Title: Blinders
Author: DarkDreamer56
Archive: If you want it, ask please!
Rating: T
Pairings: D/V
Disclaimer: I don't own them, but if I did, oh the possibilities…
Spoilers: Big time spoilers for Unending (10x20)
A/N: Another Unending snippet fic. This could be seen as a sequel of sorts to Learning to Trust, there are a few vague references to Daniel and Vala's conversation towards the end of this story. I would also like to thank everyone who reviewed Learning to Trust, I was a bit nervous about posting in a new fandom, but everyone that took the time to review was very gracious and helped the process of writing for Daniel/Vala. Hope you enjoy, let me know what you think in a review!
Daniel slipped into bed, careful not to disturb it's already sleeping occupant. He hadn't meant to get so absorbed in the Asgard research that day that he completely lost track of time, but he'd come across some very interesting data he just couldn't tear himself away from. By the time he'd realized the time, it was several hours later than he had promised Vala he'd be done by. In the almost two months since things between them had solidified into an actual relationship, Daniel had gotten much better at separating himself from work at an appropriate hour, but every now and then he got caught up and needed to be reminded to put it aside for the night.
He'd gone back to his room, expecting to find Vala in some stage of anger, since she hadn't come to lure him away with the promise of coffee or sex. And it was a testament to their new relationship that it wouldn't necessarily have been the coffee to lure him away now. When he found his quarters empty, he searched her usual haunts, but only found Mitchell, who mentioned that he hadn't seen Vala since dinner as he jogged past. Giving up after checking the gym, the kitchen, and the bridge, Daniel tried Vala's quarters last. She hadn't spent many of her nights there recently, since most nights she was with Daniel in his quarters, but if she was mad, she might have gone back to her own room.
Daniel knocked on her door and getting no response, used his access card to open the door. The room was dark, but he could see Vala curled up under the covers, her back to the door and hair spilling out across the pillow behind her. He called her name, and finding her asleep, he entered the room and closed the door behind himself.
Even though Vala was probably pissed at him, she had to see that Daniel had been trying to not become so absorbed in his work that he ignored her and everything else around him, and besides, they hadn't spent a night apart since their relationship had taken a turn; he had grown accustomed to falling asleep with Vala in his arms. So after deciding to deal with the repercussions of showing up in Vala's bed uninvited, and smiling just a tiny bit at the irony, he stripped down to his boxers and slipped into bed behind her. His fingers found familiar skin as one hand settled on her abdomen and drew her back against him. Then, he discovered two things: first, that Vala had exchanged her normal lacy lingerie for what felt like a tank top and sweats, and second, that Vala was not actually asleep. Daniel had become attuned to what Vala felt like asleep in his arms, and she was most certainly not asleep.
"I'm sorry sweetheart, I lost track of time. I promise I'll make it up to you tomorrow. After lunch, we can do whatever you want for the rest of the day." Daniel pressed a kiss to her bare shoulder, slightly worried when Vala didn't relax against him. He knew that he'd screwed up, and he was more than willing to make it up to her. "Vala, I really am sorry…"
"It's fine Daniel. No need to apologize." Her voice was small, soft, and a bit strained, three things that didn't really convince him, but she hadn't pulled away or kicked him out of bed, so that had to be a good sign.
"Then what's wrong?" His thumb traced light patterns across the skin underneath her tank top, trying to draw her out. The past few months hadn't seen an end to their fighting, but they had made more of a conscious effort to try talking before the sniping began, and Daniel at least had noticed a marked difference in both the length and the intensity of their arguments. And the fact that make-up sex was now an option after their arguments were over didn't really hurt either.
"Nothing's wrong darling, I'm just not feeling one hundred percent."
"You were okay this morning. What's the matter?" Daniel smoothed back several pieces of hair from her face, feeling worse now that he knew he'd left her by herself while she was sick. "Can I get you anything?"
"No Daniel, it's just a cold and a bit of a headache." She sighed deeply as Daniel pulled her back closer, her chilled frame concerning him at the moment. The more gravelly than usual quality to her voice, along with the occasional sniffle told Daniel she was probably right. He drew the comforter up over her shoulders before settling his arms back around her, expecting her to curl up in his embrace. When she didn't, he reached for her hand.
"What's wrong Vala?"
