Author's Notes:
Another Red vs. Blue fanfic. I hope this one's better. I know Aseret Kitsune's are much funnier, but I'm learning with this format. If this one turns out horrible, please review and tell me so I never make another, perhaps I should just stick to action and romance. I am All That is Legendary, none are like me.
-------------------------------- ---------------------------------- ----------------------------
Grif: Hey Simmons? How long has it been since you last kissed Sarge's ass?
Simmons: Oh no! I missed my 3:30 spiel on how Sarge is such a brilliant leader!
Grif: He's not gonna take that well.
Sarge: Simmons! Where the hell were you for your 3:30 spiel? I was counting on you!
Simmons: I'm really sorry sir…
Sarge: Why son, why? I missed the reassurin' sound of your lips smacking my asscheek.
Grif: Oh my god…
Simmons: I know sir, I just got caught up insulting Grif.
Sarge: Simmons you need to keep track of your ass kissin' appointments.
Grif: This is too good…
Simmons: Shut up Grif! Sarge, I promise I'll be on time to kiss your ass everyday!
Sarge: Well, I guess all I can do is let you make up for it by kissin' my ass now.
Simmons: Sarge, you're a brilliant, handsome man and you deserve absolute respect.
Sarge: Not bad. Keep goin'.
Simmons: Your fearless attitude and textbook grace in battle makes me horny.
Grif: Now its getting gross…
Simmons: Your intelligence is unmatched, and neither is your charisma.
Grif: Hey Simmons, want me to grab your ankles in case you fall in too far?
Sarge: Shut up, dirtbag.
Grif: permission to speak freely, sir?
Sarge: Denied.
Grif: (sigh) why do I even bother?
Donut: Hey O'malley, what do you think about adding drapes to the bay window?
O'malley: Oh shut up you fool.
Doc: I think that's a wonderful idea, we should spruce up this dusty base!
Donut: Finally, someone who understands!
O'malley: Why me…
Donut: Which looks better, Sky blue or Sunset Orange?
Doc: I think Sunset Orange, it really brings out the color of the throw pillows.
O'malley: It also highlights the settee…Oh dear God did I just say that?
Doc: That's the spirit!
Donut: Group hug!
O'malley: Oh hell…
Church: Tucker, where's your parasitic offspring?
Tucker: I left him with Caboose, the two of them are getting along pretty well.
Church: Yeah, I don't claim to know much about parenting but…
Tucker: …Leaving your kid with Caboose is bad parenting!
Church: Actually I was about to say that Caboose might end up killing that fucking thing.
Tucker: Nah…
Church: And that thing is not your kid, it's an alien leech that fed off your insides.
Tucker: He's my son!
Church: Yeah well, I'm sure that alien had a great time fucking you in the ass.
Tucker: Shut up! It wasn't like that!
Church: I can tell. Jr. probably came out your…
Tucker: Oh fuck you man.
Caboose: …And that's how I got here.
Jr.: Blarg?
Caboose: Did you understand the part about the tattoo and the salesperson selling cups?
Jr.: Blarg. Honk-Honk!
Caboose: Yeah, I didn't really either. But I was told that the cups were big.
Jr.: Honk?
Caboose: I love you too, alien…thing…can I call you caterpillar boy?
Jr.: Blarg!