A/N: It's a crack pairing, a huge crack pairing, I know. This has been hanging with me for a few weeks now, demanding to be written. I hope you enjoy it.

Warning: This features a homosexual relationship, if you don't like, please don't read.

Disclaimer: If I own anything, it's the laptop that this was written on.

A Day in the life of Harry Potter

Harry smiled and pushed himself further into the cushions of his sofa. It was a shitty old muggle couch from a charity shop down the road. It had patches on it and owl claw marks all over the headrests. However for all it's flaws it was the most comfortable thing he owned, and aside from the flat, was the first thing he had bought after the war. Yes it was shitty. Yes it was old. Yes he could definitely afford a new couch, but he didn't want to. He loved the thing.

He closed his eyes and snuggled further into the soft cushion of the couch. It was his day off, he had been working constantly with Auror business the last month. He had been craving this day for the whole month. He knew that he should be spending it with his friends, but he just wanted to nap on the couch for the day. Hermione was off doing something today anyway and Ron had quidditch until 4. So if he wanted to see someone, it was going to wait until much later in the day anyway.

'This is wonderful…' he thought to himself as he rolled onto his side and dozed.

If only life was fair to one Harry Potter. I would love to tell you that the boy who lived, the now man who had defeated Voldermort was able to enjoy his day off by spending it on the couch. I would love to say that is what happened. However, life as it were, liked to play with Harry. For just as he felt himself slipping into the wonderful oblivion that was sleep, he heard a rap at his door.

Harry groaned and snuggled further into the couch. Perhaps if he pretended that he wasn't at home, they would leave. The universe was not that kind to Harry and the knocking continued. It got louder and it became more desperate.

"Alright! Hang on!" he yelled annoyed as he pulled himself from his cushiony heaven. The knocking continued. "I'm coming!" he grumbled loudly.

Harry put on his best scowl and flung the door open. His scowl instantly vanished to a look of shock. Of all of the sights that he expect, the last thing he that he expected was to come face to face with Lucius Malfoy and Severus Snape.

"Erm.. hello?" he stammered, his brow raised in confusion.

"Eloquent Potter-" Snape began but was interrupted by a viscous looking Lucius.

"As lovely as it would be to stand here and listen to you and exchange pleasantries." He shot Snape a look that made Harry want to step back. "We are here for something much more important than that."

Snape looked as though he was going to say something so Harry intervened. "Just what can I do for you?" Curiosity was hitting him. Just what would either man be doing at his doorstep? He couldn't think of any reason why either of them would need him. Lucius, after helping the light after his wife had been murdered, had been pardoned and Harry no longer had to deal with going to trials for the mans defence. And Snape, well they had both made it pretty clear that they never wanted to see each other again- even if the hate wasn't there anymore.

"Your mongrel wolf." Lucius snapped, breaking Harry from his thoughts. "Where is he?"

Harry blinked. On one hand his question had been answered, but it raised so many others. "Remus." He snapped in defence of his friend. "What do you want with him?"

Snape, Harry noted, sent him a scathing glare at his question. "Potter, I do not wish to waste any more time with you than necessary. I ask again. Where is he?" Lucius was getting angrier.

Harry knew he was playing with fire, but he couldn't help it. He leaned against his doorframe and smiled, almost haughtily. Almost. "Unless you tell me just why you need him, I don't think it's all that important. You could just owl him."

Lucius remained silent. Harry was astonished to see his face begin to turn a shade of red. Harry almost wanted to laugh. This was almost hilarious. He forced his face not to smile as Snape's glare darkened. "Your mongrel has stolen something and I want it back." Was the answer he received from the Malfoy Elder.

Harry frowned. Remus stole something? Remus Lupin stole something? Harry's brow rose that statement seemed to play over and over again in his brain. Surely they weren't talking about the same person here? "Remus Lupin?" he looked at Lucius incredulously.

"Really Potter how you managed to pass Hogwarts continues to astound me. You're hearing is clearly just as inept as your sight. Yes Remus Lupin." Snape snapped. All to annoyed with the whole situation.