She sighed again before pulling her fingers back. "You should probably go back to your room Daniel."
"Vala, that won't keep me from getting sick if it's going to happen. I'm probably already contaminated by your germs, especially after this morning," he teased softly, running his hand up and down her arm, trying to warm her. He already felt guilty for leaving her all day when she wasn't feeling well, there was no way he was going to leave her alone tonight.
She tensed in his arms. "No Daniel, I mean that this isn't working." She took another deep breath as Daniel stared at the back of her head, puzzled, his hand stilling at her elbow. "We're not working. You should go."
Vala hadn't kicked Daniel so soundly since the Prometheus.
Once Daniel remembered to breathe again, his mind scrambled to make sense of what he had just heard. Obviously, he had underestimated how pissed she was at him for spending so much time with the Asgard database, but then why did she sound more sad than angry?
"Baby, I'm sorry…I promise that it'll be better. It has been better. I mean, I know today I lost track of time, it's the first time in weeks…I am trying…"
Both the linguist and the diplomat inside Daniel were cringing at the fact that he couldn't complete a single sentence, but at the moment he felt lucky enough to remember how to string several thoughts together. "Sam thinks that she might be close to getting us off this ship…things will get better Vala…"
But Vala had already pulled away, retreating to the far side of the bed, facing the window into space so that Daniel couldn't see her face. "It's not just that damn database…Daniel, please…"
So that was that. He pushed himself up, thinking a bit bitterly that at least she had the decency to sound upset while she was upending his world. He'd finally let himself acknowledge the feelings he had for her because he had thought that she was finally past toying with him and wanted something real. Apparently, that wasn't the case. Or, even giving her the benefit of the doubt and believing that her feelings for him had been genuine, obviously they hadn't been strong enough to withstand more than a few weeks together. As he numbly found where he had dropped his clothes, Daniel tried to ignore the tiny voice in the back of his head that was saying he should have expected this to happen all along.
Daniel wanted to argue with her, but seeing that she wouldn't even look at him, Daniel knew that it wouldn't matter; she had already made up her mind, and if she didn't really have the feelings that she had claimed to have for him, then things had no way to work out between them. Daniel had really been just another diversion for her, her way of combating the boredom of being trapped on the Odyssey, even if she had tried to convince the both of them otherwise. It was a thought that Daniel couldn't bear.
He made his way to the door, intending to retreat to his own room to lick his wounds in private. Suddenly, the ship was feeling quite small, and Daniel wasn't sure what was going to happen now that he and Vala were over. As he reached towards the sensor, Daniel stopped and turned back. Vala was still facing away from him, but she was sitting up on the side of the bed, her hair falling in a thick veil in front of her.
"You promised that you weren't messing with me." Daniel's voice was low as the door opened before him, but he knew that Vala had heard him. Her breath hitched once before she responded.
"It'll be better this way Daniel, you'll see. Sam will get us off this damn ship soon, and you'll forget that I ever tricked you into this whole thing…"
Her words stopped Daniel cold. There it was, the piece of the puzzle that finally lent some clarity to the rest of the picture. Daniel cringed at the forced cheerfulness in her voice. He didn't have to see her face to know the awkward smile might match her words, but wouldn't reach her eyes. He'd become accustomed to Vala's defense mechanisms early on in her stay on Earth and normally did a better job dodging through the false smiles and words to get through to what was really going on, but this time he'd been temporarily blindsided by the thought that she didn't have the same feelings for him that he had for her. Daniel certainly still felt the sting of her rejection, but the slight crack in her voice at the end told him she wasn't doing this because she was bored of him. So Daniel decided to take a major step in the evolution of his relationship with Vala, and push his own anger and hurt aside so that he could find out why she thought it was better to push him away.
He let the door shut, sighing deeply before turning back towards her bed. Thinking he had left, she'd given up all pretense of holding it together. Vala's head was in her hands, her body shaking with silent sobs. Daniel made his way to her side of the bed, sitting down next to her and startling her into sitting up when he reached over to turn on the lamp next to her bed, bathing the room in a soft glow.
