EDIT: Finally, came up with a better title. I'm horrible at making titles...
Apparently we need disclaimers in every chapter. I always wondered why, considering it goes without question I don't own anything since I'm on this site... So...
Disclaimer?: I OWN NOTHING YOU FOOLS!
Dum dum dum dum! Finally! I'm finished with this blasted story! My bro accidentally wiped it after I was on the verge of finishing because my laptop's battery and charger is permanently broken, so it turns off if it gets unplugge. I am proud to present a story which is supposed to star Poppant, but really just centers around the people who actually have fan bases in the later half. I mean, Poppant is a little guy with magic pants that craps out candy bars! What more could you want?
And for those of you who are not familiar with the SubSpace Baddies! :
Poppant: The little guy who runs away and throws crap at you when you try to fight him.
Bytan: The weird ball creature who attacks by multiplying in your face like crazy.
Floow: The seriously annoying ghostly dude made up of transparent 2D rectangles and regenerates health.
Roader: The Wheel with a Motor cross helmet for a head.
Bombed: The little munchkin who chucks his exploding head at you.
Bucculus: The little green ball creature who pops out of the ground and tries to lip lock you.
Borboras: The anorexic pansy with a trumpet for a head and blows wind at you.
"This is stupid"
"Is it seriously his birthday today?"
"This is a waste of time. Let's just get out of here"
"Hey! Hey, come on guys!" a Poppant shouted, throwing his arms around. "It's Master's birthday, and I think he would really like it if we did something for him today!"
"Iiiit wouuld bee a waaaaste of tiiiimeee... Maaaaster haaas noo uuuse fooor suuuch thiiings...", moaned a Floow.
"Oh! Oh, come on guys! You'll help me, won't you Bytan?" Poppant gestured towards a Bytan.
"Umm..." thought the Bytan. By concentrating, it accidentally split into two.
"Heck no!"
"Heck yes!"
"Why should I help you?"
"I'll definitely help you!"
The Bytans split into four.
"There's no way I'd help you!"
"Who wouldn't want to help you!"
"Maybe I'll help you... maybe..."
"What does it mean? To help? Is it all just dust in the wind like everything in this world or is there a deeper meaning than that?"
Everyone stared at the fourth one and a Bombed's head exploded.
As soon as Bombed's head grew back, he shouted "Will someone please slap him?"
The fourth looked down sadly and his eye bulged out, creating a fifth Bytan that quickly smacked the fourth across the face.
The fifth Bytan sat down and looked at everyone. "Look guys, everyone knows Tabuu isn't as bad a guy as we all say he is and celebrating his birthday would be a great opportunity to bring that good side out. Maybe he'd even let us leave this hell hole. I know I'd sure like to get out of this place!"
"Yeah! Yeah, Get out of this place! Doesn't that sound like fun? Ah? Ah?" Poppant grinned, looking at everyone.
"You're a loony!" shouted the first.
"You're my hero!" shouted the second.
"I don't know what you are..." muttered the third.
"It's all just hypothetical, really. Everything in life is just one huge metaphor that's the product of another in...di...vidual's...", the fourth slowed itself as it noticed everyone's glaring.
The fifth Bytan slapped the fourth again, causing a sixth Bytan to be born.
It looked up into the sky and closed it's eye. "I HATE MY LIFE! Uh... ough... oh... eh... I'M GONNA HURT MYSELF! NONE OF YOU UNDERSTAND ME!"
A Roader dashed in and ran over all the Bytans except for the much sane fifth. "Geez, that was annoying..."
"So, you guys are gonna help me?" laughed Poppant, holding out his arms to anyone who would accept them.
Suddenly, everyone decided to leave.
"Sorry, Poppant. It just looks like no one else seems to like the idea", sympathized Bytan.
"Eh... it's okay... at least you guys didn't leave me."
The only people who were left were Poppant, Bytan, Floow, Roader, Bombed, and a Bucculus who was submerged beneath the ground.
"Yoooou'd beeteeer nooot bee waaastiing myy tiiime...", groaned Floow.
"Oh, psh... I'd never do that!"