Harry glared at Snape and bit his tongue from saying something to his former professor- he felt a brief sense of pride, he really was growing up. He looked back a Lucius who was somehow managing to look regal while frazzled and angry all at once- it was a gift really, how he was able to do that.

"Alright." Harry said suddenly. Coming to a decision. "I'll take you to Remus. Only because I have to find out what he managed to steal from you Mr. Malfoy." There was a mirth in his voice, a mirth that, if Snape didn't know better, sounded suspiciously like the now deceased Dumbledore.

"I do not need you to chaperone me Mr. Potter." Lucius said thinly.

Harry pulled his keys out of his pocket and moved to close his flats door behind me. "You do if you want to see Remus." He grinned at the scowling Malfoy.

XXX

Number 12 Grimmauld place was really starting to look like a place that Harry would care to live in. Harry noted as he led the two men to the door. Since letting Remus have the place, the werewolf had been fixing it up- making it liveable. He just wished that they could do something about the portrait of Sirius' mother.

He heard Snape tsk as though it had only just occurred to him that Remus would be here. He looked back at the two then gestured for them to wait while he raised a hand to the door to knock.

The wait was longer than expected. Harry was used to Remus almost instantly opening the door. It suddenly occurred to him that perhaps Remus wasn't home. He hadn't spoken to the man for some time and he probably should have firecalled or sent an owl to let the man know that they were coming.

Snape sent Lucius a look. "I am not leaving until the animal shows himself." Lucius replied in response to Snape's silent question.

"Just what has-" the door clicked open before Harry could finish his sentence. Harry turned to see Remus standing at the door.

If Remus noticed the other two he didn't say anything and instead spoke to Harry. "Harry what-" before he had the chance to speak Remus had Lucius' wand pressed against his neck.

Harry reached for his wand in defence of his friend and pointed it to the senior Malfoy. "Just what do you think you are doing?!"

Lucius' eyes were hard. "Where is he?"

Harry faltered. His eyes flickering to Remus. "He?" he echoed.

Remus offered the three a smiled and raised his hands defensively. "Shall we all come in for some tea then?" he stepped back, and headed for the kitchen with Lucius stalking behind him, followed by Snape and finally a very confused Harry.

The house was quiet, Harry noted as they walked to the kitchen. The quiet was pleasant and Harry wondered just how Remus had managed to get the house to that state. The last time he had been there, there had been a screaming portrait shrieking at his every step.

Once they were inside the kitchen Remus went about making everyone tea while Lucius remained stood by him, his wand poised and ready. Snape wet to sit at the table and absently flipped through the paper. Harry chose to sit near Lucius so that he could keep an eye on the man.

The silence in the room was deafening. The only sounds were the kettle and the paper being flicked in a bored manner. Harry glanced at Snape who looked as though he would rather be anywhere else.

"Why are you here Snape?" he said quietly. "I kind of understand Lucius, but what's your interest in all of this?"

Snape's eyes flicked to Harry. His eyes were hard, and his thin lips curled into a sneer. "I have less desire to be here than you do Potter. I am here because of my imbecile godson." He turned his attentions back to the newspaper.

'Draco?' Harry though with a frown. He looked over to Remus who was passing cups of tea to Snape and himself. He took the tea with a smile and watched as Remus placed a cup beside the livid Malfoy before taking one of his own and taking the seat closest to the door. 'What does Draco have to do with this?'

The universe it seems took pity on Harry and took that moment to answer his question. The door to the kitchen opened and in walked a pale, tall and lithe man with a towel over his head, obscuring his face. Harry noted that the obviously younger male was only wearing loose pants.

The male in question shook the towel around his head as though drying his hair. The youth threw the towel off and didn't even notice as it smacked Lucius in the face. In fact the young man didn't notice any of them. Harry watched with fascination and horror as a tousled haired Draco Malfoy leaned over from behind Remus and wrapped his arms around the other mans front.

