Car is packed,
Bags are packed,
But what kind of heart doesn't look back?
WEDNESDAY.
"Does she know?" My best friend drawled, twirling the quill in his hand, staring at me. I could feel him doing it. It was practically boring holes in my back.
Oh, this bloody hurts.
Not what my best friend is doing, of course. What I'm about to do.
"I told her yesterday, when we went out for dinner," I informed him, still not turning around to face him, because then he'd see my face. And though I could mask my face well, I knew he'd be able to see through my façade, and he'd see my pain. My heart felt like it was ripping apart into shreds and I was about to finally throw them into the bin, not bothering to try to fix it. Not even trying to tape it together with some crap quality duct tape.
"How did she take it?" He asks, and I hear curiosity in his voice. Fucking curiosity. Why did I like him in the first place? I grimaced, trying not to let the memory enter my mind again, but I fail. Epic-ly.
I remember it still, like it was yesterday. (In fact, it was yesterday.) She just stared at me, looking beautiful in her turquoise dress. Then she smiled, and frankly, she looked happy. On the surface. I could see the hurt, the tears, the questions with no answers underneath the surface, just waiting to just explode.
"She dumped her drink on me," I tell him, and he bursts out laughing. Then, I finally turn around. He immediately stops laughing when he sees my face, and then I know I look terrible. But I need to do this. It was my life's dream to do it. Still, I never thought.
I never thought she would be able to hurt me so much.
Open up next to you and my secrets become your truth,
And the distance between that was sheltering me comes in full view,
Hang my head, break my heart built from all I have torn apart,
And my burden to bear is a love I can't carry anymore.
WEDNESDAY.
I should be happy, really. I have perfect parents. They're famous. They're on fucking Chocolate Frog Cards for heaven's sake.
And I have perfect cousins. Thoughtful, mischievous, playful, they give advice and everything. Hell, I even have a nice house and a room I can call my own. I have a poster of Lockhart on my wall, and my parents are okay with it. (Though there was a little tiff about that with my parents. Mother adored my poster while my Dad… he got mad. His ears started getting red and everything. He was so envious, so jealous. I still have a photo of it. I took a picture then, and I was laughing so hard.)
I have friends too. I'm popular. I'm not the prettiest of people, nor the thinnest. I'm alright I suppose. I have a best friend, Sabrina Cho. But I'm not happy.
I'm not. I'm just not.
Because I got dumped. At least I dumped a drink on him, but it doesn't count. Nothing ever counts. The score now? Between me and him?
Me: 0. Him: 900.
Yeah. That's how pathetic I am. I just was so blissful, so happy, and I let him hurt me.
And yesterday, when we went out, he just looked so handsome and smart in his suit and I just felt that my life was perfect, flawless. And now, the next day, here I am in my room all alone with a broken heart and multiple pictures and letters torn into fucking two. I even defaced Lockhart. Because men suck in general. When they're sick of you, they'll just leave you by the sidewalk crying as they walk off.
Not that this happened yesterday. But it's still a pretty good comparison. Though I walked off yesterday. After I dumped my Strawberry Martini on him, naturally. But I did it rather gracefully. I do hope it'll stain.
Why did he have to do this to me? I mean, we've been dating for three years. And now, suddenly, another one of those hurdles pop up and he just doesn't jump over it, like he did with others. He fucking runs into it, grabs it like a fucking medal, and leaves me alone. So what am I supposed to do? I'm staring at the torn letters, the torn pictures and I feel a pang of sadness. It's all gone, but I want it back. It was my perfect fairytale. And I loved him. I loved my prince, and he told me he loved me. Why does he have to go?
I should never have told him about me. I opened up to him, because he made me feel so right. I told him everything. About my parents, my family, and myself. And then just when I thought he finally accepted me, and everything was going fine because we had excitement, and it was never boring, that it was perfect. Whenever we had stupid arguments about books and such, we'd always make up. We'd always end up going to the meadow near my house, and we called it our meadow.
I let him hurt me.
Oh gosh. I'm going out to get a drink.
Is it over yet?
Can I open my eyes?
Is this as hard as it gets?
Is this what it feels like to really cry?
WEDNESDAY.
"It's okay, Rose. It's alright. He was a loser. He's in Slytherin, right? That's what they always do, get over him, Rose, it's for the best. Just forget him," Sabrina tries but fails to comfort me. What she says just makes me feel even worse, and I slump lower into my seat, drink in hand. "When is he leaving?" Sabrina asks, and I down my drink in one gulp. "This Friday," I burst out, "and it's Wednesday." I signal for another drink, and I bury my face in my hands.
"Rose," Sabrina gently pries my hands from my face, grabs my drink that the bartender had just put on my table, and passes it back to him. Damn. "Let's go back to your apartment," Sabrina suggests, and she actually walks out of the bar, onto the street. I raise my eyebrows slightly. We're not apparating? "We're walking back to it. You need some fresh air, and it's only two blocks away." I reluctantly accept her explanation and start slowly walking forward, giving her a clear signal: I need some alone time first.
It's actually quite beautiful. I mean, it's busy, with noise pollution, air pollution and just pollution in general. But right now, the street is rather quiet, because it's twelve midnight and most people are either sleeping or clubbing. It's cool and I can feel the wind on my face, blowing gently.
And then it hits me like a ton of bricks. I miss him.
But I can't do anything about it.
I break into a run, and I can hear Sabrina shouting behind me, but I don't listen. I run up to my apartment, and when I reach it, I immediately accio my chocolate ice-cream, sit on the floor with my tub of ice-cream, and cry. In between sobs, I stuff myself with food. Trying to quell all my feelings, because I'm pathetic, crying like this. Sabrina enters my room, out of breath and red in the face even though I know for a fact that she apparated to my floor.
