"Impure"
By: Eliyora
A/N: I feel the need to say that this is by no means some sort of spoiler story. This is a sort of AU written back when our party first found Hana and Arkoth. I just wanted to write a nice Jalerin story, so please enjoy.
Jalerom slowed his horse to a trot as he saw his destination draw closer. A breathtaking series of pure white buildings loomed before him. The stone had been magically shaped so it wove and curled elegantly around itself, creating stone vinework that shone with magnificent brilliance. The grandest building overlooked several smaller ones that were covered in flowering vines. A great plaza stood before him, a great statue of their god situated at the center.
This was the temple of Corellon Larethian.
He rode his horse to the stables and hopped down, passing the reins off to a stable hand as he turned to enter the primary building. He took his time looking around, for the inside was just as beautiful as the outside. It was decorated with grand works of art and tapestries, with several sculptures of not only Corellon, but the fairy folk that were his children. Forcefully suppressing his rogue's instinct to evaluate the value of each piece, he instead stepped to one of the clerics that was passing by.
"Hey, um, excuse me. I'm looking for someone," Jalerom began, pausing a bit when the silvanesti cleric gave him a questioning, somewhat evaluating look.
He cleared his throat nervously. "Ah... Her name is Faerthurin. She's supposed to have been here for the last couple of weeks," he continued.
The cleric raised an eyebrow. "And might I ask what business a half-human such as yourself has with one of our order?" she asked somewhat condescendingly.
Jalerom frowned at her tone. "I'm just looking for her. I know she is a follower of Corellon, but last I was aware, she is not sworn in as a cleric to the temple," he responded.
She frowned right back at him. "It is not for me to tell you the whereabouts of our followers. Seek her yourself," she retorted before turning and walking away.
Jalerom gave a heavy sigh. "Sheesh... Every single day I am grateful you are not like normal silvanesti, Fae," he muttered before heading further into the temple. Every so often, he would pause by another of the clergy and ask Fae's whereabouts, but either they would not know or would not be willing to divulge to someone who looked like a common rogue. Finally, after a long search, he came across a clergyman who was dressed far more elegantly than those he had spoken to thus far. His robes were made of finer material and more accented, and the circlet atop his head was more intricately woven than anyone else's had been, and he kneeled before a grand altar to Corellon in prayer. Taking a deep breath, he stepped over to him.
"Pardon me, would you happen to be in charge around here?" Jalerom asked.
The man, a qualinesti, stood and turned to look at him. Jalerom held his breath as the man seemed to evaluate everything about him from his gaze, but after a few minutes, the elf gave him a welcoming smile.
"You are Jalerom Tanlaial, are you not?" he asked.
Jalerom blinked. "What the... How did you know?"
The man smiled. "Your beloved has spoken much of you," he answered before giving a gracious bow. "My name is Gurdaer, and I am indeed in charge of this temple."
Jalerom breathed a sigh of relief. "Okay, good. If anyone's going to know where Fae is, it's you."
"Indeed," Gurdaer answered. "Please, follow me."
Gurdaer turned and headed out of a rear door, leaving Jalerom to hurry after him. The priest guided him through a massive, well-maintained garden. Colorful flowers bloomed everywhere, offset by various shapes and shades of green leaves, and butterflies, dragonflies, and various other insects flitted about the blossoms. Jalerom couldn't help but be drawn in for a brief moment, but he shook himself out of it quickly when he heard Gurdaer chuckle a little.
"I do enjoy the reactions of first-time visitors to this temple," he said in a light, friendly tone. "Corellon is not merely the patron of elvenkind. He is the deity of beauty, of fey folk, of art, music, poetry, and magic. It is only natural that his place of worship be reflective of him and his gifts unto our world."
"Yeah, I guess so..." Jalerom breathed. "Um... you don't have a problem with, say, thieves do you? All of this stuff must draw in a lot of unscrupulous types."
"Such as a rogue like yourself?" Gurdaer teased, causing Jalerom to turn very slightly pink and fold his arms defiantly. He chuckled. "Oh course the temple does see the occasional... unsavory sort, but as I have said, one of Corellon's realms is that of magic. Followers of Corellon are not slouches when it comes to handling those who would seek to cause harm of any variety. And on that note..."
