A Matter of Some Concern
Summary: Spock is worried about his emotions and wants to deal with them logically. Jim comes up with an illogical solution. K/S fluff.
Pairing: Kirk and Spock :D
A/N: This is my first Star Trek fic, so please be kind! A few little notes: In my version, Spock and Uhura are not together. Nor have they ever been. Nor WILL they ever be. Also, this fic is set a few months into the Enterprise's five-year mission. Also, since I decided to write for Nu-trek, I don't feel bad about changing around the order of some events (Namely the events from "Devil in the Dark" that are mentioned once here) So yeah! Enjoy! :D Thanks for reading!
"Captain." Spock's voice, direct and unemotional, gave Jim a moment to pause. He was on his way back to his quarters, but Spock had stopped him just before leaving the bridge.
"Spock," Jim acknowledged with a smile, "What can I do for you?" Jim allowed the others to enter the turbolift as he stayed behind, settling his eyes upon his first officer. Spock stood straight as a rod, hands folded calmly behind his back, stern eyebrows set. To anyone else, he would appear as he always did, unattached, but Jim had come to know Spock a little better in the few months they had been acquainted on their exploration mission, and he noticed a certain discomfort in the Vulcan's eyes.
Spock took a deliberate step forward, clearly not wishing any of the rest of the bridge crew to overhear, though none of them were paying the slightest attention. "I wish to have a private word with you. It is a matter of some concern to me, and I believe I must bring it to your attention."
Jim raised an eyebrow. Usually around Spock, he tried to reign in his more obvious emotions out of a sort of courtesy or embarrassment, but he didn't bother hiding his surprise at both Spock's manner and his words.
"Sure thing. Would you be okay with talking in my quarters? I was just heading there now."
"That would be sufficient."
Jim tried not to smile at the curt reply, so he settled for a small twist of his lips, motioning Spock to follow him into the turbolift. He wasn't sure when he had become so fond of his first officer's mannerisms, but that didn't change the fact that he always enjoyed Spock's company. No one else seemed to realize how much there was to see under Spock's cold surface. Jim had come to notice every eyebrow- quirk and every reluctant smile that passed briefly across the Vulcan's face, and he had come to appreciate them in turn.
The doors closed, and Jim cast a glance at his first officer, trying to decipher the cause of this abrupt conversation, pleasant though the company was.
"This isn't anything I should worry about, is it?" He joked, hoping his smile would offset the words. Spock did not seem to take the question lightly, however.
"That is for you to decide. As this matter has caused me to worry, I can only assume that you will have a similar, if not stronger, reaction."
The lift doors opened, and Jim and Spock matched their strides down the wide hallway. There were more crewmen than usual around, as it was nearing time for a shift-change. The extra company seemed to bother his first officer. This apparent nuisance combined with the curiosity and concern that had seized Jim with Spock's last comment, caused him to hasten their pace. He was pretty sure that Spock would not want to discuss the matter any further with so many crewmen milling around.
As they entered the captain's quarters, Jim noticed the slight stiffening of Spock's spine the second he stepped over the threshold. This was not the first time Spock had been in his quarters, but every occasion before this had been strictly professional. Of course, this was supposed to be strictly professional as well. There was no reason it shouldn't be.
"Sit down, Spock. May I get you a drink?"
Spock obediently took the nearest chair by Jim's desk and sat as though he were still on duty. In kind, he spoke as though confirming an order. "Water will be adequate."
Walking over to the replicator, Jim retrieved a glass of water for his first officer and a whiskey on the rocks for himself. Usually he abstained from alcohol, but every once in a while a bit of whiskey sounded like a good idea. He sat in the chair on the other side of the desk, wishing he could offer more comfortable seating to his clearly uncomfortable friend.
"So, what's on your mind?" He asked, now incredibly curious.
Spock did not reply immediately. He took a small sip of water and replaced his glass upon the table, every motion stalling the conversation. Jim was almost annoyed before he noticed the slight pursing of Spock's lips and the lines forming between his brows. This was serious. Jim wanted to wipe that worried expression off of Spock's usually impassive face. He felt as though this was his duty as both a captain and a friend.
"Captain," Spock started, and Jim held up a hand.
"Jim, remember? We're not on duty, Spock." He couldn't help the fond smile that touched his lips at Spock's insistence on formality.
Spock nodded once, acknowledging. "Jim, then." He cleared his throat, positioning himself so that he was facing Jim directly. "Jim," he started again, "I have recently become aware of a… a shift in my emotions. Typically, as a Vulcan, I ignore such things, but I believe that my emotions may be interfering with my ability to serve both you and Starfleet to the best of my ability."
