of the crevices of my brain and I again come up short. Tears begin to well in my eyes.
"Rainy, sweetie; don't cry," Dan says, holding my hand lovingly. I pull my hand from his as a reflex.
"I'm sorry, I don't remember you." I begin to cry softly as I stare at Dan, seeing his heart breaking through his eyes. He gets up, wiping his tears from his face, and storms out of the room. I look confused at the other one, still standing beside me and question him with my eyes.
"Rainy, you were in a car crash. Dan was taking you on a date," He says gently, looking back after Dan.
"A da-date?" I stutter. I look out the window after Dan, and I see him punch a wall in anger. He screams as he cries and a doctor comes to comfort him. He is so beautiful and it pains me so much that I don't remember him.
"We'll take you home when we can," He states, smiling at me.
"Home?"
"Yes darling."
Rainy's perspective
I had to stay in hospital for three more days, but now I was apparently 'coming home'. In the car ride on the way to my 'home', all I did was stare out the window, trying to recognise my surroundings or see if I could recognise where I was heading. I came up short again.
Dan and Phil (I found out his name later in the afternoon that I woke up) help me into the elevator.
"You'll love it," Phil says excitedly. I smile fakely at him; I honestly am not sure what to expect.
Dan's perspective
As I open the door to the apartment, Rainy shakes her head.
"I don't remember this," She states, her voice shaking. I decide not to say anything; I just let her explore the apartment. Phil goes to wander with her, but I pull him back.
"Phil, what if this doesn't work? What if she doesn't remember?" My voice begins to shake just as Rainy's did. Tears begin to form in my eyes.
"Dan, don't cry, it'll make her feel bad,"Phil warns, wiping the falling tears from my face. "If she doesn't remember, we can always show her one of our videos." I become silent and stare at Phil with wide eyes. That was an amazing idea.
"Fucking hell Phil, why didn't we think of that before?" I ask, bolting down the hall to grab my laptop, new hope coursing through my veins.
As I come out of my room, smiling as I walk, scrolling through my uploaded videos, trying to figure out which one to show her, I see Rainy in tears on the lounge room floor. I place my laptop on the bench and run over to her, sliding on the floor in my socks as I bend down next to her.
"Is it okay if I hug you?" I ask, not wanting to cross boundaries like I did in the hospital. She nods, tears streaming down her face. I wrap my arms tenderly around her and pull her into my chest.
"I just don't remember," She sobs. Hearing her cry like this almost literally breaks my heart. Phil walks into the room to see what's happening and I silently motion to him to bring me over the laptop.
"Rainy, can I show you something?" I ask, sitting her up. She wipes the tears from her face and nods at me, sniffling slightly. I open my laptop and click on the video 'Phil is not on fire 4'. I place it on the ground in front of us and press play.
She watches the video silently, not laughing, not smiling, just frowning. I stare at her, worried that this may not work either. She turns to me when the video ends and tilts her head.
Rainy's perspective
I look at Dan, then at Phil. Watching the video gave me flickers of other images. I remember sitting at home watching them on my laptop, I remember crying once over them, but I don't remember why. I smile slightly at Dan and his face lights up.
"Do you remember?"He asks me cautiously. I nod slightly at him, but then shake my head. My heart drops with his face. I don't remember much about him, but seeing him likes this hurts more than I ever thought I could hurt.
"I remember watching you and Phil, and crying over you for some reason as I looked at my computer. But I don't remember being your girlfriend." Dan sighs before getting up; going to what I assume is his room and returning with a rose.
"If you don't remember being my girlfriend," He states, handing me the fake rose, "Then I will help you fall for me again." Images of Dan handing me a fake rose previously flash before my eyes, but I can't seem to hold on to the snippets. I stare up at Dan, tears filling my eyes; and this time they were tears of happiness. I may not remember him, but I felt so special to be treated this way. Phil smiles at me, comes over and kisses me on the forehead…
Dan's perspective
It's a new day and things have been going really well. Rainy remembered some more yesterday after I took her for a ride on the London Eye. She remembered that that was where our first kiss had happened and she told me she remembered the feeling and how she couldn't describe it to me because the feeling was so magical, I wouldn't believe her if she told me.
Things have been getting better. The doctors say that she has almost a seventy per cent chance that she will fully regain her memory, and that gives me hope. Phil has been incredible during all this. He keeps helping me organise things and remember little details that might trigger a memory in Rainy. He's also being really patient with me as sometimes after something doesn't work, after Rainy creases her brows and turns to me, shaking her head and apologising for not being able to remember, I become incredibly hard to handle. There was one night when I had almost a complete breakdown because Rainy couldn't remember meeting Chris or Charlie. Meeting them meant so much to her that seeing her confused by their presence completely pushed me over the threshold to insanity. I had come home screaming in pain, Rainy thank god was out shopping, and Phil held me for hours until I stopped crying and calmed down enough. If it wasn't for Phil, I don't think I would've regained my sanity enough to continue getting Rainy to remember our amazing relationship.
But as I said, things are going really well and it fills me with ecstasy that she remembers as much as she does. When Rainy first woke up, the doctor's had told me that there was a chance she would never remember who I was. That broke me and I'm surprised I managed to fix myself.
I walk into the lounge room and smile as I see Rainy and Phil sitting cross legged on the couch, watching Deathnote because Phil is trying to get Rainy to remember her love for it. Rainy hears me entering the room and turns to smile at me. It feels so good to have her falling in love with me again, it enables me to have the thrill of butterflies of such an experience twice and I love it, and her.
She looks back to Phil and shares a strange look. He nods at her and she turns back around at me.
"Oh God," I whisper, afraid of what's about to happen. Phil just laughs.
