Chapter 1
I'm too late for April Fool's...
Disclaimer:
Me: Say it…
Naruto: No.
Me: Say it…
Sauske: No…
Me: Say it…
Sakura: The following is a parody. The owner of this story does not-
Me: Wasn't talking to you…
Tobi: Yay! The following is a funny parody, the owner has no license or ownership of the Naruto franchise, or any songs used! Enjoy.
Deidara: Hey, you actually said something r-
Opening: Sanjou! Ginyu Tokusentai! (0:00 – 1:20 [Or you could just watch the whole thing for the true theme])
Deidara: HOW DARE YOU INTERUPT ME IN MID-SENTENCE! YOU FLIPPING-
Akatsuki Tokusentai
"Three hundredth attempts men, get it right this time."
"Kakuzu!"
"Kisame!"
"Deidara!"
"Sasori."
"Hidan!"
"Itachi…"
"Konan!"
"Zetsu!"
"Toooobi!"
"Pein!"
"WE ARE: AKATSUKI TOKUSENTAI!"
"…"
"…"
"…"
A calm wind decided to rustle some leaves, adding to the silence. A blazing sun loomed over the clouds, trying to break free and show everyone that it's awesome.
"God dammit, Hidan!" shouted Pein.
"W-What?" inquired the grey-head.
"Your hand is 15° short! It has to be perfect or the position won't have the 'ommph' in it!"
"Well, sorryee, but IT DOESN'T MATTER."
"Yes, it does, because you yourself don't matter." Stated Kakuzu. "You're wasting time and I could have gone to the strip club by now with all your chatting and mistakes."
"I don't care about your money!"
"Who said you did?"
"Why you mother- "
"No swear words!" shouted Pein. "It ruins our image!"
"I swear god down…"
"Why are we doing this again?" asked Tobi.
Everyone sighed, they had to waste more time due to Tobi's short term memory.
"Remember, OK?!" started Deidara, clearly annoyed at his job of reminding the boy of the gruelling description of their new team.
"Yes Deidara-senpai!"
"Ok. We. Are. Making. A. Mother." Deidara felt a glare behind his head. "Blanking. Team. So. We. Can. Express. Our. Flipping. Selves. Also. We. Can. Get. M0ney. On this. Got it?"
"Hmm…"
"You've got to be kidding me."
"Um…"
"I swear to god…"
"Just kidding! I know already! I tricked you! Ah-Ah-Ah." Laughed Tobi. When he looked at Deidara though, his laugh turned nervous, "Get it, Deidara-senpai? H-Happy A-April F-Fool's Day!"
"…"
"Are you- "
"KILL HIM." Shouted Hidan.
"AAAAHHHH!" Tobi was gone in a flash, leaving a large collection of dust behind as he was chased by Deidara, flying on his C2 Dragon.
"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"
"HHHHHHHHELLLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPPPP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Screamed the unfortunate Tobi as he was blown away and became a twinkle in the sky.
An Hour Later -
"We do not attack our team members unless necessary." Scolded Pein as he looked down at the kneeling Deidara, the glanced over to the knelling Tobi. "Tobi."
"Y-Y-Yes leader?" the masked male looked up at his leader, hoping for forgiveness like a dog who accidentally did 'one'.
Pein knelled down, put his hand on Tobi's hand, and said, "Good boy, you actually, managed to make Deidara look like a fool."
"WHAT THE F- "
"T-Thank you leader. It wasn't easy to do."
"YOU SON OF A- "
"I know, even Hidan couldn't manage to get Deidara this angry."
"NOTICEEE MEEEEE!"
"Let's go now, Tobi. Deidara, you come too; we are going to practice our team pose again."
The masked and the pierced men stood up, walking back to the snickering group.
"ALL MY HATE!"
Deidara eventually got up and practiced once again with the group. "I swear…"
"Now! For the three hundred and first time, LET'S DO THIS!"
"Kakuzu!"
"Kisame!"
"Deidara!"
"Sasori."
"Hidan!"
"Itachi…"
"Konan!"
"Zetsu!"
"Toooobi!"
"Pein!"
"WE ARE: AKATSUKI TOKUSENTAI!"
"…"
"…"
"We did it, right?" asked Hidan. Pein looked over his team, checking for any mistakes.
"Kakuzu."
"Yes leader?" Kakuzu glanced at the leader's furrowed eyebrows.
"Why do you have a gold chain around your neck?"
In the Forest -
"Weeeeeeeee!" Tobi swung from branch to branch, oak to sycamore. He was having a blast.