Jim failed to stifle his surprise for the second time that evening and allowed his eyebrows to shoot upwards. He had not been expecting that in the least. Since the decimation of Vulcan, he had rarely heard Spock speak openly about his emotions. "Care to elaborate?" he asked as he took a sip of his drink.
Continuing, Spock kept his eyes glued to a spot above Jim's head. "Before I begin, I wish to inform you that I have no control over this matter. I have tried multiple times to overcome my emotions, and am unable. Therefore, I merely wish to bring this to your attention." Jim nodded, growing more worried by the second, and Spock let out a breath before continuing. "I have become… increasingly protective of you." He seemed to force the words from his mouth, and the subtle expression that ghosted across his face suggested that he wished he hadn't said it. Before Jim could interrupt with a question, he continued. "In this line of work, you are often threatened by enemies of the federation, people, creatures... This is a necessary risk when one captains a starship. However, whenever I witness you in such dangerous situations, I find myself abandoning logic in favor of keeping you safe. As a Vulcan I am expected to act according to the most logical path. The fact that I have deviated from that path multiple times as of late is… disconcerting."
"I don't really know what you're getting at," Jim said slowly, pushing aside his drink. He had a feeling he would need to be completely clear-headed to understand what Spock was attempting to communicate.
"I apologize. I find this difficult to phrase. I shall attempt to give you an accurate representation of the problem. Mere days ago, I nearly killed the horta, the last of its kind, because I believed it may have tried to attack you. Before that, I almost violated the prime directive as I thought the natives would stumble upon your hiding place. More recently, I nearly court-martialed a young security officer because he had allowed you to go unaccompanied into unknown territory. You see, Jim, I am not thinking clearly."
"Well," Jim said, leaning back in his chair and trying to relax, though for some reason he felt nervous. "Well, have you actually done anything wrong?"
"Not as of yet."
"Then I don't see a problem at all. You're the best officer on board, Spock, and a few protective urges aren't going to change that." Jim truly didn't see a problem. In fact, he was incredibly flattered. For Spock to be so concerned about his safety that he would become concerned about his concern was actually kind of sweet. He only hoped he wasn't reading too much into it. Spock could easily be thinking about his captain's safety rather than his friend's.
"You do not seem to understand the gravity of the situation." Spock's voice held the barest hint of frustration. "My wish to protect you extends beyond dangerous threats. Just today lieutenant Uhura touched your arm in a familiar manner, and I felt anger. The lieutenant is perfectly harmless, and yet I could not stop myself from wanting to protect you from her."
It took a moment for this last little tidbit to sink in before Jim could process it. After a few moments of Spock's brief annoyance fading and Jim's wheels turning, something clicked. Then Jim laughed. He couldn't help it, really. He had been nervous about this conversation since the second Spock mentioned it, and now he realized the absurdity of the whole situation.
"Spock, I don't think this is going to be a problem."
"But—"
"No, really. Relax."
"I am already seated."
"No, I mean relax." Jim leaned across the table and pressed both hands to Spock's shoulders, smoothing them down gently. Before today, he never would have dared such a move, but something told him Spock wouldn't mind.
Contrary to Jim's intentions, Spock stiffened even further. "Jim—"
He sat back in his chair, smiling widely. "Spock, have you thought about where these protective urges might be originating?" Spock raised an eyebrow, and Jim was sure he was about to list off the parts of his brain responsible for those certain synapses firing, but Jim went on before he could. "Because it seems to me that there might be a deeper emotion causing this. An emotion you may want to address before worrying about the effect."
Spock settled his expression into subtle, quiet confusion and finally looked Jim square in the eye. "I am unaware of the emotion to which you refer." Jim had been told multiple times by this very Vulcan that Vulcans never lied. However, he was sure that Spock did not fully believe what he had just said.
Jim sighed dramatically and stood, walking around the little table and standing before Spock, who looked to be more and more uncomfortable every second. "I wonder if I might be able to help you out, then."
Jim leaned over, placed his hands on the armrests of Spock's chair, and very gently pressed his lips to Spock's. The Vulcan tensed immediately, but did not pull away. Jim did have him fairly trapped, but he sensed that there was another reason for Spock's immobility. Following his instincts, Jim pressed a little harder and released one of the armrests, bringing his hand to rest on the curve of Spock's jaw. Spock, almost imperceptibly, relaxed, tentatively leaning closer as though testing his weight upon thin ice. When Jim's tongue caressed the part of his lips, Spock opened just wide enough to admit him, still clearly nervous but calming down with each passing moment.
Jim went slowly, helping Spock through the kiss. The Vulcan was reserved, of course, but he seemed to be enjoying himself.
They parted just as slowly as they had come together, and Jim couldn't help his small smile. He touched their lips chastely together once more before straightening up and assessing Spock's expression. Unfortunately, the only emotion that he could construe was continued confusion, though he was sure that there was more going on below the surface. There always was with Spock.