She takes one look at me, sighs, walks forward, grabs the ice-cream from my hand and puts the tub gently on the floor. (Quite unlike how I felt I was put down by him. He smashed me down on the floor and then proceeded to stomp on me multiple times with a spiky boot.)
"Rose," She stares at me for a while, and opens her mouth to tell me something I probably don't want to hear.
As I drift away,
Far away from you,
I feel all alone in a crowded room,
Thinking to myself,
There's no escape from this,
Fear,
Regret,
Loneliness.
THURSDAY.
"Why do you want to go again?" He asks, and I shoot him an irritated look. He's asked me about ten fucking times, and that's only counting today. Yesterday he asked about twenty times. His memory must be about the size of my mother's old fashioned Muggle phone. Either that or he's purposely asking this so as to remind me of my reasons, to reconsider and to change my mind.
I go with his memory being the size of my mother's old fashioned Muggle phone.
But every time he asks me, I still think about it. Because I love what I'm about to do there, because it made me feel important, because I wanted adventure, because. Just because.
But there's that voice inside of me, fighting back: Aren't you doing the same thing here? Is it because of the area? But you're leaving someone you love, you know. You have enough adventure here, because she keeps you amused, alive.
I hate that voice inside of me.
I don't respond to my best friend's question, and I resume what I'm doing. I continue accio-ing my clothes, my furniture, everything, shrinking it appropriately and stuffing it in my duffel case. This apartment has to be empty by today, because in the morning at exactly seven I'm leaving this place forever.
A notebook suddenly just slams into my face, and I peeled it off my face, and my heart stops for awhile. It was my New Year's present last year, after two years of dating. She told me she started writing in this book at the start of the year about her time spent with me for three hundred and sixty-five days. I plop down on my bed, and start flipping through it at random.
18th February 2009
Today was so fun! I never knew you could dance that well, you sly boy! I still can't believe you danced with me so elegantly after claiming you danced like crap! Though, that many Firewhisky can't be good for you! You simply swept my breath away today.
Flip.
31st March 2009
Thank you for the lovely birthday, Scorpius. Thank you for the lovely necklace, for you bringing me out today, thank you for being you. Thank you so much. I had the best time ever. It was the best birthday ever, and I just hope you know that when we danced today, I've never felt so right. Ever.
Flip.
5th August 2009
Met the family today again! I do think it went alright. Dad didn't blow his top today, which is improvement! I still remember the first time you visited. He and Uncle Harry kicked you out while swearing really badly. I hope you have forgiven me for when I laughed so hard when they did so. You know I didn't mean it!
Flip.
18th October 2009
Happy birthday, Scorpius. I hope you enjoyed the afternoon when we went out to Muggle London. I hope you remember, that those men in 'tights' as you put it, are policemen. They're like aurors, okay?
I love you!
Flip.
25th December 2009
Merry Christmas my white-haired Santa Claus! Excluding the tummy, you do resemble him very much. Thank you dearly for the gifts you showered on me today. My present isn't very up to scratch, I know, and I apologize for it. I'm afraid I'm not the only child in my family and hence I don't have much money to start with, you grumbling boy!
I'm coming over to yours later. Of course, by the time you're reading this, this incident would have been long gone.
Flip.
I flip through and read a few more entries, before I close the book gently and tuck it into my pocket. (Because yes, since us wizards and witches have magic as you very well know, we can ensure that these things are possible.)
"You okay?" Stephano asks, and I stare at him from where I am, lazily lounging on my couch.
"No," I reply quietly, and he doesn't ask me to repeat it because he's heard it. Loud and clear. "But it's alright. I'm going to fix this."
I guess I'm going to rummage through the trash, because I'm going to find my broken heart and fix it. Crap quality duct tape nothing, because I'm going to fix this no matter what.
I'm going down,
Follow if you want,
I won't hang around.
Like you'll show me where to go,
I'm already out of foolproof ideas so don't ask me how to get started.
It's all uncharted.
FRIDAY.
"So, yeah," I finish weakly.
She stares at me skeptically, as if she can't believe my pathetic words, but I can see the acceptance in her eyes. And I can see her face, with dried tears on them and I knew she missed me as much as I missed her. Her arm is still on the door, when she opened the door and just stared at me, listening to what I had to say.
At least she didn't slam it in my face.
And then she suddenly throws her arms around my neck, and I stumble back before I quickly regain my footing. I hug her as hard as I can, relieved and just… happy. She kisses me full on the mouth and I taste cinnamon, the essence of her. She pulls away and stares at me, tears in her eyes that she hasn't cried yet.
"Don't ever leave me again," she breathes, and I see a tear finally running down her beautiful face.
"I promise," and this time I really mean it. With all of my fucking heart.
OKAY UHM. WELL, I HAVEN'T UPDATED MY OTHER STORY BUT I HAD TO JUST WRITE THIS BECAUSE I HAD NO TIME TO WRITE ANOTHER CHAPTER BECAUSE WELL. I DON'T REALLY KNOW HOW TO EXPLAIN. MY IMPORTANT EXAM IS SO SOON. I'm dead, aren't I? I'm really sorry about this pathetic-crappy-story because well. It's pathetic and crappy. Though I still hope you enjoy it. The ending is lame and yeah, I know. But still. Sometimes cliche endings are what we want in life, right? Right. And it's rushed too, and ugh. I love this story, but I kinda hate it too. Nevermind. You decide. (If people actually read my stories, you know? It's rare for one to read my stories, because they suck.)