"Dooo youuu actualllly knooow whaaat a biiirthdaaay iiiis?"
Poppant stared off into space while a Borboras pranced around, blowing out a noise that sounded eerily similar to a cricket chirping in the background.
"Okay! New Plan everyone! Find out! What a 'Birth. Day.' is!" Poppant cheered putting his hands on his pants and striking a pose.
"Paaatheeetiiic..." Floow face-palmed.
"Oh! I got it!" a light bulb popped out of Roader's head. "Those guys! You remember those guys?"
Everyone stared at him.
"Those guys from the outside! The ones Tabuu had to turn into trophies!"
"Ooooohh, thee ooonesss whooo folloow theee haaaand...", Floow sighed.
"Yeah! They came from the outside! I bet they know how to celebrate birthdays!"
"T-the st-stranger-rs? B-but, they're s-so sc-scary!" Poppant quivered.
"It's okay, Poppant. We're all going to go as a team, so it'll be cool", reassured Bytan.
"Okay... I guess it'll be fine..."
"Aaaare yooouu suuuure thiiiis iiisss theeee beeessst waaaaay toooo fiiiiinnnnd ouuut hooow tooo-"
"Shut up, Floow. I can run a mile faster than you can finish that sentence. And that's saying something, considering I have no legs!" bragged Bytan.
"Youuu'lll regreeeet thaaaat..." threatened Floow.
"Look, guys! Look! I found one!" Poppant claimed, pointing at a discarded trophy lying alone in the wasteland known as Subspace.
The group gathered in as the eggplant purple clouds made of shadows looked down on them with metaphorical indifference in their metaphorical eyes.
"OKAY GUYS! ARE YOU ALL READY TO DO THIS?" Poppant shouted.
"WHY ARE YOU SHOUTING?" shouted Roader.
"I SHOUT WHEN I'M SCARED BECAUSE IN ALL THOSE HORROR MOVIES, THE BAD THINGS ONLY HAPPEN WHEN EVERYTHING IS REALLY QUIET! SO, IF I MAKE THINGS AS LOUD AS POSSIBLE, NOTHING BAD SHOULD HAPPEN!"
"WHAT KIND OF CRAPPY LOGIC IS THAT?"
"SHUT UP! IT'S GOOD LOGIC!"
Roader reached inside of Poppant's magical pantaloons and took a roll of duct tape, slapping a piece over his mouth.
"NOOOISH QUIET BADT INGS APPUN!" Poppant groaned under the tape.
"Are you guys ready, Bombed, Bucculus?" Bytan pointed his one, red eye over at Bombed, who was holding Bucculus in his arms.
"Bytan, I was born ready!" laughed Bombed.
"You bet, Hun! I'll keep that trophy fighter from getting away!" laughed Bucculus.
"Move in everyone! Revive the trophy... NOW!" Bytan ordered, causing him, Floow, Roader, and Poppant who was wrapped around Roader's neck to charge for the trophy.
"RAAAAH!" they all war-cried.
"Okay, Bucculus, now it's our time to shi-"
Unfortunately, the revival of the trophy fighter sent out an incredibly bright light that surprised Bombed on accident.
"Oh, not aga-"
His head exploded, but the force of the explosion sent Bucculus flying towards the scrabble anyway.
"Here I come, honnies!" she winked, but miscalculated the rejectary of the whatnot's and the who-cares and the blah-blah-blah's or some crap like that and latched onto Bytan by mistake.
"Augh, Bucculus! What's going on? Oh no, I think I'm gonna-" Bytan started babbling, until his eye began to bulge out.
Then he split.
"Ah great, now I split!", "Oh mah gawd, Oh mah gawd, This is so awesome!"
They split into four.
"No! No more!", "Soooo cooool!", "|_0|_|_0|_, 1 |*\ 831|\|6 5|_|©|20|*\ 0|= |*|_4|\|+!11!1", "Bark! Bark! This is fun! I wanna play!"
They split into eight.