Jim wasn't going to be the first to speak, he decided. He had helped Spock along this far, and it was up to the Vulcan to decide where to go from here.
Spock finally stood. It looked as though he were either about to run off or punch Jim in the face, but as usual Jim couldn't quite tell what was on Spock's mind. When the silence persisted, Jim sighed.
"Are you just going to stand there?"
Spock was regarding Jim with an almost appraising eye, as though trying to measure and memorize every subtle and unique feature of his face. "You are suggesting that what I am feeling toward you is… romantic?"
Jim resisted the urge to roll his eyes. He knew Spock was smarter than this. "Yeah, Spock, That's what I'm suggesting."
"Then the matter is far graver than I originally thought," Spock intoned slowly.
There was a pause in which Jim looked up at him, unsure whether or not he understood what Spock had said. From where he was standing, the situation wasn't grave in the least. "Did you really just say that?" He asked, wondering if he should be frustrated or amused and settling on a strange mix of the two emotions.
"I did. I was certain you were paying attention."
"Were you paying attention? Unless I'm sorely mistaken, we just kissed."
"Indeed."
"And you liked it."
Another short pause interjected before Spock repeated himself. "Indeed."
"Then at the risk of hurting my pride, would you mind telling me what's so bad about it?"
Spock considered the question for a moment before suddenly and softly touching his fingers to Jim's. Looking down, Jim was incredibly touched by the tenderness with which Spock entwined their hands, bringing them up to chest level and regarding them curiously. Jim remembered learning at the academy that Vulcans were touch-telepaths. As he watched Spock's thumb softly caressing his hand, he wondered how many of his emotions Spock was sensing.
"I can confirm that your suggestion is accurate. It would appear that I do indeed possess romantic feelings for you. However…" Here he paused, and Jim wondered what the possible problem could be. The feeling of Spock's hand against his, the feeling of Spock's breath close enough to brush his face, and the lingering feeling of Spock's lips all seemed perfectly fine to him. "Becoming romantically involved with my superior officer is highly illogical."
Jim did roll his eyes this time, pulling his hand away from Spock's and crossing his arms in frustration. "Seriously? That's your issue?"
Spock seemed to be more than a little irritated himself. "It is a perfectly reasonable response to the situation. I do not believe I am out of line, and I fail to see the reason for your reaction."
It became apparent at that moment that it was impossible for Jim to stay angry with Spock. In just a couple sentences spoken in those clipped tones, Spock had managed to remind Jim why he liked him in the first place. His logical approach to everything had become incredibly endearing somewhere along the line. Instead of getting upset. Jim found himself sighing, ready to explain his point of view. He looked Spock in the eye, and let out a breath. "Spock, I don't think you can break this down logically. You're wasting your time trying. Jim Kirk is an illogical person, and he has illogically realized that he is illogically infatuated with you. I think, given the situation, you would be willing to ignore logic for once." He ended this with a smile, knowing even before Spock let out a word that he had argued a valid (though completely illogical) point.
Spock opened his mouth as if to speak, but was interrupted almost immediately. Jim, deciding he really didn't want to hear the Vulcan's rebuttal, irreverently placed his hands on either side of Spock's face and pulled him down into a kiss. This was far from the gentle meeting of lips they had shared earlier. This was deep, nearly painful, and brought their bodies flush up against each other. Spock may have been surprised at the sudden display, but he didn't show it. He simply pressed closer to Jim and wrapped his arms around his captain's waist, tilting his head into the kiss and allowing Jim to take control from there.
After a few moments, Jim had to almost tear his lips from Spock's, though he refused to release his hold. He watched Spock dazedly open his eyes and affixed him with a triumphant smile.
"So, Mister Spock," Jim said, the playful lilt to his voice causing Spock's eyebrow to rise. "How do you feel?"
Spock was silent for a few seconds, though his eyes spoke volumes. Jim could swear he saw a light in them that hadn't been there before, and it caused his grin to widen. Spock finally seemed to collect his thoughts enough to form them into words. "After careful deliberation, I have decided that the possible benefits to such a romantic endeavor may outweigh my concerns."
"That's what I like to hear," Jim laughed, caressing the point of Spock's ear. "And don't worry too much about those protective urges. I'm sure all you have to do is that Vulcan glare thing you're so good at, and all the creatures, Klingons, and Lieutenant Uhuras in the universe will leave me be."
Jim was certain that if Spock ever laughed, he would have then, but the fondness in his dark eyes was enough to make Jim happy. With a contented smile, he ran his hand down Spock's arm, coming to rest pressed against the Vulcan's own. Spock glanced downward and, just as tenderly as before, laced their fingers together.