Itachi has to do it.
There isn't a choice, not really.
He is kneeling on the floor of the Hokage's office, and he has just received his first S-rank mission.
Most S-rank missions aren't this personal. Most of them are done by shattered men behind brittle porcelain masks.
This one isn't.
Itachi grits his teeth. Danzo's always wanted to get rid of the Uchiha clan, and now there's a valid excuse. He hates them.
The Uchiha clan doesn't have the best clan record, after all. Centuries of hatred and resentment lie beneath power-hungry eyes and as the embers glow and fade, they will find a way to ignite all that oppose them. They will not sit back and watch themselves disappear behind the Senju.
You are the pipe from the clan to the village. You are our best hope that the Uchiha will have the glory we rightfully deserve. Think of Sasuke- do you want him to be ashamed of his heritage? Don't you see, Itachi- that this is the only way?
No. It is not the only way. Itachi has never liked his father's worldly perspective.
Power is only given to those who rightfully seek it. The Senju are a bunch of fools that despise us for our bloodline and our power. They cannot destroy us, so they sit and plot behind the Hokage's hat to bleed us into extinction.
He is wrong. About the Senju, at least. Itachi knows that there is one person that his father was right about, and that is Danzo.
The mission scroll lies in Itachi's barely trembling hand.
"Don't you see that this is the only way, Itachi?" Danzo asks.
Danzo is old and the fissures are cracking on his face, but he is not afraid to do all the wrong things for the right reasons, and this is what makes him so dangerous.
Itachi refuses to give him the satisfaction. There aren't many things he can do now, but Itachi's pride will not let him back down and let Danzo step all over him. He does not have the classic Uchiha pride, but it has manifested in the way that counts.
"Wait. Danzo, we must not be so hasty." says the Sandaime Hokage, and Itachi feels the air around him move. There is a barely concealed anger on Danzo's side, and a silent reproach from the Hokage's.
Within the reproach, there is also regret.
So it must be done, still.
Is there any other choice?
"We have waited for too long. They do not trust him as much as before, and it is better to eliminate the problem before it spreads and contaminates the rest of the village. We should have done this a long time ago, but you would not relent. Now is the time, before the Uchiha grow knowledgeable of our intentions." says Danzo harshly.
The air is like static, and it is crackling. Killing intent spews out from both Danzo and the Sandaime- who will win?
It is a battle of two cold-blooded killers, each trying to attain their own peace.
The Sandaime gives away, as his knife-edge dissonance breaks Danzo's own barrier. It is not giving up, it is acceptance of what has to be done. It is a simple choice for the Sandiame, but not an easy one.
How many men and women have knelt here before you just like I am now, and had to watch their whole world collapse by a decision already made?
"We don't have to make Itachi do it. He's done more than enough for the village already. We can give him a choice- either him or a group of specialized ANBU." says the Sandaime heavily.
There is a fraction of a second when Danzo narrows his eyebrows and his hands tense, but it passes, and he is still.
"Would it not be a cleaner job if Itachi were to do it?"
"Danzo, this is hardly the case!" snaps the Sandaime. "In fact, he may not be suitable at all. He is the most emotionally connected, and-"
"I would have thought that such a competent shinobi would be able to control his emotions at such a crucial time. The village is at risk- and you talk about his emotions?"
Itachi twitches imperceptibly, and looks down at the floor. He tries to not think about the words- what they mean- and focuses on the mission. He has to do it.
He can't do it.
It's the only way, Itachi.
His father's words echo in the back of his mind, and a violent dizziness overtakes him.
Through the flickering static, Itachi remembers that he cannot show Danzo his weakness- his fallible humanity. Danzo won't let him get away with feeling. He'll make it hurt all the more, and it's best to get this over with. A clean job.
Except it's not clean at all, with the blood of your kin smothering your breath and pooling at the back of your throat.
Itachi feels something hot within him churn. Little white spots creep into his vision, and he knows he has to do it now. He's waited for months, years really, to make this decision. It has all come down to this, and he knows that there's no backing out anymore. The clan or the village. His blood and flesh and faceless strangers. Hundreds versus thousands. It's an old familiar mantra, but it's not helping. Everything is building up, and it is a tremulous moment.
There is a spike of killing intent, and then Itachi bleeds.
He sees red as he stands up, towering over Danzo in his decision, his final choice.
"I'll do it."
Itachi's voice doesn't shake, and he is very, very glad of that. The red dissipates from his vision as he blinks rapidly and waits for Danzo's reaction.
There is a brief moment, and then Danzo's lips curl upward and his cold eyes shine with unconcealed triumph.
"Wonderful. Now Itachi, remember what I said about a clean job. This means all of them. No exceptions, whether they have blood on their hands or not." says Danzo, and his voice is patronizing.
"I understand." responds Itachi stiffly.
