My first Hetalia fanfic. There's something like eight languages in here XD The things I do for the most multicultural fandom I know. I hope you like it :)
...
A young German man, his blonde hair slicked back on his head, put his head in his hands, surrounded by piles upon piles of papers, his older albino brother poking him on the arm.
"Bruder. I need to do zhis vork. Schtop disruptink me."
"NEIN! Ze awesome me vants you to help me build Gilbird a new birdhouse." The little bird on the white haired boys shoulder chirped, seeming to want to help his owner convince the stoic younger sibling.
"Gilbert, I'fe already told you. Ich habe a lot of vork. DON'T DISRUPT ME! I need to prepare for ze Vorld Meetink next veek." Gilbert rolled his eyes.
"Und you still have a veek to do zhat. HELP ME LUDVIG! LITTLE BRUDER!" The younger one stood up, towering over his big brother, and looked down at Gilbert.
"Oh, I vill help you."
The next week, doesn't matter what all the countries were expecting to happen. No-one expected the Beilschmidt brothers to begin fighting. Or complain about each other.
"Zhis kartoffel has been distractink me from my vork. I can't get anyzink done anymore."
"Ja? Vell zis unawesome kuchen hast been ignorink me. Vhat am I meant to do?"
"Vell, zis zwiebel hast been helpink mein soldiers skip trainink. How vill zey be able to fight if zey're alvays skippink trainink?"
"Vell, zis, zis dummkopf is so unawesome zat he shouldn't hafe ze pover to train zhese helpless soldiers. I'm helpink zhem. Zey can certainly run und hide."
The surrounding people rolled their eyes.
"What is it with these people and their fighting?" Arthur asked the Japanese man next to him, not really expecting an answer.
"You do rearise that normarry it is you, Arfred and Francis rooking exactry rike that?" The Brit turned to the usually quiet man.
"WE DO NOT! KIKU, I FORBID YOU TO SAY THINGS LIKE THAT, YOU... YOU..." He felt a hand on his shoulder. He tensed, hearing the broad American accent of his younger brother.
"No, dude, they're right. We do normally look like that."
"Just listen, aru. It doesn't matter what it looks like. Anyone got an idea to stop it, aru?" They listened to the brothers' fight.
"Ja? Vell, I say zat you vould not last einen day runnink mein army."
"Und I say zat you vould not last a day as ze awesome me." An idea came into Alfred's head.
"Well, as the hero, I have an idea. Dudes and dudettes, all in favour of Ludwig and Gilbert switching places and thus gaining a greater mutual understanding, blah, raise your hand." Every person in the room raised their hand, with exception to the fighting brothers.
"Very well, the motion carries. You are now free." They all left with such a speed that it didn't even seem possible. Like, people looked like they'd just ran through walls. It was then that the Germans realised they were the only ones in the room and something had happened.
"Vait, vhat motion?"
"Unawesome vorld peoples say vhat?"
They decided the switch should happen two days after, so they handed over that night.
Ludwig had gathered the rest of the axis, Kiku and Feliciano, and they stood together in a neat row. Ludwig and Kiku were straight-faced, while Feliciano complaining something about not being able to make pasta and "Do-a something, Doitsu". Facing them stood Gilbert with Francis and Antonio on each side of him, being slightly rowdy, but still more serious than anyone had ever seen him.
The Germans, ignoring their friends, stepped towards each other, staring each other down. Gilbert grabbed the little yellow bird off his shoulder, then handed the protesting Gilbird over to his brother. They then took their places in the middle of the other's group.
"Francis, Toni, ze awesome me tells you zhat you should treat mein bruder like you vould treat me. Und don't let up on the jokes." He winked at his friends, who grinned back. Ludwig looked momentarily worried.
"Kiku, Feliciano, zhis German-"
"PRUSSIAN!"
"- ja, ja, vhatefer, Prussian freak ist your leader now. Gil, don't let zhem off trainink. I expect you to follow his efery order for ze next tventy-four hours, or until ze pressure causes him to crack, vhereby mutiny is ze obfious und velcome choice." Kiku laughed slightly, unbeknownst to the Prussian.
"Meetink adjourned." Each party went back to their own place, with their new members.
"Guten nacht, Bruder."
"Guten nacht, Vest"
"Girbert. Girbert, wake up."
Gilbert awoke the next morning to the smell of pasta being cooked, Kiku standing over him. Well, ok, he became semi-conscious to the fact that he was awake. Way too early.
"Vhat? Just let me sleep. Fünf more minutes." But no. Kiku wouldn't go away, so he figured he might as well get up.
"Vhy... vhy did you get ze awesome me up so early?" Kiku smiled a little.
"Werr, Rudwig arways has us do training every morning." Gilbert looked at the clock.
