A/N: A little back-story for those of you who are unfamiliar with my other stories about Jazz and Rachel. Rachel Milne (who was independently rated an 18 on the Mary-Sue litmus test) is a young, mousy engineer, whose work on a Nanotechnology project to make metal impervious to all damage for the US war machine, caught the notice of the Decepticons. She met Jazz who was sent to be her guardian; they fall in love, as all hell breaks loose. If you're interested in more, (I'm not going to give the entire plot away –evil grin-) check out "Thrown to the Front Line" for the full story.
The idea behind this story is loosely based on the book '1000 Things To See Before You Die' – I don't own it, don't sue me. This chapter is due to the 'Alien' ads that are being used to bring tourists to New Mexico (There was a story on Yahoo! last night about the ads depicting the state in a negative light). I live in the Land of Entrapment, and spent 5 years driving to and from Albuquerque and Portales for school, and I know from experience that you can travel for hours and see absolutely nothing. I also know about the dust storms that cut visibility to zero.
G1 universe for the most part, that happens in 2007. I've taken some liberties to update a handful of characters due to outdated alternate modes: Bluestreak is no longer a Datsun FairladyZ, but a blue Ferrari FXX. (I haven't seen an actual Datsun in years!) This also means that Jazz is in his black and white Porsche 935 Turbo alternate form, not the movieverse silver Pontiac Solstice.
Synopsis: Our hero and heroine finally get a well deserved and much needed vacation… unfortunately, three nosy mechs follow the couple under the premise of 'keeping them out of trouble'.
101 Things To Do Before You Die - Visit the Roswell UFO Museum
// I've been drivin' all night, my hands wet on the wheel
There's a voice in my head that drives my heel
It's my baby callin', says 'I need you here'
And it's half past four and I'm shiftin' gears
The radio's playin' some forgotten song
Brenda Lee is comin' on strong
The road's got me hypnotized
And I'm speedin' into a new sunrise
When I get lonely, and I'm sure I've had enough
She sends her comfort, comin' in from above
We don't need no letter at all
We've got a thing that's called radar love
We've got a line in the sky… radar love. //(1)
His windows were down and the stereo was on blare, as he dipped in and out of traffic on the open highway. We were laughing and singing along with every song that came over the radio and I never felt so free and at peace.
"Havin' fun yet, Rach?" I could hear Jazz's disarming smile in his singsong voice as he scanned the satellite radio stations for another song.
I leaned back in the drivers seat, giggling as ran my hands through my hair, which was in a tangled mess from the air rushing through the windows. "Absolutely the best time ever! Are you having fun listening to my awful singing?"
He laughed as he found a Bruce Springsteen song and turned it up. "Lovin' every minute of it!"
// I love you for your pink Cadillac
Crushed velvet seats
Riding in the back, oozing down the street
Waving to the girls
Feeling out of sight
Spending all my money on a Saturday night
Honey, I just wonder what you do there in back of your pink Cadillac
Pink Cadillac // (2)
The song ended and I smirked evilly. "Think we can get Ratchet to paint you pink?"
"No. The Jazz-man does not do pink."
I laughed this time as he flipped through the radio stations. "I'm joking. I love you just the way you are… smooth and sexy."
He found an odd '80's tune that I hadn't heard in years and I thought I could see a pattern emerging in his choice of music.
// Here in my car
I feel safest of all
I can lock all my doors
It's the only way to live
In cars // (3)
"Are you trying to tell me something, Jazz? I thought only 'Bee used the radio to communicate." I giggled and ran my fingers over his steering wheel idly.
"Maybe I am, maybe I'm not." I could hear the mischievous smirk in his voice as he scanned the radio again.
// Baby doncha hear my heart
You got it drowning out the radio
I've been waitin' so long
For you to come along and have some fun
And I gotta let ya know
No you're never gonna regret it
So open up your eyes I got a big surprise
It'll feel all right
Well I wanna make your motor run
And now our bodies are oh so close and tight
It never felt so good, it never felt so right
And we're glowing like the metal on the edge of a knife
Glowing like the metal on the edge of a knife
Though it's cold and lonely in the deep dark night
I can see paradise by the dashboard light
Oh it's cold and lonely in the deep dark night
Paradise by the dashboard light // (4)
My jaw dropped in shock and I blushed three different shades of crimson. Jazz just laughed and changed the station. "Seein' y' blush is almost as good as seein' y' smile, Rachel."
