I'm sorry, Rukia...
" Kaien! "
...for putting you through all this...
" Please, you can't do this... "
Her voice rang through his ears. He wondered why it hurt so much. Wasn't dying supposed to put you out of your misery?
" Kaien, get up! "
That girl...she was too persistent for her own good. It wasn't like she was trying to wake him up from one of his afternoon naps...
" Y-you can't die! "
Why was she crying? He didn't want to be the reason behind her tears. He wanted to tell her to get ahold of herself, to stop screaming for him, to dry her tears and walk away. But, then, he realized his lips won't move. It was funny really, just lying there, a gaping, bloody hole in your chest, waiting for death to come.
" I can't believe you did that..."
Oh, really? Well, I'm pretty sure the blood's real, little girl. She seemed to be backing away now.
" Why did you do it? It was suicide trying to fight it alone... "
Why? What kind of stupid question is that? That bastard of a hollow killed my wife, damn it all! His wife...Why her of all people? There wasn't even anything left of her to bury, not a single shred of proof, besides the word of her Captain, and a single subordinate, to prevent anyone from thinking that she murdered her men acting at her own free will. Miyako...
He recalled the first time he's ever met her. It was love at first life-threatening gash; she had treated his wounds from a hollow attack, while he stared at her like some lovesick dolt. Strangely enough, she only smiled, and returned to her quarters, leaving him to endure another hour of endless teasing from Kiyone and Sentaro. What was wrong with those two?
He waited a decade before finally making his feelings known. He regretted waiting for such a long time, when he could have used up all the self-esteem he had, and kissed her full in the lips right there and then, back in that hollow's meadow. But, then, she would've probably hated him for it. She wasn't exactly one of those girls who were hopelessly in love with him, tripping over their own feet in a futile attempt to catch him. And he was thankful for that.
Years later, they got married, and he swore to be the happiest man in existence. She laughed at him yet again, and he wondered what was so funny about what he said. He thought that was his happily ever after, the ending to his story, his life. She was all he ever wanted... and she was cruelly ripped away from him.
He hated himself for thinking that he'd actually have a happily ever after. He could've had another shot at it, married another girl, lived another life, but he chose to die. To die for his Miyako.
Had his body not been paralyzed by impending death, he would've laughed. So, it was true what people say about your whole life flashing before your eyes right before you die. He wanted to tell Kukkaku and Ganju not to hate shinigami for his loss. He wanted to thank his Captain for being patient with him, and his occasional insubordination. He wanted to give Rukia more than just a rushed apology, he wanted to make her laugh again, to tell her him dying wasn't her fault. He wanted to split that accursed hollow's head one last time...
Then, he realized, the story of his life, or at least, his life with Miyako, was a tragedy. All great stories were. But he would've given anything, absolutely anything, for his story to be as unremarkable as they come. If so, maybe he would've gotten a happier ending.