"Oh no...", "Weeeeeee!", "|*\0|=|_|*\0|=|_", "Arf! Arf! Arf!", "OH WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? I AM THE BOSS OF THE WORLD! I CANNOT TAKE THIS!", "Muahahaha... this information shall help me in my quest for world domination...", "...I'm too cool for talk...", "Augh! I think I broke a nail! Oh no!"
Now, you may be wondering how all these Bytans are being chomped on all at once when there is only one Bucculus to be doing the chomping. Well, see instead of just bouncing away, unharmed, they kinda sorta... bunched up like grapes inside Bucculus's mouth. Well, now that you have this information, I suppose you're wondering how Bucculus can hold all those Bytans inside her mouth. Well, the thing is: she can't.
"Bwaaaaah!" they all cried as Bucculus's lips exploded, sending all eight Bytans hurtling away and towards Bombed.
"Oh, come on, my head just grew b-"
FREAKING BOOM!
The explosion created by Bombed's head which conveniently killed off all the Bytans save for one.
"Iiii tooold youuu yooou woooouuld regreeet thaaat..."
Everyone's head turned towards the now living "Trophy Fighter". It was a somewhat small sized robot that had two big blue eyes and a red blinker on its head. It was a R.O.B. But it wasn't just any R.O.B., it was Master Robot, who was originally working for Tabuu, but betrayed him.
"You revived me... Why?" it said in its scratchy, robot, metallic voice.
"Listen you! It's Master Tabuu's birthday today! And we want to give him something to remember, but... we don't know how", argued Roader. "Since you're from the outside, we thought you might know."
R.O.B. looked up at the sky. "You wish to put on a festivity for your master? ...I understand this... I shall aid you."
Poppant ripped the duct tape off his mouth. "OUCH! I mean, you'll help us?"
"Yes. I too know the feeling of longing to please your master. I shall start a search in order to discover how to properly celebrate a Birthday Party... STARTING SEARCH... 'Are you planning a Birthday Party for … dren are getting more elaborate and original everyday. Sometim... over 10,000 different birthday party ideas submitted by par...' SEARCH COMPLETED. It appears that most successful birthday parties center around your master's idol or favorite fictional character. Other forms of successfulness include entertainment involving things like clowns or party animals and musical numbers. Presents, cake, unhealthy snacks, games, and friends are also required..."
"Ahaha! Is that all? I've got half of that stuff lodged inside my pants right now!" Poppant laughed.
"That's... really disturbing...", grunted Floow.
"Wait, did you just say something normal?" shouted Bucculus, who had recovered from having her lips split.
"Uhhhhh, ...noooo..."
"Enough of this dilly dallying!" shouted Poppant. "We've got a party to throw! Weeee!" Poppant skipped off, leaving everyone to follow behind him in a bunch.
"Haaa... Thaaat Byyytaaan gooot whaaat heee deeeseeerveeed...", muttered Floow.
Suddenly the ninth Bytan rolled up to Floow. "Arf! You saved my life! I am eternally grateful! You are my master now and I love you because you are my master! Arf! Arf!"
"Whaaaat? Iii neeeveer saaaved yooou..."
"That's okay! You are still my master and I still love you!" grinned Bytan.
"Ohhhh noooo..."
"Arf! Arf! Arf! Arf! Weeee!" Bytan rolled around just below the stairs leading to the Subspace Maze where Tabuu was lurking inside.
Everyone was busy working on the surprise party for Tabuu. Poppant, in particular, was prancing around, throwing presents and dandelions all around the ground.
"No, Poppant!" shouted Roader. "The presents go over here on this table! You're just throwing them all over the place!"
Poppant turned around and put his hands on the rims of his magical pantaloons. "Well excuse me for following my genes! It's in my-"
Suddenly something bumped into Poppant's back. He turned around and to his surprise, a second individual also turned around so that they were face to face. The first thing Poppant noticed about this figure was his mustache which was surprisingly stylish and his green cap and overalls.
They stayed like this, locked in each other's gaze until finally, they both broke the silence.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" they screamed, running in opposite directions. Poppant headed for his friends while the man in green headed for three other mysterious figures.
"I-It sneaked up and startled me! Don't give me that look!" he shouted.