Gurdaer gestured ahead of them. Jalerom looked, and there sat Faerthurin, gazing at the flowers in front of her. Her back was to them so she did not see them, but Jalerom would recognize her from any angle. He started to step around Gurdaer, but the man placed a hand on his shoulder, forcing him to stop.
"Tread lightly, my boy. Her heart is not yet mended from whatever caused her such great suffering," he cautioned before turning and walking back the direction they had come from. Jalerom watched him go before sighing lightly and stepping over to Fae and softly clearing his throat.
Fae blinked and looked over her shoulder in surprise. Her eyes widened when she saw who was behind her.
"Jalerom? What are you doing here?" she asked in shock.
Jalerom gave a smirk. "Come on, is that any way to say hi to your a'mael?" he teased, opening his arms to her.
She smiled as she got up and fairly jumped into his embrace. They stayed that way for a long moment, holding each other close before Jalerom pulled away just enough to capture her lips in a deep kiss.
It was only with great reluctance that Fae pulled away from their kiss and asked, "A'mael, as glad my heart is right now I must repeat, what are you doing here?"
He brushed a stray lock of hair from her face and answered, "I've just been missing you and worrying about you, so I wanted to come see if you were doing alright. I know you said you needed time to yourself, but..." His voice trailed off guiltily, and Fae understood.
She hugged him close and said, "I am grateful to you for waiting as long as you have to come here. I have missed you too, a'mael. Nights have been... difficult without the comfort of your presence. I fear I may have become slightly spoiled while we were in Baator."
Jalerom knew she was trying to joke, but he could see how bringing that up affected her. Immediately, some part of her seemed to withdraw, and her smile faltered. For her sake, he gave her a warm smile and replied, "Yeah, the bed's felt awfully cold without you there. But enough about that. How have you been doing while you've been here? Do you feel any... different from before?"
Despite his careful wording, her smile disappeared altogether and her eyes seemed to darken. Jalerom immediately opened his mouth to retract his question, but she placed a finger to his lips, gently silencing him.
"I am well enough, a'mael," she answered somewhat evasively. Jalerom took the hint and nodded in response as she leaned her head against his shoulder. After several moments of silence, she asked, "How long are you staying for? I know you must be busy back in Directian."
He sighed. "Busy doesn't begin to describe it, but... Well, I'm staying as long as I can. Jeminya insisted that I be, in her words, 'where I am most needed.'" He affectionately kissed the top of her head. "I'm not the only one who's worried about you."
There was a long pause, then Fae asked the question she both feared and desperately needed to know. "Has she found someone who can cast Sanctify on her yet?"
Jalerom frowned and he pulled away enough to look her in the eyes. "Her stance on that hasn't changed in the slightest, Fae. She won't accept it coming from anyone but you."
The effect of his words was immediate. Faerthurin pulled free of his arms and stepped away, her eyes shadowed in self-hatred and despair. Jalerom instinctively reached out a hand to comfort her, but she swatted it away.
"Damned fools, the lot of you. I made it clear that I can no longer reliably cast the spell, and yet she insists on waiting for such a tainted being to be her liberator. Stubborn. So stubborn, you thick-headed, reckless royal!"
"Fae, come on. She wants it to be you because everyone except for you it seems can see that you're still able to cast it," Jal pleaded, though he already knew it was a fruitless argument. They had had this discussion before she had departed for the temple, and he knew the outcome even as the words left his mouth. Faerthurin frowned at him for a moment, then turned and walked down a garden path.
Jalerom blinked. "Fae, where are you going?" he asked.
"I am going to go pray to Corellon. If you all continue to insist on being so stubbornly fixated upon my spellcasting, then I will try harder to return to the state of soul I need to be able to fulfill my role," she answered.
"Wait what? Fae, you don't..." Jal sputtered, but within moments he was talking to empty air. Sighing in frustration, Jalerom sat on the bench where Fae had been and stared at the flowers himself.
Though he had been expecting it, this was still remarkably upsetting. Faerthurin had, from the first day he had met her, held an extremely low opinion of herself, and the events that had occurred in Baator had, in her mind, proven her right about herself. She just couldn't see what everyone else saw in her, and it tore him apart. He knew the true reason Jeminya wouldn't allow anyone but her to cast the Sanctify spell on her. She knew that Faerthurin was more than capable of casting it, and she would not take away from her. She held out for Fae because casting the spell was undeniable proof of the state of her soul.
