Title: Hume Hats

Pairing: Axel/Aqua

Summary: It was days like this that made Aqua wonder about how their conversation went from Axel's size six jeans to wax-tasting sweets with ridiculous names. (Rough draft)

Theme: Jeans (15)

Petals of an Anemone

.:001:.

"Aqua?"

I look up from my physics notes, sighing as I spot Axel's head – or at least, the part that isn't covered by his ridiculous hairstyle, which admittedly wasn't that much – peeking out from the corner of the bathroom door. I could also see that he was bare-chested, and that every single one of his ribs was poking out of his skin. The sight of the sharp-edges looking ready to launch out of his waist any second nearly made me sick, but I pushed down the feeling of nausea, pretending to not be bothered.

"Aqua?" he presses again, sounding concerned.

"You're too skinny," I blurt out, and then duck my head as Axel gives me an exasperated look. Everyone always says that to him (especially Saïx, but given that the two of them are brothers, that's to be expected), but it's true. No one, male or female, should be able to count all of their ribs. It just isn't healthy.

"I know, I know."

"Then why don't you do anything about it?" I snap back irritatedly. "If you collapse, don't expect me to help you."

"Aww, you'll have to do mouth-to-mouth on me. Couldn't really pick anyone better to kiss, right?" He winks. "Anyway," he hurriedly adds before I can reply. He must sense my discomfort. "I kinda, ah, need help."

"With what?"

"Do you have a spare belt?"

…What? Why would he need a belt? And why would he ask such a stupid question? He's the one with the belt fetish... it's almost as bad as Leon's. "Um, why?"

"These jeans-" he pulls at the dark red fabric on his leg, frowning. "-Keep falling down."

He'd better not have gotten a large size again... "What size is it?" I ask tiredly.

"Small."

"Number?"

"Six."

Okay, I was an eight, and even then, I sometimes struggled to fit into them, especially after Terra had convinced me to eat ten-too-many pies. Axel was too small for a six.

"Axel."

"Yeah?"

I rip open the top drawer of the drawers near my bed and shuffle through them until I find my secret stash of chocolate bars and sweeties. It was a guilty pleasure of mine; my family had been strict with my sugar intake (worried about me getting diabetes and all of that), and now that I was away on a field trip with my university... I felt that I had a right to eat whatever the hell I wanted.

Besides, there was only so much pomegranates that any girl could take, and I had a soft spot for Hume Hats.

The Chocobo Feathers are outdated by about a month, but I throw the packet at Axel. He stumbles to catch it, and his trousers fall down, revealing his black boxers.

Nice choice.Better than the moogle ones I had been somewhat-expecting.

And no, I hadn't been thinking about his boxers.

Shut up.

"Good catch!" I call out sarcastically. I think he's too busy gaping at me to reply properly, his words being nothing but gibberish.

"What... why..?"

Next, I find the stash of Munny Orbs at the bottom of the drawer, rattling about loudly. I yank them out and fling them to the redhead behind me.

"Aqua what are you-" He suddenly sniggers. "Nice butt."

I throw a Thwomp Smacker at his face.

After I manage to overflow his arms with all of the unhealthy sweets that I can find, I slam the drawer shut and look at him.

"What-" The packet of melted Gleamwood Snow slumps to the ground. He picks it up before continuing. "-Are you, and what have you done with Aqua?"

"Call Saïx and tell him that you're not going out today."

He stares at me as if I've announced that I plan to dress him up as the Black Slammurai for Christmas. We did that before. It was amusing. I was stuck in the Mr. Mew Suit, and we spent most of the evening drunk. "Aqua, have you finally gone insane?"

I walk up to him and poke his ribs through the many sweets. He glares at me, but I can see him blushing a tiny bit. "I was always insane, dummy. And you need to get fat."

"So you plan on stuffing me with all of your outdated sweets?"

Oops, he noticed. Ah well. "Something like that, yeah."

He sits down on his bed, which is directly opposite from mine, and empties the sweets from his arms onto it. They cover half of the bed. I sit down beside him and lean behind him to nab a Hume Hat from the already-open packet. Hopefully they haven't gone off – they've been open for about a week.