The other three figures were a giant penguin holding a mallet, a small kid with a red cap, and a tiny, pink puffball.
The penguin laughed heartily. "Haha! Wat all's goin' on, round here?"
"It's Master Tabuu's birthday today, so we're throwing him a surprise party!" Roader claimed.
"A Birthday Party?" shouted the penguin. "You call dis a birthday party? Where are da decorations? A King like myself can't stand fo deese low standads!" the penguin whistled, calling in an army of Waddle Dees and they trudged off to do who knows what.
"Every birthday needs a barbeque! The sound of sizzling steak is enough to hypnotize any man!" the capped kid declared, donning an apron and spatula, then running off to join the King in his questionable duties.
"Poyo! More food, poyo! More food is good! Poyo!" the puffball shouted, skipping gleefully to the area in question followed by the green clad moustachioed man.
"Hey... maybe these Trophy Fighters aren't so bad after all..." hypothesized Bombed.
"WHAT WAS THAT?" shouted Roader.
"Curse y-!" Bombed's head exploded again.
"Alright, Floow, so what's the first thing we gotta do on the list?" Bombed strutted up to Floow who was holding a sheet of paper in his ghostly rectangle cake hands.
"Iiii dooon't knowwww whyyyy, buuut iit saaays theee fiiirssst thiiing issss fooor yooour heeead to eeeexplooodeee...", Floow replied.
"WHAT?" Bombed's head unavoidably exploded.
"Sooo...", Floow turned his attention to Poppant who chose this moment to walk up to the possessed glob of transparent rectangles. "Theee reeeaal fiiirst thiiiing issss foooor preeeseeents annnnd gooodiiiessss..."
"On it, boss!" Poppant twirled around in a wondrous fashion, stacking up presents, hanging pinatas, shipping out Birthday Cakes, and sorting up all sorts o' types o' cookies. "All done!" he claimed, triumphantly.
"Dose are some pants ya got der", complemented King DeDeDe's head, popping up next to Poppant's shoulder in a stalker-esque manor.
"I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!" screamed Poppant, pupils blank as he dashed madly off the scene.
"So, wat ya need me to do now, son?" asked the good ol' Kingly King in all his Kingly King King-son Doo-King Kingly Kong Bong glory to stupid ol' everybody hates his guts Floow.
Floow glared at the sky, where a familiar looking cloud version of Quizeh barred his teeth at him. "Theee seeecooonddd thiiing iiiisss entttteeertaaainmeeent, aaaactuaaaalllly..."
"Oh... Okay, then!"
By the time stupid ol' Floow was done with his Kinglyness, King DeDeDe had orange frilly hair, a red button nose, his face painted white, a silly hat with a flower on it, a colorful and exotic coat, green and white striped pants, and huge red shoes. If you can't guess what he's supposed to be by now, then you were dropped on your hea- I'm just kidding. He's a Clown, silly.
"Ah, great! Tabuu will get a kick outta me now, heheh!" The King waddled off taking his creepy clown aura with him.
"Aaaaaah, Iiii haaate cllooooownsss...", Floow groaned in disgust.
"And what'cha need me to do, Floow?" Bucculus asked, bouncing in front of the red beady eyed ghost.
"R.O.B. Saaaaiiid peooooopleee loooved to haaave eeexoootic aaaanimallls tooo..."
"What? Animals? We're in Subspace, Hun! Where are we going to get animals?"
"Juuuust spliiit Byyyytaaan uuuntilll yooou geeet moooore exooootic annnimaaaal peeersooonaaalitiiess..."
"On it! Come here, Bytan! We've got worked to do!" Bucculus called, causing our recently dog-ified friend, Bytan.
"Rawf! Rawf! You wanna play?"
"Oh... we'll play alright...", Bucculus laughed before latching onto Bytan causing him to roll away, all sorts of Bytan personalities flying everywhere.
"Yaip! Yaip! Yaip! Yaip!"
"Oh, my head is killing me... Floow! What's the next thing we've got to take care of? And please don't just say my head's supposed to explode again!" ordered Bombed, whose head had finally regrown.