"Vell, ja, but zhis is vay too early. Vhy couldn't he vait until, oh, I don't know, SOMETIME ZHATS NOT SIX IN ZE MORNINK?!" Kiku shrugged.
"It's arways more refreshing earry in the morning. What, do you want to change it?" Gilbert sighed.
"Ja, but if I is to be bruder, I probably shouldn't. Are you unawesome peoples ready? I mean." Looking around the bedroom, he found Ludwig's hair gel. He slicked his hair back, cleared his throat, then imitated his brother, "I vill be expectink efery one of you out at ze trainink field in zwei minutes. Because I am ze scary, intimidating Vest!"
Meanwhile, back at the Bad Friends Trio's place, Ludwig was already up, and pacing.
"Vhy did I leafe mein hair gel at mein house? I look so vierd." He ran a hand through his hair, ruffling it up a little, actually making him look more like his big brother. "Vhere are zhose ozer people? Zhey should be up by now. Vhat's takink zhem so long? EFERYBODY GET UP!" Hearing this, Francis and Toni leaped ten meters into the air.
"What was zat for?" A rather annoyed Francis poked his head around the doorframe, followed by a half asleep Antonio, who actually ran into the doorframe.
"Si, friend, go back to sleep." Toni shook his head, trying to wake up. "Nice hair." Ludwig rolled his eyes, and watched this in pure fascination.
"Vait, vhen do you normally get up?"
The French boy thought for a moment.
"Euh, about sept heure, or huit heure. I zink zhat would be around seven or, is it eight? dans l'anglais. Pourquoi?" Ludwig stared goggle-eyed at the Frenchman.
"Vhat? You get up zhen? Vhat about trainink?"
"Non, non, mon ami, we don't do zat 'ere. We 'ave fun, non, et we 'elp Gilly with 'is 'airbrained schemes. No training required. But we may as well have un petit déjeuner, since I'll never get back to sleep after this."
"Vell, vhat do you hafe here to eat?"
"I do think Gil has wurst."
The German smiled, for the first time that morning.
"Vell, as, ähm, ja, 'ze awesome Prussia', I zink zhat vould, äh, zhat vould be gut."
Out on the training field, two minutes after we left them, Gilbert was out on the training field. And, for once, Feliciano was actually there. And the trainer was freezing.
"Vhat on earz? Mein bruder forces you to be out here? In ze freezink cold? Zhis can't be healsy."
Kiku shrugged.
"Werr, it is the middre of winter. Didn't you see? It was snowing earier."
Gilbert rolled his eyes at Kiku.
"Oh, nein, I didn't see ze snov zhat's just FREEZINK ME TO DEAZ! You know vhat? Trainink ist cancelled. I can't schtay out in zhis cold any more. You can all do as you like. I vill go und trinken bruder's beer..." And he was gone in a flash. Kiku shook his head, then looked at the overexcited Italian.
"Well, Fericiano, you heard him. You can go do what you rike."
The Italian smiled.
"Si, I know. I'm-a thinking I will go-a and-a cook some pasta, then find-a some pretty girls to-a flirt with. I'll-a see you-a soon, Kiku?" Kiku nodded.
"Hai. I will see you rater." The two men then walked together to the house.
Breakfast finished, then Ludwig noticed Francis just... disappeared. He decided to ask Toni about it as he fed Gilbird.
"Toni, vhere on earz is Francis?"
"Oh, si, he just went to a meeting of the Allies. Nothing for you to worry about. What do you want to do?" Ludwig shrugged.
"I don't know. I vonder how mein bruder is goink. He better not hafe let zhem off trainink. Zhere's no tellink vhat Feliciano vill get himself into." Toni nodded.
"I know, right? I hope nothing happens. When Francis is on the loose, there's no telling what will happen." Gilbird chirped in alarm, presumably at the prospect of Francis being out. The German thought for a moment.
"Maybe I should fisit ze Axis' place. I vant to see how mein bruder is doing back zhere. You vant to come?"
"Ver..."
"Gut. Let's go."
Feliciano walked out and soon spotted a person with short, blonde hair, in jeans and a t-shirt. Being his cheerful little self, he put on his biggest smile, and walked up to them.
"'Hey, dude. Wanna come with me? I have pasta..."
"Ciao. Why-a tankyou. How are-a yo- hang on, what-a are you-a doing? Where are-a you taking me? Help-a me! Wait, Al-mmmmm"
"Ludwig, Lud- oh-a, hang on, Gilbert, Gilbert, help-a me! The-a Allies have-a captured me! A stranger-a promised me-a pasta, so I-a went with him, but he just had-a hamburgers. I need-a you. I need-a Doitsu. Help-a me!"
Listening to the phone, whilst trying to do the paperwork Kiku said Ludwig did for the World Meetings, the self-proclaimed awesome one started to have a sudden respect for his brother.
