This is based on a prompt I received from my friend Ivan (Chuckedlikeabass) a few months ago about Chuck and Blair getting back together before the end of season 5. Thank you to Rayj829 for her fabulous help, who also suggested making this a multi-chapter!
Summary: A scheme, that's all it took for Blair to realize what a lie she had been living. AU Post 5x22 – Chuck and Blair, as always
Blair was confused, really confused. Sitting in Chuck's limo really wasn't helping; everything about it reminded her of Chuck. They had shared so many memories on the leather seat she was currently sitting in. the first one being the most memorable, where it all begun. It seemed like such a foreign memory, almost like it was another life.
Blair wondered how things got so screwed up, before the accident they were ready to reunite; planning their future together, they were going to raise her baby together.
And now she was dating Dan, while she was clearly still crazy about Chuck. Of course, she knew eventually they would hit a dead end. But this was what she had needed after the mess her wedding had created. For now, she simply wanted normal, boring even. Or at least, so she thought…
But today, being around Chuck she realized she had it all wrong. Being with Dan was easy because she didn't have to involve herself emotionally; she didn't have to live up to how amazing Chuck had become. She knew she was better than Dan Humphrey and that was it, she feared she was no longer worthy of Chuck Bass' love when she had put him through so much in the past year. But she had been fooling herself thinking she could stop loving him and falling for Dan instead.
The truth was, there was no getting over Chuck, ever. Dan had merely been a distraction and now she had finished playing she wanted the real thing.
Today had been a real eye-opener, she knew that much. The day had not gone as she had planned either; but much better than she could have hoped for. She was finally finding herself again, putting many aspects of her life into perspective, and making her reconsider the choices she had made over the last few months.
When she had planned on reconnecting with her old self, she was sure that admiring her favorite paintings at the Met would do the trick. Instead, she had run into Chuck, asking for her help with a scheme. If she was going to find her true self again, a scheme was clearly the way to go; it was what she did best. And that is how the day turned into a Non-Judging Breakfast Club reunion.
Deep down, she knew. The best part about today had been the fact she was around Chuck, all day. She enjoyed being close to him without any of the awkwardness; it was the first time in a very long time since she hadn't felt like the queen she truly was.
Being with Dan was different. She was grateful for his loyalty and appreciated his value as a friend. They shared interests, of course, but she was quickly realizing that he was no match for a passionate woman like herself. He would never be her equal. Intellectual stimulation would quickly become boring especially when it was the only type of stimulation in their relationship that she found remotely satisfying.
Yes, Chuck Bass had ruined her for any other man, but that wasn't news to her. She had experienced the same issue with Louis, and before him, with Nate.
She was still very much a jealous woman when it came to Chuck. She realized she had been pretty blunt. Well, she was Blair Waldorf; and the woman was clearly flirting with Chuck. That's not what they were there for! What she knew for sure was that it had not gone unnoticed by Chuck or Nate for that matter. And this was Nate, he wasn't exactly the most perceptive.
As the limo pulled up outside Dan's building, she knew exactly what she had to do. There was no denying the truth anymore. She simply had to end this charade between Dan and herself. Settling had never been in her nature, and she would be damned if she let that happen again. Taking a deep breath, she slid out of the limo and entered Dan's building, one last time.
Blair knocked on the front door softly. She was much later than they had agreed to meet up but her mission with Chuck had taken a lot longer than expected and unconsciously, she wanted to make the most of her time with Chuck. It was just like old times; warm, familiar, comfortable even. She was aware it would end eventually but she refused to let that happen too soon. All it had amounted to was proving to her she longed to be by Chuck's side.
She had just felt so damaged after the accident. While Chuck had become the wonderful man she always knew he could be; she no longer felt worthy of him. That had only proved to be true, judging by her recent mistakes. What had her life become?
She had gone through with marrying a man she clearly had no romantic feelings for; none that measured up to what she felt for Chuck anyway. And to top it off, she was now dating a tortured writer from Brooklyn which had only had driven a wedge between her and Serena who she barely spent time with anymore. Their friendship just felt so superficial these days. But the worst part was hurting the love of her life everyday she chose not to be with him.
Dan opened the door, greeting her with a look she couldn't quite place. Was it relief, judgment or simply suspicion? She didn't know how to deal with this, all she knew is that she couldn't lie to herself any longer. It was true, breakups were never easy, but once this was taken care of she could concentrate on what her heart truly desired, getting back together with Chuck.
Blair decided to break the silence. This was awkward, she thought to herself.
"Dan," she began tentatively "Is everything ok? Did you get the spot for your writing school?"