"Will you shut up?" asked Deidara as he jumped from branch to branch, oak to maple. He wore annoyed face.
"But it's too fun to keep my cries of joy inside, Deidara-senpai!"
"Why don't you just say it in your mind?"
"Umm…" Tobi scratched an imaginary beard with his right hand, swinging on branches with his other.
"How the f- "Deidara stopped himself. "How the flip is you doing-"
"Muffin button."
"What?"
"Huh?"
"Never mind."
"Well, it's because… I don't have a voice in my mind! It's just me, myself, and I in there."
"Oh. My. God."
"W-What?" Tobi took his hand away from his chin and swung it with his right hand across the tree tops.
"If you mind, we've got a mission here." The voice of Konan startled the partners.
"Yeah yeah, I know, get those group of 'trouble makers' and kill them, yeah yeah." Deidara's eyes rolled.
"Deidara-senpai."
"WHAT."
"You haven't said your famous 'Hn'!"
"That's because Pein told me not too, it "ruins our image"."
"You do know I'm right behind you." Sweat dropped the man with piercings.
"S-Sorry leader! I was just making a light joke!"
"You said nothing wrong about me, though."
"…"
"…"
"LOL!"
"SHUT UP TOBI!" Everyone shouted as they bounced off into their mission, thing.
An Hour Later, in MySpace -
"Are ya kidding meh?" a raspy voice asked their three companions team of black cloaks and red clouds were following them. "It's a dream, right guys?"
"No~ It's not a dream." Pein suddenly appeared in front of the bouncing crooks. Tobi appeared as well, as if from thin air.
"How did you- "
"Muffin button."
"What?"
"Huh?"
"Tobi, it's not the time to confuse our opponents, they need to know who we are, first." Started Pein, but before he could speak another word, a whole gathering of smoke blocked his vision. "What?"
"Suckers!" Three crooks ran on the ground, large white bags behind their backs. They had a straw hat and a long, white, kimono. They wore black masks over their mouths and looked like they came from Texas. "You will never get our ching-ching!"
"Ching-ching…" wondered Kakuzu as he landed on the ground and ran after them, ninja-style. "That means…" His eyes slightly lit up, "MONEY!" Kakuzu broke the barrier of sound and ran faster towards the crooks.
"Damn it! They're too fast! Gotta go fast, am I right guys?" asked a crook with a flower on his straw hat.
"Why do you like Sonic so much? I mean, Sonic '06 man." A vein throbbed on the head of his companion, who wore a lightning bolt on his head.
"That never happened." Stated the flower-head.
Kakuzu managed to get directly behind them and jumped over them, stopping them in their tracks.
"Almighty Push!" The crooks were blown away and knocked back to some trees.
"That move…" the crook who had spoken first and wore a flame on his head smirked, "Blew me away."
"Aww, I was going to say that." Groaned Tobi.
"Good thing you didn't, or I'd have your head by now." Deidara deadpanned.
"Savage." Stated an ignored Itachi.
"Heh, good one." Also stated an ignored Kisame.
"Now, let's not be rude. Introduce your selves!" shouted Pein as he got into position.
"Hello, my name is- "
"Not funny babe."
"Sorry Pein." Konan looked down as she got into position as well.
"Three hundred and fiftieth time."
"Kakuzu!"
"Kisame!"
"Deidara!"
"Sasori."
"Hidan!"
"Itachi…"
"Konan!"
"Zetsu!"
"Toooobi!"
"Pein!"
"WE ARE: AKATSUKI TOKUSENTAI!"
"Tokusentai!"
"Tokusentai!"
"Tokusentai!"
"Tokusentai!"
"…"
"…"
"Do you guys have the power to say something without moving your lips or what?" asked the bolt-head. "Also, WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT?!"
"Guys, that voice." Pein started as he returned to a neutral position from his "Ginyu" one. "It means…"
"We did it, yayyyyyy." Sarcastically said Itachi. "Now let's do our job before you gloat leader."
"Yes." Sweat dropped the ginger man.
"Sharingan!" cried Itachi as he activated his fanboy eye transformation.
"Woah! You must be a Uchiha man!" sarcastically said Kisame.
"Ha! I get it! Because the Uchiha are dead! Ha!" Deidara laughed, his face somehow becoming ugly in the process.
"What happended to you…" Sasori asked as he crawled around in his puppet form (the one that looks like a dog for your information).
"Puberty is staying around to be a complete bitch to me." Answered Deidara.