A slight weight on his shoulder pulled him from his thoughts, and he looked up to see Lucid had landed on him. A small smile crept onto his face as he reached up to gently pet the snarky raven.
"Hey buddy, how you holding up?" he asked. Lucid answered, but it was in that blasted Sylvan language that he could not understand. Apparently recalling that Jal did not speak his language, Lucid instead puffed up his feathers and flapped his wings slightly, showing he was in good health.
"Heh. At least one of you is doing okay," Jalerom said, looking down the path that Faerthurin had walked and sighing again. "It's not wishful thinking, right Lucid? I'm right when I say that her heart and her soul haven't changed from before, aren't I?"
Lucid nodded, fidgeting slightly and looking downwards as though sad. Jalerom guessed he was just as worried about Fae as anyone else, and gave the bird a comforting pat before standing up.
"What to do... I really want her to come home, but I'm not going to force her," he murmured. "I just... Gah! This might be simpler if I knew where Corellon or Erevan were right now. They might have some advice about this."
Jalerom turned and headed back into the main temple. Gurdaer was still there, praying before the grand altar. He looked up before Jalerom could speak.
"I shall guess that you had an unsuccessful conversation with her," he said immediately. When Jalerom could only look down in response, the high priest sighed. "Ahh, it is such a shame. No daughter of Corellon should ever suffer as she does."
"Daughter of Corellon?" Jalerom asked, looking at the priest in surprise.
"Yes. All elven-kind were created by Corellon. He is the creator, the guide, the father, and all elven-kind are his sons and daughters," Gurdaer responded before sighing quietly again. "No doubt she has retreated to either prayer or to purification. She spends so much time attempting to purify herself that it is a wonder she has not sprouted gills."
"Uuuuhhhh... what?" Jalerom asked.
Gurdaer shook his head. "You shall learn on the morrow. For now, the hour grows late. The moon shall rise soon. We should see to arranging a room for you to stay in for the evening."
Jalerom's eyes widened. "Oh, uh, you don't have to. I mean, I was totally ready to just crash in the stables or set up camp for the night."
"I shall hear none of that," Gurdaer replied. "We've plenty of extra rooms. Come, follow me."
He turned and lead Jalerom through a different garden entrance. Sure enough, the moon was rising, casting a soft glow across the plants and causing most of the flowers to close their blossoms for the night. Gurdaer strode down the garden path, leaving Jalerom to follow with Lucid still in tow on his shoulder. He lead the man to a smaller building not too far removed from the primary temple and guided him to a bedroom within its walls.
"You are welcome to use this room for however long you stay with us, Sir Tanlaial," Gurdaer assured him. "Someone will come to wake you for breakfast in the morning. Sleep well, and you as well Lucid." He gave a polite bow as he turned and left, closing the door behind himself.
Jalerom sat on the bed, the first one he'd slept on since leaving Directian three days ago. He was amazed at how soft and comfortable the mattress was, and he soon found himself kicking his boots off and settling in for a nice rest. Lucid flapped to the small writing desk on the other side of the room and made himself comfortable as well.
Jalerom looked at the raven. "I'll try again tomorrow. Somehow, I don't think praying can give her what she's needing right now. You gonna back me up, buddy?"
Lucid gave a small caw and flapped his wings.
"Thanks," Jalerom replied before giving a yawn. "Goodnight Lucid."
The next morning saw Jalerom and Lucid presented with a surprisingly delicious breakfast. When he asked, the priest who had brought him his meal responded with, "The beauty of our garden bears many gifts."
After his meal, Jalerom asked Lucid to guide him to Fae. The raven flew off very purposefully, leading him to his mistress as she prayed before a smaller shrine of Corellon. She lifted her head as she heard him approach, looking curious as to how he found her until Lucid flapped into her view. Heaving a sigh, she rose to her feet and stepped over to the pair.
"Good morning, a'mael," she said softly, though there was a veiled irritation in her tone. Jalerom didn't need to guess why.
"Morning Fae," he answered, nervously scratching the back of his head. "Did you sleep okay?"
"As well as can be expected," she responded. "Was there... anything you wanted? To talk, to spend time together while you are here?"
