Meaning to Commit a Crime, Isaac and Miria Inadvertently Get Married
"Hey, Isaac."
"What's that, Miria?"
"I was just thinking that it's been a long time since we pulled our last job. I was wondering what we were going to do next."
Isaac looked over at his charming partner-in-crime, who was dressed as Sleeping Beauty today and was eating a hot dog they had just gotten from a vendor. He was dressed as Prince Charming himself—they had gotten the costumes at the same time that they stole those birds from the Tiki Room. "An excellent question, my dear!" he said. "Now, we are currently in California. And California borders on the most excellent state of Nevada!"
"It sure does!" she agreed, tossing her hot dog wrapper in a trash can.
"Now, what is Nevada famous for?"
"Hmmmm...oh, I know! Casinos!" she squealed.
"That's right, Miria. And what happens when you go to a casino?"
"You lose all your money, of course!"
"Exactly! And losing money makes people sad, right?"
"Yeah," she agreed. "Like that time that all our money was in my purse and it turned out to have a hole in it." Miria drooped sadly just thinking about it.
"And we don't want anyone to be sad," Isaac explained. "So if we steal their money first, they won't be able to lose it, and everyone will be happier!"
Miria jumped up and down, waving her arms happily in the air. "Oh, wow, Isaac! You're so smart! That's a perfect way to make everyone happy!"
"Then, once again," Isaac said, swinging his hand expansively.
"Once again!" Miria agreed, imitating his gesture.
"We'll spread joy and happiness by perusing a life of crime!" they said together.
A week or so later, Isaac and Miria were getting ready to put their brilliant plan into action. Miria was wearing her favorite red cowgirl dress, and Isaac was wearing his cowboy costume so he would match her. "Hey, Isaac," she said as he zipped the back of her dress for her.
"What's that, Miria?"
"Do you remember the first time I wore this dress?"
"I certainly do!" he said. "What an adventure we had on the good old Flying Pussyfoot!" He smiled remembering how they had met Nice and Jacuzzi on the train.
Miria frowned. "That was a long time ago, wasn't it, Isaac? This dress has sure held up well!"
"It certainly has!" he agreed. He put on his cowboy hat. "Are you ready to spread joy and happiness, Miria?"
"You bet!" she said cheerfully.
They walked down the grand staircase together, chatting happily about their brilliant exploits. But as they were going past the little wedding chapel, Miria stopped. "Hey, Isaac, I think someone's crying." She pointed towards the chapel, where there was a young woman in white, crying in one of the seats.
"I wonder what's wrong," he mused.
"Maybe her shoes are pinching her," Miria suggested.
"Or maybe she has a stain on her dress," Isaac counter-suggested.
"Ooh, that wouldn't be good. It's a pretty dress," said Miria. "Maybe we should help her."
Isaac nodded. It was their solemn duty to bring a smile to everyone's face, if they could! "Young lady," he said out loud, "I will teach you a secret Oriental recipe to get a stain out of a white dress."
The girl looked up with a bit of surprise at his act of generosity. "W-what?" she asked.
"I will teach you an ancient secret to remove stains," he said. "And then you won't need to be unhappy or cry anymore!"
"It's a great trick," Miria agreed. They had used it lots of times before on costumes that got stained during their adventures.
But the woman shook her head, crying more. "N-n-no," she sobbed, "I'm not crying because my dress is stained. I'm crying b-b-because my fiancé jilted me! He promised that we'd get married today, but he never showed up!"
"Oh dear! Maybe the Rail Tracer got him," Miria said worriedly.
"It might be," Isaac said. "If that happened, I'm afraid he's a goner."
Miria started to cry, too. "That's so sad! Her boyfriend got eaten by the Rail Tracer!"
Isaac thought hard about this. Now both other girl and Miria were crying, and that wasn't right at all. He should think of some way to cheer them up! "I know!" he shouted aloud. "Miria, she's sad because she isn't getting married, right?"
"Right!" Miria agreed.
"And a marriage is a marriage, right?" he continued.
"Right!"
"Then in order to cheer this young lady up, you and I must get married!" he concluded brilliantly.
"Ooh, Isaac! That's a wonderful idea!" she squealed happily. "Can I have a white veil and a honeymoon to Niagara Falls?"
"Of course, Miria! Only the best for you, my dear!" he promised.
"You'll need a marriage license," said someone they had all been ignoring, a man in a black suit wearing a red tie with a heart pattern on it said from the back of the room. "I can't marry you unless you have one."
Isaac and Miria both jumped in startled unison. "Who are you?" Isaac asked.
"I own this chapel. Now you can't get married until you go next door and get a marriage license," he said firmly.
"Well, if that's what we have to do," Isaac said, looking at Miria.
"Then that's what we'll do!" Miria finished.
Twenty minutes later, Isaac and Miria returned to the chapel, having held up the license bureau. They even made sure to steal a veil from a bride who walked by with one on her head as if she realized that Miria needed one! "We're back!" he said as they burst in. He handed the marriage license to the official, fixed his neckerchief. "Are you ready?" he asked her.
She fixed her veil. "I'm ready! We'll make this a good wedding yet!" she said to the young woman (whose name they still didn't know).
"Very well," the man-who-owned-this-chapel said, looking at the certificate. "Isaac, do you take Miria to be your wedded wife, to live together in marriage…"