"Rem…" Draco moaned as he, to Harry's increased horror, began to flutter kisses down the older mans neck. "Who was at the door? Was is another Jehovah? Did you hex them? I have a problem that still needs your attention." He emphasised this by pushing his crotch up against Remus' back.

Harry's eyes widened in horror. A small sound from his side alerted him to the fact that Lucius was suffering much the same as he was.

Remus smiled wistfully and raised a hand to cover Draco's. The other reached over to his tea and he took a long swig. His eyes closed in bliss and Harry was hard pressed to believe it was the tea making him do that.

"Draco." He said softly to the man nipping at his neck. "W-We have company." His face flushed red and he stammered lightly. He then gave attention to his tea as the ministrations stopped.

Draco's head slowly raised from its position. He flushed at the sight of Snape who was directly across from him, staring at him with a hardly impressed expression. "Uncle Sev…" he sheepishly smiled.

Snape raised a brow at Draco and inclined his head in the direction of Harry and Lucius. Draco followed Snape's guidance and frowned at the sight of Harry. He opened his mouth to say something- probably 'Potter'- only to freeze and go a ghastly shade of white as he saw his father.

His hands on Remus clenched and he stood up straight. "F-Father." Harry almost felt sorry for the younger Malfoy. He looked as though he wanted the earth to swallow him up.

Harry wanted to laugh. He would have, were the sheer horror of the situation not what it as.

Lucius seemed to awaken from whatever spell had overcome him. His face twisted into a spasm of rage. Pure rage. "Draco what do you think you are doing with that- that disgusting filth!" he all but roared raising his wand to attack.

Draco and Remus rose. Draco stood in front of the werewolf defensively. "You won't hurt him father."

Harry rose from his position and aimed his wand at Lucius. "Mr. Malfoy, you don't want to do this." He tried to placate him.

Snape continued to flip through the paper and drink his tea.

"Mr. Potter this animal has kidnapped and molested my son." Lucius snapped.

Remus made a sound of protest but it was blocked out by Draco. "He did nothing of the sort father!" he stepped forward angrily. "I am her because I want to be! Because I want to be with him."

"Draco you have no idea what you are talking about, this thing that you have with that creature is an abomination and you are clearly doing for attention or to prove some disgusting point!"

Snape sipped his tea then turned another page. "There's a sale a flourish and Botts this weekend."

Remus reached out to touch Draco's shoulder. The younger Malfoy shook it off s he waved his arms angrily at his father.

"Point? What point could I possibly wish to prove with this father? Is it so hard to believe that I want to be here!?"

Harry shot Remus a sympathetic smile. His friend seemed completely at a loss about the whole thing.

"Draco…" Remus frowned. "Maybe we should all sit down and discuss this calmly?"

"Draco this whole fiasco is a disgrace to the Malfoy name. If your mother-"

"Don't you dare bring mother into this." Draco clenched his fists and let out a sound reminiscent of a sob. "Don't you dare.."

"Dray…" Remus's hand traced circles on Draco's shoulder.

Snape looked mournfully at his now empty cup.

"Don't you touch him!" Lucius was beyond angry. A spell shot from his wand, hitting Remus' face. A cut slicing the werewolf's check. Harry snatched the wand from the Elder Malfoy and restrained him while Draco inspected his partners wound.

"Potter Let go of me!"

"Are you okay?" Any normal person would not have been able to hear Draco over the sound of Lucius making a fuss bur Remus did and he smiled at Draco. He raised a hand to the one that was touching his face and inspecting his wound.

Draco suddenly rushed to the pantry and pulled out something. Harry watched as he unwrapped it and passed Remus a piece of chocolate. Any doubts Harry may have had about their relationship was put to rest at the sight of that. Their feelings were obvious from that action alone.

Draco then leaned forwards and rested his forehead against Remus' he whispered something to the older man before tilting his head and kissing him. An action which caused Lucius to make more of a fuss. Whatever Draco had said caused Remus to leave the room and head upstairs. At the sound of his footsteps heading upstairs Snape rose from the table and followed the wolf up the stairs.

