Harry Potter Water World
Crack fics have become my muse :P They let me write out my crazy and people who read it are like "dafreak..."
Disclaimer: I only own my mind :P Anyone who copyrights it gets nuked *pulls out red button*
"First they laugh and then they drown and then they die and then they never come back!" Ginny screamed as she bolted, clad only in a swimming suit, out of the Great Hall, straight past the Golden Trio. They all exchanged looks, then slowly, EVER SO SLOWLY, poked their heads inside the Great Hall.
The place where the house tables used to be was now a huge, 45,000 foot deep, swimming pool, filled to the brim with purple and orange swirly water. Mermaids did huge jumps out of the water while crying, "CANDY MOUNTAIN! SWEET SUG-ARY GOODNESS!" Pink chickens were high diving off the high dive, set in the place where the Headmaster's seat used to be. Mints fell from the enchanted celing, conking people on their noggins.
Harry squealed like a five year old girl, then ripped off his robes, where he was wearing his swimming trunks underneath. He skittered over to the pool and dove in with the grace of a Flapping Morsendro.
Ron squealed like Harry, then ripped off his own robes, where he was wearing a ruffly skirt underneath. He lept for the pool, but tripped over the ruffles, and belly flopped onto the floor. His tighty whiteys were showing.
Hermione made a dolphin noise, put on a cheese helmet, grabbed a teeny tiny atom bomb, and climbed into a small catapult, which slammed her into the water. Her legs turned into frog legs and she swam down to the bottom of the pool, where she nuked the mermaids to KINGDOM COME!
Cho sat at the edge of the pool with a wicked grin on her face and a twitching eye. She had a tight grip on Lee Jordan's hair, and was repeatedly dunking his face back and forth into the water while laughing maniacally.
Fred and George were doing a synchronized water ballet in the pool. They were both wearing magenta rompers and singing in Galician, "Estamos moi, moi, moi, moi, moi. Somos tan sanguento fermoso!"
Luna sat in the shallow end of the pool. She wasn't blinking and her mouth was stretched into an abnormally wide smile. Her head nodded from side to side while she hummed to herself.
Neville and Cedric sat in the corner with Colin Creevy (who still had his orange jumper cables). They sat around a small map with colored markers placed at random spots. They were all wearing helmets identical to Hermione's and plotting how to get the water rats on their side of the "revolution"...
And then the teachers entered.
"CALABUNGA!" Dumbledore shrieked as he cannonballed into the pool. He was wearing a blue-striped one-piece made for old people.
"OH NO!" Padma and Parvati Patil shrieked, pointing at Dumbledore in mid-jump. "IT'S RAINING ELDERLY!"
Draco Malfoy just had the chance to scream, "HALLELUJAH!" before he was crushed under Dumbledore's cannonball.
"Ravoli Ravoli Great Barrier Reef Spagetti and Meatballs Spagetti and Meatballs!" Snape sung happily as he raced for the pool. Unfortunately he tripped over Ron (still crying on the ground) and toppled into Cho (still torchuring Lee Jordan), who flew forward and hit Luna. Luna blinked, then a furious look came over her face. Her eyes landed on Professor Lockhart, dressed in a tankini not too far away. With a sqwauk, she lunged, knocking him to the ground. She then proceeded to sit on his chest and punch him in the face repeatedly.
The rest of the staff was in a very, very, VERY large kiyak in the middle of the pool. Professor Binns and Professor Trelawny were rowing with giant, giant, GIANT spoons. Professor Sprout was throwing huge anchors into the pool, most of which were hitting random students. Slughorn was worming around the deck, still hissing "Ke ke ke ke ke," while licking Jello off his chin. McGonnagal was eating MAGIC PANCAKES. At the front of the ship, Remus was steering a large wheel while Sirius was standing majestically at the head. Everyone on the ship was wearing a paper hat and had swords made of silly puddy.
"What's the plan?" Remus yelled to Sirius.
"We sail 'til we can't sail no mo'e!" yelled Sirius dramatically, pulling out his sword and pointing it at the nearby wall.
"Yes, sir!" shouted Remus with a smile, tears sliding down his cheeks.
The entire ship roared in agreement.
"Fire. sir?" Dobby ran up, a large red button in his hands.
"FIIIIRREEE!" Sirius cried. Dobby hit the button. A cannon ball the size of Mount Zikorga flew out of the ship and blew the nearby wall to pieces. The Great Hall cheered. The kiyak then sailed over the edge of the pool and onto the Hogwarts lawn, sliding down the sloping lawns, everyone still screaming and sobbing joyously.
MEANWHILE IN ANOTHER CORNER...
"Phase One is complete." Freddy the Magic Pony whispered to his comrades. He pushed his gumdrop helmet up higher on his maned head. He pointed at a small red dot on his own map with a rainbow lolly pop. "They've broken the wall. Now we INVADE."
No one ask me where I get this stuff :P Most of it comes from my brain. I need a therapist. A MAGIC THERAPIST 0U0
NOTES:
1) There is only ONE pool in the world that is 45,000 feet deep :P It's this one right here.
2) Flapping Morsendros are made up
-_- If you go hunting one, you'll probably get shot by the other person hunting one (aka ME).
3) Don't ask me why Ron has a skirt or tighty whiteys :P It's personal
4) Hermione nuked the mermaids because she thought they were on the ponies side :P Which they were, but whatever.
4) Cho REALLY doesn't like Lee Jordan.
5) "Estamos moi, moi, moi, moi, moi. Somos tan sanguento fermoso!" means "We are very, very, very, very, very pretty! We are so bloody beautiful!"
6) Luna...
7) Cedric, Collin, and Neville are all co-presidents of the revolution :P Hermione's the Grand Champion Supreme Empress.
8) I thank my best friend, who came up with Ginny Weasley's only line, and quoted Snape's only line :P From SpongeBob.
9) I NEED A CHEESEBURGER.
10) I don't know how the kiyak fit into the pool ;) It's just like MAGIC.
11) Compliments to Kreacher for the giant spoons.
12) Professor Sprout's officially a terorist.
13) Slughorn likes the noise of "Ke ke ke ke ke." And Jello.
14) MAGIC PANCAKES EXIST.
15) Remus can drive a large kiyak.
16) Sirius made the hats when he made himself captain.
17) Dobby has many MANY buttons.
18) Mount Zikorga is MY IMAGINATIVE MOUNTAIN. It is VERY LARGE.
19) The pony invasion is BEGINNING. Be ready men *pulls on helmet, holds up rocket launcher* BE READY.
20) These fics are fun to write
21) I love stupid after-notes
22) MUST. HAVE. TASER.
23) The little voice inside my head is giggling
24) MORE CRACK FICLITS TO COME.
25) REVIEW OR MARTIN THE MUFFIN WILL GO ASSASSIN BARNEY ON YOU. Fact.