Dear Alice,

I don't know what to do. Edward is in love with me, but I fear that I do not love him in the same way. Then, there is Jacob. He is convinced that fighting for me will make me love him. He doesn't understand that nothing he can do can make me love him in any way other than a brother. I feel like I'm being thrown into A Midsummer Night's Dream with everyone fighting for me, with different worlds warring for my soul. No one understands how complex my life really is. I can't even explain it without fearing for the safety of myself and anyone I tell.

I want to tell you all everything, but I can't. What do I do, Alice? I need your help. I want to talk to you, all of you, completely and openly, telling you everything about me. I feel horrible for lying to you, to Edward, to Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, Jasper, and even Rosalie.

Would she hate me the way she does now if she knew everything there was to know about me? I wish she would tell me her story. I want to know why she seems to hate me. I want to be able to relate to her like I can with everyone else.

I am protective of those close to me. I can't stand the thought of anyone I care about getting hurt and would do anything to save them if it was within my power. I can relate to Esme.

People have called my insane, just like you Alice. I was almost put into a psyche ward for something I couldn't control. It was only dreams that carried over into my waking moments. Please, Alice, I need you.

I've nearly been killed by an almost incurable illness. This illness, you cannot understand. It is far beyond your comprehension and imagination. That is why I was sympathetic when Edward told me his history.

Unknown to all of you, I am good at healing people. I don't really have a problem with blood, just the idea of intentionally making yourself bleed. I am good at healing people, taking care of the injured. Carlisle isn't the only doctor.

Emmett, oh Emmett. Must you attack bears? That is what killed you. Now you attack them, and they attempt to put up a fight. I've been attacked by many creatures. They are horrid thing that you do not, cannot, and will not understand.

And, dearest Jasper. You are not alone. I know what you feel. I know war. I know death, pain, suffering. I know the burden you carry. I know what it is like to fight for a cause that sometimes you may feel is lost. I know the effects of war, both mentally and physically. Be glad you don't sleep. The memories would haunt you while you dreamt, as well as every waking moment. I am sure the memories of your human life have faded, and you only have to deal with the memories from the vampire wars, which I can only imagine are horrible. Jasper, Jasper. Human wars are so much worse. Vampires don't bleed. To destroy them, all they feel in the fire then nothing. Humans bleed and suffer before they die. For a vampire, death is quick. For humans, death can be annoyingly slow. Imagine slowly bleeding to death and not having anyone there to help you.

But, Rosalie, there is nothing I know about you. You were changed for Edward, but it didn't work out. That's all I now.

I feel alone. I wish I could tell you everything, but the truth is dangerous. There are things in the world far more dangerous than vampires and shape-shifters. There are things that can kill anything with a word. There are monsters that creep unseen through our world, living in plain sight, but unseen by all who do not spend the time to look.

I wish I were my intention to send you this letter, Alice, but I can't. Maybe, one day when there is less danger, I will tell you all the truth. I want to tell you, really I do. There are so many things holding me back. The biggest of these is the nagging feeling that you won't believe me if I tell you, but that thought is always replaced by the idea that, maybe; you and I can't be family. That what I know makes you and me enemies. I couldn't bear to lose you all again.

I just got you back. I will not lose you all again.