Title : Campfire

Disclaimer : I don't own Saiunkoku Monogatari. It belongs to Sai Yukino.

Rating : T for theme only

Genre : Friendship/Humour

Warnings : Yaoi, barely

Pairing : Koyu/Shuei

Summary : While waiting for Koyu to return from the bushes, Shuei and Ryuki talk about love, commitment, D-I-Y, sizes, and such.

Notes : This story is set during Ryuki, Shuei and Koyu's trip to the Sa Province in Season 1 of the anime.

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Ryuki lifted his eyes from the campfire and looked towards the darkness of the forest.
"Koyu's taking a while. Maybe you should have gone with him."

Shuei chuckled.
"Koyu's weird that way. He says it's private."

"Private? But you guys know each other inside and out!"

Shuei shrugged, smiling slightly.
"He's intensely private."

Ryuki giggled.
"So I've heard! Koyu would wait for the lavatory to clear before taking it out. Is that true?'

Shuei laughed.
"Well, you can't really blame him. There's just too much interest in Koyu's anatomy! To be too far from the average, either way, is embarrassing."

Ryuki considered the matter. They both fell silent. Shuei looked absently at the campfire, a smile playing about his lips.
"I guess that must be why Koyu's The Most Propositioned Court Official?"

"I don't think so, Shuei, it's not just what's in his pants. There's something about Koyu that's tantalizing … mmm, something virginal."

"Do you think I'm that incompetent, Your Highness?"
Shuei exclaimed in mock hurt.
"Koyu is many times removed from virginity!"

Ryuki laughed.

"But you know, Your Highness, there just MIGHT be something in what you say."
Shuei paused, trying to find the right analogy.
"Your Highness, have you ever heard the advise that one should always enter meditation, or perform any spiritual exercise, as though it were the very first time? I can't explain what it is, but Koyu makes me feel that way, every time. Do you know what I mean, Your Highness?"

Shuei turned to look at Ryuki.
"Oi, Your Highness! Why are you staring at me like that?"

Ryuki put his face in his hands and cried.

"Your Highness! What's wrong?"

Ryuki gave a low moan.
"I WISH I knew what you mean, Shuei. It's quite the opposite for me. All those bed-partners. Even with a new partner, it's routine, scratching an itch."

Shuei put an arm round Ryuki's shoulders and gave it a squeeze.
"It's alright, Your Highness. It just means you're in love, that's all. You didn't feel empty during sex until AFTER you fell in love with Lady Shurei, right?"

"Yes, of course, that's why I'm celibate now."

"And that's where I envy you, Your Highness. Even when sex was empty, when all I wanted was Koyu, I still couldn't stop having 'substitute' sex. And now, even though I'm deliriously happy, I still have trouble staying faithful to Koyu. I wish I had your strength, Your Highness."

They sat shoulder to shoulder, in a silence of mutual understanding.

"Shuei, Koyu is taking too long, don't you think?"

"Don't worry, Your Highness. Koyu's probably finding release. You know how one thing leads to another. It happens."

"Sure it does. But why masturbate? YOU are available."

Shuei shrugged.
"D-I-Y has its own attraction, sometimes. Don't you think so, Your Highness?"

Ryuki gave Shuei a very pained look.
"Not when it's the ONLY option!"

Shuei grinned apologetically.
"I'm sorry, Your Highness, that was not the right thing to say."

Ryuki laughed.
"It's alright. It's self-imposed, anyway, this celibacy."

They both turned at the sound of Koyu walking through the foliage. They stared, mouths open. Walking doesn't quite describe it. More like shuffling, with his pants gathered around his ankles, AND pushing his pelvis ahead of himself.

"Shuei! Help me get it off!"

Ryuki was the first to recover.
"Um, Shuei, looks like D-I-Y wasn't good enough."
He nudged Shuei. Shuei was frozen, mouth still gaping.

"Shuei, help! It's huge! It's moving!"

Ryuki looked at Shuei. Still catatonic. He turned to look at Koyu.
It IS huge. And, um, yeah, moving. But for Koyu to say that of himself …

Ryuki's attention shifted. A few centimetres.
Same shade of aqua-green. Interesting. I always thought the grass would be greener on the INSIDE.

"SHUEI !"

Still no reaction from Shuei.

"Your Highness! Please help!"

Ryuki sputtered.
"WHAT? ME? No, no, wait, Koyu, just hang on!"

Ryuki took Shuei by the shoulders and shook him.
"Snap out of it! Do you want Koyu to burst?"

A blood-curdling scream cut through the night air.

Detaching itself from its camouflage, and crawling up the hairless shaft, was a huge aqua-green caterpillar.

Koyu fainted.

Koyu handed the bamboo cup back to Shuei. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. All the while he was looking from Shuei to Ryuki.
"If either of you ever breathe a word …"

Two heads shook and bobbed in unison.

Ryuki cleared his throat.
"Uh, Koyu, maybe you should tell us what else you are afraid of, just in case …"

"You're right, Your Highness. Especially green things, Koyu."

Ryuki snickered.
"Beetles. Some beetles are green."

"Grasshoppers are green. AND they have legs that get entangled easily."

Ryuki's giggles became hysterical.

Koyu glared at them.
"Fine. Carry on then. I'm going to sleep."
He dusted the ground, preparing to roll over.

"Wait, wait, Koyu, I've got something important to say to you."

"What, Your Highness?"

Ryuki stole a glance at Shuei.
"Shuei tells me that he feels like a virgin every time he has sex with you."

"YOUR HIGHNESS!"
Shuei protested.

"Come on, Shuei, what's the point of telling ME that? Koyu needs to hear it!"

Koyu's tears glistened in the firelight.
"Did he really say that, Your Highness?"

"Well, no. He said something about meditation, and spiritual exercises, and first times. But that's what he MEANT."

Ryuki looked at his two best friends.
What's WITH them? Koyu's just sitting there, his huge eyes filling with tears. And Shuei looks like he's been caught jerking off or something! Why aren't they rushing into each other's arms, making passionate love?
Ryuki started.
But of course!

"You two!"
Making sure that he got their attention, Ryuki continued.
"Koyu, when you came charging at us fully-cocked, was that the caterpillar's doing? Or were you masturbating?"

Koyu choked.
"WHAT? What kind of question is that, Your Highness?"

"The kind that requires an answer."

Koyu looked at Shuei. Shuei shrugged. Koyu gave up.
"It had nothing to do with the caterpillar."

"I knew it! Look, it's bad enough having Shuei disappearing into the bushes and returning covered in sweat. Yes, Shuei, of course I noticed. Now you're starting too, Koyu."
Ryuki sighed.
"I know you two are not having sex out of consideration for me. But really, just because I don't have a sex life doesn't mean the people around me can't have sex! Now, go get laid."

"………."

"That's an imperial order!"

[The End]

Notes: This takes place just after my other fanfic on the Sa Province trip, Within Five Feet. In that story, Shuei and Koyu didn't need to abstain from sex as they were putting up at an inn, and could get a separate room.