"Siiince youuu asssked so niceelllllyyy, yoooou neeed tooo taaake caaaare oooff paaarty muuusic...", Floow moaned sarcastically.
"Aw, heck yes!" Bombed happily jumped behind dem turntables and started rappin' up a storm, if ya get what I'm puttin' down, dawg. "Check one two, check check! Aw yea! It's me, B-Dog in da HOUSE!" he posed, slapping on an abundance of bling and spinning on a backwards cap.
Someone pulled out a bow and shot an arrow through his head, causing it to explode again.
"Too bad he was a white boy", commented Luigi.
"Youuuu..." called Floow, pointing at Luigi.
"Wha? Me?"
"Yesss, youuuu...! Whaaat caaan yooou dooo?"
"Oh, oh this all so weird! Shadow Minions! Talking!", Luigi ranted.
"Maaan uuup, yooou. Cooome ooon, I'm suuure ifff yooou haaad a brooother, heee'd beee mannner thaaan yoooou..."
This, apparently, pushed Luigi's button as tiny lightning bolts swirled around in his eyes as his face darkened. He poked his hat, turning it into a magician's hat with a green stripe. He took it off and millions and millions of ghosts flew out of it, circling and dancing eerily around Luigi. Floow's whole body turned to ice as they entered the room. Luigi's face was a blank slate as he stared off into the distance. As soon as the ghosts stopped circling Luigi, they all engaged in a strangely hypnotic dance. Thunder clouds boiled out of Luigi's gloves, lightning stirred up the air. Smoldering specks appeared where the bolts had touched the ground. Time stood still for a moment. Then, a negative bubble surged out of Luigi's very essence. Floow's head was disorientated. He saw images of the future, past and present. His head was filled with feelings of Love, Fear, Adventure, Happiness, and Death. It was as everything in his afterlife had led up to this exact moment. Just as Floow had given in to the negative energy, it bubbled back inside of Luigi, giving him the dark aura of a great and powerful sorcerer. The thunder clouds above swirled as a small tornado touched down. The lightning increased. The ghosts become more emotional, laughing and crying as they darted madly around, but the most amazing thing were his eyes. Luigi's eyes. When Floow looked into them, he forgot who he was. He forgot what everything was. Luigi's eyes were so deep, Floow was sure he could see into his soul. It was beautiful.
"Now do you see?" shouted Luigi maniacally, raising his arms to the sky laughing.
"I am the Tamer of Souls!"
"The Master of Lightning!"
"The Embodiment of The Negative Zone!"
"This is who I am!" Luigi raised his head, the wind from the tornado buffeting everyone around, laughing like a maniac. "I Am The Great... LUIGI!"
Luigi bowed, crossing his arms over his chest. The wind suddenly stopped. Floow blinked his eyes and suddenly everything was as it was before. He was amazed to see the bowing figure in front of him had so much power. It was inconceivable.
"Eeeeeh...", he grunted. "Iiiii'veee seeen beeeteeer..."
Luigi jumped for joy, smiling like a young toddler getting a piece of candy. "Oh yay! My mother will be so proud! DeDeDe! DeDeDe! He liked my magic act! DeDeDe!" he called running after the good King.
"Oh my god, I think we've actually got everything pulled off!" stuttered Roader, rolling up to Floow in a stupid and boring manner. "But you have to wonder, does all this stuff seem slightly... age inappropriate?" Roader pointed out the obvious, but nobody cared so Roader went on. "But I think there's one more thing we're missing..."
"Whaaat? Buut thaaat's eeeveeeryythiiing ooon theee liiist... Whaat elllsee could theeere beee?"
"Well, Tabuu, for one thing."
"Oh, don't worry about that!" piped Poppant, popping up out of absolutely nowhere.
"What?" they both shouted.
"What. Did. You. Do?" asked Roader, not wanting the answer he knew was bound to be terrible in some way or another.
"Oh, I trekked my way through the Subspace Maze and told Tabuu that if he didn't get to the Entrance to Subspace in the next five minutes, Master Hand, Crazy Hand, and all the other gods would come here and blow up his dog. Why? ...Is that bad?" Poppant raised his shoulders uncertainly as the faces of both Roader and Floow turned into looks of rage.
