Disclaimer: I do not own Batman or The Night Before Christmas
Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the manor,
Not A gadget was chirping
Not even a Batscanner.
The villains were locked
In their asylum with care,
With visions of Batarangs
Wizzing through the air.
Bats in his Kevlar,
And I in my slacks,
Had just settled in
For a long evening of Whacks!
When out on the town
There arose such a laughter,
From Joker Bombs bursting
And spraying their powder.
Away to the rescue
Bats flew like a flash,
To administer the antidote
And put a stop to the gas.
The look of distress
On the face of my Bat,
Made this clown giggle
And give a tip to his hat.
When out of the night
What should my wandering eyes see,
But a pissed off Bat
Come to pound on little old me.
With Kung Fu moves
So lively and quick,
I knew in a moment
This Bat was no trick!
More rapid than eagles
His punches they came,
And he spoke and he shouted
And called me every name:
"You bastard! You fiend!
You murderous clown!
I'll break you! I'll stop you!
I'll teach you to frown!
To the top of the tower!
To the top of the hill!
I'll beat your face in,
And make you feel ill!"
With a grin I did turn
And down an alleyway ran,
To my getaway car
Well, more like a van.
So off through the roads
I sped with all my might,
Only to be followed
By the one and only Dark Knight!
And then with a Bang!
And to my dismay,
I got a flat tire
And drove into a display.
As I leaned back my head
And was turning around,
Out popped the Batman;
Who was on me in a bound!
He was dressed all in black,
From his head to his foot;
But his armor was stained
With both blood and soot.
A bunch of new toys
He had slung on his belt,
Like a pair of Batcuffs
I had never before felt.
His eyes how they smoldered!
His furry! How merry!
It made my heart pound,
And wish to give my black cherry.
As I stared at his mouth
How my pants they did tighten,
Like his fingers on my throat
Trying to frighten.
His leg it did shift
And my arousal he felt,
Making him leap up quick
And give a sound like a yelp.
He had a flushed face
And with a stutter he spoke,
To ask if it was real
Or just another joke.
Slowly I stood
And made my way over,
Looking him up and down
I gave him the once over.
With a wink of my eye
And a twist of my head,
I soon gave him to know
He had nothing to dread.
I spoke not a word
But went straight to my work,
Dropping to my knees-
But he pulled away with a jerk!
And laying a finger
Aside of his nose,
And giving a nod
Into the air he rose.
Away he did grapnel
Across Gotham he did soar,
So I stole me a car
Whose engine did roar!
And I exclaimed
As I sped out of sight:
Merry Christmas to all,
And he's MY Bat Knight!