Hi!

The idea for this came from the feelings I had when I finished Strawberry Panic; disappointment. It was a fantastic show, but the ending had so many loose ends, so much of the characters unexplored. This is my shot at giving the show a better sense of closure. I'll be uploading a new chapter about every three days, sooner if I can write fast enough.

This is my first fanfic, please let me know what you think!

22/11/07 - I got a pretty scathing review and it's made me think about the story so far. As a result, I'm re-writing or adding to the chapters I've done. So please, if you're new, wait until I've updated it, should be in a few days.

23/11/07 - 00:45 - First part of First chapter makeover done and uploaded.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Prologue - Reflection

The room was getting darker and darker as the sun fell down behind the trees of the thick forest that surrounded Astraea Hill, the silhouettes of Miator, Spica and Lulim lining the horizon. Suzumi Tamao lay on her bed inside the Strawberry Dorms, watching the sun retreat from out of the window. She was alone.

Even the sun's abandoning me.

Images of the Etoile election flashed through her mind. The joy, the success, the look on her best friend's face. The approaching moment where she would be bound together with that girl, Aoi Nagisa, under the title of Etoile. And then, Shizuma's appearance and her doing what Tamao herself could never do. Her and Nagisa fleeing the church, leaving Tamao. Her eyes welled up with tears. It had been a day and they still weren't back yet. Tamao felt sick as she imagined them kissing, making love or even just holding hands. All the things she had wanted to do with Nagisa. And she could do nothing, nothing to stop her, nothing to claim her for herself. Tamao felt lonely, abandoned at the altar, as it were, by someone she thought was her best friend. And the worst thing was that she knew that Nagisa loved Shizuma. Easily as much as Tamao loved Nagisa, and more than Nagisa would ever love Tamao. She remembered the way that Nagisa's eyes sparkled whenever she looked at Shizuma. Even before Tamao knew her, she had been trnsfixed by Shizuma. Her eyes had never looked so admiringly or so longingly at Tamao. They probably never will.

Tamao sighed. she walked over to her desk and pulled open a drawer. In a small cardboard folder, tucked inbetween other bits and pieces of work, was her poem. The one that made Nagisa's face light up with awe. Tamao hadn't written it about her - she started it before Nagisa transfered - but every day it seemed to have grown more and more relevant. Nagisa was an unattainable goal, like the rainbow. She was a girl whom, no matter how far Tamao ran, would never become as close as she wanted her to be. But the poem talked about never giving up, out of sheer hope, a determination to achieve the goal, no matter that the hardships. Nagisa was too far away, and Tamao wanted to give up, wanted to move on, wanted to be able to so much as talk to her without longing for their skin to touch, their lips to bind. Just to end the pain of not having her. But Nagisa was too...perfect. Tamao didn't understand how anyone could not fall in love with her. It was hopeless. Was it my fault we could only ever be friends?

Was it my fault we could only ever be friends? Nanto Yaya sat on the floor, back to the wall, staring as the spot where she kissed her, where she was pushed away by her, where she knew she could never repair things with her. She thought things had become better, thought they could at least be best friends. Yaya knew she could lie to herself about her feelings, lie to the world about her feelings for Konohana Hikari, her best friend. Anything was better than not having Hikari at all. Perhaps feeling that some day, they could somehow be more than friends, the way Yaya wished from the very bottom of her heart. But Hikari did not love her the same way that Yaya loved Hikari. Her heart belonged to that bitch Ootori Amane, who was probably with her right now. Yaya had not seen her best friend since she and Amane were declared the new Etoiles. Was it that even a best friend was not enough to tear her away from Amane, or was it simply that Hikari did not want to return to her?

The problem began before that. They had been best friends since they met behind the church, in the garden, but even then, Hikari had run from her. She had been running ever since, it would seem. Every time Yaya had touched her, had gotten close to her, Hikari had seemed as though she would have rather been anywhere else. Yaya would have done anything for Hikari, but the more she thought back, the more she felt that Hikari acted the same way out of a feeling of obligation rather than because she genuinely cared. Yaya felt tears fall down her face as she though back. Was everything we did since that day just lip service?

Her lips. When Yaya had kissed her, and she was so...repulsed...was it simply because of shock, or because she was still shaken from Kenjou Kaname's rape attempt, or was it really because any thought of being so close, so intimate with Yaya filled her with disgust? Or fear. Yaya saw the look on Hikari's face that night when they were practising for choir. The moment Yaya moved closer, even with the most innocent of intentions, she had recoiled. She's afraid of me. She is terrified I'll kiss her, I'll touch her. She's scared I'll look at her one day and do what Kaname did to her. Hikari did not even trust her enough to keep her word about that never happening again. Maybe she never had, never would. Was that why I was so easily abandoned?