Jalerom felt guilt slam upon his heart. He knew that she was aware of what he wanted to talk about, yet now that she had opened the opportunity to do so, he found himself feeling bad for wanting nothing but to drag this painful topic up again. Hesitating, he drew a breath and spoke words that he was sure he would regret swiftly.
"Hana misses her teacher, you know. She said it's almost like when Arkoth disappeared on her."
Sure enough, Faerthurin's face contorted into an expression that was half-enraged and half-distraught, and he felt his guilt triple. She looked at the ground for a long moment, clearly attempting to determine how she would respond. Before she could, Jalerom raised his hands up defensively.
"She also wants you to take as long as you want! I was just saying!"
Fae fixed him with a dark glare, and Jalerom shut his jaw. He knew that look meant he was only digging himself deeper. After taking a deep breath, she fixed her familiar with a gaze, and Lucid immediately flapped over to her shoulder, giving Jalerom a somewhat helpless look as soon as he landed. She then turned on her heel and left the room with nary a word, though her silence spoke far more than anything she could have said.
"Good going, you buffoon, really nice job," Jalerom muttered to himself. He turned and headed in another direction, deciding it best to give her space for a while. The next several hours were spent wandering the grounds, admiring the temple and everything in it. Jalerom was not unfamiliar with beauty, but there was something otherworldly about it in this place that made him feel almost like a stain by comparison.
As the afternoon passed, he eventually found himself standing before the very shrine he had met Gurdaer in front of. He looked up at it. This was the god that she followed. This was the god that was responsible for half of his blood. He clenched his fist around the Erevan symbol he wore around his neck, and before he knew what he was doing, Jalerom found himself kneeling to pray before Corellon.
"I want to help her see how beautiful she is. I know how much she's hurting, and I can't stand seeing her like that. I know that she will only stay stuck if she is here alone, but I don't know what to do. I'm at a loss. Nothing is convincing her. What else can I do? How else can I help her? Faerthurin means everything to me... I just want to help her..."
"Perhaps you should speak to her plainly, then?"
Jalerom jumped and turned around sharply. Gurdaer had apparently come up behind him while he had been wrapped up in his prayers. The man gave a kind smile as Jalerom scrambled to his feet.
"Forgive me, I did not mean to frighten you," he said, though a mischievous glint in his eye implied otherwise.
Jalerom sighed and turned to him, feeling mildly irritated. "Yeah, it's... it's fine. I guess you kinda heard that, huh?"
Gurdaer smiled. "Yes, I did hear you quite clearly. I can only offer my advice to you, however." He fixed Jalerom with a serious gaze that the half-elf could not seem to look away from.
"Attempting to find the right words is often a futile endeavor. One can be no more genuine nor more effective than when speaking from the heart. Surely her heart has been laid bare through suffering. What of you, Sir Tanlaial? Have you yet opened your heart that she might see?"
Jalerom looked almost offended and opened his mouth to protest before pausing and thinking. Had he? He had talked about Jeminya, Hana, and Directian, but had he yet spoken for himself? His brow knitted as he came to a startling realization.
Looking at Gurdaer, he asked, "Where is she now?"
Gurdaer smiled as though that was the answer he had hoped for. "She will be in the purification chambers at this time of day. It is in the western building, adjacent to the sleeping quarters. Oh, but before you go, I must give you one more piece of advice."
Jalerom raised an eyebrow at him. "Yeah?" he asked curiously.
Gurdaer's eyes shone with mischief and merriment. "Elven-kind holds a vastly different view on the body than humans," he responded cryptically before turning to leave.
"Wait... What the hell is that supposed to mean?" he wondered out loud. After a moment of contemplation, he headed towards the purification chambers.
As he approached, he took note that oddly, this particular building had what appeared to be a pair of guards in front of the doors. Curious and suddenly very cautious, he stepped towards them. As he drew closer, he realized they could not possibly be guards. From the way they were dressed and how young they appeared to be, he could only guess them to be acolytes. The pair smiled at him as he stepped towards them.
"Hello. You must be Sir Tanlaial, correct?" one, a young woman, piped up.
"Uh, yeah, that's me. This is the purification chamber, right? I was told Faerthurin would be in here," he answered.
"Ah yes, Lady Faerthurin," said the other, a young boy. "You wish to join her in purification?"
"Huh? Uh, I just wanted to talk to her," he answered. "Can I go in?"