Tear tracks marred her pale complexion and swollen eyes told of more than just a few minutes of crying. Daniel could count on nearly one hand exactly how many times he'd seen Vala cry, near death experiences included. This only reinforced Daniel's belief that something more was going on than Vala was letting on. But it was the pain he saw buried behind her red-rimmed eyes that hurt him the most. While he thought she was breaking his heart, hers was lying in pieces in front of him. And the worst part was that it had happened right under his nose. This wasn't the kind of thing that Vala decided on a whim during a day left alone while she was upset with him. He needed to find out what was bothering her, seeing her so upset twisted his heart more than Vala's dismissal of their feelings ever could have.
"Daniel, it's better if you just go." She tried to bury her head again, but Daniel stopped her, turning her face back towards his gently.
"Not until you tell me what's going on. What did you mean when you said you tricked me?" Tears escaped from her eyes, diverted from their downward path by Daniel's thumb. Her eyes were fixed on some point far behind him. "Vala, I'm not going anywhere, so you might as well tell me…"
They sat in silence for a few minutes, Vala with her eyes closed and Daniel not wanting to push too soon and risk spooking her into shutting him out completely again. He hadn't been kicked out, which she was completely capable of doing, so he knew she would eventually speak.
"I misspoke," he finally heard softly, watching as she pulled back from his touch and turned her head. He listened as she continued. "I meant that I wore you down…we'd been on the ship three months, you were already tired of my antics and frustrated with the Asgard database…"
"Vala, that's not true…" Okay, he had been frustrated with his lack of progress on the database, and Vala had done some things that grated on his nerves in attempts to keep herself occupied, but that wasn't anything new, and it certainly didn't explain why they were now pursuing a relationship.
"Come on Daniel, you can't honestly tell me that if we were back at Stargate Command, that we would be together right now." Now her eyes were locked on his, daring him to refute her statement. Which he couldn't; she was right, if they were back on Earth, they'd probably still be bantering back and forth, and he'd still be in denial about his feelings for her, and she'd still be testing the limits to his patience.
"I can't tell you that Vala." She took that as confirmation that all her fears were true, and her eyes strayed from his again, filling with fresh tears. He reached for her hand, entwining their fingers tightly before she could pull away. "But I can tell you that being stuck on this god-awful ship hasn't manufactured anything that wasn't already there between us."
"I'm sorry Daniel, but I just don't believe that." Vala twisted her hand out of his grasp and rose from the bed, plucking a sweatshirt from a nearby chair and pulling it over her head before beginning to pace in front of the window. Pausing for a moment, she turned towards the window and Daniel almost missed the soft, "Cameron thinks you've gone wonko too…"
Daniel sighed, and bit back a reply that he didn't give a damn what Mitchell thought about their relationship. Obviously Vala wasn't certain about what was happening between them herself, and apparently Mitchell's opinion of their relationship mattered.
"Mitchell…you know he isn't happy cooped up here, he's not exactly the most optimistic person right now. What did he say to you?" Daniel struggled to channel his normally easy to access diplomatic skills, he had half a mind to go and let Mitchell know exactly what he could do with his opinions about their relationship. First though, Daniel had to make sure they still had one.
Vala began to pace in front of him again, pulling at the sleeves of his Air Force sweatshirt repeatedly and playing with the band of her watch, motions that Daniel had come to associate with Vala trying to deal with things that she didn't really want to deal with. Daniel gave her a few moments of silence before he repeated the question again.
"I overheard him talking to Teal'c tonight after dinner…he was surprised that you skipped dinner, that ever since you fell head over heels you've hardly missed a meal…"
She spit the idiom out as if it tasted like the stew General Landry had attempted to serve them all the week before. Daniel's brow furrowed in confusion as he tried to think of a reason why Vala would possibly be upset about Mitchell's explanation of his behavior. He felt a momentary surge of panic as his own doubts surfaced again, but he pushed those as far back as he could, knowing that Vala's behavior so far indicated she was just as scared, if not more so, that his feelings for her weren't real. It was only then that he realized that Vala honestly didn't understand what Mitchell had meant; she easily picked up on many meanings of the more obscure Taur'i phrases, but others could escape her understanding entirely.
"What do you think he meant by that?" Now was the time for diplomacy. Daniel had to be careful how he phrased the question; Vala was already upset, and he didn't want to piss her off further by sounding patronizing.