"How on earz did Feli manage to get trapped? Oh, nein." The Prussian's eyes widened. "Luddy's goink to kill me."
"Where is that Alfred? He should have been here a long time ago."
"Oui, I know. 'Ow are we meant to get anyzing done if toute le monde never shows up?"
"He'll be here soon, aru. While we wait, does anyone want a Chinese tasty treat, aru?" Yao gestured over to the impromptu Chinatown he'd set up in the conference room.
"How did you even GET that in here?" Arthur, Francis and Ivan goggled at it, until the door slammed open.
"DUDES! I totally just caught Feli." He was holding the smaller Italian by the scruff of his neck.
"Ça c'est super, Alfred."
"That is good, aru."
"Khorosho!"
"Nicely done. Now we can torture him and get the insider scoop on how to attack the axis." They tied Feli's hands behind his back, and surrounded him. The Italian started to panic.
"No, no, please-a don't hurt me. I will-a tell you everything you-a want to know. Please-a, please don't hit-a me. Or, at least, not-a in the face. I paid a tonne of-a money to get-a that hook out of-a my nose! I mean, it's-a practically a work of art. You wouldn't ever-a break a work-a of art would-a you?! Where's my-a white flag-a when I need it? Please-a. I will tell-a you everything I-a know." Alfred, who had been grinning in cruel delight, looked disappointed.
"This dude is lame. Can we put him in jail or something?"
"Bruder? Bruder, ich bin hier." Gilbert froze. A little yellow bird flew into the room, settling on the albino's head. Gilbert patted his beloved pet, before seeing his younger brother walk into the room, his hair down for once, followed by his Spanish friend. "How hafe sings been goink?" The white haired man instructed his face to assume a non-guilty look, running his hands through his badly-slicked-back hair.
"Ähh, vell, ze awesome me hast been doink a wunderbar job of beink you. Eferyzink has been goink just awesomely..." He was cut off by the phone crackling to life.
"Please-a, Prussia, come-a quickly. I-a need you. I-a need someone to-a save me. Per favore." Gilbert could feel his brother's glare as Ludwig put together the pieces and realised that everything was not 'awesome', regardless what his brother tried to tell him. The Spaniard was looking at his friend, thinking just how quickly he'd die. Toni gave Gil about twenty minutes to live. No more. The Prussian was just looking around, seeing how many exits there were in the room and which would be the easiest from his angle.
"Did you do trainink zhis mornink?" Guilty look.
"Vell, ve vere trainink at beink awesome. Or I vas. Does zhat count?" Yeah, make that fifteen minutes to live. "Oh, ja, und I used your hair gel." No, fifteen seconds. Toni signalled to Gilbert to run. Now.
"NEIN! GET BACK HERE NOW BRUDER!" The Prussian wasted no time trying to get out of there. He hid in the room next door. It was then someone rang the doorbell. Saved by the bell, Gilbert thought. Now who saved me?
Ludwig opened the door to see a smiling young woman. Her wavy, brown hair flowed down her back, held off her face with a yellow flower hairclip. A white shirt covered her arms to the wrists, layered with a black bodice with a sweetheart neckline. Her red skirt, ending just above her ankles, covered her black boots. In her left hand, she clutched her beloved skillet.
"Helló. I heard you yelling next door, vas Gilbert out of line again?" The Prussian ran at the sound of the Hungarian girl's voice.
"Ja. I zink he's hidink now. Vould you fix him up, Elizabeta?" She grinned.
"Vhy certainly." She strode off, determinedly, by luck picking the exact room that Gilbert was in.
"NEIN!"
"IGEN!"
CLUNK!
"He von't be bosering you anymore. Call me if he is."
"Danke."
"Szívesen." Elizabeta walked back out to go back to her place.
Meanwhile, Gilbert was found in the corner of a hallway, curled into a ball, covered in bruises, traumatised, rocking back and forth muttering in a mixture of English, German and gibberish but otherwise fine. Ludwig went over and took his brother's hand, effortlessly pulling him up and dragging him out of the house.
"Come on, Bruder. Next time don't help mein soldiers skip trainink. Ve've got to save Feli."
The albino had somehow managed to pull himself together by the time they'd made it to the allies' headquarters. Ludwig knocked on the door, hard.
"Come out of zhere und give us back Feliciano. Oder du wirst es bereuen."
The door opened, and Feliciano was pushed out. A flustered American appeared behind him.
"You can keep him, dudes." And the door promptly slammed in the group's surprised faces. Feli took one look at the two Germans and let out a happy "ve~".
"You-a came for me!" Ludwig pinched the bridge of his nose, as he often finds himself doing. Gilbert, on the other hand, nearly face palmed, and only stopped because of his new bruises.