"Of course you can enter. All are welcome to purify themselves," the girl replied.
As he reached for the door, suddenly two pairs of hands were grasping his arms. He looked at them. "Hey, you just said I could go in," Jalerom protested.
"Of course, but you must properly prepare for purifying," the boy said. "Follow us please."
"Follow... wait... what?!" Jalerom sputtered as they dragged him to the side under a sheltering overhang, and to his absolute shock they began to unbutton and unbuckle his clothes.
"WHOA HEY! What do you think you're doing?!" he exclaimed as he leapt back from them.
The acolytes looked at him in confusion. "We are preparing you for purification. Unless you have changed your mind?" the girl asked.
"What? You're..." Jalerom stopped dead as Gurdaer's words floated through his mind. He pinched the bridge of his nose as he realized that this was what the man had meant. Feeling vague frustration, he stepped towards the pair again.
"Uh, sorry, I wasn't quite expecting it. I haven't changed my mind, go ahead," he said, though internally he winced a bit. Still, he remained still as the pair undressed him and folded his clothes away neatly. He felt very odd standing before two complete strangers in not even his smallclothes, and he instinctively covered himself.
The boy looked up at him as he finished folding Jalerom's clothing. "Is there a problem, Sir Tanlaial?" he asked curiously.
Heaving a deep breath, Jalerom forced himself to relax his hands. "No, sorry, force of habit," he answered. It took every ounce of his willpower to not cover himself again when the girl looked up from her own folding.
"This way, Sir Tanlaial," she said without pause, leading him to the door and opening it for him. It was only at that point that the obvious occurred to him, and he felt his face burn as he entered and the acolyte closed the door behind him. If he'd had to strip down like this, then that meant...
He forcibly pushed the thought away and looked around the chamber. In an instant, Gurdaer's remark about Fae growing gills made sense.
The entire room was like a large bath chamber. There was a huge pool of hip-deep, crystal clear water before him, and at its center was a massive sculpture of two figures bearing urns, with water pouring continuously from the urns. Though amazingly simple compared to the rest of the temple, it was beautiful nonetheless.
He stepped into the water and found it cool against his skin, but not shockingly so. Carefully wading forward, he scanned the chamber for just a brief moment before spying a familiar figure behind the flowing water, her back to him. Inhaling so as to calm himself, he stepped in her direction. She heard his approach and turned to greet the newcomer.
Jalerom was not a lustful man. He was not above flirting on occasion, but it was extremely rare for him to give more than a passing glance at a beautiful woman. For many years, he had considered such thoughts to be fairly pointless and had never felt any need to indulge. Even with Faerthurin, he had hardly taken notice of her beauty, for it was who she was as a person that had drawn him in.
But.
Oh sweet Erevan...
Absolutely none of that mattered in that brief moment as Jalerom felt a powerful rush of feelings course through his body upon seeing her unhidden form. He was immediately thankful for both his tremendous self-control, and the cool temperature of the water he stood in.
For her part, Fae immediately gasped and turned her back to him again, her arms raised to cover her chest. Looking over her shoulder, she squeaked very loudly, "What are you doing in here?!"
Her words cut through the haze that had blanketed Jalerom's mind, and he shook himself from his stupor. "I... I was looking for you. The head priest told me you were in here. And he wasn't very clear on the, uh… situation," he answered.
She turned just enough that she was not straining her neck to look at him and snapped, "And you could not have waited outside for me?!"
Jalerom raised his eyebrow. "You know, the acolytes outside were surprised when I covered myself up after they removed my clothes, plus the priest said that elves view the body differently from humans. What's the problem?" he asked, even as he felt his own face continue to burn.
Fae looked almost on the verge of saying something, but after a moment she simply sighed and locked eyes with him. "...what did you want to talk about?"
For a few minutes, Jalerom thought to begin the conversation again, to try and persuade her to return to Directian. He wanted to say how everyone was waiting, how they all wanted their friend back with them, how much they needed her. As he looked in her eyes, however, he could only think one thing. Before he realized what he was doing, he found himself giving voice to the thought.
"I miss you, Fae."
She blinked, not expecting those words. Though it wasn't what he had intended to say, Jalerom realized that it was the truth of his heart. Taking a deep breath, he continued speaking.