"Um, Dan?" Rainy asks, resting her head on the back of the couch as she does so. Phil pauses Deathnote and turns his attention to us fully.
"Yeah Rainy?" I go closer to her, placing my hand on hers, just to comfort her, and me somewhat.
"Did we ever…" She trails off and looks back to Phil for reassurance. He nods his head, prompting her to continue.
"It's okay," He whispers softly. Rainy sighs and turns back to me, looking straight into my eyes, searching for something. What? I have no clue.
"Did we ever, you know… Do it?" When she finishes her question she shakes her head, as though she's trying to physically erase that moment. "It sounds so stupid when I say it out loud. It shouldn't matter."
And in that moment, my world comes crashing down around me. Everything seems to lose its colour and the room looks as though it's spinning. My breathing gets more rapid and my chest tightens. She doesn't remember our first time. She doesn't remember any time.
I apologise pathetically to the two of them and run off down the hallway, slamming my door behind me when I enter my room. Everything that she's remembered, all the good things that have come out of the last couple of weeks; the fuzzy feelings, the way she keeps looking at me like she used to, the way I still get butterflies when she smiles at me; it all seems so insignificant now. It all doesn't feel like it matters because she doesn't remember something as intimate as our first time.
I look around my room, searching for something but I have no idea what it is. I begin to hyperventilate as I try to contain my tears, try to contain my want to completely scream until I can't anymore. I give in. The pain is too much. I collapse on my bed and scream into my pillow, tears melting straight into the fabric beneath my face. A million thoughts race through my head, but I can't hold onto any of them. It's all a blur.
I hear someone open my door but I do nothing to stop them entering, I say nothing that might make them leave, I just continue to cry into my blankets, into my pillow, punching my bed every now and then to release my anger.
"Dan?" It was Phil's voice and something inside me was thankful that it wasn't Rainy. I can't say anything back to him, I can only silently scream into my bed. Everything seems to throb, and I can almost feel my heart breaking.
I feel Phil sit beside me, his hand rubbing soothingly on my back.
"It's alright Dan, she might remember soon." I snap. I sit up abruptly and face Phil.
"What if she doesn't? What if she doesn't remember that? There's only so much I can re-create! I can't fill her with the same sensation and feelings that I did the first time! What if she doesn't feel the same way when we do it this time? What if she doesn't feel the connection like last time?" I yell at him through my tears. His eyes are filled with sorrow and he tilts his head to the side slightly.
"Dan, those are all massive 'What if's. What if she does remember? What if she's overcome with even more love for you this time? There are lots of good things that could come from it too." Phil smiles slightly at me and I'm overcome again, tears filling my eyes as I fall forward into his chest, wrapping my arms around him as I cry. He rests his head on my shoulder and pats my back softly.
We stay in this position for almost an hour whilst all I do is cry.
Rainy's perspective
It has been three days since Dan's breakdown and I still feel terrible. I legitimately just wanted to know if we'd had sex, but I guess the fact that I don't remember was too much for him. I never meant to do that to him, and seeing him in such pain hurt me to my core. I feel so responsible for making him feel sad, and it's horrible.
I sit on my laptop, scrolling through my Tumblr inbox, reading messages from strangers about how they hope I get better and can remember everything about Dan soon, because I 'am the luckiest girl in the world'. It breaks my heart to know that there are all these people out in the world who would kill to be in my shoes, and I'm the one who's actually here, and I can't remember much of anything.
I close my laptop and begin to cry a little, a few tears rolling down my face and falling into my lap. Dan enters the room and I try to wipe the tears away before he notices. Out of the corner of my eye, I see him crease his brows, before jumping on the couch and cuddling me, in a surprise cute attack. As he lay there, hugging me, my mind goes into overdrive.
Snippets of the past seven or so months flash before my eyes. Dan's smile when he first saw me, the butterflies that went wild in my stomach when he first gave me a hug, the shy look on his face when he first told me he loved me… Our first time. Everything. It was suddenly there. I remember the last time he gave me a hug like this, I remember the beauty in his eyes as he looked at me and told me that we're forever. I remember the accident.
I push Dan off me and sit up, looking into his eyes lovingly, my face seeming to melt with my memory. My eyes fill with tears as I reach out to cup his face like he's done to mine so many times before.
"I remember," I whisper softly. "I remember everything." Not another word could leave my lips because Dan had bent forward and pressed his lips onto mine. My world begins to spin with colour and fireworks as our lips melt together in an act of passion and love. When he finally releases me, tears are slowly rolling down his cheeks.
"You remember." He pulls me into an embrace and doesn't let me go for a really long time. I melt into his arms, feeling so comfortable with him, filled with complete faith in myself because I remember.
Dan's perspective
I sit Rainy down in front of my computer and stare at her, love swimming in my eyes. She remembers everything and there is little that makes me happier right now. I place my hand in hers and give a gentle squeeze, letting her know that I will always be right beside her when she needs me. She turns to me, nervous.
"Rainy, if it's too much, we don't have to do it. We can wait until you're completely ready." I smile at her, and she blushes as she sees my dimple. She shakes her head at me.
"I want to do this Dan, not only for you and your Danosaurs, but also for myself." She smiles at me warmly and opens the Younow webpage.
"You're sure?" I ask her, triple checking. I never wanted to make her do anything she didn't want to do and this was something I want her to be fully wanting of. We are both aware that shit could go down with this, but she thinks it's worth the risk, so I'm willing to do it.
She laughs at me.
"Dan, it's okay bub. Thank you for being so protective of me." She kisses me on the cheek and it makes the butterflies reawaken in my stomach. As the screen begins to count down as we're about to go live, I pull her closer to me, making it known to my fans that I love her, and she is the one I want to be with for eternity.