"It's a retreat actually" he replied condescendingly, "and no, I didn't."
This was something she hated about him. He was so judgmental, always acting like the morally superior individual. She could tell he was annoyed about something else, and she didn't have to guess what it was.
"And how did your day go?" He asked her, his voice void of any emotion.
"It was exhausting, very complicated." She responded vaguely. She was still in shock at her discovery; she hadn't been able to tell Chuck what she saw, so telling Dan was out of the question. Besides, Dan hated Chuck. There was no point in telling him this.
"If you spent the day with Chuck, that's pretty much a given." He laughed sarcastically.
"What is that supposed to mean exactly? You make it sound like I was alone with Chuck all day, which isn't the case. Besides, I don't owe you an explanation. You still see Chuck the way he was in High School. He has changed into a great man, everyone can see that, why can't you? And it wasn't that long ago that you were friends with him."
"I was obviously not in my right mind then. He has you all fooled, he's a bad influence and all he's doing is using this scheme to pull you back in."
"He's not scheming, this time it's different. He hasn't done anything but ask for my help. Nothing happened between us." She admitted, her voice laced with a hint of sadness which Dan didn't miss.
"If I didn't know better, I'd think you were disappointed." He remarked sarcastically.
"Listen Dan I'm sorry. But I'm not happy in this relationship; not as happy as I could be. Claire might be but Blair isn't. I'm always going to love Chuck; the kind of love we share doesn't disappear."
"I can't believe this, it's all part of his mind games. Just like the dowry, he's reeling you in and you're letting him!" He replied angrily.
"If it hadn't been for Nate's big mouth, I would never have known about the dowry. You say that like he bought me back but he set me free. All he's ever wanted was for me to be happy, whether it was with him or someone else." Blair shot back, finally freeing herself of her denial.
"Think about this. It was only a few weeks ago that you said you were no longer in love with him, that he didn't have your heart anymore."
"I was lost. I had lost my baby, almost lost Chuck and was stuck in a loveless marriage. I think that warrants confusion." Blair defended herself.
"You were using me this whole time?" Dan added accusingly.
"No Dan, I was confused. I mixed up my friendly gratitude with romantic feelings. Those are two different things."
"But I love you." He said desperately.
"No you don't, you love the character you wrote, Claire. She's not me and I'm not her either." Blair offered a sympathetic smile. "We jumped into a relationship I wasn't ready for, you took advantage of how vulnerable I was. You knew I loved Chuck the whole time but your motives were selfish, you didn't want Serena or Chuck to help, you wanted to be my savior."
"I was just being supportive" He muttered, trying to defend his actions.
"Supportive? That's what you call sending that video to Gossip Girl, and letting me blame Chuck and Serena, the people I love the most? The dowry was your fault. You never cared about what I needed, what I wanted. If you had had my best interests at heart, you never would have let me go through with the wedding and you would have encouraged me to follow my heart."
"Listen, we both thought this was a good idea at the time. But the fact is, I love Chuck and I always will. I'm sorry but you have to accept that."
And without another word, Blair was out the door. She needed to head to the Empire, of course Chuck wouldn't be back for a while, but she wanted to be there when he came back. First though, she wanted to stop by her mother's penthouse and talk to Serena, or rather apologize for everything she had put her best friend through.
Dating a man her best friend considered to be the love of her life, how could she have thought Serena would actually be alright with this? Had the situation been reversed, and Serena dated Chuck, she probably would have killed them both.
As she reached Serena's room she was relieved to found the soft glow of the light, signaling Serena was still awake. At least, she wouldn't have to wake her. Pushing the door open slowly, she entered the room.
"B, what are you doing here? I thought you'd be with Dan tonight." Serena furrowed her eyebrows. She still wasn't comfortable discussing her best friend's current relationship especially when it hurt both Chuck and herself so much.
"I broke up with him S." Blair offered a small smile, trying not to look too relieved although she needed her best friend to be the first to know.
"Oh I'm sorry B! But why?" She tensed, not sure where this conversation was going. Why had Blair come over here? Surely if she had broken up with Dan, Chuck would be the first person she would be rushing to announce the news to.
"It was the right thing to do," she rationalized "It's obviously a terrible idea for me to be in a relationship with someone who isn't Chuck, when I'm still in love with him." Blair explained. So glad to have finally let herself embrace her true feelings.
"Did something happen today that I'm not aware of?" Serena asked while eyeing her best friend suspiciously.
"No, of course not. A part of me does wish something had though. I can't help but wonder, what it's gone?" Blair finally admitting her deepest fears.
