Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, or any of the pilots (although I think I wish I did!)
This is sappiness and shounen-ai… you have been warned.
"What I Want"
"Ne. Aren't you cold?"
I looked up to see none other
than Heero Yuy clamoring gracefully up the side of the roof, a slightly puzzled
expression on his face as he sat down beside me.
I blinked. Heero Yuy?
"Um… yeah. But I don't mind, I guess," I replied; I was, indeed, cold, but it had served more to keep my mind on things than off them.
"Hn."
I sighed and went back to staring into the windswept trees, trying to ignore the warm body beside me and the lack of reason for it to be there. Trying to keep my mind on other things: the things I had come up here to think about.
But Heero was still sitting beside me, and that was bothering me and I couldn't say why. He'd always thrown me off balance, somehow, with his ice-cold eyes and his "Perfect Soldier" façade. But…
Okay. Screw all that. I was attracted to him. I knew it. I had been for God knew how long. But I hadn't – couldn't have – told anyone about it, and settled for watching him from my spot behind the curtain; watching him fight, watching Relena fawn all over him –
My only hope had ever been the fact that he didn't fawn all over her. But Heero wouldn't have fawned all over anybody. He was as cold to her as he was to everyone else. But where did that get me?
Absolutely nowhere. And the fact that he seemed to let Relena fawn over him at all led to the only conclusion that I could possibly make – that he didn't like boys. That there was no way he would like me, Quatre Raberba Winner, as anything more than a friend, ever.
If he liked me as a friend in the first place. And with Heero, who could ever tell?
I turned to look at him, his profile sharp in the evening light. "What are you doing up here?" I asked him.
The blue eyes swiveled around to meet mine. Expressionless.
"I'm sitting," he replied simply. "Do you have a problem with that?"
"No," I answered quickly, looking back at the trees so that I wouldn't have to look into his face anymore. "No, I was just wondering."
"Hn."
We sat in silence for a while longer, save the wind's crying, until my curiosity overcame me.
"Are you all right?" I asked him; I didn't turn my head as I asked the question, sure that I would find nothing helpful in his eyes.
"Nani?" he asked – I could've sworn there was a touch of confusion in that word. "I'm fine," he said gruffly. "Hn."
I couldn't help but giggle. It was so amazing to me that that single syllable, when muttered by Heero Yuy, could come to mean so many different things. And he didn't even notice it.
"What?" he asked; I turned to see him staring at me, his gaze narrowed just a bit. "What's so funny?"
"Nothing," I said; I stopped laughing.
"You're laughing at me," he accused flatly.
"Not really you, I guess."
"Then what?"
I shook my head. "I don't know. I'm sorry." I turned to look back out at the trees.
"Hn," he huffed again, and there was silence between us once more.
The night had fallen and the stars were bright tonight. I tilted my head upwards to look at the sky and, unsatisfied, flopped down on my back on the roof, sprawled so that I could see the sky.
And Heero's face peering over me, blocking my line of sight to the heavens.
"Nani? Heero?" I asked, staring into his dark blue eyes, just barely glinting with the whisper of the moon low on the horizon.
My cheeks had become hot, and I didn't really know why. It was probably too much to hope that he hadn't seen it, even in this darkness.
"What are you looking at?" he asked simply, irises locked on mine and voice indicating nothing.
"The… sky," I got out.
"Hn."
I smiled.
His eyes narrowed, and I dropped the smile. "What."
"Gomen, Heero. You're just funny sometimes. I didn't mean to laugh at you. Gomen nasai," I repeated. Now he thought I was a jerk. Wonderful. I sighed.
He didn't reply; merely swung his gaze upward at the spot in the sky that I had been looking at, presenting me with his silver-lined profile in the growing moonlight.
His hand was right beside my face, spread on the roof to support his weight.
And then he flopped down beside me, on his back as well, arms spread above his head and I could feel his body practically touching mine…
"They're really that interesting?" he asked; I assumed he meant the stars, but I was having trouble thinking for some reason with him this close.
"Hai," I replied softly. "They're beautiful."
"Hn."
I smiled again.
"And am I really that amusing?"