"Itachi, are you absolutely sure?" asks the Sandaime slowly.
Itachi glances at the Sandaime, and his eyes are flickering with some indescribable emotion. It is upholding, heaving, and that just makes Itachi all the more sure.
You don't deserve to feel this.
"Yes, Hokage-sama."
He bows briefly, and Danzo dismisses him.
Itachi flies through the streets of Konoha, and he is numb, unthinking, and gloriously bleeding. It hurts, except he can't feel it, or he's trying so hard not to anyways.
A shinobi must not show his emotions.
Itachi bites down on his lip, drawing blood. Through the wet tang and the collision of white-hot agony blasting in his brain, he unconsciously heads toward the Nanako River. A stream of nameless empty faces pass by him, and he can't help but think- these ignorant people are what my family will die for.
And then Itachi remembers that day. The day when blood ran thickly, a dark crimson on the nightmarish sky. Corpses on the ground were inky black, disintegrating, and some stretched out in a grotesque parody of life.
That was hell.
Not this.
And suddenly, his decision was always made.
Itachi collapses onto the riverbank. No one comes here anyways, and he just needs this right now.
He needs this weakness.
(But is it weakness, to love and feel and be so human that it hurts?)
Itachi gasps for breath, as he feels something inside of him lurch, constricting his paper-wet lungs.
His chakra pathways are erratic, their fine spidery-webs stretching, twitching, and as Itachi examines them further, he realizes that they are almost self-destructing. Excessive growth of the pathways can kill you, he remembers. It only happens in very rare cases, when shinobi are in tremendous agony.
(Real and imagined.)
But it doesn't really hurt, not in the way Itachi wants to.
Suddenly, there is a rustling of leaves behind Itachi, a gust of wind blowing in the wrong way. Someone is there.
Itachi stands up and stays still, not trusting himself to speak. Has Danzo decided that he wasn't trustworthy enough and decided to eliminate him? Itachi briefly wonders how many ROOT members it would take to kill him in his current state. Did Danzo know that he would be vulnerable?
Itachi doesn't quite mind dying, but then a brief thought crosses his mind, and he almost laughs at the absurdity of it.
I promised Sasuke I would help him practice shuriken today.
"Itachi?" asks a familiar voice hesitantly.
It is Shisui. Relieved, Itachi turns around quickly.
Shisui's haggard face is splattered with blood, and a brown patch covers one eye. His eyebrows are creased in pain- shock tingles through Itachi as he realizes the implications.
"Someone tried to steal your eye? And they-" Itachi breaks off.
No.
"Yes," says Shisui softly.
He crumples to the ground, and Itachi barely catches him.
"Who was it?" asks Itachi, but as his heart sinks, he realizes that he already knows. There's only one person that could do this- that would do this.
"Danzo." pants Shisui.
No.
But if it's happening so vividly, then it must be true.
"Will you take my remaining eye?"
"Shisui," Itachi whispers, "You will die."
"I'm going to die anyways. Do you know enough medical ninjutsu to take it out?"
"It won't be clean, but I can get the eye out undamaged."
"Then do it. Please."
Two boys, now broken men, lie at the riverside crying tears of blood. The older knows that he does not have much time left, and so he entrusts his only tangible treasure to his oldest and dearest friend. The younger stares at him, faced with the enormity of what he has to do. They lie there together, waiting for the inevitable end.
"Use it to protect Konoha." Shisui instructs gently.
"I will."
"I feel my life drifting away..."
"I'll stay with you until the end."
"Thank you. I knew I could trust you."
Shisui smiles briefly- a ghost of his old easy-going grin, but a smile nevertheless.
"What should I do with your body?" murmurs Itachi.
"Destroy it. Forge a suicide note and-"
"They'll know that it's fake."
"It's the only way that can prevent them from knowing the truth-"
Blood splatters onto the grass as Shisui coughs violently. He groans.
"I think it's time." whispers Shisui.
Itachi waits.
"I'll- I'll be w-watching after you- wherever I go next. I can't even c-contemplate the pain you must be in, but I know that you can do it."
"Shisui-"
"You're strong enough."
A moment passes, then two, and the silence is heart-wrenching.
Itachi presses two fingers to Shisui's pulse and feels.
Nothing.
Itachi's eyes brim with unshed tears but he forces the pressure back- not now. There is something he has to do. He blinks once, twice, and then his eyes resonate with power. They are dark, lustful for vengeance, but Itachi resists it. The wheels spin softly, glowing in twilight, and the three tomoe merge, bleed, and reshape into a pinwheel of destruction.
"Amaterasu."
The black flames devour Shisui's body and Itachi forces himself to keep watching. His vision blurs and he realizes that he is crying. He brushes his fingertips to his eyes, and sees a crimson smear on his skin.
He is crying tears of blood, and there is absolutely nothing that he can do.