They quickly swung their heads over at the stairs leading to The Subspace Maze, where a small transparent blue dog resembling Tabuu was sitting. It looked at them and barked once to show its affection.
"EVERBODY HIT THE DECK!" shouted Roader, pulling Floow and Poppant onto the ground for cover.
The Entrance suddenly exploded, sending a blast of wind knocking everyone off their feet. Standing there was Tabuu, holding balls of fire in his hand, oblivious to the fact that his supposedly endangered dog was a few feet in front of him. All he could see was a blur, due to his protective rage.
"Happy Birthday little boy! Happy happy birthday... to you!" King DeDeDe danced in front of Tabuu like the dork he was before getting slingshotted across Subspace by a Chain of Light and screaming like a little girl.
"Oh no..." moaned Bombed, whose fuse lit pitifully in fear, but fizzled out, before it could reach his head.
Tabuu tossed the fire balls at the ground before proceeding to shoot lasers at the madly dashing minions. All sorts of chaos erupted as everyone ran for their lives. The sky became muddled with smoke as columns of fire rose up high. Off Waves ravaged the battlefield. Everything began to explode due to the pure awesomeness radiating from Tabuu's presence.
"NOOOOT COOOOL!" shouted Poppant, holding on to Roader for dear life as he swerved in and out of the madness.
"Arf! This is f-" Bytan and a huge group of his recently created brothers and sisters were suddenly killed by Tabuu firing his shark canon at as many life forms as he could get.
"Maaasteer, pleeease liiisteeen..." Floow tried to say, before a rock slide of shadow bug boulders fell on him.
"Oh no! Floow was crushed by a rock slide! His afterlife is over! ...Eh, who am I kidding? No one really like him anyway. Maybe he'll just reincarnate or something", Bombed narrated.
Floow poked his head out of the wreckage. "Ii'm noot deeaad youu foool!"
"Shut up and die, Floow! Before I throw my head at you!"
Bombed turned his head back to the battlefield. "Oh no!" he shouted, eyeballing Tabuu's dog, all unattended, yet perfectly unharmed in the battle.
"I'll save you, puppy!" he shouted, running through the lightning bolts, poisonous gas, explosions, mini nuclear bombings, tsunamis, Off Waves, molecular distortions, death trains, stampeding minions, fleeing Smashers, towers of fire, laser beams, razor hail storms, earthquakes, knives slicing through the air, tornadoes, bullet rains, blasts of pure stinkin' energy, and an occasional random mudkipz until Tabuu glared at the sudden new occurrence.
"Wait! Master, it's me, Bo-"
Tabuu threw a ball of fire which unfortunately made Bombed's fuse sparkle and crack. It began acting violent as if it had a mind of it's own.
"Oh no..." everyone groaned.
Bombed's face disappeared, and a bright bold red lettering appeared in its place.
3...
2...
1...
X_X
The following explosion was so great that everything that had not been completely destroyed in an extremely barbaric manner before was now completely disintegrated. A sheet of radiating dust coated everyone on the spot, killing off anything that did not get covered in a protective sheet of shadow bugs in time. The sky turned an eery bloody red as the purple clouds of Subspace was stained with the stench of Death. The oxygen was tainted. Attempting to breath it in would have caused a coughing fit. Every living micro organism floating in the air or on the ground was now dead. The blast killed off everything in its sickly radius, emitting a heart-stopping boom. The fleeing King DeDeDe, Luigi, Ness, and Kirby all stopped suddenly before turning around and being buffeted and pushed over by the sonic boom that had hit them from thousands of miles away.
"Cough! Cough, cough!" one minion at a time, they surged up from underneath the deadly layer of radio active dust.
"Master!" they all cried, once their heads had been cleared of any disorientating feelings. One at a time, they pulled a limp Tabuu up from under the dust, holding him in their arms where he stretched his neck so he could look at all of them.
"We're sorry, master...", muttered the presumed dead fifth Bytan, who had been recently been reborn from his doggish counterpart. "We heard it was your birthday today... and we thought if we could get you out of that maze for once and celebrate it, maybe you wouldn't be so mean all the time and let us go outside for once...", he apologized.