I quickly picked up the dog-eared book on the passenger seat and started to thumb through it. Even after being in love with the saucy mech for a year, his flirting could send my heart into overdrive. "So… uhm, where shall we go exploring next?"
He was scanning the stations again, still grinning at getting me flustered. "Is there anything out here besides dirt, tumbleweeds and more dirt?"
"Hmmm." I flipped through a few pages letting my face cool down in the rush of wind from the open window. We had already seen the Golden Gate Bridge, the Las Vegas Strip, Hoover Dam, the Grand Canyon, and the Barringer Meteorite Crater. Skimming through the pages about the southwest, I found the mother lode of all places to visit. I grinned like the Cheshire Cat. "I found the perfect place."
"Oh yeah? What is it?"
I snickered in glee. "Just make a right turn at Albuquerque."
----
"And I thought the area around the Ark was awful." Sunstreaker growled as another gust of wind deposited more dirt on his once glossy yellow armor.
"We'll find you a nice soapy car wash at the next town, Sunflower." The cheeky red warrior piped joyfully over the radio to his sullen twin.
There was a martyred sigh over the com. "What's so interesting out here anyways?"
"I'm not sure, I've looked over all the maps I could find on the internet about here and there is nothing that they could really get to from the road. There's White Sands Missile Range, but you can't drive to it because its on government land, unless Rachel has special clearance to get there, but I don't think she does. And then there is Carlsbad Canyons, but only humans can walk in, so there is no way for Jazz to get in, but there is nothing else here really. Maybe they're going to Mexico, but I don't know-"
The golden warrior who was losing his already thin patience interrupted the young gunner. "Okay, Blue. We get it. There is nothing out here. Got it." He sighed as the wind blew another torrent of dust and dirt, which was slowly being baked into his paint job by the 98° heat, over the highway again. "How long to the next town?"
Two hours later…"WHERE THE SLAG ARE THEY GOING? There isn't a frakking thing out here and those towns you said were on the map? Four dead trees and an empty shell of a structure is not a fraggin' town!" The filthy yellow Lamborghini raged over the com, revving his engine in anger as the dry noonday heat beat down on the three travelers.
The blue Ferrari squeaked over their radio channel. "…Maybe they're trying to lose us?"
"This is a strange way to try and shake us." Sideswipe was also getting tired of the heat, wind and the desolate landscape.
Sunstreaker's anger was not appeased. "Did we go through some warp gate and end up on Charr?"
"Charr has a brown dwarf star, Sunny." Bluestreak's attempts to be helpful were falling on deaf audios as Sunstreaker groused to the barren landscape.
"Why are they out here? Better yet, why would anyone in their right mind live out here? What could be so important for Jazz and Rachel to drive through this…these… "
"Bowels of the Unmaker?" Sideswipe tried to finish his twin's statement for him.
The golden warrior spat every foul Cybertronian oath he knew plus a handful of the more colorful ones he had learned from the human internet. Bluestreak was stunned into a dead silence, while Sideswipe busted up laughing. The responses Sunstreaker got from his companions finally pushed him over the edge and he gunned his engine, pulling away from the red Lamborghini and the blue Ferrari and speeding towards the black and white Porsche.
"Sunny, we're supposed to keep a low profile." The red warrior had stopped laughing and was now speeding up to catch his furious twin. He knew Sunstreaker wouldn't do anything too rash, but just to be on the safe side he accelerated to catch him.
In mere seconds, the blue Ferrari was by his side on the empty one-lane highway. Bluestreak quickly opened a private channel to Sideswipe. "'Sides? Sunny isn't going to like hurt Rachel or Jazz, is he? Because we're really far away from Ratchet and if we call Prowl for help, he'll lecture us and we'll end up on some awful clean up duty because we left without permission, but he might not send us help at all, and then what would we do?"
"Calm down, Blue. Sunny won't do anything rash." The red warrior shrugged over the radio. "And if he does, then we'll stop him."
----
"Looks like one of our shadows is tryin' t' catch up t' us." Jazz smirked over his radio as he watched the yellow Lamborghini close the distance between them.
I looked into Jazz's rearview mirror as Sunstreaker tore up the sun-baked highway. Turning in the seat to get a better view, I could swear that I felt the anger thrumming through the air from his alternate form. "Should we pull over?"
"Probably. The other two sneaks are speedin' up as well." He turned the stereo down and pulled over to the dusty side of the road, his wheels sending up a dry plume of dirt.