"You mean, you're afraid Chuck Bass doesn't love you anymore?" Serena chuckled softly, "That's ridiculous Blair, and you know it! As if Chuck could ever stop loving you. I think you've tested him enough times." Serena said half-reassuringly, half-warningly. She'd witnessed firsthand how hard Blair and Dan's union had been on her brother; Blair had to know how much Chuck had suffered watching them parade their relationship so shortly after her divorce.
"I know how much I've hurt him, how much I've hurt you both. I've been hiding, hoping that if I could convince myself I was Claire and no longer Blair that the pain would go away. And for a while it did, but you know I never stay in denial permanently. The truth is, I've felt so lost since the accident, and then the sham that was my marriage to Louis. But Chuck found me again, being by his side made feel whole again." Blair smiled genuinely.
She had told Dan that she had lost herself and wanted to be found. At the time she was silently asking for Dan's help when all along that role would fall on Chuck, the love of her life; the one person in this world who knew her better than she knew herself and loved her for her, loved every part of her just like she loved every part of him.
"What are you doing here then? I'm not sure I'm the one who should be hearing this. Chuck is the one you need to convince. As much as it hurt to see you with Dan, Chuck has been miserable. He loved you so much, you need to be sure." Serena said, warning her best friend. As much as she could tell Blair needed to vent she had to warn her; Blair had to be sure of her decision. Both her and Chuck had gone through so much pain. What a year they'd had.
"I'm on my way to see him S! And I'm sure I promise he's the one – he always has been.
"But first, I wanted to apologize to you. I'm so sorry for everything, dating Dan was a mistake in itself but I'm sorry for the pain it caused you. I've always known you loved him and that should have been reason enough for me not to go after him. And I know, this is no excuse, but almost losing Chuck after the accident hurt so much. So I figured if I pushed you and Chuck away, if I distanced myself from both of you and surrounded myself with people who didn't have that special place in my heart, then it would all be alright. I would never risk experiencing that pain again.
"Losing Louis, Beatrice or Dan? That wouldn't cause me heartbreaking pain like losing you or Chuck; I'd never survive losing you." Tears shone in her eyes, admitting this was very difficult for Blair, but it was very much needed if she was ever going to heal and most importantly get her life back; which included the people who mattered most to her: Chuck and Serena.
"I wished I had known you were feeling this way. I'm here now; I promise." Serena eyed Blair meaningfully, "Now dry those tears, and go to him! But please, be sure of what that means, that man loves you more than life itself."
"I know I've hurt him so many times. I want him so much I so scared that I might have ruined everything?" Blair asked, looking truly scared that her fears would turn out to be real.
"All that man has ever wanted is you, he loves you so much; anyone with eyes can see how in love he is with you. Just don't let him slip away again B."
"I just can't believe how stupid I've been! I need him so much. I just can't believe it has taken me this long to face the facts." Blair gave one last grateful smile to her best friend.
"I know, just go!"
"One last thing, I know it's going to take some time but I really am sorry. However long it takes, I'm going to make it up to you."
"We'll figure it out, call me in the morning." Serena added reassuringly.
Blair gave her best friend a quick hug before quickly heading to her room to freshen up before going to the Empire. Her next conversation was going to be a tough one.
As she entered the penthouse, she noticed the lights were still on. Of course, they would be. Even if Chuck wasn't back, Nate would be around most likely entertaining Lola. She had forgotten about this possibility, it wasn't really a factor in her grand romantic scheme to win Chuck back.
But this time there would be no games, no schemes and most certainly no manipulations. They had cost both of them so much in the past. This was their last chance, and they would be doing it right.
"Chuck," she called his name on the off chance he would be back although she found that doubtful. There was no point in sitting on the sofa, waiting for him to step off the elevator if he was lying in bed. She heard steps coming her way, and Nate appeared in the foyer.
"Blair what are you doing here? If this is about tonight I'm sure we can come up with a plan to take down Diana tomorrow." Nate told her sleepily.
"I'm here to see Chuck, he isn't here is he?" Blair wasn't even thinking about what they had been working on all day and she could care less about Diana, especially with the most recent development. She couldn't tell Nate though; it wasn't her secret to share.
"Wait, I thought you were with Dan tonight." Nate said, obviously confused as to why Blair was here and not in Brooklyn with her boyfriend. Had he missed something? He never could keep track with these two. And he definitely hadn't missed how Blair had acted around Chuck all night, she had been so blatantly jealous.
"Not that I wanted you to be among the first to know, but we just broke up." Blair smiled sweetly, slightly annoyed at having to explain herself to Nate. It wasn't any of his business! This was between Chuck and her. Her friendship with Nate had disappeared with time, it upset her but she hoped with time and as rekindled her relationship with Chuck that it would change.