I turned my head, surprised, to see his own face turned toward mine, eyes looking at me, pinning me with their icy gaze. That must be how he'd seen me smile.
"Er – no… I…" I stammered, not sure what to say, my cheeks growing even hotter.
"You're blushing."
I stopped short. I hadn't exactly expected him to point that out.
"Er…"
He smiled.
He smiled.
"It's cute," he said, before rolling his body over mine. His hands found mine and his fingers intertwined themselves with my own. His nose was so close to mine they would be touching if he lowered himself another half of an inch.
I was blushing more furiously now, every inch of my skin aware of the contact, aware of his body heat seeping through my clothes.
"Hn." And he smiled, and lowered his mouth to mine, his warm lips covering mine almost hungrily as his fingers tightened around mine. I found myself welcoming him, kissing him back…
He lifted his head, still so close, and looked at me. My cheeks were still flushed – I could feel the heat still there.
His leg wound itself around mine as his hands pushed mine up, away from my head, stretching my arms out. He lowered his head again to claim my mouth once more. He stayed longer this time, and when he pulled away I could still taste him in my mouth, somehow intoxicating – as intoxicating as those Prussian blue eyes that were still staring into mine. Blue eyes that were threatening to cool the heat in my cheeks.
"Heero," I whispered – I wasn't sure what to say, wasn't sure what to ask – wasn't sure if words were right at this moment anyway. Maybe they would just ruin things. I had a tendency to do that –
He apparently saw my mind racing behind my eyes. "You're thinking too much, Quatre," he said calmly. "Stop it. Do you want me to get off?"
I blinked. "Of course not!" I blurted the first thoughts that came to mind, and immediately felt my cheeks flush once more.
His mouth was on top of mine again. It was really very nice… He tasted good, like strength and pent-up passion, hidden by the sugar of his saliva. His hands opened and closed over mine rhythmically, methodically, and I noticed that both of our legs were intertwined with each other now. We were a tangle of two human bodies nearly become one. My mind had long ago lost any ability to protest that he couldn't possibly like boys…
His mouth pulled away from mine, moved to my jaw and began kissing there. I shivered – not necessarily from the cold alone, but I was also suddenly aware that it had begun to snow.
"Hee-chan," I ventured softly, using the name I had jealously heard Relena call him, hoping it wouldn't make him angry. His eyes lifted to meet mine, questioning, suddenly those of a small child asking why he had to stop playing. I nearly laughed. The snow, lightly falling, clung to his hair and shone in the starlight.
"It's snowing."
"So?"
"It's cold."
"So?"
I sat up, pulling him up with me so that we were still chest-to-chest. The poor boy – such the perfect soldier that he didn't even notice the icy flakes falling onto his skin, melting instantly beneath the heat of his body. Only Heero Yuy could wear spandex at this time of December.
I bent down, resting my cheek against his sleek throat, feeling the throbbing of his heart somewhere below my chin, releasing his hands to place mine against his chest, feeling with my fingers his heartbeat beneath them. His own hands fell to the small of my back, clasped there.
"Why don't we go someplace warmer?" I asked. "I don't want you to get sick."
"I won't get sick."
"You don't know that."
"I won't get sick," he insisted.
I tilted my head upwards, saw him looking down at me. I placed a kiss on the tip of his nose. "Baaaaka, of course you'll get sick."
"Hn," he finally conceded, a small smile dancing across his lips, and we stood together and picked our way carefully down the roof, sliding in through the hall window –
And right into Duo Maxwell. He had been walking down the hall, carrying what looked like blueprints on flimsy, but he stopped short not two feet from where I had slid into the safehouse after Heero. His blue eyes were round and confused as he stared at the two of us. I hoped he thought we were just flushed from the cold; now inside, I could see the slightest hint of pink bridged across the Perfect Soldier's nose and cheeks. I suppressed the urge to smile again. How positively cute.
I wanted to brush the snow out of his hair, but that was definitely out of the question.
"Um… can I ask… what you two were doing out there?" Duo, for once, was stammering. Great.
"Looking at the stars," Heero replied, calm as ever. I resolved to remain silent; I could already feel the heat creeping back into my cheeks and suddenly I didn't trust my own voice.