I got out and stretched as I walked away from Jazz so he could have room to transform. We didn't have to worry about anyone else seeing him since there was no one for miles around. Jazz stood there grinning jauntily and I leaned against the warm metal of his armor. He wouldn't have felt this warm, but since it was a cloudless and hot day in the desert his body held some of the heat.
Sunstreaker's tires screeched on the sun-baked pavement; he was transforming before he had come to a complete stop and stalking over to us, glowering in fury. "What the slag are you two doing here?!"
I blinked in the bright sunlight in confusion. "We're on vacation."
The golden warrior's livid optics never left Jazz's cool azure visor. "I know that. What I want to know is what is out here in the middle of frakking nowhere that you two have to go visit?!"
Jazz shrugged and smirked at Sunstreaker's rage. "Dunno."
If Sideswipe and Bluestreak hadn't pulled up at that moment, the hot desert air would have dropped at least sixty degrees from the golden twin's icy glare. "…What?"
Jazz kept smiling, thoroughly enjoying himself. "Rachel said she found the perfect place t' visit out here. So we're drivin' t' it… on our vacation." He emphasized the last sentence heavily. We had found out early on in our trip that we had unwanted company tracking us, and no matter what we tried to do to lose the three sports cars, they still tailed us.
The smoldering sunflower's gaze fell to me and I involuntary stepped away from him, wondering if Sunstreaker could be pushed far enough to squish me. My actions must have startled him, because all of the anger slipped away and his face softened. "So… what's out here?"
"Roswell." I looked at the others cautiously. "I thought Jazz would like to see the UFO museum…"
"UFO museum?"
I gave them a sheepish look. "Uh, yeah. Supposedly in 1947 an unidentified flying object crash-landed near Roswell. And well, there are all sorts of urban legends about little green men, and I thought since he's technically an 'alien' that he would like to see it…" My voice trailed off as all four mechs looked at me in silence.
Jazz was the first to start laughing, quickly followed by Sideswipe and Bluestreak. Sunstreaker just stared at me while the others laughed. He finally shook his head and sighed. "Do they have a car wash in this 'Roswell'?"
I smiled up at him. "I'm sure they do. And I bet the have one made specifically for aliens."
----
The last leg of the drive to Roswell went by quickly as all four mechs raced along the final stretch of desert highway into the city. While we drove down the main street of the city staring at the insane amount of statues and signs depicting the 'little green men' that the city is famous for, we were unaware of the number of people staring back at our little convoy. It wasn't everyday that you visited the UFO and official alien capitol of the world and saw four high-performance sports cars driving slowly down the street.
The four mech were completely silent as Jazz pulled into the parking lot of a diner that had a 'crashed' flying saucer sticking out from its roof at an odd angle. I sat still for a few minutes enjoying their stunned reaction to what some people fervently believed were 'aliens'. "So… what do you think?"
"Are you slaggin' serious?" Sideswipe's voice finally breached the silence.
I nearly died laughing and it took about ten minutes before I could calm down enough to pick up the dog-eared book and read its synopsis about the city and its 'history'. They were still quiet as I slipped out of Jazz's drivers seat. I planted a kiss on his roof trying to stifle another giggle. "I'm going to get something to eat. I'll try to grab some of the tourist information and we can take it back to the Ark and show the others." I didn't get an answer, so I walked away leaving the four Autobots to sit in the parking lot surrounded by 'aliens'.
----
They sat in silence long after Rachel entered the diner, still trying to absorb the train-wreck of popular culture that had been seemingly vomited on the city. It was Bluestreak that spoke first. "The internet is full of stuff about 'little green men' and 'grays' and martians… It's really scary, guys. Humans report these things called 'flying saucers' and 'crop circles' and 'alien abductions' and they've even got a branch of science called 'ufology'."
"Do you think this crash thing was real? Because I've never seen any aliens that look even remotely like these." Sunstreaker had completely forgotten about his need for a car wash.
Jazz chuckled over the radio as he checked on Rachel in the diner. "Heh, y' never know. Universe is a big place."
"Hmmm, you think Rachel would buy some of this stuff for us?" There was a mischievous tone to the red terror's voice.
"Why?"
Sideswipe started to snicker as the gears for a good prank started to turn in his head. "I think Prowl looks like one of the gray aliens."
----
Songs used:
(1) Golden Earring - Radar Love
(2) Bruce Springsteen - Pink Cadillac
(3) Gary Newman - Cars
(4) Meat Loaf - Paradise by the Dashboard Light