Title: Promise
Author: Nureek
Rating: R for suicidal thoughts/actions
Disclaimer: If I owned Andromeda, well we won't go there, but I'd be rich and would not be on this board, I'd be in Tahiti, with my mini-Harper, catching some waves. But I don't own Andromeda, or any of their characters. Man disclaimers are depressing.
Summary: Short Harper angst. Note: Do not try this at home.
Harper watched as the Maru blasted away in a fury of contrails. Smaller and smaller it got till all he could see was a speck. And then nothing. It was gone, Beka was gone, hope was gone.
He looked around at his familiar soundings. Dank, filthy, depressing, gray skied Earth. He could feel the darkness in him rise, he could feel his emotions slowly fall back, deep within himself. It was better to feel nothing than to be reminded of the happiness he could feel, he had felt. For the first time in his life he had felt true joy onboard the Maru. He didn't know he could feel that much emotion, that he could feel truly happy and content. He had thought those feelings only existed in fairy tales, but now he knew those feelings existed only in horror stories. Stories where one finally discovers what joy feels like only to have it ripped away later leaving a huge gapping void in one's psyche.
He walked down the dirt covered streets, dragging his boots along through the rubbish. Why did he have to use flash? Why did Beka have to catch him? Why did he ruin his paradise? He shoved the self-loathing down along with the happiness he knew he would never feel again.
He heard a clink as his foot kicked a piece of shattered glass. Bending over he picked up the matted shard. He ran his finger along the edges. Harder he pushed till the sharp edge sliced open his callused fingertip. It felt good. The pain felt good in his numb void of apathy. He pinched his finger tight, watching the dark crimson blood rise out of the fiery red finger. Gently placing the wounded finger in his mouth, he sucked on it, tasting the metallic flavor as the liquid ran over his tongue.
He started trudging along again till he found a nice gloomy empty alleyway. He turned into the darkness and vanished from the view of the street. He threw his back up against the brick wall of the adjacent building and slowly slid down with a deep sigh.
When he left Earth the first time he had promised himself that he would never return. He would never again feel the emptiness that this depressed place filled him with. He had promised himself! Yet here he was again, emotions gone, happiness a cruel fading memory, and all hope dead. What kind of an idiot can't even keep a promise they made to themselves?
He fingered the shard of glass he still held in his hand as he eyed the vein on his other arm. He watched with fascination the bluish-purplish river that weaved it's way up his limb. He had promised himself. He couldn't feel this way again.
Placing the sharpest side of the shard against the start of the blue river under his palm, he pressed down hard until the river had an intruder. Oddly enough, all he felt was relief. Slowly, he drew the shard upward towards his elbow, dividing the river the whole length up. His tightly drawn mouth curved upward slightly as he compared himself to Moses parting the Red Sea.
He watched as his arm grew increasingly more red. His head grew lighter but his thoughts seemed heavier. He watched intently as the life flowed out of him and a new darkness slowly enveloped him. Would this darkness be better? Would he be able to keep his promise?