Tabuu's look softened and it appeared that, just for a moment, Tabuu was going to thank them all and you would get that heart warming shyt you've always dreamed of...
But that's not how this narrator does things, so shut up and read.
"You morons!" he shouted. "What the heck is wrong with all of you! My birthday isn't for another four months! Who told you it was my birthday!"
Everyone glared at Poppant who melted under their gaze. "I didn't know!"
"Oh, so it's not your birthday? I guess that means I came here for nothing.."
Everyone gasped and turned to the new speaker.
Now have your heartwarmings.
The shadow bugs scattered as Palutena's godly aura filled the room.
"How did you know what my minions were up to?" Tabuu shouted.
A white Bytan with angel wings and a halo descended next to Palutena's shoulder. "It was me, Master. I was born in the short time my brothers and sisters were being multiplied. I realized my true holiness and told Mistress Palutena what was happening, since you are-"
For a moment, Angel Bytan's eye was diverted as it locked into contact with good ol' Subspace Bytan's eye. Their eyes widened while another French Borboras played romantic music in the background. Angel Bytan descended onto the ground folding her wings back behind her. They hopped towards each other, each inch closer feeling more joyous than the last. Then, they suddenly stopped in front of each other.
"I-I'm sorry, have we met before?" asked the Angel Bytan.
"No... I think I would remember a face as beautiful as yours...", flirted the Subspace Bytan.
"Oh!" giggled Angel.
"I think this must be destiny", purred Subspace.
They engaged in deep passionate French Kissing.
"AW!" shouted everyone. "Incest!" groaned Roader.
"More like Selfcest, hon", commented Bucculus.
"Thank god no one's ever cooked up something like that", groaned Bombed, shaking his head after it had regrown. "I think so anyway..."
"Let me check", said Roader, pulling up a laptop computer and "googling" Selfcest. He cringed and fell over on the floor, spasming. "OH GOD! MY EYES!"
"As I was saying..." continued Palutena. "This little Bytan of yours came to me and told me your kids were celebrating your birthday. Of course, I knew they were wrong because your birthday isn't for another four months since we were married for almost a year..."
"You were MARRIED?" shouted all the minions.
"It was a short relationship. We had twins, too", added Tabuu.
"But of course, you left both me, as well as Pit and his brother since you had... other plans..."
"What do you mean by other plans?" questioned Poppant, gaining the confidence to confront the Angel Goddess.
"Well, he was evil...", Palutena muttered.
"Hey you!" Poppant shouted in return. "Our Master may be a bit cruel at times, he might not be the best at socializing, and he certainly isn't that great at expressing his love, but underneath all that big blue holographic mass, there's a heart. And that heart just so happens to be the very thing that gave birth to all of us. He gave us a home! We were just a bunch a simple shadow bugs scrounging for food, but he changed all that! We're the reason he's half the man he used to be! He gave up part of his life just so we could be happy! He took pity on us and gave us hearts. We're a part of him! So, you mess with him, and you mess with us!"
Tabuu's face was full of surprise as he looked at his own "child". It softened and gradually turned into a face full of affection as he noticed all his minions surrounding him protectively. "You guys...", he cried. Tears actually managed to fall down his face. "It's been so long since I've remembered finding all of you... I love you all!"he bawled.
"Uh...", all of them sweated nervously. "Master?"
Tabuu coughed, then slapped himself across the face. "Cough! Cough! Sorry..."
All of them suddenly glared at Palutena who flinched. "What?" she shouted nervously. "I said was evil! He's changed, but... I don't think we were ever that compatible... I was just sort of... hypnotized by him after we graduated from school together. It was all just smoke and mirrors!"
"You say that now...", grinned Tabuu. "But you're blushing while you say it..."
Palutena's face flushed red. "You see! He played mind games on me! He's still a manipulative jerk!" she turned away, still blushing.
"So...", started Tabuu, whose courageous eyes subconsciously glanced at the two Bytans, whose romantic intercourse was getting more and more intense. "Did you come here to get your butt whooped again like the old days, or did you have a Happy Birthday Present for me?"