"It's obvious Daniel." She sighed, playing with her watch still. "He's saying that you're all turned around, you're confused, you don't know what you got yourself into. Really Daniel, it wasn't all that hard to figure out," she snapped at him, turning her body towards the window and folding her arms across her small frame.
Honestly, despite his bitter attitude of late, Mitchell hadn't really been all that far off the mark. Now Daniel had to decide if he wanted to admit to Vala that he thought he was in fact falling head over heels for her and explain what Mitchell had meant, or risk losing her and not getting the chance to tell her. He wasn't sure that telling her now wouldn't bring up future doubts, but he also thought that she needed to know. So not entirely certain how she would react to the news, he decided to try another tactic first.
"So explain to me how it's been two months and you seemed to have figured all of this out when I haven't. I'm the one that over thinks everything, at least that what you're always telling me. Besides, it's not like I didn't fight you on this before Vala."
"Easy. You're still distracted by all the fantastic sex."
Daniel was glad that she was still facing the window so that she couldn't see the smile that came across his face at her statement. "Well, I fought you on the sex before too, so how'd I'd let it get that far in the first place?"
Vala let out a long stream of air, before continuing her explanation, sounding like she was explaining something to a very small child. "I cried…you felt bad about your outburst."
Daniel sighed in frustration while she shrugged her shoulders haphazardly, removing his glasses so that he could pinch the bridge of his nose while he tried to process what Vala thought about their relationship. Here he had thought that she was trying to break up with him because she didn't feel the way that he felt, and all along she had thought that he was only blinded by guilt and lust. The only good sign was that she was actually talking to him about it, the smallest sign of progress in their relationship, and about the most he could ask for at the moment.
Daniel replaced his glasses and moved to stand behind Vala in front of the window. He placed his hands tentatively over her shoulders, feeling her flinch slightly. His fingers curled gently around her biceps, silently willing her to relax.
"Vala, I need you to trust me when I tell you that I knew exactly what I was doing when I kissed you. I might not have known exactly what was going to happen, but I knew what could happen, and for once, I was willing to take the risk. And I don't regret it for a minute." He paused for a moment, leaning his head against her hair and inhaling deeply. The familiar scent of lavender from her shampoo calmed his nerves a little "Yes, you were right when you said that we probably wouldn't be together if we weren't on this ship, but all that means is that one good thing has come out of being stuck here."
At this, Vala turned to face him. "See Daniel, you say that now, but how do you know?" she asked sadly. Her eyes told him that she wanted to believe him, but she just wasn't there yet.
Daniel brought a hand to her face again, stroking her cheek lightly. "I may not have recognized my feelings at the time, but why couldn't I sleep for three straight weeks when you were kidnapped by the Trust? Why was my stomach in knots while you were off finding Adria with your altered memories, or when Adria had you locked in the infirmary, why couldn't I even think straight?"
Vala cast her eyes to the floor. "That was probably the toxic coolant leaking into the hall…"
Daniel lifted her chin so that she was looking him in the eye. He shook his head as a small smile overtook his face. "Believe me Vala, these were things I tried to explain away at the time, but there's really only one explanation. I..."
He paused for a moment, reading the deer in headlights expression that took over her face. As much as he was sure of the words, Vala was still unsure about his intentions, and he didn't want that doubt hanging over his declaration. So instead he smiled, trailing his thumb over her cheek as he admitted softly, "You mean more to me than anyone has in quite a long time, and that was true well before we got stuck in this time dilation field."
Daniel could see in her eyes that he was slowly winning her over to his side, but he wasn't sure how long it would take her to believe him. "Vala, that's the truth, and I wish
I could convince you of that. If you want me to go, I will, but you need to know that I'm with you because I have feelings for you, not the other way around. You've driven me crazy since the day we met, and not the way you think Mitchell meant. Three months on this ship wasn't going to make much difference either way. And I think you know me better than to think I'd just sleep with you without being serious about it."
Daniel watched as she brought her hand up slowly to cover his hand on her cheek, but instead of pushing it away like he thought she would, she softly grazed her fingertips against his. It was the first time she had voluntarily touched him that night, and it spoke volumes.
"Promise me all of that is true," she breathed, leaning against him heavily. Daniel sighed and wrapped his arms around her tightly.
"Every word," he promised, stroking her hair as he felt her hands grip his shoulders.
