Disclaimer: Hogwarts, the characters, etc., all belong to JK Rowling. I own nothing but the plot.
Written for Potterheadx10's "The Letter Competition" Challenge on HPFC Forums
Emerald Ink
by VictoryNike
You carefully lock the door behind you in the dingy room with the low ceiling. You crouch to avoid hitting your head, and take a seat at the dusty desk beside the open window. Cold air spills into the room as you pull out a sheaf of parchment.
As soon as you touch the quill to the parchment, the words you've held back for so long come blossoming out of the end of your quill in emerald green scribbles. The color of her eyes.
Dearest Lily,
Lily, I love you.
Here you pause, just for a moment, savoring the pleasure of admitting it at last, if only to yourself.
Last week I saw you again in what seemed like the first time in forever. This time, we were on opposite sides, fighting a battle, perhaps to the death. In my whole life, I have never been so scared. Scared that they would hurt you, kill you even. You didn't recognize me because of my mask. You were too busy fighting for your life, anyway, and for your cause. On the other hand, I was fighting only half-heartedly for my cause, because it meant that I would have to fight against you once more.
I saw it, you know. I saw you look at him for that one moment. Just a moment before the battle had really begun. You locked eyes with him, with Potter, of all people, the person you once swore was an arrogant toerag. I saw you say a wordless goodbye, because you didn't know whether or not you'd live to look into his eyes again. It was just a moment, a quick glance, really. But it broke my heart again, another piece of proof that you loved him, him and not me.
It hurt. When the battle was nearing a close, and it was evident by the ground littered with your dead that the Order was losing, Moody gave the call to retreat. You spun around and ran directly to Potter. Right before you disapparated together to safety, you hugged him briefly, and it was so obvious, that you loved him. He hugged you back, and you two were just so happy that you were both alive, and together. And then you disapparated.
After it all, I felt like disapparating, too, to somewhere far, far away, where I could hide in misery for the rest of my life. But I didn't, because at the end of it all, I was glad. Glad that you were happy. Glad that you were alive. I love you Lily, and I always will, and that's why-
You stop for a moment, your hands shaking slightly, causing drops of emerald ink to leak out of the quill, blotting the parchment.
that's why I'll let you go. I don't mean that I'll stop loving you, or that I won't always be waiting, just in case you change your mind. All I'm saying is that I won't encroach on your happiness. I won't turn up and ruin your joy. I'll try not to kill him, although I'd dearly love to, because he makes you happy, and if you're happy, I am too. I'll accept that you really will marry that prat. That you will never be mine. But I will always be yours, if you ever change your mind, I will be here. I know that you never will, that you are loyal, a bloody Gryffindor to the core, but I can always hope.
Love,
Sev
The tears start to come as you sign the letter with the nickname no one but her was allowed to call you. You remember how her voice used to make your name sound like something special, something amazing.
You fold the letter precisely into thirds, sliding it carefully into an envelope. You reach for the sealing wax, remembering how much Lily used to enjoy breaking the seal on those Hogwarts envelopes in your childhood, back before the days of the war, before you became a Death Eater. You melt it with your wand, dropping a perfect drop of crimson sealing wax on the tip of the top flap. The color of her fiery hair. You write her name carefully on the envelope.
Lily Evans
Despite everything you promised in the letter, you can't bring yourself to write Lily Potter. No, to you, she'll always be Lily Evans, your Lily, not Potter's.
You contemplate the owl in front of you, black as night, swift as the wind. It would find her. You could send this to Lily. She could know she had an option, a chance at a life with you. You go so far as to tie the letter around the owl's leg.
But you can't. You simply can't send the letter to her. Because you know you were the one who blew any chance of a future with her. All because of that one word. Mudblood.
If it weren't for that, she might have chosen you.
You rip the letter from the owl's leg angrily, ignoring its hoot of pain and indignation.
You throw the letter in the fire, your teeth bared in self-directed rage. You watch as the flames swallow the letter, licking at the sides, reducing your confession to cinders. You watch, as the burned scraps of the letter joins the the ashes of all the other letters you will never be able to send to Lily.
To Lily Potter.
Author's Note: My challenge was to write a letter between Lily Evans Potter and Severus Snape, with the emotion "glad".
I realize that although the overall emotion was more bittersweet than glad, I believe that its as close to glad as a letter between Snape and Lily can get, since they didn't really have a happy ending.
This story is set after they graduate from Hogwarts, in the early days of the Order, before Lily and James got married.
Please review!
~VictoryNike
8/5/12