Started writing this shortly after the wedding, while Syed was on his honeymoon. This is how I imagined and hoped things would turn out. Real storyline has moved on since then... There's a few more chapters to come. Hope you enjoy! Comments and reviews welcome...

CHAPTER ONE

"We can't do this on our own any more Jane, it's just too much work. We need help."
Syed swallowed hard, then blurted it out
"We need Christian"

Jane looked at him incredulously "Christian?... You are not serious, are you?"
"We have no choice" Syed said.
"He won't do it" Jane insisted "Not after everything that's happened"
Syed sighed. "I know. But it's the only way"
"He won't do it" Jane said again. "We can't ask him. It's not fair on him. Do you have any idea how hard it would be for him?"
"Of course I do!" Syed's frustrated answer came hard and fast. Then the sudden anger left him as quickly as it came, and he quietly said "Of course I know how hard it would be. It's not as if this is easy for me either, you know" He turned away and sighed.

Jane looked at Syed's slumped shoulders, and could only feel compassion for him. She knew Syed was struggling... hard. She couldn't remember seeing a single smile on his face since he came back to work after his honeymoon, six weeks ago now. Somehow he seemed always to move in slow motion, barely speaking, keeping his head down, his eyes averted... A few times she thought she saw him well up, when in a careless remark from her or Ian, Christian's name was mentioned. But he kept his emotions in check, especially when Zainab was around. Zainab, who eyed her son with suspicion and anger, and never seemed to have a kind word for him any more. It was heartbreaking – Syed and his mum had been so close. Once she'd seen Zainab noticeably wince when Syed unintentionally touched her hand, and Syed cringing at the rejection, withdrawing in himself, his face closing down, struggling hard to keep back the tears that formed in the corners of his eyes. Jane had felt like putting her arms around Syed's shoulders, stroking his hair like she did with Bobby when he needed comforting, and telling him to let it all out, instead of bottling everything up. But Zainab's overbearing presence, and her own loyalty to Christian stopped her from getting too close to Syed.

She knew her brother was struggling just as hard.
How did it ever come to this?

Syed collected himself and turned around. He was still not looking at her, but his voice was firm.
"Jane, I know it's not ideal, far from it, I know it's not fair on him and I know it's hard. But we can't go on like this any more"
Jane wasn't sure if he was referring to the situation at work, or to the strained cease-fire between their two families.
"We need help. Urgently. Christian needs a job. He knows the ropes, he knows the job. He's good at it. He can help us... You know it makes sense."

She did. The thought has crossed her mind as well, when two days ago, Syed arrived at work with the message that Zainab had taken to bed, being in the very last weeks of her pregnancy.
Christian had popped in her head straight away. Now that Zainab's out of the picture, Christian can come back and help, she had thought. Then immediately dismissing the idea, when she realized she couldn't expect her little brother to face the man he loved, the man he lost, day in, day out,... be around him, look at him, listen to him, knowing they would never be together. It was impossible. She couldn't ask him to go through that pain every day... She'd put the business before his feelings once before, and she couldn't do it again. He'd been hurt enough.
On the other hand, it was true, she and Syed couldn't manage all these orders on their own, that too was simply impossible.

She shook her head.
"I know it makes sense Syed, but he just won't do it".
"We won't know until we ask him. We can at least ask him"
Jane finally gave in.
"OK, you're right. We can always ask."
She sighed "I'll do that now". She'd already started to untie her apron, but Syed stopped her.
"No. I will ask him"
Jane looked at him with surprise.

"It's only fair that I ask him. I know it's an impossible thing to expect of him. And he can only make an informed decision if I am the one who asks. We have to be honest about this. I owe him that at least."
There was a definite resolve in Syed's voice – but then he turned around and ran a hand through his hair in that all familiar gesture of helplessness, and Jane's heart went out to him. Contrary to all her previous intentions, she walked up to him and put her hand on his shoulder.

He turned in surprise, his eyes brimming with unshed tears.
"You OK?" she said
He nodded, unable to speak.
Then he sighed, "Better get it over and done with then", and with that he was gone.

Christian looked up from the magazine he'd been reading. Well, reading... hm, he'd been going over the same page at least 4 times in the past half hour, and if anyone had asked him what the article was about - for the world of him, he couldn't have answered it. He looked around his tiny flat, and shook his head. It was a mess. Well, a bit of a mess. Making a big mess just wasn't something he did. But around him signs of disarray were bearing witness to his state of mind. Clothes lying about on chairs, magazines strewn across the coffee table, tea cups sitting on the floor near the sofa, and the remains of his breakfast – that mainly went untouched – still on the dining table.

He couldn't bring himself to do anything these days. Even though he had all the time in the world, being unemployed and single, nothing peeked his interest. He was bored out of his mind. He couldn't bring himself to complete any task at all, couldn't concentrate on anything. Not even his favourite soap on TV, or the gorgeous male models in his favourite magazine. They just didn't interest him.

Only one thing on his mind.
Syed.

Twelve weeks and counting...
Had it been only twelve weeks since Syed at last said the words he'd been longing to hear for so long? "I love you" he'd said. At first Christian had thought he was hearing things, taking his dreams for reality, so quietly it was spoken. Syed's voice had sounded husky and insecure, but the look of love in his eyes was unmistakeable. Christian knew it was real. Syed loved him. They loved each other. All would be well.
It was by far the happiest day of his life. He'd never felt this for anyone – and his feelings were reciprocated. All would be well.
And then it all came tumbling down...

Ten weeks and counting...
Ten weeks since Syed got married to Amira. And was lost to him forever.
He'd had to let him go. It was the kindest thing he could have done for him. No way he could have humiliated Syed by outing him on his wedding day in front of his family and friends, his fiancé...
It was his choice. That's what Sy had said. So if he really loved him, he had to let him make that choice. And so he had to let him go. Even though it broke his heart in a million pieces. It was the ultimate proof of his love for Syed. He had to let him go.
But it hurt so much. Much more than he could ever have imagined.

Six weeks and counting...
Six weeks now since Syed and Amira were back from their honeymoon. He'd done anything in his power to avoid running into them. But over-enthusiastic Amira had cornered him on the evening of their return, bragging about the wonderful time they'd had in the Maldives. He'd smiled automatically, and congratulated her with her tan, her new outfit... And all the while, in the corner of his eyes, he could see Syed behind her, uncomfortably shuffling his feet, his head bowed, doing everything possible to avoid looking in his direction.

And that's how it'd been ever since. Both of them painstakingly trying to keep away from each other. He'd heard from Jane that Syed had gone back to work. Carefully, not to hurt his feelings, she tried to avoid any mention of him. He hadn't asked. But when Ian, oblivious of course, had mentioned in a careless remark to Jane how Syed "doesn't quite seem happy enough for a newly-wed", Jane quickly changed the subject.
"Not quite happy enough" - the words kept ringing in his ears. Not that he was surprised. In the few occasions he'd seen Syed across the square, he'd seen the signs. Head bowed, never smiling, Syed seemed to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders. It was like taking a blow in the stomach every time. Of course, he didn't exactly want – and certainly didn't expect - Syed to be happy with Amira, but Syed being unhappy wasn't something he could rejoice about either.

Why was it so bloody hard?

Christian sighed and closed the magazine. Time to get his act together, and at least try to restore some order in his life... He started gathering the empty cups and headed for the kitchen. The buzzer went.

Completely unsuspecting, he opened the door.

Syed.
The sight of him literally took his breath away for a second.
"What d'you want?"
It came out harsher than he meant. But he couldn't handle this right now. This was the last thing he needed, now that he'd finally decided to move on.