Maybe you've always been waiting for her.
Even before you met her, all pig-tails in the sunlight and seven year old wisdom, even before then. When you'd lie in your bed at night, that stuffed bear in your grasp and wondering when your father would get home again, maybe it was her you were aching for.
Or, you know, maybe it was love.
Affection. Endless devotion. All the things that make up the songs you try to write and the music you try to play, hidden away from everyone.
Or, you know, maybe it wasn't that at all.
Maybe you just started waiting tonight, as the stars fall and these trees you don't recognize sway in the breeze and you want to sway with them...
Maybe you just want to sway with her.
And so you open your arms.
And so you sigh out into the darkness.
And so you decide to let her know, in unspoken but not uncertain terms, that you are done with waiting.
And like she always does, she gets it.
She is your best friend, after-all.
She fucking gets you.
/ / /
No, you aren't blind.
You've been the top of so many lists and you revel in it - you still will, even if things change in this moment, this moment that has Spencer Carlin getting closer and closer.
But you aren't blind.
She's been getting closer for so long now.
Worming her way into your mind when you least expected it, your very own white rabbit to tumble down after, that's Spencer for you. That's how she makes you feel sometimes - like you are crashing into the softest of places.
She makes you feel safe... most times.
Sometimes she scares the shit out of you and you put those sunglasses back on and you kiss the first decent looking person you meet. You kiss them and allow their tongue to lap you up, all so you won't feel so afraid of your best friend.
Fearful of her looks. Fearful of her touch. Fearful of how she is in you, all the time.
You're not so tough, are you, Ashley Davies? You are not so hard. You are not so bold and brave.
But you aren't blind.
And when she slips away, you run to catch up.
And when she floats off, you hurry up your own drifting.
And she'll smile at you, that secret grin of hers, and you think... maybe... you are done waiting.
Maybe you've been waiting for a girl like this one and maybe you are done searching.
/ / /
"Hi."
"Hey."
Two whispers in the shadows, that party long forgotten and that alcohol in your system is not as heady as what you are feeling, not as intoxicating as what you know is about to happen.
And Spencer is leaning heavy on one foot, letting her whole body tilt to the right, the hair cascading like a curtain. So, you take a deep breath. So does she.
You reach out. You reach out and tenderly brush the strands back.
And she looks at you, sees right through you, pins you down and sweetly examines you.
You, Ashley Davies, the one they all want and the one who breaks all the rules and the one who doesn't ask for names, just for minutes at a time.
You, Ashley Davies, are in love with your best friend.
And maybe that's where you've always been, waiting in the wings of this love.
Waiting for it all to take flight.
/ / /
Lips like sugar. Sugar kisses.
You think that you'll finally sing a song or two, just for Spencer.
Just for her, the girl you love.
Just for her.
And this kiss will build you up when you burn, this kiss will rescue you when you are drowning, this kiss will be the reminder when you try to forget.
Spencer's kiss will be everything.
And maybe you've been waiting for this ever since the first day you saw her. Maybe she has been waiting, too.
Maybe this is... maybe this is... maybe this is...
/ / /
...is finally it.
/ / /
END