She's abandoned me. Tsukidate Chiyo curled up under her bedsheets and felt tears well up in her eyes. Nagisa promised she would always be my big sister. My Nagisa-oneesama. She had not seen Nagisa for...well it seemed like an age. Chiyo knew that she could never replace Shizuma in Nagisa's heart; she noticed that love even before Nagisa herself had, but she never wanted that kind of love from her. Nagisa had cared about her, had looked out for her, like the big sister she never had, but always wanted. Chiyo didn't want a lover, she just wanted someone, anyone, to show her a kind of girl-to-girl affection, and the girl she called Nagisa-oneesama was going to be that one. She was so sure of it. She had tried so hard. Tried so hard to make Nagisa care about her. Everything she did, she scrutinised from the point of view of Nagisa. Even herself. Am I doing well enough? Do I seem to try to hard? Am I charming enough? Will she want me as her little sister? And now Nagisa had been swept off her feet by the girl she loved and had left Chiyo behind. Have I failed completely? Should I give up?

I feel like I'm giving up. Rokujo Miyuki stared up as the steam from the bath made the light seem to dance. Her bags were packed. She didn't need them packed for a while now, she wasn't leaving for a while, but she liked to sever ties before she really needed to, so as to let the load down easier. She always preferred to have things done in advance. Just like the man she didn't know, and had never met, but was planned to marry in just a few months. She couldn't even recall his name. To her parents she was a commodity, her wedding this man, even before she was old enought to walk, was simply to tie two rival businesses together. Love was not good enough for the family, only their money was. She would not be able to have a career, she would just have to be a dutiful wife to a husband that she doesn't know and doesn't care about. But who do I care about? Is it Shizuma? No, she was so sure that her relationship with Shizuma was platonic. At least now. Both she and Shizuma knew that she had once loved her. Maybe she still had a few feelings for her old friend. But Shizuma played the biggest role in Miyuki's life when Miyuki was little, as a protector, a far more confident girl who would help her when she was scared or homesick. Shizuma was like an older sister. Now Miyuki felt like she was the more mature, more responsible one, the reliable one. Shizuma was impulsive where Miyuki was considerate. Shizuma was wreckless where Miyuki was careful. Shizuma only cared about her own agenda; she was childlike and foolish. Miyuki had become her own woman, and Shizuma was her best friend, but she didn't need Shizuma anymore, not like she did. She didn't need anyone anymore. She was, after all, the Student Council President.

(But only for another two weeks)

Miyuki sighed heavily. She thought of everything she'd achieved at Miator. She'd gotten exceptional grades, rose to a position of responsibility. It seemed that all that would be for nothing. There was nothing for her past her graduation, except to "settle down". Just another housewife. Miyuki defined herself by her authority, her hard work. She was happy when she knew she was respected. How could she be happy when the only thing in her life was domestic servitude? Oh the great Japanese feminine empowerment. Miyuki felt sick. Beyond this school, there is nothing that I value. There is nothing I've thought of achieving. No-one I care about.

She slumped back against the end of the bath, her mind filled with a feeling of something terrifying in the distance, rushing ever closer.

Why does she love me? Konohana Hikari looked up at the ceiling, wrapped in the embrace of Ootori Amane. Her prince. Her angel. Was Hikari's tiny, cowering frame enough to become the object of the heart of one so wonderful? Amane could have anyone she wanted. She was beautiful, charming, talented. And yet she called me an angel.

Hikari would have been happy with just being in Amane's presence, yet why was it that when Amane kissed her, it was so similar to when Yaya kissed her? Why was it that when Amane leant over Hikari and undid the buttons on her dress, it was so similar to when Kaname tried to do the same to her? Was she really so scared of being touched that even the girl she loved so much could still repulse her simply with physical contact?

Why when I touch her does she shudder so? Ootori Amane stared at the back of the head of the naked angel lying in her arms, and stroked her shining golden hair gently. She loved this girl so much. Every time Hikari froze momentarily as soon as Amane's hand touched hers, Amane felt sick. Maybe even she doesn't know she does it? Was Kaname why? Amane thought of Kenjou Kaname, the girl who was prepared to "seduce" Hikari just to feel a sense of victory over Amane. The girl who hated her enough to try to take the only person that mattered from her. And yet she made me realise I had to become Etoile. Amane couldn't for the life of her figure out why. Amane had heard that Kaname was obsessed with her, at least at some point in the past. She knew Amane was in love with Hikari before anyone. Was she really intent on hurting Amane, or was there something else to it?
Am I really the love of this beautiful girl, or is there something else to it? Aoi Nagisa lay on the bed in Shizuma's "holiday home", listening to the sound of the shower in the next room. Kaori's bed. Nagisa knew only too well how in love Shizuma was with Kaori. For the last two years, ever since Kaori passed away, Shizuma had never connected with another person in the same way she had before. No-one could replace Kaori to her. Was I ever just a replacement Kaori? Something to momentarily fill the gap? Nagisa remembered back to the first time she and Shizuma had met. Shizuma had immediately tried to kiss her. Why? Was it convenient timing, or did Nagisa specifically remind her of Kaori? Does she still? And why do I feel so strange? She thought of how she felt when she first kissed Shizuma, or after, in Shizuma's room. A feeling that something had occurred, an event that she could never go back from. Something that she never thought she would do Was that what she felt now, escalating every time Shizuma's lips touched hers, every time their bodies intertwined? Am I still uncomfortable with the thought of being in love with her? Will this discomfort ever go away?

Is this love?