"Ja, of course me und mein unawesome bruder vould come for you, kartoffel."
"Let's get you home."
They made it home, and Feli, recovering quickly, went straight to the kitchen to make pasta. No-one was entirely certain when Toni had left, but somewhere on the way to the Axis' place, he'd made his way back to his place, but not before telling Ludwig he was still expected to be back at the Bad Touch Trio's place soon.
The blonde German reached his house, looking up at it before softening into a slight amused smile at the sight of his older brother with an attempt at having his silvery-white hair slicked back. Thinking back to his day so far, he just had one question for his older brother.
"Bruder."
"Ja, Vest?"
"Vhat ezactly do you menschen do?" Gilbert thought for a moment.
"Vell, vhat have ze boys made you do so far?"
"Ähm, vell, ve got up, zhey complained about me gettink zem up too early, ve had breakfast, und Francis disappeared. Und zhen you know ze rest." Ludwig glared at his older brother, while Gilbert shivered at the memory.
"So, zhey hafen't taken you down to ze awesome park?" The blonde ran a hand through his for once unruly hair, and sighed.
"Nein. Vhy?" The ruby-eyed boy chuckled, before going inside, leaving his brother standing outside. He came out a minute later with a folded piece of paper and a small jar.
"Give zhis to Francis. Everyzink is explained to him in zhat. Und have zhat back. I don't know how you function vis zhis unawesome gunk in your hair. It's just so unawesome. Unlike me." Gilbert walked off, wearing his signature cocky smirk, while his brother just looked relieved that he had his gel back.
"Danke, Bruder."
The blonde came back, taking a second to slick back his hair again, then walking straight into a sing-along with Francis and Toni. The Frenchie started rapping, as Toni kept time, using the table as a makeshift drum kit.
"Oui oui, mon ami, je m'appelle Lafayette!
The Lancelot of the revolutionary set!
I came from afar just to say Bonsoir
Tell the King- Oh, bonsoir Ludwig."
Francis took one look at the note and laughed.
"Toni, viens ici et regarde là." Worry started to build as Ludwig watched the Spaniard laugh at whatever the note says.
"So Gil wants a bit of fun for his hermano." And the German's worry suddenly tripled. Gilbert's sense of fun didn't really line up with his little brother's.
"So vhere ezactly are ve goink?" The other two looked at each other, smiling.
"Why don't you just follow us, mon ami?"
"I don't know vhezer I vant to, but, vell, I don't hafe a choice, do I?"
"Mais non. Tu es Gilbert aujourd'hui, non?"
"Was? So zhis is ze park Gil vas talkink ab- Was ist das? Vhy did you just pull me into ze bus-mmm." The three men were hiding in a rather large bush in the park.
"Oh, si, we come here to meet pretty girls and spy on friends. Like you, for instance. Gil once spied on you. I forget why."
"Mais oui. And look. It looks like the jolie filles are coming this way." Three girls, a brunette, a strawberry blonde and a noirette, were walking towards the seat near the bush the boys were hiding in.
"So vhy ezactly did you brink me here?"
"Mon ami, you're taking Gilbert's place, oui? And 'e'd normally go out and chat with them." The German froze.
"Vhat? Nein, Ich das nicht kann. I'm not gut at zhat. Please, I'm not bruder."
"But you must, si? For now, you are Gilbert. Channel your hermano. He's in there somewhere. Now go out and knock 'em dead." They pushed Ludwig out of the bushes. Francis got his phone out. Toni gave him a look.
"Quoi? Gil will want to see zis." The emerald eyed boy shook his head.
"Si, si, true."
Meanwhile, and all caught on the camera in the Frenchman's hand, Ludwig was trying to regain his composure. The girls watched, giggling, as the muscley guy shook his head and awkwardly approached them.
"Ähm, hallo." The girls, smiling at him in amusement.
"Hi." The girls' chorused greeting made him even more nervous.
"Na-ja, you girls are, sehr, äh, sehr schön. Ähm, ja." The redhead and raven haired girl looked at each other in confusion, as the brunette looked him up and down.
"You aren't too bad yourself." Flustered, Ludwig blushed.
"D-Danke. Ähm, I ... I've got to go. Tschüss." He calmly walked away until he was certain they couldn't see him, then he ran. Francis and Toni, laughing, got out of the bushes and, winking at the girls, ran after the overly fit German.
That night, the two groups met up again.
"Gilbert, nefer make me do zhat again, your freunds are crazy." The white-haired boy laughed at his brother's judgement.
"Ja, vell, nefer make me do your unawesome trainink for you in ze middle of vinter, ok?"
"Deal."
"I'm glad you're mein kleine bruder."
"Me too."
"So, now, vhat's happenink vith mein awesome Gilbird's birdhouse?"
"Really?!"