Sai,
I don't know how to say these words. Its… odd, for me to feel shy about things like this. I'm usually so forward. Unabashed. Bold. Abrasive, Sakura calls it. But its feels different this time. Real. Where do I start?
Maybe, I should tell you how it began.
It all started the day you became a member of Team 7. I didn't think very highly of you. To me, not knowing you yet at that point, you couldn't possibly be good enough to replace Sasuke. I spent most of the day, listening to Sakura complain about you, about how you and Naruto clashed so badly. About how you were arrogant and cocky and unfeeling. You said things that no one ever dared to say about Sasuke. You brought his darkness out from its little corner, shone a harsh light on it. We all knew , but we never acknowledged it. We weren't ready to see it then. You made us uneasy with your unapologetic attitude. I don't think you impressed any of us back then. I was so mad at you for that day. Sakura and I cried for hours! And when I was done with my tears, I was livid! I decided to seek you out, give you a good tongue lashing. Make you apologize.
But when I found you, all it took was a look and all my anger just evaporated. You were sitting on the riverbank, all alone, painting a picture. A blank canvas, coming to life with a swirl of colour. You were so poised, and I can remember thinking it was so weird, that a boy with such a lack of colour could make something so vivid and bright! I think it was then that the seed was planted. I didn't even notice.
When we made the decision that Sasuke couldn't be saved, I was devastated. You were an accepted member of our ranks by then, but even though you had said that we needed to eliminate Sasuke from the beginning, you respectfully left the rest of us alone to deliberate. I appreciated that, and I found that through my tears for the death sentence of my first love, I was watching you. Taking new measure of you. When I got home that night, there was a little package on my bed, wrapped in brown paper. It had no note, to signature on it. Nothing. But when I unwrapped it, I knew it was from you. A tiny picture, a daffodil. My favourite flower. The brush strokes were perfect, the small rendering completely life-like, down to the tiny beads of dew shining on the petals. That tiny seed sprouted, pushing a new green life into me.
Slowly, day by day, I was brought back to life. It took a long time. When Sasuke came back to the village, I was scared that I'd fall so hard for him again, that there would be no coming back. But when I saw him, the same tall, dark, handsome guy that he'd always been, I felt… sad. And relieved. And when he wrapped an arm around Sakura, I was happy even. There was someone else's picture hanging on the walls of my heart. I saw that little seedling become a flower, before my very eyes, bloom into a rainbow of every hue imaginable, and I knew that there was only one person who could possibly be responsible for it.
You.
I love you Sai. And I think that you love me, but I'm so scared that I might be wrong. Even now, after so many years, it can be tricky to read your emotions. You're a blank canvas, just waiting for someone to paint the right colours on you, to gift you with a rainbow of expression. And I'm dying to be the girl who picks up the paintbrush. I think I'll start with daffodil yellow. A lovely colour, don't you think?
Ino