"Uh-huh," Duo replied, gaze dancing from Heero to me to back again. "'Looking at the stars.'"
"Hai."
"Uh-huh…." Duo repeated. "Sure. I'll just… be going now…" He began walking off down the hall, in his original direction, but there was something in his voice that said he didn't believe us. As he passed by me, a grin flashed across his face, and he whispered, "That's not the only thing you were doing, ne, Q-man?"
I started, stared after him as he disappeared around a bend in the hallway. I shivered in the cold breeze floating in through the still-open window.
A second later it was closed, and I turned to see Heero watching me intently.
"You're cold."
"It was cold outside. I told you that."
"Hn."
I shook my head, laughing softly.
Warm arms around me. Heero looking down at me, eyes dancing with amusement and… mischief. "I still amuse you."
"Hai."
He bent down.
"Heero – someone'll catch us –"
He stood back up. "I'd hear them."
I pressed one finger to his pink nose. "Now, I only half-believe that. Anyways, you look cold yourself, you know. Go take a hot shower."
"Hn. You should do the same."
"I would, if there wasn't only one… bath… room…"
The mischief had spread to his smile. "Heero…"
He was dragging me towards the bathroom door.
Then again, I was letting myself be dragged.
The door shut behind us and he locked it, still watching me as I could feel my cheeks flush once again. Without a word, he went over to the shower and turned it on, hot water raining down as steam boiled off as well, coating the mirror almost instantly.
Despite the heat, I shivered again. Maybe it had been colder than I thought –
"Are you going to get in or do I have to toss you in?"
I blinked. "Well… that depends."
"On what?"
"If you come with me."
"Baka," he said, and peeled of his shirt, "Why do you think I locked the door?"
The water was warm and inviting as I stepped in, but the arms of Heero Yuy were even nicer. They slid around me even as the water slicked my hair to my face, my long blonde bangs plastering themselves to my skin and now it was his turn to laugh, softly. One hand reached up and pulled the wet hair away, and his mouth came down to meet mine in another kiss, his taste mingling with the water pouring down from above us. His own wet bangs stuck to my forehead as if they were my own. I was losing any notion of where I stopped and he started. It didn't necessarily seem like a bad thing.
He pulled away, still leaning down to rest his forehead against mine. The hot water had made his whole face flushed, and I ran my thumbs across the pink of his cheeks, smiling.
I hoped Duo wouldn't complain later when there was no hot water left for the shower.
* * *
Our clothes were cold and wet, and of course we hadn't thought to bring any fresh ones in with us. And so, dressed only in the towel wrapped around his waist and damp hair still dripping, Heero wrapped me in a towel and picked me up, and before I knew it we were safe in his room. As far as I knew, no one had seen us.
He set me down on his bed and went over to the dresser, pulling out a t-shirt and boxers and tossing them over to me. I dressed as he did the same, in another pair of boxers but no shirt.
"I had no idea," I commented, pulling the grey flannel shirt over my head and inhaling his scent, "that you had anything other than that spandex of yours."
He came over to the bed, leaning down, and one hand was on either side of me. "Well, now you do," he replied, and kissed me, pushing me down on my back onto the bed as he fell with me, his lithe body covering mine as his hands found mine once more, his long fingers intertwining with mine.
"Hee-chan," I asked softly, after he'd pulled away and flopped down next to me. I turned my head to look at him, to see him staring right back. "Why?"
He blinked. "Why? Why what?"
I took a breath. "Why me? I mean… I've been… I've wanted you…. for… but you never seemed… and now…" I couldn't quite find the words, and he seemed to be amused because he was smiling softly.
"Why? I can't tell you why. I don't know," he said evenly. "All I can tell you is that I've wanted you for a long time." The mischief was back in those eyes of his, sparkling in the lamplight. "And I know how to get what I want."
"Do you now?"
"Oh yes," he said, blue eyes shining with both amusement and mischief. He rolled over again, back on top of me, hands playing through my wet hair. His nose was just above mine, and I could feel his soft breath on my lips. "I definitely know how to get what I want."
~Owari~