"You're right here, standing in front of my eyes, yet I still miss you. It feels like you're a thousand miles away, and.. I don't know how to reach you across that distance. Your smile, your laugh, that slightly crazy look you get when you spy a new book... Heck, the way you tuck your hair behind your ear when you're thinking, the way the tips of your ears turn red when you feel shy, how you fidget with your fingers when you're nervous, I miss all of it. It's almost like my Faerthurin never returned from wherever she went."
Fae stared at him, her expression utterly unreadable. All traces of embarrassment or awkwardness forgotten, Jalerom made his way over to her and turned her so she fully faced him, staring directly into her eyes.
"I've been talking about how everyone else wants you to come home, how everybody still believes in you, and I've basically been saying everything 'right' to try to convince you that you were the only one who believed something was wrong with you. What I haven't been saying, Fae, is the simplest truth of all...
"I want the woman I fell in love with back."
Fae continued to gaze at him, her lips moving as though she wanted to speak but could not find her voice. Jalerom waited patiently until she did.
"That is... exactly what I have been trying to do," she whispered. "I have been attempting to return to where I was before..."
"You have been trying to be perfect," he interrupted. She looked up at him in shock. "Fae, you think that having flaws or making mistakes makes you unworthy. You have been trying to attain the unattainable; perfection. It's ridiculous! No one can be perfect! I'm not perfect! You're not perfect! Not even the gods are perfect! We've never been perfect, Fae - Rose could tell you that all day! But that never mattered."
He lovingly stroked the side of her face.
"Faerthurin, I fell in love with you long before you were determined to be Lawful Good. I fell in love with you because of that drive, that passion, that loving heart. Your brilliance, your ever-growing kindness, and your dedication are what make you shine. Those are the very traits that lead to you changing who you were, and those traits never went away. With all the praying and repenting you've been doing, I have no doubt you've long since earned forgiveness. I don't think you're going to be able to forgive yourself by staying here alone. We all miss you, Fae. I miss you, Fae. Please... come back. Come home."
Tears began streaming down Fae's face as she began to cry. She leaned against him as she sobbed, and he wrapped his arms around her in a gentle embrace, allowing her to let it all out. After several minutes had passed, she finally seemed to calm. Jalerom gently stroked the top of her head as a means of comfort, waiting until she was able to speak again.
"A'mael... When did I go away?" she whispered eventually.
He sighed softly and gave the sincere answer of, "I don't know, Fae."
"Do you... Do you think I still can come back?" she asked nervously.
Jalerom smiled and gently lifted her chin up so he could look her in the eye again. "If I didn't, I wouldn't be here right now," he responded.
"I feel lost... I have felt lost this entire time... You've always been my guiding star... Can you help me to find my way back, a'mael?"
He gave her a loving smile. "I'd be a pretty crappy bodyguard if I couldn't even do that much," he joked, finally drawing a smile from her.
And as the waters flowed from the great statues, as the purifying pool gently lapped against their skin, Faerthurin and Jalerom shared a tender kiss.
The next morning, Faerthurin and Lucid met Jalerom at the stables, where he was thanking the stable hands for looking after his horse so well. She smiled at him as he looked up at her. It was not quite that smile he remembered, but there was a clear difference between this one and the one she had given him when he arrived. He gave her a sincere smile back and held his hand out to her, pulling her into an embrace as soon as she slid her fingers into his.
"This is going to be a little bit of a ride home," he warned. "You sure you don't want to just teleport the lot of us?"
"I'm sorry, Jalerom, but I would much prefer to simply ride back to Directian," she responded.
He nodded, understanding, and lifted her up onto the back of his horse before climbing into the saddle himself.
Fae smiled at the stable hand. "Tell high priest Aenor thank you for permitting me to stay for as long as he did," she said.
Jalerom blinked as the stable hand nodded and returned to his duties. "Aenor?"
"Yes, the high priest of this temple. He very kindly permitted me to stay here this entire time," she answered.
"Wait, but I thought the name of the guy in charge was Gurdaer," he muttered as he urged his horse forward, beginning their journey back to the kingdom they called home.
Gurdaer watched from beneath the grand statue of Corellon as the pair rode away from the temple. He gave a low chuckle and shook his head.
"I swear, that girl causes me no end of difficulty," he said to himself as he turned to return to his duties.
end