"I don't know what's been wrong with me, I think I'm starting to go a little mad." Vala laughed nervously, trying to keep her voice light but failing when she finally lifted her head from his shoulder several long moments later. She picked up one of his hands, twisting her fingers around his thumb. "Well, now that we've got that sorted out, what do you say we get some sleep?"
Daniel shot her an incredulous look as he grasped her hand in his. After breaking his heart, revealing that she doubted his feelings, and then admitting that she thought she was starting to go crazy, she thought that they were just going to go to bed like nothing had happened? Then again, Daniel had to remember that it was Vala he was dealing with.
He led her back to the bed, sitting down on the edge and pulling her with him. She settled closely next to him and sighed. "You still want to talk about this, don't you?"
Daniel smiled into her upturned eyes. "What do you think?" She smiled back softly before his tone turned serious again. "How long have you felt like this?" He paused a moment before he asked his next question, not sure he wanted to know the answer, but needing to know anyway. "The whole time?"
Vala shook her head as she pulled at a loose thread on the cuff of his sweatshirt. "Just the past couple weeks…I don't even know why…Sam's got her work trying to get us out of here, and you've got the database to occupy your time, Landry has his plants…Teal'c is, well Teal'c, and Cameron isn't much for company these days…I spend a lot of time staring out the window, thinking. And folding socks. You have a lot of socks, Daniel."
Daniel smiled and squeezed her hand. Still, he felt guilty. He had always figured that Vala bounced around from person to person during the day. She always had a story for their idle chatter when she stopped by while he was working during the day, or some observation as they were getting dressed in the morning. Vala was not one to sit idly by folding socks.
"At first, it was great. We may have been stuck here, but it didn't matter, because I finally had my Daniel." The first genuine smile that Daniel had seen all night graced her face, small as it was. He returned one of his own, but then watched as her brow furrowed and she turned serious again. "I'm not so good at standing still Daniel, I think you know that by now. And all this time here, all that time to think…little things started to creep in. I know we talked about everything after it happened, but that doesn't mean that everything you said that night would just go away. A million years, three times over…that's quite a long time."
Daniel closed his eyes, feeling his free hand clench up; while the angry words he had thrown at her that night did trigger the events that led them into a relationship, those words were still going to haunt him for a very long time. "Vala, I wish…"
"Don't say that you wish you could take them back, because we've already talked about it, and there wouldn't be a relationship to be uncertain about if it hadn't happened. I'm not blaming you Daniel, I know my part in why you hesitated for so long." Her voice sounded weary, as if they had already gone eight rounds. Daniel couldn't say that he didn't feel the same way, but it was important that they finish this.
"I wasn't going to say that Vala…I wish…I wish I could have seen what was right in front of me without making you cry. And I wish we would have talked about this before it got so bad."
"I'm pretty bad at this." Vala sighed and leaned her head against Daniel's shoulder. He wrapped his arm around her, resting his hand against her hip.
"Hey, we're in this together, okay? It's going to take some time to adjust to. But we're trying, that counts."
"I thought it would be easier," she admitted softly. "I mean, I didn't expect everything to suddenly become perfect simply because we're together now, but I thought knowing that you trust me would be enough until we figure out what we're doing. And when we're together, usually it is. But when we're not…those doubts creep back in. The longer we're here, the harder it's been to ignore them"
"Sweetheart, why didn't you say anything if it was bothering you this much?" Daniel let his head fall against the top of hers, adding silently, why didn't I notice that it was bothering you?
She shrugged awkwardly beside him. "I thought I was just being silly. Besides, it wasn't all the time. But then things just started feeling so tight. I…I hear things sometimes, alone on the ship, but I know there's nothing there, so then I started wondering if maybe I was seeing feelings from you that weren't actually there too. Then I overheard Cameron tonight at dinner, and you were already late…and I suppose you know the rest…is it always going to be like this?"
"I don't know," Daniel answered honestly. "If we don't talk about stuff before it gets this far, maybe. Or if we don't notice that something's wrong with the other person even
when they pretend it's not," Daniel added, not wanting to sound like he was placing all blame of the situation on Vala. He had been blinded, at least to some degree, by their newfound relationship, and obviously Vala had been upset for quite awhile without him noticing.