"Aqua..." Axel stares at me intensely, his thin eyebrows scrunched together, and after a few seconds I have to look away, because I've never known him to be this serious before. I'm not used to it. It's a bit scary, really; he's always joking about and shoving off my protests, so for him to not object... maybe his lack of weight's a bigger issue for him than I first thought. "Why do you care?"

I stuff the sour Hume Hat into his mouth, because he needs to stop being so serious, it's frightening. "These are my favourite, especially the Balthier ones."

He stares at me again. "People name these things?"

I pour out the rest of the pocket into my hands, grinning. I always love showing off my knowledge of... sweets to people. Even if everyone else thought that it was weird that I geeked out over sweets, I thought it was cool. I mean, how many people did you know who knew the history of Val'Cie Wings? None! "Well, you see this blond one?" He nods. "That's Vaan, and then the slightly paler one is Ashe."

He peers closer. "They look the exact same." He then nabbed the Ashe one and threw it into his mouth.

That's when I remember that they're rock solid, like rock canes.

"Don't bite!"

Too late. "-Ah shi-"

-I clamp a hand over his mouth before he can finish. "These things can, and will, break your teeth. The Penelo one's the hardest. I lost two teeth because of her."

He's too busy moaning in pain to really object, so I continue on, removing my hand and picking up a yellow orb so pale it's almost white. The noticeable black scar across the top wrecks it.

"And then the palest one is Basch."

He holds up a black one with two tiny white dots at the top, still wincing as he clutches his jaw. Yet, somehow, he continues to suck on the one in his mouth. I honestly don't know how he does it. "This?"

"That's Fran. She's the sourest one. She tastes like lemons."

Axel spits out the Ashe one that he'd been eating. It rolls along the wooden boards before vanishing into the shadows underneath my bed. Great.

"Lemons?"

"If you think that's bad, just wait until you try Vaan. He's like... pomegranates."

"Pomegranates!?"

"Hush." I stuff a Balthier one into his mouth.

Axel proceeds to turn green before running off to the toilet next door. He slams the door shut, and I can hear him throw up into the toilet.

Oh yeah.

Most people didn't like wax-flavoured sweets.

My bad.

"Aqua!" Once he manages to finish puking his guts out, which essentially undoes all of my hard work, he pokes his head out, which is still quite green. He's finally managed to pull on a nattered-looking orange shirt, and I make a note to take him clothes-shopping if we don't have any essays to hand in later. "What in flaming pants was that!?"

"Balthier's picky."

"Balthier," he says slowly, "is a sweet."

"I never said that he was a person."

He sits down next to me, making the bed creak noticeably. Huh. Maybe he's not as skinny as I thought he was. Still needs to eat. "You're making him sound as if he's one."

"Don't put words into my mouth!" I interrupt before he can say anything else.

He smirks. "Want me to put my lips there instead?"

I throw another Thwomp Smacker at him and smirk as he hits the ground, clutching his nose in pain. "Aww, I thought you'd prefer being top, Axel!"

"Aqua!" he nearly squeaks out, mortified. "W-what... you know what that means?"

"Of course I do!" I cross my arms protectively. What kind of person does he take me for? "I'm not innocent and untainted, you know!"

Somehow, I don't even know how, he waggles his short eyebrows with a wide smirk. "I could make you see the light~"

I dump the pocket of melted (and open!) Gleamwood Snows over his head.

His unmanly squeak makes my week.

A/N: (In order of appearance) Hume Hats, Chocobo Feathers, Munny Orbs, Thwomp Smackers and Gleamwood Snows are all sweets in this universe. As for the names, well... Final Fantasy fans should know. Hats off to you if you can catch all of the references.

This little piece ended up a lot more differently then most of my stories. Most of them start off happy before diving off into anggssttt, while this one went from anggssttt straight to humour. Kind of. Not really. This one was difficult, since Akua is my OTP, so you can imagine how it was. There's flirting between them, but they don't actually mean anything by it; you know the way that close friends tend to hit on each other, jokingly? Yeah, something like that.

So! This is for Raberba girl's Other Kinds of Love Challenge over on DeviantArt. Basically, the challenge is to write a series of platonic interactions between characters, with very little or no romance involved. The message is that everything isn't romance.

Which I have to agree with whole-heartedly. Heh. Also, because I am stupid, I'm taking on all one hundred themes.

Auldrant help me.

Completed: 1/100.