A/N: After reading My Immortal, by that complete troll Tara Gilesbie, I couldn't help but do this. Reviews appreciated! Flames will be used to roast marshmallows. Also, her sister will be the complete opposite of Ebony: preppy, girlish, and preppy. I can't bring myself to make her talk in gothic freak language, though. One more thing: this is post-war.
I don't own Harry Potter, but I do own Tallulah Diarrhea Tulyp Mary P'rincessa Twynkel Glimmer Banana Sue Swan Sparkel Saphiire Way.
Third Person POV
It was Harry's seventh year at Hogwarts, and he was sitting in the Great Hall with his best friends Ron, Hermione, and Ginny. McGonagall was just about to start the Sorting, when the great wooden doors to the Hall burst open, revealing a skinny, almost anorexic, teenage girl. She was about 17, and stood at around 5 feet 5 inches. Long, wavy highlighted blonde locks with the tips dyed purple and silver cascaded down her back, reached her slender waist. Her eyes were forever color-changing, but at the time, they were a deep, intense shade of teal that you could get lost in. The girl had long legs like a distance runner's, and looked like she was an F cup. She was wearing a hot pink blouse with the lowest neckline anyone had ever seen, a white skirt so short that it barely reached mid-thigh, and dark pink heels that clicked as she daintily made her way over to the Sorting Hat. Professor McGonagall peered at her from behind her spectacles, regarding her with a look of disdain as she began to talk.
"My name is Tallulah Diarrhea Tulyp Mary P'rincessa Twynkel Glimmer Banana Sue Swan Sparkle Saphiire Way, but you can call me Tal. I'm seventeen years old and very hot, so I should be sorted first. Don't you think, Professor?" "Tal" asked, batting her eyelashes. Professor McGonagall scowled at her.
Back at the Gryffindor table, Harry, Hermione, Ron, and Ginny were discussing the new student.
"She IS kinda hot," Ron remarked, earning a glare from Hermione, "but I lost her after the "Diarrhea" part. I mean, who the hell names their kid Diarrhea?"
"And banana, too." Ginny added, frowning. This Tallulah girl was obviously a Mary Sue, and a preppy one at that. She had had experience before with Mary Sues, and chances are, this one was out to either a)steal Draco away from Astoria, b)steal Harry away from her, or c) have them both. Ginny wasn't going to let this Mary Sue slip away easily.
"Well, OBVIOUSLY Tallulah's a Mary Sue," Hermione said, in her know-it-all voice. "She's got all the characteristics of a Mary Sue: weird names, good looks, and perfection. She also looks a bit familiar, too."
"SHE'S EBONY DARK'NESS DEMENTIA RAVEN WAY'S SISTER!" Harry suddenly shouted out, remembering the crazy raven-haired Mary Sue. He compared the looks of the gothic freak to the curvy blonde in front of him, and sure thing, they looked alike. "Oh, man. We've got to destroy this one. When her freaking sister was here, I was a freaking sensitive bi psychopath with a freaking pentagram on my freaking forehead who cried too freaking much!"
"And I was called Jenny," Ginny recalled, scowling. "But don't worry, we'll make a plan."
Meanwhile, Professor McGonagall had decided to give the stupid Mary Sue the privilege to get sorted first, or else she would have a tantrum. The Sorting Hat dropped over Tallulah's eyes. Everyone was silent, and as they had come to the same conclusion the Golden Trio and Ginny had, they prayed for her not to be in their houses.
"So, Sorting Hat," Tallulah thought. "When are you going to be done with me? You're so, like, ruining my hair." The Hat sighed, and not being able to fit this obnoxious creature into a house, shouted out randomly, "GRYFFINDOR!"
There was an uproar. The Gryffindors were screaming foul names at the hat, wondering what they had ever done to deserve this Mary Sue. The other houses, on the other hand, were celebrating their good fortune at not getting Tallulah in their house.
"Quiet!" McGonagall shouted, and the students quieted down, Gryffindors still fuming. "Let Tallulah Diarrhea Mary Sue Banana Way or whatever take her seat at the Gryffindor table."
As Tallulah Diarrhea Tulyp Mary P'rincessa Twynkel Glimmer Banana Sue Swan Sparkle Saphiire Way slid her slender body onto the bench next to the Golden Trio and Ginny (they all scooted as far as they could from Tallulah, of course, to avoid being contaminated by her), they shared the same thought: We need to get rid of this Mary Sue, and fast. Or else.
A/N: Hope you enjoyed it! I tried to make Tallulah as sue-y as I could in this chapter, but she'll show more character in the following chapters. It was absolutely torture to describe her, of course. Virtual cookies to anyone who caught my Hunger Games reference to a certain District 1 tribute. Review, you know you want to.