Everyone gasped as Deidara's tongue finished rolling off the "b-word".
"Y-You just swore Deidara-senpai!"
"What school did you go to?"
"Um… I think it was, 'The School for The Mentally Challenged'. "
"Rhetorical question. FLIPPING rhetorical question!"
"And I gave you a rhetorical answer."
"Good lord, I traded Sasori for this." Sighed Deidara.
"Now, onto getting the- "
"Done." Sasori stood on top of the knocked-out crooks who were under a genjutsu, guess who did that.
"You forgot about me! The fourth crook!" A wet-hat crook jumped out of their hiding place, hand signs blurring against the human eye, "Water Style: Water Prision Jutsu!"
The team were trapped in water balls, completely caught off guard.
"Damn it!" Deidara bashed on the water, trying to break it but failing. "This is bad… my clay is USELESS in freaking water!"
"Kisame, it's your time to shine." Pein said as he sat, meditating in the water.
"Yes leader!" His sharp teeth showed as he made some hand signs and cancelled the jutsu surrounding him. "Now, if I kill you…" He took his Samehada. "I think my sword's hunger will be satisfied for a while."
"Growl~" the bandaged sword agreed as the shark-man started running to the crook.
"N-Now, n-now, n-no need to get worked up?" tried the crook, but whatever he tried to do was obviously the most stupid decision of his life as the sword's blade cut him in half. Slice!
"Recording Information." The bandaged sword started.
"Ah, that's the new system I installed into your blade. Once it hits a desired enemy, it says almost everything about it." Pein landed on the floor beside his gasping-for-breath "friends".
"Name: Sokui Soki.
Age: 34
Status: Single (Lost girlfriend to a mentally challenged boy)
Nature: Water
Chakra Level: 45." Samehada explained.
"Who's the mentally challenged boy?" asked Tobi, feeling as if this sword might know someone, that looked like him.
"You've got to be fricking kidding me." Deidara turned to his partner with wide eyes. "You have a girlfriend?!"
"Do you?"
"…"
"Savage." Stated Itachi.
"You don't either!" Deidara growled.
"Actually, I do. Her name's Mimo."
"WHAT."
"I do too." Started Sasori.
"WHAT THE HELL?"
"Her name's Usagi, she has that beautiful silky black hair." Sasori started daydreaming about his girl.
"Me too." Smirked Kisami.
"Me three." Laughed Hidan
"Me four, her name's Money. No seriously, that's her name."
"Don't tell me Zetsu has one." Deidara shook.
"Yes, I do have a girlfriend. And she's real."
"Pein, please don't freaking tell me…"
"Wait, you don't know?" Sasori widened his eyes.
"You're late boi." Itachi facepalmed.
"Of course, I have a girlfriend. And she's right next to me."
"Do you mean Itachi?"
"NO!" He kissed Konan on the forehead, making her blush deeply. "Konan."
"NO WAY!" Gasped Tobi.
"KILL HIM." Shouted Hidan.
"I wish." Moaned Deidara as he realized he was the only single one in the group.
"Don't worry friend," Tobi put a hand on the blonde's shoulder. "At least you're not gay."
"WHO SAID I WAS?!"
"Orochimaru's gay." Stated Sasori. "He got turned down. What's wrong with gay people anyway, Tobi?"
"Someone told me that homosexuals are demons and their religion, so I believe them because everyone tells the truth."
"Homosexuals are actually brave and I respect them because of that. Also, liking another person of the same gender is still loving someone on the opposite gender, deal with it." Sasori countered.
"…"
"Cool! Now let's get back to base! I'm exhausted!" Tobi said as he started running off.
"You don't look exhausted to- "Deidara stopped himself. "What the flip? I swear god down that we did this before."
"Tobi's right, we need to go." Pein started walking in front of the group when he suddenly stopped, then did a pose. "AKATSUKI TOKUSENTAI, MOVE OUT!"
Everyone was gone in a blur, well, except Deidara.
"I've gotta find a special someone, quick! But how?" He strokes an imaginary beard, stupid habits from Tobi influencing him. "Maybe I should use, the Dating Simulators." He ran off, a new hope in his eye as he embarked on his journey of getting a girlfriend.
きゃりーぱみゅぱみゅ - ゆめのはじまりんりん , kyary pamyu pamyu - Yumeno Hajima Ring Ring (0:00 – 1:35)
Happy (Late) April Fool's Day. This is going to be a full blow-out series! Hope you enjoyed and laughed loads! Bye!
Deidara: I'M GOING TO FREAKING-