Laura- Jenne- Sam- this is for you guys. You've been bugg'n me to update. Unfortunately, all I can think about is how I'm not looking forward to "Fight" and how "Paternity" better be F-ing good So this is my way of dealing with bad episodes. If you must burn me- you can. But ah...you know I don't linger in EK too long, so don't use the blow torch!

Welcome to the World

Mount Siani Hosptial

The pain throbbed endlessly between the center of her eyes. It was a migraine that Olivia was familiar with. She feared the mental state that it placed her in. Angry, weak, susceptible to contrary behavior.

Sometime after the work hour and before dinner, time stood still as Olivia held the nearly 7 pound bundle in her arms. And though she'd like to think it was the broken gold wristwatch that held her in limbo, she knew it was something more. Nervously she looked around the hospital room for somebody to step in and take over. Somebody to keep her from thinking terrible, or worse, deliriously euphoric thoughts about this baby and the ties that bound her from ever feeling Elliot's love in return. Yet as hard as she tried to pass the child over to another, the more she was ignored. Doctors and nurses rushed past the two of them in a frenzy to contain the life still barely beating on the hospital bed before them. The staff rushed past and just as one of the nurses stopped to take care of the extra baggage in Olivia's arms the IV connected to Kathy's bed caught hold of the door knob and spilled onto the floor.

"Can you handle him," the nurse yelled.

"No- yes, yes, it's just that …"

The nurse rushed down the hallway leaving Olivia with an unfinished puddle of thoughts. There she stood cradling her down fall, alone and unsupervised in a now quiet room. If there was any moment to loathe the stillness this was it. Olivia wanted to be rid of the situation and the thoughts that came with it. Every dead image of a lifeless baby flashed through her mind as she stood there in the empty hospital wing. She hated herself for even having the thoughts and desperately fought to think of something else.

Under the pillow. Hand marks on the throat. Blue swollen skin tones.

"Stop it, Olivia. Stop it."

She panicked to control herself and then she felt his light squirm and the sounds of hungry gurgling. Looking down for the first time, her mind buzzed its' way to the silent comatose state that it had recently become accustomed to. She blamed these uncontrollable moods on lack of sleep, but deep down she was certain it was due to years of living a false reality.

The baby's tiny lids fluttered as he slept blissfully in her warmth. She couldn't help but smile and tear up at his soft features and the way he contently nestled to the beat of her anxious heart. His eyes blinked and opened. If this was the cause of her demise then she could do nothing but give in to the already stabbing set of baby blues. She choked back the tears with a gentle laugh and a painful tinge of guilt.

"Hi, there big man. So we finally meet. You put up a good fight."

His forehead wrinkled as he looked up at her through squinted eyes. Eyes that could barely learn to focus let alone cause a scene. He started to fuss and she lightly swayed and hummed. A tear or two rolled from the sides of her cheeks. Her thoughts went out to Kathy lying in a mess of blood and hospital machines. The accident happened so fast. One minute they were driving down the highway towards Queens and the next minute she was filled with anger and flashes of glass and metal. Had it not been for her jealous behavior this might have never happened. Kathy was so good at pushing the right buttons. She had a superb timing for catching Olivia in vulnerable states.

Flash to the car.

"Olivia, I know you're only trying to be helpful, but you have to back off. I can handle Elliot when he's not at work."

"I know that," Olivia scoffed with an insulted hint of red in her cheeks. "I just thought that you might need an extra hand with the baby coming and all."

"Come on Olivia, you know it's more than that. I know it's more than that. You've never come to our house before. He's not single anymore. You can't just show up uninvited. I'm having a hard enough time getting him to myself when he is home the last thing I want is to have to share him with you."

The anger boiled under Olivia's skin and she turned quickly into the next lane. "Well Kathy, I'm sorry you feel that way. This will be the last time you see me."

"It's not that I don't want to see you. You just need to learn some boundaries. You've come to our house every night since the accident. He's back at work now. You need to back off some. I like you Olivia; I just think you need to start finding your own family. It's not healthy-"

Flash back to Olivia in the hospital

That was the last thing she heard before the squeal of breaks and the crunching sounds that immediately followed.

For the first time since Elliot told her the news, Olivia had no choice but to come to terms with it. It was time to give up. She closed her eyes and sucked back her selfish tears.

"Your mama's gonna be just fine, baby boy. She's gonna be holding you before you know it. She and your dad will have you smiling and laughing. They're the best parents you know. You couldn't have asked for-"

"Where is she? Kathy Stabler!"

Elliot's breathless panicked voice hollered from the nurse's desk. Olivia took her eyes from the baby and poked her head into the hallway. She'd never felt so relieved to see him. "Elliot!"

As she started towards him the nurse behind the desk took him in the opposite direction to where Kathy was being operated on.

The other nurse had finally returned to clean up the IV mess.

"I am so sorry. We are swamped tonight. Oh look at you sweetheart. Here give me the precious thing and you go get yourself cleaned up. "

Olivia handed the baby over to the nurse and looked down at herself. Her chest was covered with blood and tingling from the warm heat still lingering from the baby's tiny body. "Thanks," she replied in a barely audible voice. "How's Kathy looking?"

The nurse fiddled with the baby in an incubator and smiled. "She's going to be fine. They started on the stitches when I left the room."

Olivia nodded and ran her blood-incrusted hand through her hair.

"Honey, you've got a few cuts on your head. You should have that looked at."

"No, I'm fine. Thanks. What about the baby... is he healthy?"

The nurse smiled as she wheeled the cart towards the door. "You did a wonderful job delivering him. I'm going to cook him a little more and he'll perk right up."

"Cook him?"

"Follow me."

They went down to the room of preemie babies and the nurse hooked him up to an incubator. Olivia stood next to the plastic box and watched the baby grunt and wiggle. She didn't want to leave him. It was already her fault that he didn't have a mother to keep him warm, the last thing she wanted to do was make him feel neglected. "Can I stay with him until…"?

"Sure! Let's get you changed and cleaned up first."

A gown was thrown over her clothing and she washed her hands. Kathy's blood ran down the drain. Olivia gasped at the thought of it and held onto the sink with her eyes closed. When the image passed she dried her hands and walked from the bathroom.

"You okay?"

"Huh," Olivia snapped out of her thoughts and shook them away. "Yep."

"You look like you just saw a ghost."

"Every minute of the day," she thought to herself.

Gently she sat next to the baby and held his little hand. This seemed to comfort him because he stopped fussing immediately. His tiny fingers fascinated her. She took in every detail of his hands and face like he was her own child. Her presence calmed him into a deep sleep and she smiled thinking that she could stay next to this box forever. Before her mind could get too involved Elliot walked into the room. "Liv."

She pulled away from the baby quickly and stood up as if she'd been caught doing something wrong. "El."

"Are you ok?"

"I'm good...I'm okay. Is Kathy…"

"She's on her way to recovery..."

Elliot's voice trailed off as he brushed past her and touched the side of the box. "Can I hold him?"

The nurse nodded and lifted the lid. His tiny body stretched and wiggled. Olivia stepped towards the door in shame as she watched Elliot hold his son for the first time.

"Welcome to the world little man."

This was her cue to take Kathy's advice and back off. In a trance she pulled the plastic gown from her body and walked down the hall rolling it up as she went. She stopped at the trashcan near the end of the hall and glanced at the doorway. She didn't know what she thought was going to be there. Certainly not Elliot. Certainly not family. Certainly not comfort. Welcome to the world Olivia. It's a cold hard lonely place.

AN: Thoughts, smirks, pitch forks, banter...have it at me!