"So…talking, huh? I should have known that that would be your answer, all you ever…"
The rest of Vala's barb was lost in a yawn, and it wasn't until then that Daniel realized exactly how drained he felt himself. Lifting his head, he looked down at Vala.
"Are you okay?" Vala's eyes met his this time, and he was happy to find that some of the pain had dimmed.
"I have to admit there might be something to your methods of problem solving. But darling, while I know how much you love to talk things out, really sometimes to the point of excess…I can barely think straight anymore, I need to sleep."
Daniel nodded his agreement, but before he released her, leaned over to capture her lips for a moment, now that he finally felt safe to do so. He only hoped that Vala could read the sincerity in his kiss; he knew that the issues between them weren't going to disappear overnight, but at least now that he knew what was bothering Vala, he could make sure he did something about it. Vala's fingers lingered over his jaw line as Daniel leaned his forehead against hers when he finally pulled away, and then she smiled softly and crawled back under the covers, stopping only to turn off the light next to her bed. Daniel quickly stripped down to his boxers and t-shirt, and this time Vala curled up against him as soon as he found a comfortable position and deposited his glasses on the nightstand next to him.
"I do want this to work Daniel, I'm not messing with you." Vala's words were a bit muffled against his shirt, but Daniel caught them anyway. His hold around her tightened.
"I know. You had me scared there for a little while, but I know. Just…just promise me one thing, Vala. If you start to feel like this again, or if something else bothers you…even if you hear a noise and you're not sure what it is, let me know. I don't care if you have to wake me up, or come barreling through the door when I'm working…"
"Darling, I appreciate the sentiment, but we both know that's not going to work out very well…"
"Vala, you're more important, you being okay, is more important to me than that database could ever be." Daniel shifted, looking down into Vala's eyes. "I'm serious, I want to know when something is bothering you, and since tonight has proved, yet again, that I'm not always that great at figuring that out myself, you might have to help me out a little until I get better at it." He paused a minute as she lifted her head to smile at him. "And if that means coming into the database room to yell at me for something I'm ignoring, well I'd rather you did that then have us end up here again."
"I don't know Daniel, here isn't all that bad at the moment…" To emphasize her point, Vala curled even closer in Daniel's embrace and trailed her fingers over his side.
Daniel chuckled softly at her attempt to lighten the mood. "While I happen to agree, that's not what I meant. This is important Vala…we owe it to ourselves to give it a fair chance."
Daniel felt her nod against his chest, and they settled into a semi comfortable silence. Daniel stroked her hair while Vala traced patterns lightly over the bunched up material of his shirt. It had been a long night for the both of them, but at least they had made it through intact. Now Daniel was waiting for the tell tale even breaths signaling that Vala had fallen asleep. He knew that he'd be up worrying over what he'd found out tonight, but he only hoped that she could finally get some rest. Truth be told, Sam wasn't nearly as close to finding a way to getting them off the ship than they had all hoped she'd be, and Daniel wasn't sure how much longer Vala could stay cooped on this ship. He would have to do a much better job at reading when something was really wrong with Vala, and spend a little less time preoccupied with the Asgard database.
For now, Daniel would have to content himself with Vala lying in his arms, if not exactly relaxed, at least no longer trying to push him away. The feel of her lips pressing softly against his neck and the whisper of, "Goodnight, darling," dancing across his skin before Vala finally gave in to sleep gave Daniel hope. Things wouldn't be easy, but when had things ever been easy between him and Vala? They'd fight and struggle their way through this, just like they had with everything else since the day they'd met. Daniel was certain of his feelings for Vala, and if she needed time to get used to that, than he'd give her all the time that she needed; Fortunately at the moment, time seemed to be one of the few things they had in abundance.
When Daniel was finally certain that Vala had fallen asleep, her breaths coming in even, soft streams that tickled his neck, he turned his head to press one last kiss into her hair, whispering the words that he hadn't been able to say before. One day he hoped that she'd actually believe him, but for now he'd settle for her finding truth in them while she slept. And if all else failed, he'd have her ask Sam to explain some of the Tauri idioms that seemed to have escaped Vala's understanding.
FIN.
A/N: I'm still relatively new to the Stargate fandom, and I hope that I did the characters justice. Comments on how I can improve my interpretation of the characters and situations are welcome; flames are not. Thanks for taking the time to read my story!