Once Snape had left the room Draco turned to his father and Harry. The expression on his face was dark. "Now you are going to listen father. You are going to listen to every word I say." Lucius stopped his struggle with Harry and went still. Harry to paused to look at the younger Malfoy.

"I don't care what you choose to believe," Draco began, his eyes locking with his father. "but I am going to tell you the truth. I am here because I chose to be. Remus has never forced me to do anything." A wistful smile took Draco's face and his hand slid up to touch his neck. "If anything I have been the main instigator in most of this…"

Draco's action did not go unnoticed by Harry who took a moment to look at the part of neck that Draco was touching. It as purple, covered in bites. If it were not for the way that the younger Malfoy stroked the area so lovingly, Harry would have felt as concerned as Lucius was. He chanced a glanced at the Elder Malfoy whose eyes were locked on his sons neck. His mouth poised to say something, but amazingly he did not, he instead waited for Draco to continue.

"Remus has had a hard life and I want to give him something to live for- and no father before you say anything this isn't about pity, I want to be with him. If it weren't for him I may not be standing here talking to you." He looked up at his father with serious eyes, an untold message passed through those eyes, Harry understood the message clearly and one look into Lucius' eyes told him that the elder understood as well.

"Now Father, I don't care what you threaten me with, I don't care what you try to do, I am not leaving. I am staying here. For the first time in a long time I am happy. When can you say the same thing about yourself." With that said Draco turned and left. He footsteps were heard going up the stairs.

Harry watched as Lucius sat himself at the table. His hands fell to his lap and he looked off into the distance, at what Harry could only guess. When Lucius made no other action Harry patted the man on the shoulder and moved to make some tea. While he was doing that he continued to send glances over to Lucius who continued to stare into nothingness.

Once the tea was finished Harry made himself and Lucius a cup. He bought the cups over and sat beside the elder.

"If it's any consolation, he's a very good person." Harry offered and received no response.

Snape took that moment to return, followed by Remus who looked a little frazzled. If Harry had to guess, he would think that Snape had given the man a stern talking too. "Draco has informed me that he has spoke to you." Snape said to Lucius and received no response.

"Harry, I am sorry that you had to be here for this." Remus gave Harry a smile.

Harry let out a chuckle. "You know me, never a dull moment."

"Even so I do apologise." Remus looked down at Lucius. "Drink some tea, you'll feel better." He received no answer to his statement. It as almost as though the Malfoy hadn't even heard him.

Harry looked at the other two men in the room, then looked back at Lucius then Remus, then Lucius. He then said something the surprised even him. "Come on Mr. Malfoy, you can come back to my place and we'll have some strong drinks." He took Lucius' arm and pulled the Malfoy up. What was even more surprising was that Lucius allowed the action.

"I believe that is the most intelligent thing that I have ever heard you say." Snape moved to the exit.

"I do hope that we can sit down and discuss this." Remus said following after the three.

Harry felt Lucius tense and spoke before the Malfoy could. "I'll get some drinks into him. We'll give him some time." He looked back at Remus. "How about me and Mr. Malfoy come back in about two or three days?" he heard Lucius make a sound of protest but he ignored it.

Remus nodded and stood in the doorway as the others walked out. "Of course, you're always welcome here. You all are."

"Goodbye Remus, we'll see you later." Remus nodded and closed the door leaving Harry, Lucius and Snape standing outside.

"Please tell that you have something strong in your home." Snape looked back at Harry.

Harry smiled. "I have enough."

With a frown Snape nodded and the three made their way to Harrry's flat. When they apparated to Harry's door Harry was struck with how hilarious the whole situation was. On what was supposed to be his day off he instead spends it practically working. It was worth it though, if only for the sight of a speechless Lucius Malfoy.

The universe certainly had a sick sense of humour when it came to the everyday life of Harry Potter.

A/N: I hope it wasn't too dreadful and that you enjoyed it! :)