Disclaimer: I don't own Dead Poets Society. I'd do anything for Neil, though :D

I didn't know where to look. I couldn't look at my father's forced smile, or the imposing gates of my new school, or my millions of suitcases that I didn't even want to take with me. I couldn't look down, because that wouldn't show respect to my father. I couldn't look up, because the dark clouds gathering above my head made me feel like I was in a horror movie and would be eaten by zombies as soon as I walked through the doors. I couldn't look to the sides, either, because the open fields only reminded me of how alone I really was.

My eyes grew confused and slid out of focus. I hoped it didn't look like I was crying; I hated being weak.

My father awkwardly placed his hand on my shoulder. I didn't think this was how parents were supposed to treat their daughters. I had always imagined a lot of hugs when I thought of the perfect relationship between a father and his daughter. I fantasized about this a lot. There would be many tears, of course, when we parted. He wouldn't want to see me leave, and he wouldn't want to leave me. A father was supposed to be sad when his little chick finally left the nest, but mine seemed to look forward to it every waking hour.

"I'm sure you'll be very happy here, Jillian," my dad said.

"I'm sure I would be," I retorted, "if I were a boy."

He seemed to internally wince. I took pleasure in this; it meant he actually felt something.

"Your uncle is very kind for making this happen. You should be grateful."

"That doesn't mean I want to be here," I said. Starting this argument again was futile. We'd had it a thousand times; my dad was not about to back down right before he was finally able to get rid of me.

"Jillian."

I didn't say anything for a few minutes. We just stood there in silence. It was almost pleasant, this waiting period, this time when nothing was actually happening. I didn't have to remember, didn't have to think.

It was my dad who finally broke the silence by suggested that we go in. I gave him an annoyed glare then pick up my bags and walked toward Welton.

I didn't understand why we had to come in the evening. My dad had said it was so that no fuss was made by the boys about a girl finally being enrolled in the school. I told him that if we wanted to be discrete, shouldn't we have come in the day when the boys were in class, not when they were all gathered in their dorms doing homework? He had said that it was all figured out and I hoped that didn't mean anything out of the ordinary was happening because of my arrival.

It was bad enough that my mother was dead. It was bad enough was that my dad was abandoning me less than a year after her death. It was bad enough that he was causing me so much guilt for hating him for abandoning me. It was bad enough that I had to start a new school in the middle of the year, when everyone else had already made friends, including me – friends I, too, had to abandon. It was bad enough that the new school was a boarding school, because there was no one to look after me. But I had to draw the line when he suggested – no, insisted – that I go to the all-boys boarding school Welton, in the middle of nowhere.

Unfortunately I had nothing to draw the line with. Like all family relationships, the children had no power, but unlike most, my father didn't care at all about what I thought.

We walked through the doors and I caught my breath, expecting the worst. It was surprisingly empty, however, and a pit formed in my stomach. I wondered where everyone was.

I whispered my concerns to my father.

"Don't worry, Jillian," he said, giving me an affectionate nod. Only to my father could a nod be affectionate. I didn't think I had ever seen him really, truly smile. "It's being taken care of."

"What does that mean?" I said.

"Mr. Nolan is addressing the student body as we speak. By the time he ends, you will be in your room, ready to make a great impression first thing in the morning."

I groaned. So much for not making a big deal out of things.

We all filed in to the theater one by one and took our seats. No one knew what this was about, what we were doing here. Mr. Nolan had told us about the assembly once before, but he never said what it was for.

"There will be an impromptu meeting two Tuesdays from now at 6:00." Pause. "Sharp. It will be required." Another pause. Silence. "No one is in trouble."

Nolan looked quickly at Mr. Walker. "That is all. I will see all of you then."

We had thought about it for the first few days, constantly wondering what it was about. Then we had forgotten about it, as our interest subsided with time and we figured that if it could wait a couple of weeks then it wasn't very important, right? This attitude took us up to Tuesday night at 5:45, when Meeks burst into Todd and my room and said that we should probably hurry up because he didn't want to get in trouble with Mr. Nolan.

"Hurry up for what?" I asked casually as I pulled on a shirt. "I need to finish Trig."

"The meeting, moron," Meeks said. "Come on!"

Charlie appeared behind Meeks and motioned for us to follow. I vaguely remembered Mr. Nolan's announcement a few weeks prior.

Todd and I quickly followed Charlie and Meeks. Cameron, Pitts, and Knox were waiting outside for us and we walked to the assembly hall.

At 6:01, Mr. Nolan began his speech. I could tell he had been working on it for the past few days. He probably practiced in front of a mirror every night to get his speeches just right.

"As you all know, Welton is a fine preparatory school. A fine one. One of the reasons we have had such outstanding successes in previous years is our level of commitment, discipline, and resources."

I snorted. Nolan had probably worked for days just to make the sentence "The boys here do so well because they get whacked for anything less, and their parents pay us huge amounts of money for it" sound nice.

"Another reason is the attention the boys pay to their studies. There are no distractions to take that attention away from the academics of Welton."

I sat up straighter. There was only one thing that Nolan could mean by that…

"What I mean to say, boys, is that the reason that so many of you do well is because for nine months out of the year, you are not distracted by the opposite gender."

There was a flurry of excitement.

"However, for this upcoming semester we have made a small exception."

Everyone started talking at once.

"Quiet!" Nolan shouted angrily. "Please, allow me to finish."

We became silent again.

"All of you know Mr. Walker, our senior science teacher. His niece, Jillian, was a senior at Henley High School. She is now a senior at Welton." He paused, as if daring us to talk. "Jillian's mother died recently. I will say no more on that matter, as it is her option to discuss it. She has been living with her father for the past few months, but unfortunately, he has recently been involved in a charity foundation that will transfer him to a third-world country for an unknown period of time."

He stopped talking and looked at all of us.

"Mr. Walker – after consulting with the school, of course – has generously suggested that Jillian enroll in Welton for the semester until she goes to college. I know that this seems very surprising, but this can only mean good things for the school. Her father has also made a rather large donation that will go to our arts program."

We stared expectantly at Nolan.

"Jillian is already in her dorm unpacking. She will be living in the boy's hall but will of course have her own room."

There was a rather long pause in his speech. Nolan leaned forward and his glasses slid forward slightly.

"I cannot imagine what it would be like to start a new school in the middle of the year with no one of your gender. I don't even have to ask, but please, make her feel welcome. Thank you."

Nolan sat down and we filed out again.

"Come on, Neil, let's go meet this Jillian," Charlie said to me as we walked out.

"I don't think so, Charlie," I said. "It's already 6:30 and I haven't even started Trig. And we don't even know where she's staying. I say we wake up early and see her then."

"Don't be a wimp, Neil. There's only one empty dorm and you know it."

I did know it. It was right across the hall from mine.

"Leave it alone, Charlie. You'll meet this girl tomorrow."