Palutena suddenly turned around, nostrils flared. "I don't know if I want to give it to you now!"
"Come on!"
"I don't know..."
"Please..."
"No!"
"Mom, would you stop flirting with Dad, so we can go home already?" a small purple and black light fluttered next to Palutena's shoulder. If you looked closely, you could see Pit's twin brother, a darker fallen angel counterpart known as Fallen Pit. His facial expression was indifferent and seemed to be avoiding Tabuu's gaze.
"Fall!" Tabuu shouted.
"Yeah... Mom made me come down here, said it was your B-Day, so uh... have a crappy Birth Day. Here's your present..." Fallen Pit took out a small old timey camera, pushed some buttons, and dragged himself and Palutena into the camera's range, catching an awkward picture of an indifferent mini-Fallen Pit, a freaked out Palutena, and an ash covered Tabuu being supported by a spasming Roader, two Bytans making out, a Bombed's head exploding due to the flash, and a sulking Poppant in the center of it all.
Poppant looked up at the camera. "Well... it's not really how I planned, but it wasn't a complete disaster, was it?"
"Yes!" everyone suddenly shouted.
"Aw..." Poppant groaned.
Trivia Time!
In the original...
Poppant wasn't nearly as involved in the story. Now he's practically the main character.
He also wasn't as scared. The scene with the duct tape, the horror movie logic, and the bumping into Luigi were also not part of the story.
Believe it or not, I think Bombed's head actually exploded more in the original...
When the Bytans split, I couldn't remember all the personalities. So, I threw in an evil, cool guy, and prissy girl as a substitute.
Luigi's magic scene wasn't nearly as dramatic.
Pretty much everything after Luigi's magic scene was dramatized .
The angel Bytan wasn't there either. It was left unanswered how Palutena found out it was the minions birthday.
Interesting Facts...
1. Speeeellll Cheeeeeck haaaateeeed Flloooow's guuuutssss... Seriously.
2. I think I have found a new favorite character type! Inconvenient Species Straight Man. This would be Bytan as his constant diverging personalities prevents him from fulfilling his duty as the straight man. I think this could also be pulled off with a Castform or something as well.
3. Borboras's only purpose in this story was for sound effects... How sad...
4. You know Poppant's Horror Movie Logic is actually true.
5. The Minions call Smashers Trophy Fighters, and the Smashers call the SubSpace Army Shadow Minions
6. In reality, you know Luigi is more bad ass than Mario. He has ghosts, lightning, and the negative zone. What's Mario got? A water pump? Great... Wet Clothes... Luigi just can't seem to realize this, which is why he doesn't mind Floow's mediocre ranking.
7. I sat long and hard... Trying to figure out what would tick off a great and powerful villain the most. At first I just thought putting an army of dudes outside the door, but that's just dumb. Then I realized, the one sure way to make anyone go into a fit of rage would be to screw with their dog. That's why there's a random pup just sitting there.
8. Bombed's head turned into a nuke because Tabuu lit his fuse on fire. I'm just guessing that god fire would be like crack and heroine to a bomb based creature. Speaking of Bombed, he makes the perfect butt monkey, seeing as practically almost every everyday life situation makes his head explode.
9. Tabuu and Palutena were married for almost a year. Their kids are Pit and Fallen Pit. Pit doesn't know they are his parents, but Fallen Pit does. Fallen Pit is also the size of Navi about now. I'm not sure why I did this. Probably a way to make sure he didn't escape and blab everything to Pit.
10. As for the Angel and SubSpace Bytan Selfcest Scene... Don't ask... or google Selfcest, unless you want to end up like Roader.
11. Oh, and also, you may have noticed that the group was attempting to throw a child's birthday party. No one notices except for Roader, I think... I originally thought about Tabuu just coming in and sweat-dropping. I'm much more pleased with Tabuu destroying the whole place because he thought his dog was going to be blown up! :)
That's all, thanks for reading kiddies! I appreciate it!
Tired again... Why do I always finish writing some time around midnight...?