ANATA GA DAISUKI DESU, TANTEI-SAN

Laura Balfour

DISCLAIMER : I do not own Detective Conan or the character. Aoyama-sensei does.

WARNING : English is not my first language so I'm sorry if there are some confusing sentences or grammar errors.

Haibara's POV

I stared at my computer thoughtfully and tapped the keyboard with my fingertips. The only lighting inside the room was of my computer. Beside it lied a piece of paper which was the formula of the antidote for APTX 4869 and the powder I had just managed to make. I didn't know how long I had been there because all I thought right then was about the antidote.

It was almost done, I thought to myself. A mixture feeling of delight and sadness hit my heart. I went over the formula once again and then put the powder into a tiny capsule.

"Finally." I smiled as I put the snow-white things into my hand.

Conan's POV

The sun was about to set in Beika City, richly decorated with cream-colored clouds and a few stars that had already risen. The last rays of the sun rested against the horizon making a spectrum of yellow, orange, red, lavender, and navy blue. I sat quietly on Professor Agasa-Hakase's yard, watching the sun getting smaller and smaller before gradually vanishing from my eyes. It was March already but the snow had not melted yet. I rubbed my mitten together, trying to bring back the warmth to my hands.

"Kudo," someone called my name.

I turned my head to the voice. A young, solemn girl around seven was looking at me. Her face was motionless but something inside her eyes bothered my mind. "What's wrong?"

"Come with me." she exclaimed as she turned her back. I frowned in curiosity but I followed her anyway. She'd been acting strange lately, but I had never seen her looking so deadly serious like now. I walked behind her quietly as we were heading into the basement. She pushed the door to the lab. The room was very dark as usual so I need some time to adjust my eyes.

"Haibara, what's wrong?" I asked again.

She didn't say anything. Instead she was rummaging her desk and drawer. After a minute or two she apparently found what she was looking for and walked closer to where I stood. She looked hesitated and paused herself looking at me. She then handed me the thing in her hand. I opened my palm and there it was, a snow-white capsule.

"It's the antidote." she breathed in a flat voice.

I was confused for a moment, and then the word 'antidote' registered into my mind. A huge swirl of emotions rushed into my body—shocked, disbelief, and extremely happy. "The antidote, really? The permanent one?"

"I'm pretty sure it's permanent. There are still risks, yes, but that's okay." she explained.

"I can't believe this! Thank you, Haibara!" I grinned. I wrapped my hands around her, giving her the biggest bear hug I could make. Her muscles tightened in surprise, but then slowly relax.

"Ku-do you-re ki-lling me!" she tried to speak.

I pried her off. "Sorry," I apologized, still grinning. "Do you mind if I tell Hakase about this?"

She shrugged. "It's fine."

I smiled genuinely at her and turned my back to the door. I couldn't wait to be back to Shinichi Kudo. This was the last time I would stand like this—as Conan Edogawa.

Haibara's POV

I had never seen him so happy like now before.

The smell of his body after the embrace still covered my arms. He'd leave me now, and it hit me harder than a ton of bricks, hurt more than frostbite, and I didn't lie. I took a deep breath, trying to remember his scent before he finally disappeared, gone forever.

Conan—or Shinichi I must say—was halfway to the door when I called him out.

"Kudo."

He stopped himself and turned around. The smile on his face was fading as he asked, "What's wrong?"

I looked down to my feet, not wanting to meet his cerulean blue eyes. Damn, why this has to be so hard? I cursed mentally. "I—" I bit my bottom lip hard. I knew I was no good at this stuff. "I know you should go now, but—" my voice trailed off. I couldn't bring myself to finish.

He was standing in front of me now. "But, what?" he asked as I felt his hand squeezed mine. "Is it about The Black Organization?"

"N-No! It's not." I answered abruptly.

"Then why do you look so sad?" he frowned.

I fell silent. Do I have to tell him now? Will he understand this? I looked up to meet his gaze, a light tear slipped down from my eyes.

"Because I… I love you." I whispered.

The words hung there. The silence became tense and more awkward because he didn't answer. I thought about forcing myself to laugh, tell him that I was joking.

But I couldn't.

I don't want to hold back. I'm too tired to hold back. I'm too tired to all these stupid masks I have always put on my face.

He stared at me, his eyes widened in shock. "Haibara—"

"That's enough," I cut him off and crooked a mournful smile. "I told myself not to tell you this. But I…" my voice faltered.

"Haibara, I don't—"

"I wish you could stay." I pleaded, a little bit depressed. Stay with me and we could start everything again. A faintest hope was shimmering although I already knew his answer.

Maybe, just maybe, he'd stay…

He looked at me, his mouth fell open but he didn't say anything. And then he looked at the antidote bewilderedly. I knitted my eyebrows, knowing that it was just about to come.

"I can't." he said. "I would never do anything to hurt you—" I believed him, "—but I have to go back to Ran, the one she's longing and waiting for sincerely."

The slimmer of hope died inside me. Of course, he wouldn't choose my offer even though I begged him for a thousand times. How lucky the girl who became his heart desire.

I faced him and smirked, "Of course, you wouldn't want her waiting for you too long, ne?" I managed to say. That's right, Shiho, I said to myself. Smirk and pretend that you're okay.

He put his glance to see me, a thin streak of deep remorse flashed in his eyes. "Gomen, Haibara." he said and turned his back to walk away.

The tears started to roll down again but I'm too tired to wipe them away. I stared at his silhouette for the very last time and whispered, "Sayonara, Shinichi."

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Note:

Anata Ga Daisuki Desu : 'I love you' in Japanese

Tantei-san / mentantei-san : Detective

Gomen / Gomenasai : Sorry

Sayonara : Goodbye