"And you've come to inform Chuck of this new development hoping he'll forget everything you've done to him? You can't keep playing with him, Blair. It's not fair."
"Listen Nate, I know I've been horrible to him. I hate myself for it, which is why I'm here. I want to be with him, and I refuse to run away anymore."
"I hope that's true and you won't just change your mind on a whim. You've hurt him so many times."
That hit a nerve. The words were extremely familiar, Blair had said those same words to Chuck once upon a time; back when he refused to commit to her, when he couldn't even tell her he loved her.
"I love him Nate, I'm not running away from it anymore." Blair said seriously.
"It's just that you've both had a tough year, I'd hate to see either of you hurt again." Nate added meaningfully. "He's not back yet, but you can wait here for him" He said before walking back to his bedroom.
Blair didn't know how long she'd be waiting for Chuck so she decided to get comfortable. This could be a long wait, which wasn't necessarily a bad thing. It was give her time to think, she really had messed up over the last few months and she needed to fix things.
Everything could have been different, if she had left Louis last spring just as she had planned, if their car hadn't crashed that night, if she hadn't married Louis, if she hadn't dated Dan. She seemed to make one bad decisions after another. It seemed that every bad choice, every mistake had led her to this moment where she would lay all her cards on the table, risk it all and give herself to him completely.
If Chuck and she were going to give their relationship another try, she knew this was the last. She had been unable to make that decision after the accident, the wedding even though it was what her heart craved for more than anything.
She was always finding reasons, signs for them not to be together but she realized all these signs were just excuses. Then again, rekindling her relationship with Chuck would have been a terrible idea when she was still married and thought she had feelings for Dan Humphrey of all people.
Taking it all apart, it didn't even make sense; temporary insanity perhaps? Whatever had happened to her, Chuck and Serena had suffered the most. How were they supposed to keep up? One minute she was in love with Chuck and the next she has these feelings for Dan that basically came out of nowhere!
This whole mess was beginning to give her a headache. Chuck loved her, she knew that much but would that mean he would forgive her? Surely he wasn't that mad at her if he had come to her for help. If he still didn't feel it, would he have grabbed her hands the way that always made her feel safe, just like home.
He still wasn't home and judging by what she had discovered tonight he probably wouldn't be until the next morning. As she had promised herself, she would be waiting when he came back.
As she began to relax on the sofa, Blair realized she had company. Monkey had decided to join her, obviously feeling lonely in Chuck's bedroom. He climbed up onto the sofa, resting on her lap.
Blair couldn't her but smile; she never thought she would see the day when Chuck Bass would get a dog. He had barely taken care of himself his whole life; the fact he actually cared for an animal seemed like such a foreign idea. No one who knew Chuck's reputation would refer to him as responsible. That's why, when Gossip Girl sent that blast last fall, Blair was convince Chuck had abandon the poor dog.
Monkey was lying on her lap naturally. Recognizing that she belonged here; in this penthouse with its proud owner. She had always enjoyed the company of dogs. In fact she had adored Handsome's company a few years ago when she was so sure Yale was her future, her destiny. But Monkey was special; he made her feel closer to Chuck in some strange way.
She sighed sadly, all the assumptions she had made about Chuck had turned out to be wrong. Every time he proved he could be good, she would accuse him of having ulterior motives; trying to sway her away from Louis when she was just realizing that Chuck was her perfect match. Deep down she had known he was all doing this for her; he was trying to make her happy even for afar.
No matter how sweet Louis was he would never make her blissfully happy. There was no passion with Louis, he never was the man, and his mother's hold on him was too strong if their marriage had been any indication. He reminded her of Nate, he was safe, comfortable and his company was enjoyable but that was it; no spark – no fireworks.
It was like a spell; all it took was him telling her she never gave up on the people she loved, and then she started. She gave up on believing he could be good, she gave up on their plans for the future. But the worst was still when she refused to help him deal with his family troubles, only to accuse him of buying her back when she found out about the dowry. She felt terrible about the latter; he had put himself in a sticky situation solely to make her happy; to set her free only to be accused of being selfish.
She had made him doubt about his ability of making her happy over and over again, it would take time for him to believe he was enough, that he was really the one. She knew all too well how easy it was to be insecure once someone made you doubt yourself. She'd struggle with self-confidence issues during her teenage years enough to know how much it could hurt.
Yes, Blair would make sure Chuck knew he was the one, the only one. That he knew that he wasn't to blame for any of her poor choices over the last few months but, most of all that he knew with certainty that he was all she would ever want and need.
With that thought, Blair closed her eyes. She was going to need rest if she was going to win him back.
As she wakes up the next morning, Blair just can't help but smile. As her eyes fluttered open, she saw those caramel orbs staring down at her.
"Chuck, how long have been here?" She gasped in surprise.
"Just a while, I am curious as to why you were sleeping on my couch though. Care to enlighten me?" He said, his eyebrow cocked in surprise.
"I was worried about you after last night; I just wanted to make sure you were ok." She replied giving him a reassuring smile.
"I appreciate your concern but I doubt your boyfriend would be happy to know you spent the night on my couch, would he?" Chuck tried to remain as calm and passive as he could, he was sick of the games.
"I broke up with Dan last night," Blair said slowly. "It was the right thing to do. Obviously being in a relationship with him is a terrible idea when I'm still in love with you." Blair admitted, hoping she would see relief in his eyes.
"You're still in love with me? Blair, I can't keep up. You told me at CeCe's wake that you weren't in love with me anymore, and all of a sudden you are again? You either are or you aren't." He knew he was being harsh but his lack of sleep was making it difficult for him to be patient.
"I was confused Chuck. I didn't know who I was anymore, and you've become such a wonderful person I couldn't be with because I didn't feel I had the right to be. I couldn't let myself be with you when my life was such a mess, when I was trapped in a marriage with a man I didn't love. I did things I would have never one if it wasn't for the past events"
"But I begged you not to marry Louis and you went through with it anyway. You knew it would kill me but you still married Louis. And that doesn't explain why you had to date Dan Humphrey?
"You refused to be with me because you were married, yet that wasn't a problem with Humphrey. That killed me more than anything. I just need to know why, Blair. I want to be with you but how can I know this is what you really want, how do you know you won't change your mind once again and run off with someone else?" He was desperate for a sign from her that would prove this was it; this was she really wanted, that there was an explanation for how crazy she had been over the past few months.
"I mistook friendship and gratitude for romantic feelings. Dan was a distraction, I was in denial. My life was such a mess, I couldn't let myself be with you then because if we hadn't worked it would have devastated me. It would mean we aren't meant to be and I can't bare that, Chuck. . I alienated all the people I cared about so losing them wouldn't hurt again. I lost my baby Chuck! And I almost lost you, I felt empty; dead inside. I didn't push you away because I didn't want you. I did it because I knew if I lost you I would never survive it." She choked, she was sick of denying herself the happiness she truly wanted. "But I realized I can't be happy without you. I'm done with settling for anyone, I just want to be with you; I always have."
"Blair."
"Look, I know I've hurt you Chuck. But I meant everything I said the night of the accident, I love you so much and I never want to leave you again." She took his strong hands in her small ones, "I'm not asking you to pretend the last year didn't happen, because it did. Heartbreaking things happened, but I'm not going to let all that pain keep us apart any longer. I don't care what it takes Chuck, we are going to end up together."
"You say that now, but how do I know you're not settling for me instead of being with Dan? You've left me before." He wanted desperately to tell her it was alright, that he forgave her which he had the second he saw he on his couch.
"Because all it took after months of not being near you, of ignoring what my heart truly wanted, was spending the day by your side yesterday. When we were in the manor, when I found out about your dad; all I wanted was to be by your side. I've never felt that about anyone else. You were right all those years ago, we are magnetic and I won't let you ignore our pull either."
This was it; she had played her hand, it was his turn now. She was his and always would be, if waiting was what he wanted then that's what she would do.
"But I understand you may need time," She got up from the sofa where she had been sitting and kissed his cheek softly.
She barely got a chance to move before he took her arm and turned her towards him. He looked straight into her eyes, only taking a moment to form a coherent thought. This woman would be the death of him. "Please stay." He whispered, his forehead pressed against hers, before leaning in to kiss her lips.
He kissed her softly at first, savoring the sweet taste of her lips again. He'd missed her so much and had been so scared he would never hold her in his arms again.
She pulled back for a moment, only letting three words escape her lips.
"Are you sure?"
He simply grinned at her before kissing her again, passionately this time; pouring all of his heart into his kisses.
"Chuck, I need you now, it's been too long" she mumbled desperately, losing all her senses as he held her firmly against him.
He needed no further encouragement, and led her into his bedroom and spent the next few hours making love to her. They knew everything would be alright, as long as they had each other.
To be continued…
A/N – I hope you all enjoyed and will review : ) I haven't given up on You're All That Matters To Me but the inspiration has been lacking, the next chapter is in progress though for those of you who gave up, no worries !